enjoy the moment

my boy newt

2012-01-27T17:37:00.000-08:00

after a long soul searching deliberation i've decided to throw my support behind speaker newt. of the 4 remaining candidates newt is definitely the most interesting. he's been married 3 times, wants to turn school children into janitors and now he wants to ESTABLISH A PERMANENT COLONY ON THE MOON.

my support of newt isn't worth a hill of beans since i'm not a citizen of the most heavily indebted nation on the planet but i can tell supporters of the other 3 candidates to go fuck themselves should the opportunity present itself. if i was given the opportunity to kick only one of them in the nuts, it would be that santorum douchebag. his family and religious preaching makes me what to puke. so it goes.

as a supporter of the newt, i think this would be the perfect theme song for a man of vision: (even if you don't like newt, this is worthing watching)

i've recently converted to the "two-seed-in-the-spirit predestinarian baptist" faith.

i love you sons of bitches.

queen for a day

2012-01-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

two big events on planet earth today, jan 23, 2012.

1.chinese new year, kung hei fat choi. if you see a dragon, shoot the prick.

2. ruby turns 10 years old.

can you guess which one is more important to me?

so happy feckin new year, which leads me to this question:

FREE POLLS 888 Online Casino Bonus online poker in canada Casino Online

my new years resolution:

i'm going to love these discarded americans, even though they're useless and unattractive. that is going to be my work of art.

i love you sons of bitches.

blah, blah, blah....

2012-01-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

do you ever get sick and tired of people bitching and moaning about everything?

me too.

many, many good things have i bought.
many, many bad things have i fought.

i love you sons of bitches.

this and that

2012-01-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

the christmas blend starbucks bag of beans is a keeper. i've always cursed starbucks and vowed never to spend any of my hard earned cash there so when i used a gift card that was given to me at xmas i was expecting the worst but surprise, surprise; i like it! it tastes excellent freshly brewed and served in a china coffee mug. i can never understand how people would pay big money to drink coffee out of a paper cup. good thing i invested the whole gift card in beans and picked up 4 bags.

watching deadwood last night i heard my favorite deadwood quote:

andy, a former degenerate gambler, announced to e.b. farnum that he is no longer a degenerate gambler but is now preaching the gospel and ministering to the sick.

farnum replies - "and how does the new racket pay?" god bless e.b.!

i finally met a pop up ad that i liked. i'm sure everyone hates pop up ads but yesterday a pop up ad was like a message from heaven. an ad popped up for an adidas sale. i've been looking for new pair of adidas sneakers for quite a while but haven't had any success so i clicked on the ad and presto, i found the sneakers i've been looking for. i got a pair of stan smith sneakers half price!! lucky me. i'll be even luckier when and if they arrive. so i got that going for me too, which is real nice.

how about a little fiddle music:

i wonder if people smoke pot at andy rieu's concerts. i'd rather see andy rieu than any rock star. i must be getting old.

i love you sons of bitches.

horses and gold

2012-01-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops? have i ever mentioned that i like gold?

my favorite nephew, almost a captain of industry, gave me this book for christmas:

it details the the struggles, successes and failures of the men and women who caught gold fever in the 1890's and flocked to the yukon in search of their fortune. the hardships these men and women endured in search of wealth were extraordinarily harsh. i can't imagine today's men and women of western culture enduring and surviving that ordeal. before reading this book i was aware of the difficulties these people faced but hadn't considered the fate of dogs and horses in the gold rush. here is a excerpt from jack london's account of the gold rush:

"the horses died like mosquitoes in the first frost......and rotted in heaps. they died at the rocks, they were poisoned at the summit, and they starved at the lakes; they fell off the trail, what there was of it, or they went through it; in the river they drowned under their loads, or were smashed to pieces against the boulders; they snapped their legs in the crevices and broke their backs falling backward with their packs; in the sloughs they sank from sight or smothered in the slime, they were disemboweled in the bogs where the corduroy logs turned up in the mud; men shot them to death, worked them to death, and when they were gone, went back to the beach and bought more. some did not bother to shoot them, stripping the saddles off and the shoes and leaving them where they fell. their hearts turned to stone - those which did not break - and they became beasts, the men on the Dead Horse Trail."

this might be my favorite hoyt axton song. the son of a bitch disabled embedding so you'll have to click this:

WATER FOR MY HORSES

i love you son's of bitches.

