woe is me

feck the dalai lama, i got bigger problems.

do you remember when you were a kid on summer holidays? when we got out of school in june it seemed like the summer holidays would last forever. then the time slipped away until it was that fateful evening when we knew it was back to school the next morning. i think that was the first sniff of depression i ever felt. feck, back to school! as slim pickens said in blazing saddles, "i am depressed"

that's what i face now. i've been on vacation since Jan 2 and now the holiday is feckin over. the time has come for all good men to come to the aid of their cracker factory. woe is feckin me.

woe is feckin ruby too. she won't be helping me find beer cans in the park tomorrow morning. feck!

this might be me.

the dalai lama

the tibetan people are currently protesting chinese oppression that began in 1950. it would be an understatement to say the chinese government hasn't been kind to the tibetans. in fact the chinese may have slaughtered more tibetans than saddam hussein slaughtered kurds and other critics of his government. so it goes.

the dalai lama has called for a peaceful dialogue. when i read this story about the dalai lama calling for peace one thing stuck out at me. the fucker is in new delhi.

if the dalai lama decided to hop a plane for tibet and lead the protests i'm sure it would be a huge media event. if the chinese were to arrest the old lama or heaven forbid hasten his trip to the temporary buddhist heaven then the shit would hit the fan. the old lama would be a hero and after cooling his heels in buddhist heaven he would soon be reborn. he probably wouldn't be reborn into a rock star existance traveling the planet staying in 5 star hotels but he probably wouldn't be reborn as a starving child in darfur either.

i think the dalai lama should quit fucking the dog in india and go lead his troops. right now he reminds me of lenin hiding in switzerland while the peasants did the dirty work in the russian revolution.

question:

are there more celebrity buddhists or scientologists?

the candidates

i'm putting 5 bucks on moe

big blue

it looks like big blue is gonna last at least another year. i keep telling myself that it's time to throw out big blue. i've probably had it for 20 years and i don't even like the cowboys. a friend received it as a gift and was going to throw it out because he hates the cowboys. guess who said, "i'll give you 5 bucks for it"

i keep telling myself, 1 more winter and it's time to throw big blue out. but another winter's over and i just can't throw it out. it might be ugly but it's super comfortable and warm. i wear this coat every morning when me and ruby head for the park. you wouldn't believe all the stuff i've found in the park and stuck in big blue's pockets.

it also breaks my heart to throw out old jeans. i'm still cursing myself for throwing out my favorite denim shirt. it was a guess shirt with pearl snaps instead of buttons. it seems like yesterday i was walking a black german shepherd and wearing the old denim shirt.

this summer i'll throw big blue in the washing machine and let it bake in the sun for a few days.

earth

earth is just a poor little planet in a great big galaxy.

the milky way is just a poor little galaxy in a great big universe......ad infinitum

years ago there was tremendous concern and fear over the growth of nuclear power and the risks of accidents. as they say, accidents happen.

there were 2 major incidents, THREE MILE ISLAND and CHERNOBYL. i think chernobyl was much worse but with the management of news, who knows? there were a lot of mutants created by the chernobyl incident. the radioactive lifetime of the waste produced has a real long lifetime, it goes on almost ad infinitum. with private companies cutting corners on costs, the odds of leakage are astronomical.

at present there are 70 new nuclear reactors in the planning or construction stage. this means potentially 70 additional nuclear disasters. are we hearing anything about this little ticking time bomb? very little. our so-called leaders are concerned with economics, war, immigration and sexual preference. i think we should add nuclear power to the list.

we humans are doing an abysmally poor job as stewards of the planet.

the creatures below deserve better.

china

when the chinese came for the tibetans,
i remained silent;
i was not a tibetan.

when they locked up the buddhists,
i remained silent;
i was not a buddhist.

when they came for the trade unionists,
i did not speak out;
i was not a trade unionist.

when they came for the palestinians,
i remained silent;
i wasn't a palestinian.

when they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.


i hope the jews forgive my tinkering but in the name of the wind, tinkerers rule. ask jackie sue.

have the tibetans become the modern day christians? maybe.

china continues to grow and grow and grow as an economic and military power ad infinitum. ( i used it again ) the longer china's trading partners continue to turn a blind eye to the atrocities of the tibetan occupation, the more difficult it will become to influence chinese attitudes toward basic human rights. in fact, it may already be too late.

china has grown to be the dominant economic power on the planet in last 50 years. while the u.s. enters a recession, china continues to grow her gdp at close to 10 percent.

