work, work, work

now that the great turtle race is over i'll need to come up with some real topics,eh. topics seem so brilliant when they first pop into my mind but after a little reflection, the brilliance usually wears of quickly.

animal control has visited us twice due to complaints about ruby so i decided to put up a little buffer between ruby and the arseholes that walk down our street.

here's the trench me and sonny dug out. it seemed like such an easy task but it turned out to be a back breaking task. the dirt was all root bound and almost impossible to dig out. i went out a bought a new mattock. it's a feckin beauty, sharp as old rat shit.



here's the finished product. it's a little sparse in places right now but after a year or so it'll be a real feckin beauty.



i couldn't have done this without my engineer. sonny used to be the science officer but graduated this spring and is now an engineer. sonny's a hard worker and finished his degree in 4 years. most people take 5 years to get an engineering degree in our fair country. the job market is a little tight right now so he's going back in september to get his master's degree.

so i got all this going for me too, which is real nice.

the race be over, i be sad.

the turtle race is over.

backspacer may have won the race but billy has been seen on tralfamadore making passionate love to the best looking female turtle in the known universe.

at least that's what i keep telling myself.

thanks to all those who embraced the race. ananda wins the golden leatherback award for spreading the gospel near and far.




support your local sea turtle.

where's my feckin turtle?

GREAT TURTLE RACE!!

billy seems to have disappeared. he's been stuck in the same place for several days. i think he got sick big brother monitoring his every move and removed his transmitter. in addition to being an excellent swimmer billy is also a rebel.

i hope billy didn't swim to mexico. can a turtle catch the swine flu?

i've decided to take a few precautions against the swine flu. they say that it's important to wash your hands frequently.



i love you sons of bitches, just don't touch me until this pig flu deal is over.

the race

you can't keep a good turtle down.

i don't know who lit the fire under billy's arse but that turtle is swimming as if the 17 hungry chinese refugees are on his tail. not only can he swim like that pot smoking american olympian, he seems to have a great guidance system.

in case anyone doubts my dedication to sea turtle racing, take a look at my left shoulder.



i love those feckin turtle sons of bitches.

for ananda

IT"S HERE!!!

GREAT TURTLE RACE!!

the great turtle race started today, for the next 14 days 11 intrepid leatherback sea turtles will be racing from the chilly waters off the east coast of canada to the warm waters of the caribbean.

you can register for updates and lots of turtle news!

tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell anyone who will listen!

the great turtle race is on!!

i'm backing "billy". i was going to support "backspacer" because she's sponsored by pearl jam. i've been a fan of pearl jam ever since they tried to break ticketmaster's stranglehold on the ticket racket.

i love those turtle sons of bitches!

big feckin news

something really big is happening tomorrow. i don't have time to think up any interesting bullshit at the moment so this'll have to do.



i love you sons of bitches.

easter be gone

can you spot judas?



i struck out on the post easter candy hunt today. my goal was to get a bunch of kinder surprises for the fast food princess. (she's out of the fast food racket but i love that nickname). she's all growed up but still loves kinder surprises. there were no kinder eggs to be found this morning. woe is me.

i still have about 10 pounds of valentine ju jubes left. the big red and pink hearts were on clearance for 7 cents per 100 grams so i bought lots. the blue and yellow easter bunny ju jubes were easy to pass up today. this year the focus will be on chocolate. the bulk chocolate eggs weren't on sale this morning but i'll find some marked down chocolate before the week is out.

i'm sweet on all you sons of bitches.

jesus be saved

those lazy nogoodnik apostles may have abandoned jesus in his time of need but the easter turtle and his brood stick by their friends.

why did the apostles turn their back on jesus?

as with most humans on our planet, the apostles were quite money motivated. apparently some guy named peter struck it rich. who knew peter was a corporate genius who could spin straw into gold. at this very moment the basement of his church contains perhaps the largest collection of art and gold trinkets on the face of the earth.

what did the easter turtle get out of this? here's what happened between the easter turtle and god:

"Hey,god, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

god bless the easter turtle.

feckin lawn mowers

i've always hated my dad's honda lawn mower. it's always been a bitch to start and nothing makes cutting a lawn more fun than spending 20 minutes trying to fire up the mower. my mom, who has never cut grass in her life, decided that honda lawn mowers were the best mowers on the planet. i couldn't face that feckin honda again this spring so i bought them a new one for their anniversary. nothing says i love you like a new mower, i'm just a sentimental guy.





in order to keep mom happy i got the craftsman mower with the honda engine. when i showed it to her she didn't notice the craftsman logo, she only noticed that the engine said "honda" on top. there was only one problem with the new mower, there was no owner's manual in the box. i called sears and they couldn't just give me a manual from a different mower, they have to order me new one, feckin arseholes. luckily i figured out how to use the new one without a manual. add gas, oil and pull the string. it started on the 4th pull. after the 3rd pull i was ready smash the feckin thing.

i use an electric mower on my grass but mom thinks her grass needs a gas mower.

so it goes.

back in the saddle

i made a triumphant return to the cracker factory this week after a 3 month medical hiatus. i call it the cracker factory in an affectionate sort of way. they treat me well. way better than a certain lovely lady i know, they even throw money at me every 2 weeks.

when i was a ute, this is what i would have sung upon my return. slide it to the 1 minute 35 second mark and you might find a song that you can use when returning to the missus (or mister) when you return late at night from the bar.




when i was in university our drinking gang sung this often when stumbling into a restaurant before crashing in the dorm.