Sunday, July 26, 2015

time to cook a rip roast

i've been waiting for a cool day to cook rip her first roast and that day has finally arrived. it pissed down rain last night and the scorching hot weather is gone for a day or two so it's time to pop one in the oven. the rip and i will be pigging out tonight.

hanged vs hung?

my buddy hanged himself but he was hung like a horse. i need the aqaurian to tell me if my use of verbs is correct.

yes, my best friend hanged himself from his sundeck overlooking the pacific ocean. although he was delusional and suffering from major mental illness he didn't want his body to decay and stink up his house in the hot summer weather. as the details of his situation emerge it is clear to me that his situation was nowhere near as dire as he claimed. he was constantly worried about his future and the possibility of becoming homeless but in fact he was financially secure and most of his ducks were indeed in a row.

i had a front row seat to his descent into madness and escape from reality. there are many different ways to describe his situation but i think his state of mind can best be described as; he was frightened. he was constantly worried that his finances were going down the shitter and that he lacked a social safety net. this can also explain why he didn't seek medical help, he was frightened of facing the future, he just wanted to escape the pain. i often thought of making the journey to his home and straightening things out but i was also frightened. i was frightened that he might kill me whilst i slept. he had a dark side that scared the shit out of many people, myself included. so it goes and so he went.

as paul atriedes often said, fear is the mind killer.

i love you sons of bitches.

Monday, July 20, 2015

drought

it's official, VANCOUVER IS IN A DROUGHT!

it seems like just yesterday that the most common comment about the weather in july was "when in the hell is summer gonna start?". it would be cold and damp until august then we'd get some sunny weather and all would be right with the world. but now there's a drought and it's only july! i think it's been about 2 months since we've had a good rain. oh lord, how i miss the rain!

also in years past i wouldn't get any ripe tomatoes until the end of august at the earliest. there were summers when i didn't get to eat any homegrown tomatoes because the weather would turn and the blight would set in before the little darlings ripened. but now the sons of bitches are ready in mid july! yes, i ate my first homegrown tomato a few days ago and i'm going to pick one in a few minutes to have with my dinner.

speaking of dinner, i've finally found a dinner that works for me and rip. the ripper loves hash browns. i fry 2 extra lean ground beef patties, one for me and one for rip. after sticking my patty in a bun i cut the rip's patty into small pieces and toss some refrigerated mashed potatoes into the cast iron frying pan letting them sit for about 5 minutes to absorb the beef flavor and get to a nice warm temperature. i get a burger and the rip gets some meat and potatoes. the rip is a very picky eater.

i love you sons of bitches.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

the end

in the past i've mentioned my deeply depressed friend. he was in and out of deep depression several times over the past 10 years. the suffering finally became too much for him to bear and he decided his life was more trouble than it was worth. yes, he euthanized himself.

we knew each other for over 40 years. i thought he was coolest guy in the world when i first met him. he knew the lyrics to almost every bob dylan song and lived the party lifestyle. in fact it might be accurate to say that i idolized him for a period of time. in his last years he was in a very dark place and i called him almost every day. they were not easy telephone calls. some days he would be very angry with me and tell me not to call anymore and other days he be on the verge of tears and thank me profusely for not giving up on him. he died isolated and lonely, estranged from his two children and refusing to seek medical treatment. as they say, pride goeth before the fall.

i love you sons of bitches. and for christ's sake, be kind to yourselves.

Monday, July 6, 2015

two heads..................

a wiser man than i once remarked, two heads are better than one.

keeping that in mind i headed to the shop where i had recently purchased 12 jugs. when i purchased the 12 jugs i asked the man to call me if he received a large viking character jug. sure enough, he called and told me that i was the luckiest man in the world because he was able to track down and acquire a large viking. lucky me.

of course it turned out to be like eating lays potato chips; betcha can't buy just one. what sane and rational man could pass up the opportunity to acquire a matched set of don quixote and sancho panza? not me.

yes, i now have 3 don quixotes (2 large and 1 small), 2 vikings and 2 sancho panzas. the custer jug is actually a double header. on the other side of the jug is a stunningly beautiful face of that famous dirt worshipper, sitting bull. another jug to keep me company whilst watching deadwood. it's difficult to accurately describe how much the lovely mrs myshkin's respect for me has soared since i began collecting jugs.

i love you sons of bitches.

Monday, June 29, 2015

bye bye

double headache

my favorite pair of sneakers are gone. a pair of blue suede adidas gazelles are history. the rip lived up to her name ripping out the tongue and the inner sole. they were, old comfortable and fashionably worn. i'll miss those old friends. of the course the rip was too busy flying around the yard and playing keep away with a few tennis balls to accept her verbal reprimand.

losing the shoes isn't the worst part of the incident. the worst part is being reminded every hour what an idiot i am and how many times i've been told not to leave my sneakers lying around. a more petty man would stick a few meatballs into her shoes and let the rip take it from there. this is day 10 in our relationship and i'm beginning to feel a little ripper fatigue. ripper goes insane when i leave the house and i've also had to cut back on my sweets. every time i grab a bag of candy or piece of cake you know who is demanding her share. she's sworn off dog food, instead preferring meat and potatoes. so far she's won the battle of wills. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.