ouch

2012-01-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

the great speaker adventure is over. future shop reversed their decision about giving us the free second speaker. the whole thing was a complete clusterfuck. a few people managed to get the free second speaker but i was not one of them. i gave up and returned my speaker today. i picked up the 88 pound son of a bitch last night to see if i could carry it. it didn't seem too heavy but an hour later the groin muscle i pulled years ago started to ache so today i employed a different strategy. i flipped it end over end through our back yard to the mighty x5 and managed to get it into the back. at the parking lot i slid it out and started flipping it end over end toward the store. a few people offered to help me carry it but i was determined to give it a rough ride. once i entered the store i flipped it to customer service and was very vocal about what a bunch of fucking crooks they were. i got an additional $25 gift card for my troubles. so after all was said and done i ended up with $175 in gift cards and a sore groin. oh yeah, the lovely mrs myshkin will be saying "i told you so" for the next month or two.

i received a starbucks gift card for xmas. it put me in a tough spot, i've never bought a cup of coffee at starbucks and wanted to keep that record intact. luckily sonny told me that they were selling their christmas blend coffee beans at half price so guess what i bought!

so now it's official, i have more coffee than brains.

i love you sons of bitches.

happy new year!

2012-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

after reading my tea leaves and being the victim of an excellent accident it looks like 2012 is going to be very good year for me and ruby.

1. i decided to look for my lucky turtle ring this morning. i didn't find the ring but found something even better, 600 bucks! lucky me.

2. i received an e-mail from future shop, the outfit that caused me grief over ordering the $1500 speakers for $349. Not only am i going to get 2 speakers rather than the one speaker they were offering, i got a $150 e-gift to compensate for the aggravation they caused. lucky me.

3. this is the event that really made me think 2012 would be an excellent year, i had the best bowel movement recent memory. lucky me.

so the mayans can go fuck themselves, 2012 is going to be a great year for me.

i love you sons of bitches.

corporate deceit

2011-12-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

on xmas eve i purchased a pair of speakers on-line from future shop. they were an excellent deal, polk rti 12's, regular $1500 for $349. they're large speakers, 50 inches high and weigh 85 pounds each. i had visions of blowing the roof off our house.

today i received an email from future shop stating that there was a misprint on the website and the price was $349 for one speaker not the 2 speakers stated on the website. i was angry and called future shop to cancel the order. i was told that since the order had been processed and my credit card charged there was no way to cancel the order. i have one 85 pound speaker in transit. i don't happy!

after several calls i was told to refuse delivery and the speaker would be returned to the canada post warehouse and after 10 days it would be returned to future shop upon which my credit card would be refunded the $399. ($349 plus sales tax and some fucking enviromental charge) in the meantime i have the charge on my credit card with the hope some fucking crooked company will straighten out the charges. i've sent 2 emails complaining about the deceptive practice and so far haven't received a reply. maybe i'll send them a box of dog shit.

on a different note, i now have a coffee grinder along with some primo beans courtesy of sonny. so far i'm enjoying the freshly ground beans but the real test will be a few months down the road if i tire of grinding beans and cleaning the grinder.

i love you sons of bitches.

xmas

2011-12-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

merry feckin xmas from the great white north.

if you get the xmas blues, just remember there's a mental defective canadian who loves you like crazy.

the battery and the sonata

2011-12-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

last thursday i had an important medical appointment. the doc was going to give me the once over and declare me fit for duty. i brushed my teeth, combed my hair and headed out to the mighty sonata. i pressed the key and nothing happened. i assumed the battery in the fob was dead and unlocked the door the old fashioned way, with a key. when i put the key in the ignition nothing happened, my feckin battery was dead!

i ran back into the house and quickly called the doctor. our free medical doesn't cover missed appointments and this was with a brain surgeon, king of the jungle and charges accordingly. i told him my dilema and after a little chat he said i was fit for duty and the phone consultation would suffice. no charge for a missed appointment.

now for the car. i called around and was told that the battery had to be ordered but they could probably get it for me in the afternoon. i waited for the lovely mrs myshkin to come home and give me jump start. she came home and when i opened her hood there was no feckin battery. those feckin germans had hid the battery somewhere in the rear of the car. have i ever mentioned how much i dislike bmw's, particularly X5's? upon reading the owner's manual i learned that there's jump start terminal under the hood. i found it and hooked up the cables. electricity went to the mighty sonata but not enough to start it. i called service department and they suggested finding the battery and jump starting from there. the lovely mrs myshkin wouldn't let me take her car apart so i threw the cables back into my trunk and went looking for neighbor to give a jump start. an east indian contractor lives to my east. i knock on the door and some woman answers and as luck would have it she can't speak english but manages to tell me that he's not home. i headed to the other neighbor and find some construction worker who happens to be doing some work for him. he asks if i have cables, i say yes and he agrees to meet me at my garage. when he pulls up and i go to get my cables from the trunk the feckin thing won't open because the electronic lock needs electricity. the lever inside the car won't work either. i'm fucked! i ran into the house and called the dealer, i was told there might be a keyed lock under the license plate so i removed the license plate and there is no feckin lock. the construction worker gets pissed and leaves.

