happy new year to all my blogville pals

“I love you sons of bitches,” #### said in Milford. “You’re all I read anymore. You’re the only ones who’ll talk about the really terrific changes going on, the only ones crazy enough to know that life is a space voyage, and not a short one, either, but one that’ll last for billions of years. You’re the only ones with guts enough to really care about the future, who really notice what machines do to us, what cities do to us, what big, simple ideas do to us, what tremendous misunderstandings, mistakes, accidents and catastrophes do to us. You’re the only ones zany enough to agonize over time and distances without limit, over mysteries that will never die, over the fact we are right now determining whether the space voyage for the next billion years or so is going to be heaven or hell.”


these words are from one of my favorite characters but they echo my sentiments 100%.

can you guess who said this?

happy feckin new year

billy be broken

feckin 2007

the blue nile hit a patch of ice this morning and down went billy.

i do a lot of riding in the snow and ice. this morning i hit rode onto a patch of black ice and down i went. as soon as i hit the ice, i knew there was no way to avoid going down. i became unstuck in time and lived the crash in my mind a few times before hitting the ice.

the good news is hitting the ice there were no major scrapes, i just slid along the ice. the bad news is my leg got stuck under the blue nile and pedal was driven into my shin. feckin ouch! i got a real good lump and some lovely discolorization.

that feckin blue nile! after all i've done for it. rescued it from an irresponsible ute and paid good money for a professional tune up. how does it repay me? it feckin gores me!

the whole right side of my body is aching and my neck is real stiff. i took a shit kicking in the dojo yesterday so i was already sore before this little mishap. this clean living is killing me, i never got this banged up sitting in the pub.

the big question now is whether to keep riding on the ice or put the blue nile away until the spring.

after i finish wallowing in self-pity. it'll be time to compose a little post saying goodbye to 2007.

so long 2007

3 days left in 2007.

i'm still standing and ruby's weight seems to have stabilized so it can't have been a bad year. i've probably had better years and i've probably had worse, so it goes.

it's time to prepare for 2008, make some resolutions that'll turn my life around and make me happy as a clam for the whole year.

the first order of business is to cleanse the old body. i refuse to pay some nubile young korean big money to stick a hose of my ass so i'm going for a simpler approach. stop eating so much candy for a period of time. first i thought one month was a good goal. then i thought 2 weeks was a good goal. now i'm toying with the idea of a 1 week candy moratorium. in order to prepare for this candy abstention, i've been eating candy like crazy for the last week.

second order of business is to get some real prescription eyeglasses. my eyesight has been going south for several years and i've been using the dollar store as my optician. this could be dangerous. seeing the world in focus may not be a pretty sight. there might be some unpleasant things going on. pro rasslin might not look as fabulously athletic.

third order of business will be to remember that i'm a child of the universe, no less than the stars and the trees. the stars and the tress don't lose any sleep over assholes like dick cheney or roger clemens so why should i?

so that's it, now for a little nostalgia:

the ram index

all the ills of the world have to take a back seat to the falling price of ram.

last year i paid $80 for 1 gb of ram and thought it was a fair price.

a few months ago i paid $20 for 1 gb of ram and thought it was an excellent price.

yesterday i ordered 2 1gb strips of ram for $13.99 thats $7 for 1gb.

so next time some malcontent complains about the high price of gas or the lunacy of certain events in the middle east i'll point to the low cost of ram and tell him to feck off and count his blessings.

if 7 bucks for 1 gb of ram isn't heaven on earth, what is?

at this price, the wise men might be giving jebus ram next year. in a few days baby jebus will be put back in his cozy little box safe from all the evil pharisees and romans. i can't remember the last time a roman or pharisee was able to sneak past ruby and infiltrate casa pilgrim.

i also bought a paper shredder yesterday. if some feckin pharisee tries harm the baby jebus i'll shred his documents before turning him over to ruby.

i also found my keys.

