anubis, anubis, anubis

rasslin and granola

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:13:00 +0000

candy fast as of january 5, 16:00

the candy fast is going ok. i've substituted honey granola for candy. i'd rather be eating red santa ju jubes and reeses pieces but time flies and i'll be gorging myself on the good stuff soon enough.

i've been put off rasslin for quite a while but last night i tuned in the tna special and it was pretty good. it was on at the same time as the wwe so i flipped back a forth a few times and was quickly repulsed by the wwe.

tna had a few spots with razor ramone, one of my favorites who has been fighting his alcohol demons for years. he looked bloated and puffy but he can use his old catch phrases. it looks like he and xpac might have a recurring role as body guards to the evil easy "E".

i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

sayanora 2009

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 23:20:00 +0000

candy fast update Jan 4, 16:00

the jury is out as to whether 2009 was a year to remember or a year to forget.

i'd like to forget the last day of 2009. our feckin boiler died resulting in a cold house and an empty pocketbook. in september we had the annual servicing of the boiler and a new thermal coupler was installed. the fucking thermal coupler died last night and had to be replaced today. it wasn't under warranty, fuck!!!

i'm officially tired of the cold wet weather so i'll take a moment to bask in the warmth of our backyard in the summer.

that was a nice little bask.

starting tomorrow i vow to give up candy for a whole month. that's my feckin resolution. 1 month without candy. i'm not sure if i can do it.

it's 15:30 on the west coast meaning i have 8.5 hours left to gorge myself on candy. i was given a big jar of reeses pieces for xmas and times a wasting.

i love you sons of bitches all feckin year long.

time fades away

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 19:10:00 +0000

is it just me or are the days getting longer?

i've become entranced with bob dylan's theme time radio. bob gives lots of off beat trivia and anecdotes about the music he's playing.

down to business.

the time has come to pick out a new year's resolution. in days gone past new years resolutions were a piece of cake:

1. quit smoking
2. quit drinking
3. start exercising.
4. become a productive member of society and give up anti social attitudes.

well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad.

most of my friends think new year's resolutions are a piece of shit and ridicule me for making them but i meant what i said and i said what i meant. i'm gonna make a resolution and stick with it 100 percent. (maybe)

this has to be my favorite neil young song by a mile.

happy birthday

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 15:34:00 +0000

happy birthday jesus!

it's also this guy's birthday.

i suspect shane macgowan is really the second coming of you know who. perhaps they share more than just a birthday.

merry feckin xmas, i love you sons of bitches so much it hurts.

karma

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:24:00 +0000

i've been trying to grab charles brown's xmas album for a few months. i've also been busy eating chocolate and nuking jap oranges so i forgot all about old charles. after a tough day at the cracker factory eating chocolate and hugging co-workers i was inspired to grab bob dylan's christmas themed radio hour and guess who bob was playing... charles brown!

this inspired me to look for the album and i found it!! it's fecking karma!

the baby jesus rewarded me for all the good stuff i've given him throughout the year. i'm so happy right now i might just inflate his favorite lady in time for his birthday.

i love you sons of bitches even more at christmas.

jap oranges

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:17:00 +0000

my chocolate and ju jube diet has a downside, tooth decay.

the dentist found a few cavities last week. what a lovely feckin christmas present. i was complaining of sensitivity to cold stuff on the old teeth and she had to go and take some x-rays. 2 fillings have to be replaced. i'm so happy i could shit.

i love jap oranges but they were causing a little discomfort to my newly sensitive teeth. a while back i saw some guy on tv saying that microwaving oranges made them more juicy. i decided to try it and the results were fabulous. not only was the orange nice and juicy, the warmth was like heaven to my old teeth. as an added bonus the orange was real easy to peel.

a word of caution, don't nuke it too long.

i love you sons of bitches.

god bless al

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 20:59:00 +0000

my boy al franken shut down the current senate douchebag, lieberman.

lieberman is doing his best to derail health care reform.

is it just a coincidence that the douchebag derailing health care reform represents the state that has as it's nickname....