a few minutes later and light went off in my head. i can pull the back seat down and crawl into the trunk and use the emergency lever. it worked! the trunk was open and i had the jumper cables but the construction worker had left. i'm fucked again. the lovely mrs myshkin volunteered to go find another neighbor for help. a lovely woman with a honda civic pulled up was ready to give me jump. i hooked up the cables and son of a bitch it wouldn't start. there was electricity but not enough to start the now not so mighty sonata. she was about to leave when she mentioned that she had a set of jumper cables so we decided to try her cables. son of a bitch, it worked! the mighty sonata sprang to life!

by now it was dark but i decided to drive to the shop without my headlights turned on just in case they would drain some valuable electricity. i made it to the shop without getting a ticket and had a gold diehard battery installed. all was well with the world.

i had used the old jumper cables countless times on my dad's honda and my old corolla as well as other small cars but the sonata needed more electricity than the old cheap cables could conduct.

so here's my xmas message: if you have chintzy jumper cables, toss them out and pick up some decent ones, at least 6 gauge.

has anyone heard john hiatt's new album? it's pretty good.

i love you sons of bitches.

have i ever mentioned........

2011-12-16T15:06:00.000-08:00

have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?

behold a few of victoria's finest dealing with a few youths:

there were some videos on the news that showed much more brutality from victoria's finest but you get the idea. there was public outrage over the police brutality so an public inquiry was commissioned. can you guess the result?

POLICE CLEARED OF WRONGDOING IN BRUTAL ASSAULT OF INNOCENT YOUTH

this is what the cops do when there are witnesses and are restraining themselves. can you imagine what they do to people when there are no witnesses???

my second favorite xmas song:

i love you sons of bitches (unless you're a cop)

hi ho, hi ho.,....

2011-12-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work i go....

after a few months on the bench i returned to the active roster today, lucky me. it was a depressing day. first i learned that my favorite clerk has decided to retire at the end of the year. good clerks are worth their weight in gold. next i learned that a long time colleague has leukemia and is off the shelf indefinitely. my friends are dropping like flies.

after a few hours it was down to business. i put on my coat and took a walk to chinatown to pick up some hand rolled tea. another bummer, the chinese herb store where i pick up tea had shut down. i found a "tea shop" and decided to give it a try. as soon as i walked in i knew it was a tourist trap, the clerks were dressed in fancy silk outfits and the store was spotless. plus they spoke perfect english. i found some nice tea and it was $78 for a little canister, a totally outrageous price so i declined their offer and left in search of another store. as luck would have it i found a grungy little herb store with a few shabbily dressed old chinese ladies behind the counter. they couldn't speak english for sour apples but when i said tea they pointed me in the right direction.

guess what. i found some beautiful packages of hand rolled tea for $6.99! what a difference, $78 vs $6.99.

what the hell, i decided to pick up some fish on the way home to celebrate.

i love you sons of bitches.
.

rapture

2011-12-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

everyone needs something to look forward to. for the past month or two i've looked forward to last 20 minutes of my day. first i do a little fishing, then it's 20 minutes of deadwood. this is my 4th time through deadwood and so far i'm enjoying more now than i did the first time through and that's saying a lot!

last night i finished up season 1 and i experienced rapture! after the usual violence and foul language some beautiful light piano came on as al swearengen looked down at the characters in his bar. i thought that was it but a real treat followed. doc dancing with jewel! it was the perfect ending to season 1, something totally beautiful and touching. i would not have experienced rapture without enhanced music. if anyone is watching tv without a decent sound system, you're missing the best part.

in other tv news, i finished seson 4 of true blood earlier this week and i'm pretty sure that's it for me. it's just become a little too crazy for me. a bunch of crazy vampires was cool but with witches, werewolves, werepanthers, shifters, fairies and whatever else i've forgotten it's turned into a feckin comic book. but i still love the theme song.

i watched the first episode of boss with kelsey grammer and loved it. it might have been the opening music that caught my fancy; satan your kingdom must come down by robert plant. and kelsey grammer makes an excellent villain.

i started watching the pilot of terra nova and thought it was a piece of shit but things picked up when the nogoodnik dinosaurs showed up. it might have potential.

i'm looking forward to hell on wheels. westerns rock!

i love you sons of bitches.

turn out the lights...

