arse be fine

arse be fine, i'm told that i have the arse of a 30 year old.

cholesterol is excellent. the bad stuff is down and good cholesterol is way up. ice cream eaters the world over can use me as an example! to be fair, i exercised like crazy and pigged out on omega 3's.

so i got all this going for me too.

oh yeah, i was given my pick of medications. i'm on cloud nine and happy as a fecking clam.

here's the little beauty i picked up:



i've always wanted a kona bike. does anyone recognize the significance of "kona?"

actually the bike is for sonny. i'm trying to get him into riding. i dropped it off at the bike shop for a tune up and it rides like a fecking dream!

with my healthy arse, i love you sons of bitches more than ever!

science my arse

my brain was acting up so i went to see the doctor. i was expecting her to pull out a catalog of pills and tell me take my pick. i was wrong. she looked at my file and noticed i was behind on my regular maintenance and decided to check out a lot of stuff that seemed to be working just fine.

last year my cholesterol was elevated to the point where it was becoming serious. after a little chat with the doctor she decided my heavy consumption of ice cream might be the culprit and i promised to cut down on the ice cream. i was like a person quitting smoking or drinking. i kept telling myself that next week i'd cut down on the ice cream. oh, how time flies. i just never got around to cutting down on the ice cream. i did go about a week without ice cream before i dropped in for the blood test. after i got the blood test i ate a ton of ice cream. lots of halloween candy too.

tomorrow i get the results. i also get the old prostate massaged.

i'm so happy i could shit.

i bought myself a new toy as a reward for being brave about the old arse test.
guess what i bought.

ruby's in trouble

first the post office threatened to cut off our delivery because of ruby. below is the shortcut that the mailman liked to take rather than walking around our hedge. it saved him quite a bit of walking but a certain dog liked to wait for him. after a little discussion with the postal supervisor it was agreed that the mailman wouldn't take any more shortcuts and i would keep ruby locked in the yard. there was harmony and the universe was unfolding as it should.



now ruby has turned into an escape artist. trouble is she likes to attack other dogs when she meets them. a man walking his boxer down the street in front of ruby's hole, aka the postal shortcut, was greeted by ruby. ruby charged at his dog and growled but stopped when the guy yelled at her. this fine man then reported ruby to our block captain and i've been officially warned. next time animal control gets brought in.

unfortunately, pit bulls are guilty until proven innocent. if it happens again i have a plan.

how much does a salon charge to dye a dog's coat?

cars

if the universe unfolds as it should, i'll be in the market for a new car this spring. i've been offering sonny the mighty corolla for several years to no avail. i thinks there's a good chance he'll take me up on the offer this spring when he graduates. my 1996 corolla is in excellent shape, 54,000 kilometers. the only flaw is the front passenger seat smells like dog crap. i wonder how that happened.

i think jap cars are the best built but i'm determined not to buy any more jap cars. i've read that fords are the best built american cars, almost as good as the jap cars. almost as good is probably good enough for me.

why am i pissed off at the japs????



god bless the enola gay. (from a whale's point of view)

the opinions expressed herein by the whales do not necessarily represent those of the author. (but they might)

bye bye itunes!

itunes be gone.

yesterday more music disappeared from my itunes library. i checked on line and lots of people have the same problem.

bye bye itunes

hello WINAMP

so far so good with the winamp. it's really similar to itunes, does a lot of the same stuff and maybe more. most importantly it's feckin free!

i think it's a product from aol so i'll have those guys monitoring my every move rather than the good folks at apple.

feck apple

on second thought, fuck apple.

i hate upgrades! somehow my itunes upgraded itself and i now have some fucking genius sidebar on itunes that keeps urging me to turn it on. if i turn it on all my troubles will be gone. the genius will take care of everything.

the fucking genius will send my "itunes library" to apple so they can analyze it and tell me what i'm missing. i'm guessing the stuff i'm missing won't be free, i've heard these pricks charge suckers 99 cents per song. kinda like buying a bottle of water when the same stuff is free out of our taps. (we have good water)

why does this society think everything needs to be upgraded??? i'm happy with the shit i have. i've thought about upgrading the lovely mrs myshkin but that would cost a little more than 99 cents and there would be no guarantee i'd like the new model.

i'm not going to buy a $500 phone or some expensive ipod so i can watch movies on a 2 inch screen. shit, i'm not gonna spend a nickel on apple crap. they can stick their fecking genius up their slick marketing arse.

what i need is guidance

obama's priorities

much has been said of obama's priorities; the economy, health care, the enviroment, the wars (invasions) in iraq and afghanistan, tax reform etc, etc. he made a lot of promises.

what was it a wise man once said about promises?

oh yeah, they're made to be broken and obama is one polished speaker so i think a few of these promises may not come to fruition.

here's one thing he can do during his first week in office.

spill the beans on roswell new mexico. i really want to get a peak at these flying saucers. i'm sure if they gave one to the chinese i could be buzzing around the planet in a cheap space ship in a couple of years.

i have another suggestion for him but that might distract him from the flying saucer unveiling. as john madden said, "if you have too many priorities; you don't have any."



so far obama's people haven't accepted any collect calls from billy pilgrim's people.

space ships for all!

another needle story

injecting humans with plutonium



i think the key phrase in this video about the u.s. government injecting their citizens with plutonium is:

"the same acts for which the allies hung nazi war criminals"

i don't love those sons of bitches who carried out project monarch.

ouch

poor little me, my arm hurts.

a got a flu shot on tuesday and my arm ached for about 24 hours.

i remember being a kid in school and getting shots. usually there were a few wusses who got all freaked out over the needle and the odd person would faint.

my main memory of the shots was the time honored tradition of punching other kids in the arm where they got the needle. punching classmates in the arm was a normal thing to do at any time. if you punched some asshole in the face, it was off to the principals office for a lecture and maybe a little corporal punishment. but punching some kid you didn't like in the arm after he got a shot, that was sweet.

in this age of idiot proofing the world, not letting kids play in walkers or heaven forbid play with a magnet or some other toy that's small enough to fit in the little angels mouth, i imagine some new age parent would throw a hissy fit if some other kid punched her little angel in the arm.

hello obama - goodbye assholes

it's fecking over, the 8 year reign of terror and invasion!!

a new age of enlightenment!!




apparently the new age of enlightenment doesn't extend to jews in minnesota.

i'm out $5.00, franken lost!! feckin asshole didn't campaign hard enough!!!

5 bucks on al!

big media, liberal media, elite media.

no matter what you call the media, it's let us all down. the most important and interesting race is taking place in minnesota and the coverage has been pitiful.

the coverage has been so poor that i keep forgetting about al and having to use good old google to find out how al's doing.

the thing that bugs me the most is that loud mouth prick jesse ventura gets way more press than al! it's fun to watch jesse but you have to remember where he got his training. vince fucking mcmahon! it's all bluster and bullshit. wrestlers are trained to manipulate the rubes. a good wrestler can go from making the rubes hate him to love him in 5 minutes. so why does jesse get all the coverage?

he's a self promoting showman who says what people want to hear.

he's no al franken!

i love that son of a bitch franken.

5 bucks on Al!