feets don't fail me now

the time has come for all good men to come to rise above foot odor.....



i love my feet. i use them every day. sometimes they hurt. when my feet hurt, i don't happy.

what's the feckin answer? reflexology!!

i got on a reflexology kick a few years ago then like most other passions of mine, it faded away. the foot passion has been rekindled.

reflexology promises to cure tons of stuff. i'm a little skeptical on most of the claims but i do know one thing. it makes my feet feel better. i've read a few books on the subject and copied a few charts so i know where the reflex points on the foot are located. the hands also have reflex points but i'm a feckin foot man.

why the feet? apparently lots of toxins build up in the feet, especially the toes. i'm told this is because circulation of the blood isn't at its peak in the feet. twisting and massaging the feet stimulates blood flow and that's good enough for me. i figure a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link and i'd hate for my blood to run into a roadblock in my toes. a few other areas of my body require blood for stimulation and i ain't gonna let screwed up feet stand in the way of a little pleasure.

you got sore feet? then i'm your man. why?

because i love you sons of bitches.

life is good in the 21st century

the borg await!

i noticed that the library has a star trek collection with all the episodes featuring the borg. 4 discs containing every borg appearance the star trek series. i've been waiting for this all my life.



i reserved this collection at a little rink dink library branch that isn't open sundays or mondays. i'll probably have to wait until thursday to pick it up. i'm so excited i might not be able to sleep the next few days.

i've had a crush on the borg queen for years. imagine having a girlfriend who could destroy a whole feckin planet on a whim. as they say in england, god save the queen.

i love those borg sons of bitches

let me babble on

am i the only person being driven to distraction by this auto start music? it's a phase that will soon pass, right now i'm loving rusted bicycles.

i returned $22.45 worth of cans to the bottle depot and dropped into the bicycle shop on the way home. before dropping into the bike shop i was thinking; feck, used bikes are expensive right now, i might as well buy a new one. after 30 seconds in the shop i decided to keep looking for a used bike.

tomorrow i finish a week long house sitting adventure. years ago, house sitting was the highlight of my year; a fully stocked bar and no one counting how many drinks i enjoyed. i might have left the bar alone this time but i did help myself to a little smoke on the patio. it was lovely.

the main chore is caring for an demanding asshole parrot. somehow parrots are more fun when enjoying a bottle of single malt. tomorrow i clean his fecking cage and say hasta la vista until around october. i also have to remember to water about a thousand fecking plants. i'm sure i'll get a handsome reward for my efforts. it'll go into the jar marked, "new bike."

in six days my science officer heads north to spend the summer in the mining racket. i hope he doesn't have to hop from drill site to drill site in fecking helicopters all summer long. he'll have to make all my technical stuff idiot proof before he leaves.

i love you sons of bitches.

what would jesus say

i bought this t-shirt because i liked it, nothing to do with religion. i just liked the feckin t-shirt. i was wearing it under my gi at karate last night. you could see the t-shirt as i moved around and the gi was pulled open. one of my fellow ninjas, a jew lawyer, came over and pulled my gi shut telling me she didn`t like my manly t-shirt.

why do i call her a jew lawyer? because she takes every opportunity to tell me that she`s a jew lawyer. no shit, if i had a dollar for every time she`s told me that she`s a "jewish lawyer", i`d go buy another bike tomorrow. she's divorced. she also talks about her boyfriend a lot. guess what he is; a jew dentist.

so what would jesus say to her? how about;

i love you jew sons of bitches.... come to think of it, that's what i'm gonna say next time she adjusts my gi.

ps, i`m now on the lookout for some new jesus t-shirts.

for the record, i'm not an anti-semite. ask walter sobchak if you don't believe me.

it's been a while

it's been too long since i told you guys how i feel.

“I love you sons of bitches,” Eliot said in Milford. “You’re all I read anymore. You’re the only ones who’ll talk about the really terrific changes going on, the only ones crazy enough to know that life is a space voyage, and not a short one, either, but one that’ll last for billions of years. You’re the only ones with guts enough to really care about the future, who really notice what machines do to us, what cities do to us, what big, simple ideas do to us, what tremendous misunderstandings, mistakes, accidents and catastrophes do to us. You’re the only ones zany enough to agonize over time and distances without limit, over mysteries that will never die, over the fact we are right now determining whether the space voyage for the next billion years or so is going to be heaven or hell.”



like i said:

i love you sons of bitches

honor thy corolla

the mighty corolla got fresh oil today. filter and oil cost about $12.00 including a fecking 50 cent enviroment fee on the filter. she's good to go for another 6 months.



years ago i would drop it off once in a while and have the oil changed at the shop but i usually change it myself. one time after having an oil and filter job at the shop i changed it myself the next time and made a startling little discovery. the pricks didn't change the filter even though i paid for a new filter. i recognized the old filter when i changed it myself.

so used car salesmen and repair shops might not be honest.

who knew.

in any case the mighty corolla is happy. so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

star trek

god bless the library



i'm always reserving dvd's at the library. there's almost always a waiting list and it varies from 1 to sometimes over 100. i scan the movies and select the ones i like. i don't keep track of the waiting lists because some people return them right away and others keep them out a week and/or wait a week to pick them up. last week i received an e-mail from the library telling me that 7 sets of dvd's were ready for me to pick up. 13 x-files discs and 7 star trek discs.