2011-12-03T15:51:00.001-08:00

turn out the lights, the party's over!

i've been on medical leave for a few months and have to report back to the cracker factory on december 12. a few months of eating candy, watching tv and reading books has taken it's toll and the time has come to shape up or ship out. i've put on a few pounds and the challenge now is to drop those pounds so i can comfortably fit into my work duds. for the past few days i've had bean soup for lunch and dinner with no desserts and no halloween chocolates. it's killing me!

to show her support for my challenge, the lovely mrs myshkin went out and bought me half a dozen doughnuts this morning. so far i've resisted, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.

i didn't realize it but one of things in our culture that makes people fat is walmart!

DON'T BELIEVE ME -READ THIS!!

i had this nightmare that i was kicked out of my office and banished to a fecking cubicle. hey, wait a minute, it's not a dream. it really happened! what the fuck, i'll just spend more time on tralfamadore.

fecking cracker factory, i get no respect!

i love you sons of bitches.

joe kapp!

2011-11-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

the grey cup, canada's super bowl, is being played in vancouver today. the home town b.c. lions represent the western conference so a few b.c. lions from the past are part of the festivities. one of the biggest stars of the past is joe kapp. he led the lions to their first grey cup victory in 1964. joe went on to become a star in the national football league leading the minnesota vikings to the super bowl and then a semi big-shot college coach.

angela mosca was a defensive player for the hamilton tiger cats in the 1963 grey cup and injured one of the best players on the b.c. lions with a late dirty hit. angela was public enemy number one in b.c. and went on to become a famous bad guy pro rassler. joe and angela met up this weekend in a grey cup event and all hell broke loose. the two 73 year olds exchanged words and one thing lead to another. angela hit joe with his cane and joe punched his lights out:

oh yeah, the game is being played in our newly renovated stadium. about 500 million bucks were spent on renovating the stadium with the main upgrade being a retractable roof. it's been pissing down rain all weekend and guess what, the feckin roof leaks!

years ago the grey cup was known as the national drunk but things have changed and only a small fraction of canadians will get shit faced this weekend and sadly i won't be one of them. shit, you can't even get drunk and drive home these days.

i love you sons of bitches.

the media have no morals???

2011-11-21T14:39:00.001-08:00

last sunday morning whilst watching a little television i stumbled upon a bbc program from australia debating whether or not the media has morals. i found myself glued to the tv and not changing channels every 30 seconds as i usually do. it wasn't so much the content that held my interest it was the style and grace of a few of the speakers. say what you want about the british, but when it comes to oration, they have no equals.

here is the first part of the program. i suggest you go to the the 6 minute 30 second mark and listen to kate adie wax poetic about the media morals. i could listen to her ad infinitum.

several of the speakers cited aljazeera english as being a very moral and truthful source of news. i spent some time reading reading their articles and deemed it bookmark worthy. this caught my interest, India battles a surge in diabetes it seems pollution and medical problems are the 2 largest exports of western economies these days.

to sum up, cnn is quickly turning into a tabloid style scandal sheet but i'm unable to fathom what direction the bbc is turning due to the hypnotic elegance of their journalists and i have a schoolboy crush on kate adie.

i love you sons of bitches.

buy nothing

2011-11-17T15:52:00.000-08:00

in case anyone forgot, november 25 is BUY NOTHING DAY!

in addition to buying nothing it would be nice if people would register with ADBUSTERS and become an official CULTURE JAMMER! me and ruby have been culture jammers for years. the young and restless can occupy wall street but us more mature subversives can combat runaway consumerism with a little culture jamming.

speaking of retail larceny, i had to buy an hdmi cable for the tv i picked up for pops. the cheapest cable at best buy was $29.99. sonny told me to pick one up at the discount computer place. i got the same thing for $6.99! fuck best buy!

too bad i spilled the beans on pops age. i could have asked you to guess our individual ages with the sum total being 146 years. maybe next year.

i hope none of you sons of bitches buy anything on november 25!

90!!!

2011-11-15T17:25:00.002-08:00

guess who turned 90 today!

that's my dad!!

i bought him a new tv and we celebrated by watching some deadwood this morning.

here's to you pops:

i love you sons of bitches.

90

2011-11-15T17:25:00.001-08:00

jackpot!

2011-11-13T17:34:00.001-08:00

good things come to those who wait and i waited like crazy.

after halloween i picked up 4 boxes of potato chips and 2 boxes of nestle's little candy bars. there were some chocolate pumpkins marked down to 77 cents per 100 grams but i already had enough treats. on friday i noticed those cute little chocolate pumpkins were marked down to 44 cents per 100 grams so i figured what the hell and bought a bag. when i went to the self serve checkout they rang up as 24 cents per 100 grams. this made me happy! can you guess what i did next?

i bought 4 more feckin bags!

i meant what i said and i said what i meant, no marked down stale ju jubes this year.