a major western power is in the throws of selecting a new leader. have they mentioned china or global warming as important issues? feck no!

as they say:

business is business


merry feckin easter!

easter hippies

when i was a ute easter meant one thing, the easter be-in. the main theme of the be-in was pot. to make it sound legit, the official theme was love and peace but to those who attended, pot was the name of the game. thousands of people attended and the weather was usually the craps but that didn't deter us, we had a statement to make. peace, love and pot.

my best memory was having the best hamburger of my life on the way home. it was at a drive-in called the texan. the burger was great and i had a huge case of the munchies plus it was warm and dry after a day in the rain.

to those who missed this era, here's a sample:

feckin banks

the feckin bank charged me a $5.00 service charge to purchase some british pounds for the fast food princess. i didn't realize it at the time because i don't pay attention to tellers and rarely read my bills. when i noticed the $5.00 i got pissed and phoned the branch. i got voice mail and left a message. they didn't return my call.

i got more and more pissed and called the head office to bitch about nobody returning my call. after bitching about the voice mail i mentioned the $5.00 service charge. the guy at head office took the details and promised to call me back. 30 minutes later he called back and told me the branch was wrong in not returning my phone call and he had spoken to the manager telling her to improve the service at her branch. he then told me i would get my $5.00 back. i was happy and asked that my complaint be formalized and a copy be sent to head office customer relations. but then something happened.

i lost my feckin atm card! i called the hotline to report it lost and it was cancelled. i was then told to go to my branch, show i.d. and get a new card. the problem is i had just lodged a complaint about the branch about their shitty service and requested a formal complaint be filed against them. now i have to tell them that i lost my atm card and may i pretty please have a new one.

this song always cheers me up.

ruby has leverage

puny humans, bring me food!




our neighbors house was broken into on friday. we at casa myshkin are lucky enough to have a sentient security system. it has 4 legs, powerful jaws and a nasty attitude. it's fair to say that most people on our street dislike our security system intensely. anyone coming close to our yard is greeted by white teeth, raised hackles and some ear shattering barking. so it goes.

ruby is now basking in self importance. most days it's a pain in the arse owning an anti-social pitbull but every now and then the advantages are plain to see even for our cat loving neighbor.

all hail queen ruby.

i be sad

i be sad and lonely. the fast food princess has flown the coop and is on her way to london as i hammer out this little exercise in self-pity. after london, it's on to paris and rome. there are minor stops along the way but london, paris and rome are the big three.



it seems like yesterday that i was hiding easter eggs and sneaking some of her candy when she wasn't looking. now she's 18 and off to see the world. back in december she got out of the fast food racket. after 6 months of part time work they tried to con her into becoming a phony baloney assistant mangager. you know the deal, still work for close to minimum wage but then have to take on lots of new responsibilities and work longer hours. it took her about 10 minutes to resign. now she's in the getting good grades for university racket.

speaking of university, my science officer is off on some field trip to an old mine. i think the purpose is to try and delineate some new ore body. i think his little trip involves a fair bit of work based on the crap he took with him.

so here i sit, drowning in self-pity. my angels are taking the first steps in leaving the nest. ruby is in a deep sleep on the couch. she'll be in the sleeping mode for the next few hours. oh, lonesome me.

it's about time!

free flowers: if this isn't nice, what is?

i'm convinced that i suffer from s.a.d. - seasonal affective disorder.

as far as i'm concerned, anyone bragging about the pristine northern climate can take their views and stick them up their arse. i'm totally sick of cold weather and all the bullshit that goes with it. i hate feckin snow! you gotta shovel the shit and the old corolla tends to get stuck. i refuse to buy feckin snow tires. fuck, i even fell off the blue nile on the ice this year. and another thing, it costs a fortune to heat old casa myshkin in the winter. there are probably 10,000 other things i hate about winter but thinking of them will only increase my s.a.d.

i haven't been diagnosed with s.a.d. and my doctor isn't buying into the theory but that doesn't mean i don't have it. i want to move to mexico or maybe the mountain region of malaysia. my only problem is the lovely mrs myshkin refuses to go with me.

perhaps this problem is an opportunity in disguise?

spitzer; blah, blah,blah

so spitzer got caught, big feckin deal.

every time some big shot gets caught with a hooker they bring out the same old speech.
"i want to apologize to........ especially my loving wife..........blah, blah, blah" ad infinitum. (another successful use of my new favorite term, ad infinitum.)

just once i'd like to see some guy tell the truth:

"i can't believe i fucked up like that. i must have been outta my fucking mind. fuck!, $5000.00 down the fucking drain. fuck, she wasn't worth $500 let alone $5000. fuck, $5000 for a fuckin dead fish!"