so i got that going for me too, which is real nice.

the mother of all dogs

check out the dog!

feckin beauty eh!

i need something to cheer me up. a terrible thing happened to me last night.

i don't happy.
i lost my keys.

maybe jebus took them in retaliation for me eating his m&m's.




but the black dog is sure a beauty, eh?

merry feckin christmas

merry feckin christmas.

guess who i just stole a bunch of m & m's from.



after all this xmas nonsense is over i plan on replacing the nativity scene with the most beautiful dog photo that i've seen in years. be forewarned, it's a powerful life altering photo, you may want to wear some sort of eye protection when visiting the ghost of ruby post xmas.

speaking of dogs, poor little ruby will be alone on xmas from about 4 pm til midnight unless i can ditch the lovely mrs myshkin and sneak out early.

xmas meme

favorite song - fairy tale of new york by the best band in the world. this is my only response that's worth a crap. the rest of my responses aren't worth a hill of beans but this is a great song.



what do i think of - it's almost new years. i'm off the hook for all the stupid stuff i've done once the year is over.

favorite memory - watching a few people get totally shit faced at cracker factory christmas parties in the past. christmas parties are a piece of shit these days.

xmas movie - mr bean christmas. remember the turkey?

xmas character - elliot rosewater, the most giving person in the world.

favorite ornament - well duh! look above.

plans - time travel to tralfamdor and spend a quiet evening with montana wildhack then put on a show under the dome for the tralfamadorians. ( i wish )

i'm a lucky man

when i checked my e-mail address # 23, luckyoldleo, there was message from vietnam. it seems one of my readers from the orient passed along my desire to correspond with young vietnamese gymnasts. right now i'm trying to get the courage up to reply. it isn't everyday that i get an e-mail from a young gymnast, so i better not blow it. i ain't getting any younger.

to my dear nhu phuong:

e-mail accounts

i have more e-mail accounts than brains. it has to be more than 20. most of them are with hotmail.
i've figured out most of the ins and outs of hotmail so i tend to stick with the devil i know.

some of the addresses i came up with seemed fecking brilliant at the time so i don't want them to become dormant and disappear. i order a lot of shit on line and of course they want an e-mail address to go along with the order. i like to use a different address with each company so i can keep track of where shitheads get my address who offer to sell me george foreman grills at a discount. if i only use an address for a certain company and start getting a lot of shit at that address i know who sold my personal data to a suckers list.

i also have addresses for all my dead dogs. in my little mind, this keeps them alive in my mind and gives me a little happiness when i remember the good times i had with them. when bored, i immerse myself into a fantasy world sending letters back and forth between me and the dogs or between the dogs themselves. the dogs usually say what an idiot i am and might mention some of the stupid things i've done whilst under the influence. they also assure me that i have a primo spot waiting for me in valhalla. the christian god is a little too pious and bloodthirsty for me so i don't want to spend eternity with him and his group of thugs.

when the ghost of ruby was conceived, i had to give an address so naturally i created a new one.
i can be reached at luckyoldleo@gmail.com. i'll put this address under my picture in case anyone wants to send money or some nubile young vietnamese gymnast wants to get in touch.

merry feckin christmas

me and ruby have been busy little elves. we put up the outdoor christmas lights on the weekend. we employed the 25 request rule. after the lovely mrs myshkin made her 25th request that the lights go up, we acted. it seems that only one of us was able to climb the ladder.

after the lights went up, it was time to bust out the nativity scene. assembling a good nativity scene is best done after a few drinks with the wrath of khan turned up full blast. this year there was no whiskey and without whiskey, ricardo montalban loses his appeal. so it goes.

as you can see, the nativity scene is up. me and ruby are now at odds over what to give the baby jebus as a token of our appreciation for that stuff he'll do on the cross in about 30 years. i learned my lesson last year. you can help an old lady across the street everyday and read to the blind on weekends but give the baby jebus one lousy reefer and that's all people will remember.

what to give jebus???

in case you didn't notice, i'm a pilgrim and a certain other person remained a myshkin.

pilgrims don't take shit from myshkins.

