i don't happy

the dirty deed is done, the cheque is in the feckin mail.



it's bad enough having to write the feckin cheque but i totally fucking hate the concept of having to prepare a tax return and mail it in to be checked by some motherfucker tax man. it's like writing a fucking exam and hoping you pass. i rarely pass. usually i get a letter telling me that i made a few omissions and they'd like a little more loot.

a better concept would be for those fuck nuts to send me a bill and let me go over it. if i agreed with their math, i'd send in a cheque.

oh yeah, it'd take me 6-8 weeks to check their math and send in a cheque.

but i still hate cops more than tax men.

naughty me

my new toy



this little baby is gonna make a man out of me.
fifty cents to the first person who figures it out.


looks like i get to keep my 50 cents.
sonny's trying to teach me how to do a side kick without falling down before he heads up north. have i mentioned that i fall down a lot?

my dream car



would this thing be a chick magnet or what!

hey baby, want a feckin good time?

i grok

i checked this little baby out of the library and it's time to relive some excellent memories.



i have 3 literary heroes; leo myshkin, billy pilgrim and valentine michael smith. i haven't woke up as the good mr valentine michael smith yet but i ain't dead yet either so there's still a chance to experience life from a new perspective. while we're on the subject, i've almost elevated eliot rosewater to god like status. if i as still drinking, eliot would have been elevated long ago but decisions require more thought when sober. so it goes.

i can't count how many times i've read stranger in a strange land but it's quite a few. i'm half way through and i still marvel at the way heinlein can tell a story but in my mind i keep comparing him to vonnegut. i've come to one conclusion, heinlein is no vonnegut. but what the feck, i could also say that shakespeare is no heinlein.

when the lovely mrs myshkin tried speaking to me last night i curled into a fetal position and slowed my heart rate down to the level of a turtle taking a nap at the bottom of a lake.

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

AGFLATION

that's right i capitalized, i love the term agflation and it seems to be an ominous sign of things to come.

AGFLATION, be sure to scroll to the map at the lower part of the page. it'll show what's happening around the world. is it funny or tragic that mexico is experiencing tortilla riots?

it looks like there could be a perfect storm for agflation. global warming, crazy diversion of food crops to bio-fuel corn, political uncertainty and the action on commodity markets where speculators are driving prices ever skyward. as india and china continue to prosper and create a larger middle class, their demand for food continues to grow.

**SEE MAP HERE**

in short:

reduced supply and increased demand.

an increasing middle class in developing countries and a potentially shrinking middle class (ask lou dobbs) in so called developed countries could mean big changes on the horizon.

is this a bad thing or just a more equitable distribution of wealth on our planet??

smoke and pain

fecking ouch!

poor little me, i was kicked in the back at karate last week and haven't been able to bend over without considerable pain. when it happened i yelled ouch followed by jesus christ at the top of my lungs. if looks could kill, the reaction of the old sensei would have sent me to my maker. there's some bullshit code of showing respect to the dojo and maintaining focus. it was just a miracle that i didn't insert fucking between jesus and christ.

remember this guy?



no it ain't obama after a visit to the neverland ranch, it's the smoking man from the x-files. my local library has all 9 seasons on dvd. i'm going to be on a karmic cusp in the next few months, x-files or deadwood????

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

barack and benedict

what do these two guys have in common?

how about they're both full of shit.



our friend benedict has been going around saying he's had it with pedophile priests, they're turning out to be more trouble than they're worth. i suspect he then sends his emissary to the association of horny priest and says, don't worry it's just fund raising rhetoric. you can't attract many quality priest if you throw out the pedophilia card



meanwhile the teflon coated barack has gone around trashing NAFTA (north american free trade agreement) but then sends his emissary to ottawa saying, don't worry it's just campaign rhetoric.


i'm ruby myshkin and i endorse this wee epistle. (that chicken shit billy wouldn't put his name this brave thesis)

nix beef

say hello to your dinner



cattle, chickens, pigs etc are being fattened up with the help of science. we can grow our meat (and veggies) bigger and faster than was ever dreamed of 100 years ago. coincidently, people are also growing bigger than ever. i've often wondered if eating all this meat that's been pumped full of growth hormones has made people grow bigger too.

of course there are other side effects of pumping our food full of growth hormones. there is a lot of testing going on right now. i would imagine that who ever pays for the test gets the results they're looking for. i can't imagine the beef lobby paying for some tests then announcing to the world that they're killing us with their frankenfood.

one indisputable fact is there are 6 synthetic hormones being pumped into north american cattle right now. not only does this affect the people eating the beef, it also has an effect on the enviroment. the cattle are pissing and shitting synthetic hormones all fecking day long. and this waste goes right into the water supply. just like all the happy pills humans are pissing and crapping into the sewers all day long. and lets not forget the antibiotics that both humans and farm animals are pissing and shitting into the enviroment all fecking day long. all these antibiotics are also spawning super bugs that are untreatable in many cases.