5 bags of chocolate pumpkins!

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

i'm sweet on you sons of bitches.

pipelines and lizards

2011-11-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

i will no longer criticize obama. from this point forward i will no longer use the name obama, hence forth he will either been known as "shit for brains" or "fluff for balls" on this little blog.

this all relates to shit for brains decision to delay making a decision on the keystone pipeline until after his re-election bid. had he just said, no fucking pipeline, application rejected, i would have been fine with that but to sacrifice a multi-billion dollar project in favor of his own political well being is pathetic.

financial markets hate uncertainty and that's the main thing fluff for balls brings to the table, uncertainty. will he try to appease his unionized labor base or will he try to appease his nut job liberal base? who the fuck knows?

here is the canadian view on all this: Keystone Cops’ crippling U.S. economy

but i'd rather talk about lizards. recently i purchased an e-reader. it had 100 pre-loaded free books and i decided to read moby dick. moby dick didn't show up until the 94% mark of the book. it was tough slogging reading that book. then i read neuromancer. another tough book to read. so fuck it, i turned to the lizards!

harry turtledove's world war series might be the best sci fi books i've ever read. this will be the 3rd time i've read them. it's an alternate history. lizards from another star system land on earth ready to conquer the primitive natives they scouted several hundred years ago. the lizards arrive in the midst of world war 2 and the humans aren't as primitive and ill equipped as they thought. it makes for an excellent adventure.

i love you sons of bitches.

occupy vancouver

2011-11-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

yesterday a woman died at the OCCUPY VANCOUVER TENT CITY. previously there was a small debate as to whether or not the city should deal with the tent city. predictably the mayor waffled on the whole issue passing it along to the fire department, police department and the health board. the health board was sent to check out health issues and found a mess complete with rats having a jolly old time co-habitating with the tenters. the fire department then took a look and talked the tenters into creating fire lanes in the tent city. the whole thing was very civilized. in fact i would say that the city coddled the tenters.

now the mayor had decreed that THE TENT CITY BE SHUT DOWN.

throughout the whole farce i have heard nothing about wall street or robber barons. instead we heard that the tenters were having meetings to figure out what they were doing and elect leaders. i would have thought these things should have been decided before setting up the tent city. the one protest i heard about was OCCUPY THE VATICAN PROTEST PARADE. i can't remember much coming about regarding the occupy the vatican movement but i would rather see the vatican brought down than the business world.

so what has happened as a result of the occupy vancouver movement?

1. a young woman died, probably a drug overdose. there has been no official cause of death disclosed yet.

2. the art gallery lawns have been turned into a shit hole.

3. the left wing mayor of vancouver will probably lose the upcoming mayoral election due to his molly coddling of the tenters.

i have referred the occupiers as tenters rather than protesters because i think a bunch of professional malcontents jumped on the occupy bandwagon with no real goal or agenda.

rented a tent, a tent, a tent. rented a tent, a tent, a tent. rented a tent a tent....

a young woman died needlessly.

i think this song is quite relevant.

i love you sons of bitches.

battlestar galactica

2011-11-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

it was tough work but someone had to do it. i recently finished watching all 4 seasons of battlestar galactica. as a longtime science fiction fan i thought battlestar was good but not the second coming as many critics made out. it got a little too full of itself in season 4. it seemed like all the rave reviews went to their heads.

i found the last 3 shows of season 3 to be the absolute pinnacle of the series. those shows were the trial of gauis baltar, the star of the series in my opinion. the series was on the cusp of greatness at that point but the bigshots running the show decided to get all artsy fartsy and topical. when the chief and colonel tigh were revealed to be cylons i was expecting great things but no, they pandered to the critics.

i've recently started watching deadwood for the 4th time. at first i was a little hesitant to commit myself to watching all 3 season again but after 5 minutes i fell in love all over again. this time around i've decided to pace myself. the plan is watch about 20 minutes each evening after a little fishing. i've said it before and i'll say it again, e.b. farnum and al swearengen are the best team in the history of television. i wonder how many times i'll watch the series before i croak?

i rest my case.

go ahead and try this at home...