THE INSURANCE CAPTIAL OF THE WORLD!!

deader than a feckin doornail.

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:45:00 +0000

it was a tough couple of days at the cracker factory. you wouldn't believe how much candy and baked goods i had to eat. feck, only an anti social asshole would turn down candy being offered by co-workers. i had a wee bit of an upset stomach from all the goodies and was feeling a little under the weather then this....

it finally happened...THE ASSHOLE CROAKED!

i don't really have any plans for my retirement but a trip to tulsa to visit his grave might be nice. i can picture it now...

border guard: good morning sir, what's your destination and how long will you be staying?

me: i'm going to tulsa oklahoma for about 30 minutes

border guard: what would be your business in tulsa sir?

me: i'm gonna piss on oral roberts' grave.

border guard: please step out of the vehicle sir........

frankincense gold myrrh......

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:14:00 +0000

what do you get for the baby that has everything?

i decided to give the baby jesus and early xmas gift. he'll be the only guy in the manger with a tiger cap.

i found this cap several months ago. i wasn't a tiger fan so the hat just sat in the pile of crap i find while doing my early morning rides. the lovely mrs myshkin tells me not to bring this crap home. that's like waving a red flag in front of a bull. when the weather warms up i may even borrow it from the baby jesus.

i've seen photos of tiger's lady friends and there's one question stuck in my mind:

is tiger afraid of black women????

and what about asian ladies?

call me stupid

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:04:00 +0000

the iron maiden wasn't changing gears very well and kept slipping out of 9th gear so i decided to make a few adjustments. the cable tension was fine so i decided to adjust the limit screws. these things are finicky and require small adjustments.

it didn't matter what i did, those feckin gears just wouldn't change smoothly. before i knew it i was way out of adjustment and had totally screwed things up. i decided to put the offending screw all the way in and make 1/8 turn adjustments until i found the sweet spot. i spent 1 hour and 45 minutes riding up down the lane behind our house making adjustments and the feckin thing still wouldn't work. a few neighbours were having a good laugh. did i mention it was freezing cold!

i decided to take a break and have a bowl of ice cream. after having my treat i decided to clean the screws and gears before starting again. after cleaning things i took a ride and it worked like a charm! i wasted all that time making adjustments when all it needed was a good cleaning. i used varsol and a toothbrush to clean the cassette. (guess whose toothbrush i used)

i went for long ride and things still weren't perfect. a few minor adjustments and some more cleaning and it's now smooth as silk.

on my white bike mescalino i'll come breezing through town.

i have 3 bikes; 1 made in canada, 1 made in the usa and 1 made in china.

the offending bike was made in china!

fuck china

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:38:00 +0000

the canadian prime minister is in china this week. the chinese premier has rebuked our fine prime minister for taking too long to visit and not pandering to the chinese dynasty.

CHINA REBUKES CANADA

there has been a frosty relationship between canada and china since canada granted honorary citizenship to the dalai lama. if i remember correctly the so-called left leaning obama wouldn't even meet with the dalai lama on his last trip to the u.s. so canada has been hammering china on human rights and obama has been kissing china's ass. surprise surprise.

one thing that really pisses me off is when our media criticize our prime minister for fucking up diplomatic relations with china. the assholes should be trashing china for all their fuck ups.

in short: fuck china!

i'll still buy cheap chinese stuff.

return of the..............

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:24:00 +0000

after a few months on the disabled list i returned to the cracker factory this week. i think it was a successful return.

it's funny how things change with age. when i was a ute i always wanted the doctors to give me notes for long medical leave. now that i'm an old fart it's the other way around. the doctors tell me to take more time off work but i tell them it's time for me to get back to work. i had about 900 emails waiting for me. a quick sort by sender eliminated about 850. i read mail from my boss but everyone else can go piss up a rope.

on a sour note, some prick stole trixie!

now i have some shitty little designer plant. if i was a coffee drinker i'd dump a cup of coffee in it everyday to hasten it's departure.

i'll never have boney fingers.

help

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:49:00 +0000

i rarely check comments on old posts. one post in particular has garnered a large number of comments that might be interesting but i have no idea what they say or even what language they are in.

take a look at the comment stream on this post.

