Thursday, November 20, 2014

crackers

after 6 months on the shelf for medical reasons, i returned to the cracker factory this week and it was such an auspicious occasion, management decided to film it for training purposes:

THE RETURN OF A LOST AND CONFUSED PILGRIM

the sons of bitches disabled embedding. but as i said several times this week, who gives a shit.

i love you sons of bitches and thank you for your support.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

health

dad is 93 while i'm closing in on 60 so it was time for a little blood work. we both came through with flying colors. the doctor said dad's blood work was very good and mine was "fantastic". so i got that going for me too. it proves that a crappy diet of candy and donuts can be counteracted by large amounts of exercise.

speaking of candy, i'm happy to say jesus still loves me. i was meaning to pick up some small tootsie roll pops after halloween but the price held steady at 98 cents per 100 grams and that seemed a little steep to me so i kept checking on it each time i went to the supermarket. the other day when checked it was down to 20 cents per 100 grams so i loaded up 2 bags, just a little over 2.5 kilograms and headed to the self serve check out. they came up at 54 cents per hundred grams. i hit the goddamned jackpot! since they were priced incorrectly in the computer i got the sons of bitches for free! of course i had to call in the clerk who in turn had to check the price and then call in the manager but i got them for free and not just one bag but both bags. thank you jesus, but don't rest on your laurels. remember all the other stuff i want you to do for me.

i eat one of those little beauties each day when i'm 70% through my morning work out routine. it's a fabulous routine that i would be prepared to share for 3 easy payments of $19.99. and if you order within the next 2 hours i'll throw in the secret to financial success and happiness. just pay additional postage and handling.

i love you sons of bitches.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

snakes

i don't like snakes. never have, never will.

i don't know if THIS IS ON THE UP AND UP. but i don't plan on watching it. all i can say is that must be one big motherfucking snake and one stupid motherfucking human. if i ever decide to allow myself to be eaten by a snake, call the cops! it's a fucking set up, i'd never do it.

that is one big snake!

but i like this:

i love you sons of bitches.