2011-10-28T12:49:00.001-07:00

my left knee still hurts. i haven't ridden a bicycle in 4 days, so it is really sore. the reason i pulled my little stunt with the left leg is i have a bum right knee. the thought of not being able to hop up stairs on one leg really ate away at me so i decided to try it using my gimpy right leg but this time i didn't put one arm behind my back and allowed myself to hold onto the hand rail. drum roll please....

i did it. the secret is hanging onto the hand rail. the hand rail not only helped with my balance it allowed me to pull myself forward a wee bit. after doing one step i decided it was time to quit while i was ahead. once the left knee returns to form i'm going into training!

now the good news. i dropped into value village to look for a pair of jeans and hit the motherload. whilst trying on a pair of jeans i stuck my hand in the pocket and found 20 bucks!! and to top it all off the jeans were a perfect fit. proof positive that jesus loves me. it just goes to show that you don't have to go to church or be a particularly good person for jesus to love you. so i got that going for me too.

i'll bet THESE GUYS can't hop up the stairs on one leg or fit into a cheap pair of used jeans. but what the fuck, jesus probably still loves them.

and now, the world's best halloween song.

i love you sons of bitches.

don't try this at home

2011-10-25T15:10:00.001-07:00

don't try this at home, i wish that thought was running through my head yesterday when i visited a friend. i was relating an incident where the elevator was out of order a few days earlier and i had to take the stairs and there were several people that were having a tough time climbing the stairs. i boasted that i could hop up the stairs on one leg with my hand tied behind my back. one thing led to another i decided to prove that i could do it. big mistake.

i stood at the bottom of the stairs on one leg with my left hand stuck in my back left pocket. it was real hard to get started because i seemed to lose my balance when i was ready to start hopping. after a few moments to get my bearings i hopped up onto the first step. it was not easy. the second step was not any easier. on the 3 step something happened to my knee when i landed and the demonstration was over. my feckin left knee is swollen and i can barely walk today. as they say, don't try this at home!

on a brighter note i got lucky with a remote control. i have an old jvc radio/cd/cassette in my bedroom that i listen to every night and hit the sleep button on the remote so it'll turn itself off should i drift off to sleep whilst listening to the news etc. the sleep button on the remote is almost worn out, i have to press it several times really hard to make it work. i've been looking for a new radio but i have an emotional attachment to the old jvc. by chance i checked out the harmony data base and was totally surprised that my 25 year old jvc boom box was in the data base. i quickly ran out and bought another harmony remote to program for the jvc. voila, it worked!

here are all my children:

here are the harmony remotes that i'm smitten over:

i love those harmony sons of bitches, you guys too.

ouch

2011-10-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

i got my flu shot on thursday and today i have a sore throat. just a coincidence or do flu shots really give you a small case of the sniffles.

since it was free i won't complain or cry like a big baby. nope, i'm going to blame THIS SON OF A BITCH!

or how about THE APPLE GESTAPO!

as i previously wrote, i bought a new el cheapo computer. it works just fine and has similar specs to an apple computer costing many time more. i called a friend who recently shelled out about $2500 for an apple computer, $1700 for the computer and $800 for an extended warranty, service contract and a bunch of shit from the i store. when i called to tell him about my $359 bargain i was expecting him to say, "shit, i should have got one of those and saved a bundle." to my surprise he basically called me an idiot saying my new toy was a piece of crap and i should have got a quality machine like an apple. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

toys

2011-10-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

call me stupid and hit me with a stick but i'm watching the republican debate so i might as well drone on about some other nonsense whilst watching some guy called perry make an idjit of himself.

i bought a new desktop computer on the weekend. after intense pondering i said; feck it, i'll just buy the cheapest machine i can find that meets my needs. $359 and it works like a charm. this was the 4th desktop computer i've bought. previously the new toys required some tinkering before they were up and running but this little beauty just required me to follow the bouncing ball and it was off to the races. i'll thank bill gates for the simplicity. in the past i thought bill gates was evil, now i think he's a saint and steve jobs was the devil incarnate.

i also bought an e-reader. true to form i bought the cheapest one i could find. doing a little research i found people worried about whether the toy took 1 or 2 seconds to turn the page. we are a bunch of whiners. my el cheapo ereader works fine. it's simple to use and i can make the fonts as large as i want. lucky me.

oh yeah, this is day 7 with no candy. i'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and when she asks what i've done whilst off work on sick leave i'll proudly say, i haven't had a ju jube or peanut butter cup for 7 feckin days. so i got that going for me too. i haven't had a drop of alcohol for almost 6 years. big feckin deal, i get real tired of people thinking they're a feckin saint because they gave up a vice.

i love you sons of bitches

occupy wall street

2011-10-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

for the record, i like protestors. they wake people up and bring attention to problems or what the hell, they wreak havoc on law abiding citizens. so it goes.

the question i have is what is the goal of the occupy wall street crowd? from what i can gather these guys are mad at corporations for making too much money and not having a social conscience. also, i think these guys are anti republican and pro democrat. am i correct so far?