"oh yeah, i'm fucking sorry. i can't believe i'm so fucking stupid. fuck, there goes the fuckin chauffeur, the fucking limo, the fucking free trips everywhere, the 20 fucking assistants and oh yeah, the fucking power!"

"fuck!, people used to kiss my ass, now you pricks want me to kiss your fucking ass and pretend i'm sorry. well fuck, i'm not pretending. i am fucking sorry. sorry that i'm gonna be losing all my free shit. fuck, how could i be so fucking stupid. $5000 on a fucking dead fish!!!"

if you're gonna apologize, do it in style:

the hospital

i had a lovely trip to the university hospital today, not!

the weather was atrocious and the bus was jam feckin packed. luckily i now own a gortex jacket. i arrived at the hospital about a half hour early. i killed the time by nosing around and going into places that said "no entry, staff only." i'm good at acting stupid and lost when i get caught. i wound up in a ward for children and soon regretted my adventure. some of the kids in the common room were in terrible shape. children aren't supposed to suffer like that. no compassionate god would let children suffer like the ones i saw today.

one small step......

one small step for man; one giant leap for billy pilgrim..

guess who did what today!



i'm no longer a lowly orange belt.

too bad, i was looking forward to marching with the orangemen in ireland and kicking a little motherfeckin catholic papal arse.

feckin cops

meet the fleet



yesterday i rode to my local bike shop to pick up new brake pads for the red rocket. the bike guy looked and my discs and told me that he didn't carry the type of pads i needed. i asked him where i could pick up the needed pads and he suggested i try a devinci dealer. fair enough.

he then told me that he serviced the police bikes and they had the same brakes as me. what he told me next really pissed me off. the feckin cops just buy whole new brake systems, discs rotors etc. these ain't cheap. so rather than picking up the required pads they just say, "fuck the costs, just fix it."

the cops have a lot of bikes. they have a bike patrol and they also provide lots of bikes for the volunteers to use at the community offices. don't even get me started on the lunatic volunteer cops. i still hold a grudge for the $150.00 ticket the motherfeckin cop gave me for not wearing a seat belt.

have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?

pitbulls aren't crazy about cops either!

better than a raygun

what's better than a raygun, time machine and flying saucer all put together?

a feckin orgasmatron!!

in 1973 woody allen's vision of the future included an orgasmatron.



well it's 2008 and compared to 1973 we're in the future and i want an orgasmatron.
it's a dirty world out there and viruses lurk around every corner. the viruses seem to be getting more deadly every year.

an orgasmatron would be far safer than meeting an attractive stranger whilst under the influence of alcohol. in addition to avoiding the health risks of satisfying certain urges with a person who may be a walking std, an orgasmatron would eliminate those rue filled mornings that require more finesse than a man with a raging hangover can deal with.

how to deal with aids epidemic in kenya? send the feckers a few dozen orgasmatrons.

now is the time to ask your political leader for an orgasmatron, the window will not open for another 4 years.

i'm billy pilgrim and i endorse this message.

the ray gun

add one more thing to my wish list, A FECKIN RAYGUN

when i was a kid i wanted x-ray glasses. i got them and they didn't work, the feckers sold me a plastic piece of shit. then i wanted a flying saucer. i couldn't even find an address to send away for one. then i wanted a time machine. i still want a time machine, if anyone can find me a time machine i'll be grateful long time. if the finder is an attractive female she can join me and ruby as we observe the future and mess around with the past.



now i want a raygun. the raygun story was on 60 minutes last night and i got conned into watching the whole feckin thing. i was dying to see how it worked but no such luck. all they did was show some dorky jeep with a flat piece of metal sticking up in the air and a bunch of military whiners complaining that no one would give them a raygun. these fuckers could solve the world's problems if they only had a feckin raygun.

i wouldn't want to be a mexican if lou dobbs had a ray gun.

meet ruby

attention puny humans!!!

ruby makes her video debut!!



things aren't great because neither of the female humans in casa pilgrim would help in the production. these feckin female humans refuse to obey my commands. as you can see in the little video, ruby has a mind of her own too.

watch ruby!!

tell your friends!!