but back to growth hormones. europe has looked at the research and banned synthetic hormones in their food supply. in 1985 europe banned the importation of north american cattle.

maybe i'll quicken the pace of my migration away from beef. please don't tell me that the corporate farmers and tinkering with peanuts and raspberries.

oh yeah, if you eat a steak pumped full of growth hormones and get an erection that lasts more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention.

holy buddha

something has happened to my brain. it's getting sick of meat.

time was, the best part of my meal was the chunk of meat. whenever i went to a restaurant, the big decision was whether go for a 10 or 12 oz steak. now i look for the smallest steak on the menu. shit, i even order fish now.

same deal with hamburgers. in the past i thought a good burger needed a thick chunk of meat. i even used to order some of those double cheeseburgers. now the thought of a double patty burger has turned from a dream to a nightmare. i now have a golden rule for good hamburgers; the slice of tomato must be thicker than the meat.

same deal with sandwiches i make for lunch at the cracker factory. in the past i bought meat from the deli for my sandwiches. now i'm a peanut butter and raspberry jam man. a peanut butter and jam sandwich might be my favorite meal right now.

this aversion to meat works out perfect for ruby. she's a dedicated life long carnivore and is happy to help me polish off the meat when the lovely mrs myshkin isn't looking.

i better not be turning into some feckin vegetarian buddhist.

god bless the humble tomato

so it goes

one year ago today kurt vonnegut entered the blue tunnel. all i have to say is that was one lucky tunnel.

my favorite vonnegut line was, "send us more martians." a rag tag sacrificial martian army was amassed in the sirens of titan in the name of a new religion. this poorly equipped army was sent to earth and the soldiers were annihilated. a group of old earthlings were interviewed after slaughtering the martians they encountered, what did the say? "SEND US MORE MARTIANS." i think vonnegut accurately summed up the human psyche in that little phrase.



if i was still enjoying the many benefits of alcohol, i'd go out and get shit faced drunk tonight. spending the night in the drunk tank would be cool memory of how i commemorated the first anniversary of kurt's passing. i won't fall of the wagon tonight but i pledge to do it before i head into that blue tunnel.

good bye blue monday.

rasslin = honesty

it takes a rassler to speak the truth



give jesse a folding chair and he'll win every feckin debate. i particularly enjoyed his chickenhawk definition.

better than a paper route

what's better than a paper route?

a grass cutting job, and guess who now has one.

that's right, it's feckin me!!

the fast food princess had a sweet deal cutting her granddad's grass. last year i cut it several times when she wasn't in the mood or didn't have time. i always gave her the money. this year she has totally quit. in a nano second i scooped the job. this year i'm keeping the money. it pays way better than collecting empty beer cans but ruby wants to keep collecting cans in the park.

i had the urge all day to tell my boss to "go fuck yourself, i got a new job" but i managed to control myself. right now i consider myself as the caretaker of the job. if she wants it back or needs a few quick bucks it's hers.

i've cut the grass once and got a cool $60.00. normally the deal is $40.00 but it was extra long and took a little longer. i stuck my pay in a jar.

i'll give you three guesses what i plan on buying with my grass cutting money and the first two don't count.

i you guessed a new bike, you're a feckin winner.

so it got that going for me too, which is nice.

1984

patience pays off. i started watching 1984 a few nights ago and made it about half way through before saying to hell with it. it was boring as old rat shit. today i decided to finish watching it and it was fecking excellent.

it's the version with john hurt and richard burton. it was the last movie richard burton appeared in and he was brilliant. totally fecking brilliant as o'brien and john hurt was no slouch either.

there were oodles of phrases that are very accurately describe the present situation on planet earth; the purpose of war is not victory......

the little darling

this was ruby the day we brought her home from the shelter. she had an ovariohysterectomy the previous day and was incredibly sweet and docile. the day after she came home, things started to change as she recovered from her surgery. within a few days nothing was safe in the house. she had been a street urchin and was not familiar with the procedure of going outside to empty her bladder. she would proudly squat and pee in front of me while i watched tv. to her credit she was a fast learner.

the fun began when she was left alone. she destroyed anything in her path. the vet said she was going through separation anxiety. i can't place a dollar amount on her carnage but it was well into the 4 figure range. finally we had to put her in a crate when she was left alone. the first time we put her into the crate it took 3 of us. it was impossible to put her in head first, in a stroke of genius sonny suggested we try putting her in arse first. it worked.

my new roommate

it was a lovely gentle return to action at the cracker factory. a few hours after checking in i found a new roommate. this poor little orphan was sitting all by itself near the land to the cubicles. i immediately felt sorry her and made a few inquiries. it seems her previous roommate kicked her out because she grew too big.



i had to decide what i'd rather have; a view or a roommate. i chose the roommate. she's a beauty. i've never met such a quiet and polite lady. best of all she emits oxygen all feckin day. i can close my door and dream that i'm in the garden of eden about to chomp on an apple.

oh yeah, i named her trixie. if you're a deadwood fan, you know who i named her after. i'm taking the next few days off to count my blessings. both of them.