the most hypocritical thing i've seen in the whole deal is obama jumping on the cause and castigating the so called wall street corporations.

why is he a fecking hypocrite?

take a look at his LARGEST POLITICAL BENEFACTORS.

that's right, he takes a shit load of money from the very corporations he's criticizing in public but behind closed doors he's hopping into the sack with the captains of industry. the very banks that have benefited from his bailouts were in fact his largest contributors. i can't blame him for bailing them out but what he can be blamed for is not putting regulations in place to stop them from fucking up again.

that's it for now. my fecking desktop computer died and the fast food princess is going to set up the new one i bought this morning.

i love those protesting sons of bitches even if i think they're a wee bit misguided.

profit is the straw that stirs the drink in our society.

tomatoes

2011-10-08T15:01:00.001-07:00

the tomato growing season is about over and although i lost the growing contest very badly to my father, i'm happy with the results.
these are the little beauties that have been ripening in the kitchen. of course there were more and you'll have to take me at my word that the best ones have been eaten.

whilst purchasing the plants in the spring i noticed some "yellow tomato plants" and couldn't resist picking one up and son of a bitch, i grew a yellow tomato and it's feckin huge. i took a picture of it beside ruby so you see just how big it is!

after a little fishing i decided to make some "butter toffee" coffee. it seems i fished a little too much and here's the result; the foot of god. i thought there was an image of jesus in the spilt coffee but after the fish wore off, jesus be gone.

on a different note, the doctor pulled me from the game and won't let me back in for at least 2 months. i don't know what the cracker factory will do without me. in fact the cracker factory doesn't really know what to do with me. this past spring they made me mentor to the young recruits but that didn't really keep me busy so i was also assigned to representing people with grievances. little did they know that i would fall in love with the book "speaker for the dead" and actually put a lot of effort into battling the evil corporation on behalf of all the aggrieved parties.

i love you sons of bitches.

obama

2011-10-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

let me begin by saying i was never an obama fan, in my opinion he reeked of narcissism from all the adulation he received leading up to the presidential election but that's only the opinion of an outsider. quick, name three harvard educated lawyers who aren't in love with themselves. i knew you couldn't do it.

maybe it was his color that made people think he would be the great friend to the poor or maybe it was just the fact he wasn't george bush that made people think the messiah had landed. i have seen the messiah and she has 4 legs, a nasty disposition and can fart with the best of them.

so i wasn't surprised when i read this, Obama: A disaster for civil liberties before reading this i thought all the criticism of his record on civil rights was just rhetoric from a bunch of conspiracy minded kooks but the facts speak for themselves. face it, as far as privacy and civil liberties go the cat is out of the bag. between surveillance technology and the growing chasm between the haves and the have nots, freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. so it goes. we are facing the same bullshit in canada but at least it's coming from a right wing douche who is pretty much doing what we all expected, being an asshole.

how to get the genie back in the bottle?

on a different note, i'm seeing the radio repairman (brain guy)so what the fuck, why not dispense a little childish watermelon humor.

in case you forgot, this will be my swan song. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

don't fence me in!

2011-09-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

it seems our neighbors to the south are flush with cash again. what to do if you run out of cool spending ideas?

BUILD A FECKIN FENCE ALONG THE CANADIAN BORDER!

they've even got a cool web site detailing the Programmatic Environmental Impact Statement for CBP Activities Along the Northern Border of the United States

to be fair they're not talking about building a 6400 kilometer fence. nope, they're just going to build it in strategic areas of high risk. we might be stupid but i'm pretty sure we'll pick a spot without fencing if we want to sneak across.

i can picture the al qaeda boys watching the fence being built on their satellite tv's and giving each other high fives as the american deficit climbs. the war will be won through the wombs of their women and the financial strains resulting from their terrorist shenanigans.

i hope the american leaders don't expect us to pay half the cost of building the fence. we might give them a 10% discount on the price of canadian hardwood but that's as far as we'll go.

on a brighter note, the lovely mrs myshkin is in new york for the next week or so. so i got that going for me too which is really, really, really nice!

i love you sons of bitches.

what a bunch of whiners!

2011-09-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

whilst we spoiled, lazy and largely overweight if not obese westerners bitch and squawk about paying an extra nickel in taxes or not having some government agency wipe our ass for us people in less fortunate countries will do almost ANYTHING FOR A BUCK.

a few highlights from the story:

Sheikh's father is also a rat catcher. His brothers sell vegetables from a cart and wish they could be rat catchers too.