i'm very pleasantly surprised with the quality of star trek. the old episodes jump to life and the sound has to be enhanced. even though i've probably seen each episode over 10 times, it's like i'm watching them for the first time due to the excellent quality.

only greedy pricks take out more movies from the library than they can watch. i plan on watching all of season one before friday so i won't be a greedy prick. i've just finished a grueling marathon of x-files.

i meant what i said
and i said what i meant
i'm watching every disc
one hundred per cent

call me stupid

for years i've been spraying bike chains with wd 40. usually a quick spray before i head out for a ride. today i was curious as to how the pros oil a chain so i googled it. i learned one thing, NEVER USE WD 40 on a bike chain. apparently it's more of a solvent than a lubricant and actually does more harm than good by cleansing the oil that's already in the links.

as i was oiling every single link on both the blue nile and red rocket i felt just like ike turner talking to tina, "i'm sorry baby, i won't do it again, i'm sorry baby"

on different note, check out doc of deadwood as he portrayed billy bibbit in cuckoo's nest. who knew?

see the world throught the eyes of a drunk.....

meet my new windows on the world.



i was hoping the world would turn into a beautiful place and i would have nothing but love in my heart when i got these little babies. no such luck. i must have picked out the wrong frames, i didn't turn into a chick magnet. that fecking mohammed owes me a refund. i knew that 72 virgins were out of reach but i figured a wink on the bus wasn't out of the question. live and learn.

the new spectacles did show me what mess my workshop is in. now i know why every feckin bird house i build looks like a piece of shit.



back to the glasses. what a feckin waste of money. they're not one bit better than the dollar store beauties i've been using.

political moola

i've had a few revelations in my life such as there is no tooth fairy, santa claus or easter turtle. i also suspect that pro rasslin isn't on the up and up.

many years ago i had another revelation. politics is a little corrupt. when i was a ute, i had this idea that you picked out a candidate or party you liked and that's where you threw your support.

then i noticed stuff like THIS

i was astounded when i noticed that almost all big corporations supported all the candidates and parties. it was like finding out that santa claus also gave presents to assholes.

the thing that caught my eye in the link showing contributions was citigroup. citigroup has given a fair chunk of change to each of the 3 candidates running for prez. when i first noticed stuff like this so many years ago a light went on in my head. wow, these guys don't really give a shit who gets elected, they just want to be friends of whomever wins the race.

back to citigroup. these guys have had a liquidity crisis the last few months and have had to sell a piece of the company to arabs in order to prop up the balance sheet. they've also slashed their dividend and cut 10's of thousands of jobs.

but, they still have enough money to throw at any candidate who might be able to return the favor in the future. when bear stearns was in danger of sinking, the federal reserve threw a ton of cash at j p morgan to assist in the bailout.

that's what i like about big business. they hate big government until it's their turn get a few billion bucks.

doctor my eyes......

another new years resolution down.

step one, get an eye exam.

i looked for an eye exam that was nearby the cracker factory and found one. when i walked in the door, i sensed this place was not for me but proceeded anyway. the staff were all real thin and wore black turtlenecks with tight black pants. the guys looked like they were quite friendly with each other. there were gleaming hardwood floors and exquisitely tufted leather chairs. tres classy. the eye exam was real thorough. 45 minutes of bright lights, lenses and dye. 95 bucks.

then they took me to the frames. i was told they had a guy who designed custom frames that would compliment my face. these started a $400.00. that's pretty high for a guy who buys used clothes, collects empty beer tins and walks a mongrel pitbull. i told them that i couldn't make a decision without the lovely mrs myshkin and asked for my prescription.

i found an ad in the paper that advertised complete frames and lenses for $69. guess where i went. the owner was a short stocky guy named mohammed. graying hair, half bald and had a pony tail. he also had an open shirt showing a hairy chest and heavy gold chain. no shit, that's what he looked like. when i told him what i wanted he talked to me like a child. no problem, i'm used to that.

i resisted his sales pitch and ordered 2 $69 pairs. one for home and one for the cracker factory. i liked the cheap frames better than the expensive ones. i got the heavy dark plastic buddy holly type frames. i pick them up next week.

so i got that going for me too.

my new buddy obama

my bets are up to $6.25 on obama. i'm putting my money where my mouth is.

as of today i've withdrawn my support for the mccain/huckabee ticket and am pro obama.
i was never too crazy about mccain but i suspect huckabee somehow hypnotized me as he did with millions of others before dropping out of the leadership race.

why obama?

yesterday i saw clinton pumping gas and wanted to puke. pure feckin bullshit.

this morning i read an article about clinton and mccain wanting to give the common folks a break by CUTTING THE GAS TAX by 18 cents a gallon. hell, clinton even criticized the oil companies.

obama showed balls by saying gas taxes were not the root of the problem and the revenue was needed to improve roads and provide jobs.

it takes balls to reject a tax reduction in a political campaign so i might even bump my bet on obama to $7.50 in the coming days. now i'll just have to avoid that snake charmer huckabee.