HELP ME TRANSLATE

can anyone translate this stuff?

who knows, it might be that nubile young gymnast i've been dreaming of.

dubai.......

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:31:00 +0000

today is buy nothing day. second only to the great turtle race in my yearly calendar of interesting events. i'm guessing that most people bought something today, myself included. i found a cool new pawn shop and they had some 24k shiny stuff that caught my eye.

i'll bet the royal family of dubai wishes they had observed buy nothing day. in fact i'll bet they wish they had bought nothing for the past several years!

DUBAI BE BROKE

dubai world has been the symbol of decadence for years. between building the world's tallest building, indoor ski slopes in the desert and the 3 largest man made islands in the world they have been on an spending spree that would make michael jackson look like a pauper.

what do i think about the royal family of dubai going broke??

sadly, the dubai royals won't miss a
beat in their gluttonous lifestyle but the imported workforce might miss a few paydays.

dexter

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:24:00 +0000

that fucking michael c hall!

i've been watching dexter for a while and have a huge crush on his sister deborah. i just love the way she talks. no shit, i love her.

while checking out a few episodes today i read that dexter married deborah in real life. fuck!

i was hoping to marry her.

guess the spot

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:04:00 +0000

so china is holding trillions of dollars in foreign debt and western countries owe china trillions of dollars in loans. you might think that the people of china would be prospering and the population of western countries would be suffering. guess again.

the good citizens of the western countries bitch and moan if the government doesn't provide them with care from cradle to grave and don't give a shit if their lifestyles are being subsidized by the suffering of cheap labor in china and other exploited countries.

the question is; when will the balloon burst and westerners have to live within their means?

i think a lot of people are going to die before the balloon bursts.

canadian border guards

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:56:00 +0000

a few years ago canadian border guards were given guns in response to their union bitching and complaining that they needed guns for safety reasons. i think the main reason behind it might have been the extra pay they got for being armed.

it took a few years but a border guard finally used his gun.

guess what our top notch crack shot border guard shot.

CANADIAN BORDER GUARD FIRES WEAPON!!

the spirit of john candy lives!!

buy nothing day!!!

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:56:00 +0000

it's that time of year again, time to buy nothing.

NOVEMBER 27, BUY NOTHING!!!

BUY NOTHING DAY

you might even want to subscribe to adbuster's magazine and become a culture jammer!

in treatment

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:20:00 +0000

i've been watching in treatment the past few weeks and feeling sorry for poor old dr paul weston as he tries to deal with his adulterous slut of a wife. she just won't give old paul a break and lord knows he deserves a little kindness for dealing with mental defectives all day.

i knew that i'd seen this woman before but just couldn't put a name to the face. i knew there was evil in her heart and poor old paul was fighting an uphill battle. then jesus whispered two words in my ear, admiral cain!

holy christ, someone ought to tell dr paul just whom he's dealing with. the good admiral was the toughest bitch in the colonial fleet.

i wouldn't trade places with dr paul for all the kopeks in russia.

armistice day

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:50:00 +0000

i have to be fast because i have 10 minutes before i have to shut up and remember the dead of ww1. it seems the war to end all wars didn't really teach us any lessons. i guess our human brains are hard wired for violence.

time to observe a few moments of silence.

the goat

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:26:00 +0000

when sonny came back from the yukon he was sporting a goatee. his mother and grandparents didn't like it. that was enough for me, i decided to grow a goatee myself. somewhere along the line sonny decided to get rid of the goatee leaving me as the only fool with a goatee. on the one hand i want to get rid of it or quit shaving all together and let the grey hair have it's way with my face. i decided to take a photo, maybe that would help me make the big decision.

after looking at the photo i had an epiphany!

my eyes aren't bloodshot!

holy christ, another benefit of beating alcohol.

