Sunday, September 28, 2014

things are looking up

take a look into the sky and you might just see the future:

Image 11 / 25 : German test pilot Markus Scherdel steers the solar-powered Solar Impulse 2 aircraft during a training flight at its base in Payerne Switzerland, Saturday. The aircraft weighs 2.4 tons with a wingspan of 236 ft. and has more than 17,000 solar cells. The attempt to fly around the world in stages using only solar energy will be made from March 2015 starting from Abu Dhabi.

that's right, this solar powered son of a bitch is going to fly around the world and it ain't no lightweight girly boy aircraft, the sun is going to propel a 2.4 ton piece of brilliant engineering all that distance. the future looks bright and yes virginia, we do live in interesting times. lucky us.

as the world moves forward, toronto continues to reach new levels of ineptitude. we all know about their political gift to the world, rob ford. now the good folks of toronto will give you A FREE CASE OF HEPATITIS C with every colonoscopy at their boutique arse reaming clinics and if that isn't nice, what is?

i love you sons of bitches.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

a disconnect

a certain female relative of mine likes to call me and drone on and on about all her problems and how the big bad world is so mean and unjust to her. this has been going on for years and i've been a real trooper listening to all the bullshit and pretending to care. i've often told the missus that if "l" calls, her her i'm not home. last week "l" got me on the phone and proceeded to drone on and on... after about 45 minutes i said goodbye and hung up without waiting for a response. well jesus fuck me christ, she went nuts and jumped in her car to come and confront me. she was in an extremely foul mood when i opened the door and one thing led to another and before and you knew it, we were screaming at each other. she hurled every personal insult imaginable at me and every time i responded by calling her a stupid fucking cunt, go fuck yourself, you stupid bitter old bitch.....etc etc. on the one hand i absorbed some very personal insults which caused me to reflect on my shortcomings for about a day but on the other hand, i'm pretty sure no one has ever swore at her in the way i did.

the more i thought about it, the more righteous i became in my mind. i've been wanting to tell her to fuck off for years and i'm sure she's been bitter towards me for years. i'll be happy to never see or hear from her again but i'm sure our paths will cross at family gatherings which is fine with me. i'll propose we change roles, i'll hurl the personal insults and she can respond by telling me to go fuck myself etc.

as a token of my appreciation for reading my tale of woe and giving me your unconditional positive regard i have a tv series to recommend. "the kingdom" out of denmark. it's about a hospital full of eccentric doctors and a crazy old spiritual patient. it's in danish with english subtitles but it's so good you won't even realize it's in a foreign language as you immerse yourself in the scandinavian humor.

i love you sons of bitches.

Friday, September 19, 2014

i found it!

does anyone remember the old "i found it" movement of about 35 years ago? lots of nitwits had "i found it" bumper stickers etc. by "it", they meant jesus or some other gimcrack religion. well, i found something better than religion a few days ago.

several months ago a small hand spade that we used to pick up ruby's easter eggs and do a little gardening with went missing and i was the prime suspect for having lost it. i probably did lose it so i didn't protest too much when the blame was placed squarely on my shoulders. it order to escape the wrath of the missus i went out and bought a replacement. not a dollar store plastic model but a good sturdy metal model. was i thanked for purchasing the replacement? fuck no, i was ordered to leave the tag attached to the handle so it would be more difficult to lose.:

beauty eh!

a few days ago i decided to trim some laurel hedges that were dropping some sort of berries onto the driveway. whilst trimming the offending bush i noticed something spooky in the undergrowth. my first urge was to go get a good stick and kill it but i got brave and took a closer look and jesus fuck me christ, there was the hand spade that had been lost:

it must be over 20 years old and it's still in great shape. notice the sleek pointed shape for easy digging and the nice deep groove for holding ruby's easter eggs. yes, life is good in my world.

maybe i'll take the tag off the new spade and attach it to old faithful.

i love you sons of bitches.