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

the best therapy

radio repairmen and all big pharma pushers are lovely but what is their goal?

to fix your condition or prolong your condition so the medical industry can grow and prosper?

i'm beginning to think the latter is true. going for a good ride on the blue nile early in the morning is more therapeutic for me than 99% of the medication produced by big pharma. early in the morning is the key for me. the air is fresh and clean. a healthy breeze from the ocean can put me in nirvana. it also helps that most of the asshole suv drivers are in bed.

i am the ice cream man
riding my bike as fast as i can

i am the ice cream man
running over fat kids in my van

it ain't easy or is it too easy?

my best buddy is a hard core anti-semite. any conversation regarding politics or finance always ends in an argument over jews and arabs. i'm pro jew and he's pro arab. it's not that i was put on this planet to defend god's chosen people. my buddy gets so rapt in his tirades that he goes on to attack anyone who doesn't agree with him so the arguments can get vicious.

several years ago it was the chinese that drove him nuts. he blamed all the ills of world on the chinese. i wasn't put in this planet to defend the chinese either but i found them easier to defend than god's chosen people. i see a lot of drop dead gorgeous chinese women in the course of my day and feel it my duty to stand up for any group that brings so much sunshine to my day. there's probably a lot of drop dead buck toothed ugly chinese women out there buy i never notice them.

as for jews, they make way better movies and tv shows than arabs so i'll be pro jewish ad infinitum. i managed to work in my current favorite term, ad infinitum, so i'm happy as a clam.

for my buddy:

14 days until you know who comes down the you know what

i've bought 1 christmas gift so far. i bought it on line at adbusters so i don't know if it violates buy nothing christmas.

i haven't had an ounce of liquor in over 2 years. i miss the grog during the christmas season. in the past christmas shopping was a snap. have a few good drinks and hit the mall. buy a few items and have a few more drinks, buy a few more items and have a few more drinks.

my other problem with christmas is the angels are all grown up and difficult to buy for. the only item guaranteed to make them smile is money. the old sober christmas isn't all doom and gloom. i'm happy to escape the thrill of assembling toys with chinese instructions whilst nursing a grade 3 hangover.

is christmas better with or without alcohol?

i've been telling my drinking friends not to write me off yet, that i still have a few good runs left in me but i'm not so sure anymore.

christmas without alcohol?

i might as well be a jew. i here they got a lot going for them, which is nice.

december 8, big music day

dirty jim morrison was born on this date 64 years ago. he's been dead for 36 years!

john lennon was assassinated on this date 27 years ago.

is there a connection? who knows?
i think it's more likely that these two events are connected than jesus really appearing in pancakes or goat feces.

in the spirit of buy nothing christmas:

goodbye blue monday

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

i was innocently enjoying DESIDERATA when the room started to spin. was the room really spinning or was the room steady and my mind spinning? i'm not sure, i do know the world was different when i awoke. the name on my driver's license was no longer leo myshkin. the name on the license was billy pilgrim and the picture looked different. it took a few minutes but i finally realized the change. leo myshkin had a beard, billy pilgrim is clean shaven. this was going to take some getting used to.

although leo passed into another universe, his faithful quadraped remained in the previous universe. it's a heavy set black and white female creature that will not stop sniffing me. to maintain decorum, i won't say where on my body this stubborn quadraped is sniffing. the name engraved on a shiny piece of metal hanging from a synthetic collar reads "ruby."

i then remembered that i was a child of the universe and as such, the name on the driver's license or the lack of beard seemed like small potatoes. all things must pass and leo myshkin had passed into a parallel universe.

if the written version of desiderata isn't your cup of tea, then perhaps an oral version might interest you.



it's all perfectly logical.

under construction

i'm busy watching tv, bullshit to follow