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

flu shot insanity

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:12:00 +0000

several weeks ago most people weren't worrying about flu shots too much. people were content to wait until the shots were available, lots of people didn't plan on getting the shot. then something happened.

it was announced that there were temporary shortages because the vaccine was being delayed a week or two. then all of a sudden everyone wanted a shot and they wanted it now. there were priority lists drawn up whereby those in high risk categories were placed at the top of the list. suddenly there were huge lineups at the clinics, people were arriving at 2:00 AM to get the shots and there were accusations of queue jumping. i called my doctor and was told to drop by and get the shot.

a few days ago it was announced that the calgary flames hockey team got flu shots. all hell broke loose. people were furious that the hockey players got flu shots.

FLU SHOT INSANITY

big feckin deal!

in my opinion it was no big deal that these guys got the shots.

these guys makes millions and pay millions in taxes. compare that with drug addicts that pay no taxes and are a huge drain on the system. these drug addicts are on the priority list for shots and people are fine with that. maybe i'm a heartless prick but i think people paying millions in taxes and generating millions in economic activity deserve more consideration than some feckin drug addicts or habitual welfare recipients.

in the past i did a few posts advocating sterilizing welfare recipients after a certain amount of time. it was not a popular idea. so it goes.

i wonder how russia is dispensing flu shots?

i love these russian sons of bitches.

canadian retaliates against vatican stand on halloween

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:36:00 +0000

a vigilant civic minded canadian took action on vatican stance on halloween.

Canadian wipes arse with bible

wasn't that worth the read???

on a different note, old billy pilgrim rides again.

i rode the red rocket to the liquor store to cash in the maximum daily limit of 48 beer tins. when i put them in the cardboard flats i discovered that i had 49 tins. i sheepishly asked the lady if she would accept 49 tins. she took the cans, smiled and gave me $5.00! a 10 cent bonus. i thanked her profusely and rode away.

why did she smile and treat me so nicely?

i cashed in beer tins while wearing a woman's sweatshirt. in slaughterhouse 5 billy pilgrim wore a woman's coat, today i was wearing a woman's sweatshirt and got a 10 cent bonus.

i was dressed like a bum and she tossed me a dime.

so i got that going for me too, which is nice!

vatican is nuts

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:30:00 +0000

is the pope a master of misdirection or just a grouchy old prick?

the vatican has come out against halloween!

POPE KILLS HALLOWEEN!!!

this is reason #279 that i'm happy not to be a catholic. i can't recall most of the first 278 reasons but i'm sure they were well thought out and very insightful.

if i was a less mature person i might drag up all the nasty things priests have done to children but as an enlightened child of the universe i won't mention the darker side of priests.

if my kids were still young and i was still drinking i just might dress them up as a pope and a cardinal.

have you got your half price candy yet?

rasslin

noreply@blogger.com (billy pilgrim) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:04:00 +0000

me and my bitter racist pal are embroiled in a big argument over pro rasslin. he hates rasslin with a passion, almost as much as he hates jews. he hates rasslin because he thinks most people watching it believe it's real.

i say 5% of adult rasslin fans at the most think pro rasslin is on the up and up. he thinks over 50% of rasslin fans believe it's real. he also gives me lectures on pro rasslin and mixed martial arts being homo erotic. i still don't know what homo erotic means but if i mention rasslin, sure as shooting he's gonna mention homo erotic.

i haven't mentioned my racist friend in a long time because he's in bad mental shape right now. he lost a lot of money speculating on real estate then went and lost a lot of money on the stock market. guess who he blames for his misfortune? here's a hint, it begins with a j.

anyway, here's my question:

do you know any adults who believe that pro rasslin is on the up and up?