enlightenment

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GOD BLESS MY NEW PAL OBAMA

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me and ruby love that son of a bitch

curling

i hate curling!

curling is a big deal in canada. right now our main sports channel is showing curling night and day. imagine my happiness when i tune in my favorite show and find curling. this feckin game doesn't last just an hour, it goes on ad infinitum.

canada won a gold medal in men's curling in 2006. we win very few gold medals so when it happens it's a huge deal. kinda like haley's comet, it might not happen again for years. we seem to have about 100 curling champions; mens, womens, mixed, youth, old folks, amputees, alzheimers, paraplegic etc, etc, etc. the feckin things never end.

i don't see much athleticism in a sport where the most common phrase is: "hold my drink while i throw my rock" gone are days when the most common phrase was "hold my drink and cigarette while i throw my rock" we're not allowed to smoke indoors these days.

years ago i worked for a cracker factory that transferred me to a small town where almost everyone curled. i told them curling was a piece of shit and immediately became a pariah. so it goes.

there are a few interesting images in curling.

king corn

anyone who's seen king corn raise your hand.

alright, every asshole who raised his/her hand, why the fuck didn't you warn me about the evils of corn.

guess what i watched last night. if you didn't say king corn, you probably think that obama walks on water.

king corn is a cool movie. it got 95 on the tomato meter so i decided to watch it. it's not worthy of a 95 but it's a highly informative movie. it seems that every piece of shit we put into our body contains corn in one form or another. the stuff is real cheap and people have been enslaved by the sweetness of corn syrup and the low price of producing food based on corn products.

so before you curse china for bombarding you with cheap goods that contain lead and melamine, look in your own back yard. no shit, this stuff is killing us.

take a gander at this:



now i know why that obama guy has put a muzzle on my man biden. biden knows all about the evils of corn syrup and is ready to spill the beans.

ever see a muslim eat corn syrup?

nope, that's how they're going to take over the world!

i love you son's of bitches. i had to say that before i succumb to the all the corn syrup based ju jubes i've been eating.

talent

ladies and gentlemen, direct from a winning performance at the westminster kennel club dog show: the amazing ruby.



i suspect she could have caught every treat i tossed her way if the sun wasn't in her eyes. so it goes.


"in real life, as in grand opera, arias only make hopeless situations worse"

love is in the air

luckily i didn't listen to all the naysayers who wanted to stick jesus in the box until next christmas. thanks to my benevolence, the little guy is happy as a clam today. his eyes lit up like the firestorm of dresden when he saw the latest offering. i think he has a sweet tooth.



if anyone ever asks you who's quicker, jesus or a turtle, put your money on the turtle.



i'm not sure if jesus will want to stay out of box when the next holiday rolls around. someone told me that he had a bad experience around easter.

"we are all here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is."

feckin virus

i've had a virus in the old computer for the past few days and it's been driving me nuts. the auto protect software kept telling me every 2 minutes that it detected a virus and put it in quarantine. when i clicked on the button to flush it down the crapper it just wouldn't go. try as i might, i couldn't shake that prick of a virus.

sonny got rid of it this morning so i be happy. he did some sort of a manual restart and was able to get around some shit.

this lovely virus was hanging around in my limewire files. i've uninstalled limewire, i won't be downloading any music for a while. so it goes.

if i was speaking to the lovely mrs myshkin i'd tell her that she caused the virus problem.

so happy feckin valentines day. the old bag still isn't speaking to me. i even bought her a feckin present. (at the dollar store) tomorrow i go shopping for my own present, half price candy. i won't be buying too much this year because i've been eating so much christmas candy the past few days. i have a stomach ache as i type this. i've got my eye on a few tubs of red and pink heart shaped ju jubes.

ruby refuses to eat any more green santa ju jubes.

happy valentines day, i love all sons of bitches today. (even the sour old prick)

milk

what would you do if you went to the supermarket and there was no milk in the dairy case?

i went to the supermarket this morning to pick up a few items, milk was on the list. in the past i've returned with lots of candy and ice cream but no milk or vegetables. the lovely mrs myshkin is in a foul mood these days so i didn't want to come home without the milk even though i never touch the stuff.

i found a clerk and asked him to get me a jug of milk which i could see behind the case. this clerk of middle eastern descent said o.k. and then went over and started opening some cardboard boxes with a utility knife. i stared at him in disbelief for a minute or so. i was pissed but held my tongue. i took matters into my own hands and crawled through the dairy case and got my own milk. when i crawled back out of the dairy case my middle eastern friend was waiting for me. he wasn't happy and started to tell me the rules of the store.

i can't remember my exact words but they were along the lines of "fuck you". i walked away and he followed me. when i turned around to see what he wanted he came up and stuck his face inches away from mine. there was a staring contest and the pricked blinked first. i was totally pissed and was ready to pretend that i was an isreali. luckily he walked away and i had the feckin milk that i don't even drink. to top it all off, the lovely mrs myshkin isn't speaking to me.

i can't remember what i did to get the silent treatment but if i ever remember i'm gonna write it down. it could come in real handy in the future.

the trouble with jesus

the baby jesus and his entourage needed dusting yesterday. i had to pick everything up before dusting then replace it all after the dust had been removed. i hate dusting. years ago in my drinking days i took a fancy to bobble heads. the bobble heads took on a life of their own. every time someone wanted to give me a gift, guess what i got. a feckin bobble head. these things present the same problem, i have to pick them up before dusting. i don't mind the aggravation for my collection of turtles but bobble heads and jesus don't quite warrant the same level of devotion as ornamental turtles.

don't get me wrong. jesus is an o.k. sort of guy but it's the high maintenance factor that's beginning to make me have second thoughts on my promise to keep him from being stuck in a box for 11 months a year.

charlie browns flower patch

i've posted the odd photo of the lovely mrs myshkin's flowers in the past but i haven't posted any photos of my garden. in celebration of the snow melt i took a few photos of my flowers. i'm mighty proud of them.

last year some ivy in the park that caught my eye. this was not common ivy, this was the cadillac of ivy. the lovely mrs myshkin hates ivy and told me that i wasn't allowed to get any. of course the next day i grabbed some cuttings whilst hunting empty beer cans.

i was told that growing ivy was idiot proof. not true, my first few attempts resulted in the death of some very nice sprigs of ivy. i didn't give up. i paid attention to the next batch of cuttings and even watered them daily.




they don't look too swift right now but they've just went through some cold weather and the heaviest snowfall i can ever remember. i'm expecting big things from these little beauties this summer.





















of course no photo expedition is complete without a picture of man's best friend.