Instead, they curl themselves, all 15 of them, into a 13-square-meter (140-square-foot) space with peeling paint, tattered plastic bags to hold their clothes and a fan that leaves everyone sweating.

while a certain country we all know and love has been spending trillions bombing the shit of impoverished nations its citizens have been demanding lower taxes and increased government entitlements. can you say HELLO GREECE!

we in the great white north have felt almost no pain in the current economic malaise unless you check on your global investments most mornings. why have we felt little pain? because the poor rat catchers and rummagers of chinese garbage have increased demand for oil and base metals. shit, if it gets too hard for some fat shit to walk the government will pay for an electric scooter. shit, fucking asshole evangelists are more concerned with curing homosexuality than curing poverty. we protest like crazy if some murderer gets snuffed for his crimes but don't blink when thousands die in drought stricken africa.

on a different note, i hear this song every morning when i open windows media player. it's a mystery to me why this happens, must be god's will. his priorities are all fucked up too.

i love you sons of bitches.

one lousy tomato

2011-09-16T17:56:00.001-07:00

a summer of love and nurturing has resulted in one lousy ripe tomato!

if i'm lucky enough to get a week of sunny warm weather there could be many more ripe tomatoes but there are 2 chances of that happening and slim just left town. the most memorable moment of growing these beauties was when i noticed the first tomato forming on the vine. i had an instinctive reaction that got me in hot water with the lovely mrs myshkin. without thinking i loudly blurted out; "fuck me, i got a tomato!"
unfortunately my elderly neighbor was in his yard and the lovely mrs myshkin was on the deck and they both heard my excitement. so it goes.

remember the good old days on tv before political correctness?

i love you sons of bitches!

nirvana

2011-09-08T14:17:00.000-07:00

have you ever experienced nirvana?

nirvana is a difficult thing to put your finger on but that can be a good thing. in my mind i experienced nirvana 2 nights ago. years ago i felt that i would come close to experiencing nirvana through meditation. i might have come close a few times but probably missed it by a fair margin.

several years ago whilst riding my bike through a light rain before the sun came up i experienced true bliss and i'll never forget the moment. occasionally i'll try and find the perfect gear and the perfect pace and i got lucky that day. the fact that it was dark, there was no traffic and the air was very clean had a great deal to do with it. there's just something about riding a bike in pure silence with a soft breeze and a light shower of rain that is magical to me. it's the sort of thing that just happens. if you think about it and try to achieve it, it'll never happen.

i started watching lexx about a week ago and it was a little tedious to begin with. the episodes were 2 hours long and i was constantly pressing the display button to see how much time was left. episode three was finishing up when lexx took off from the planet and began it's journey through time and space when i was overcome by bliss. to be fair, this episode of bliss was electronically aided by surround sound and a little herbal refreshment earlier in the evening but i was in total bliss for a few minutes as lexx traveled through space and i was immersed in some sweet music.

so i got that going for me too, which is nice.

i love you sons of bitches.

the roo

2011-09-04T16:41:00.001-07:00

sonny dropped by to fix some of my stuff and took this cool picture of the roo.

oh yeah, happy feckin labor day!

i love you sons of bitches.

the old girl

2011-08-29T19:00:00.001-07:00

this past week marked ruby's 9th anniversary with the myskins. she was an orphan from the shelter and were told that she was a lab cross and wouldn't grow much bigger than the 35 pounds she was at the time of adoption.

it soon became apparent that she wasn't a lab cross and was going to weigh considerably more than 35 pounds. she was a totally wild street urchin when we took her home. at first i thought she was part harmonium the way she attached herself to the nearest human and had to be pried loose. when i took her outside to pee she was more interested in eating bugs. i guess bugs were part of her diet living on the streets.

that was then, this is now. the old girl is definitely slowing down.

on a different note; leslie get the hammer.....

me and ruby love you sons of bitches.

apples and guilt

2011-08-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago i was buying a lovely bag of golden delicious apples at a beat up old supermarket that has very good prices. i had painstakingly selected near perfect specimens; rock hard and no bruising. when the cashier put them on the scale and punched in the code they came up on the screen as red delicious. the cashier was an elderly asian woman with poor eyesight. she picked up the apples held them to her face and determined that they weren't red. she voided the transaction and put them back on the scale, none to gently. again she put in the wrong code but couldn't void the transaction. she kept taking them off and putting them back on the scale and trying different codes. all the time i was cringing every time she slammed them on the scale. finally i told her that i didn't want the apples anymore because she was bruising the living crap out of them and i walked off uttering a few colorful words. after getting home i felt a little guilty over the way i had acted.

a few days ago i went back and found some lovely granny smith apples. again i painstakingly picked out some fine specimens and headed to the checkout. son of a bitch, the same woman was on the cashier. i was feeling a little sheepish over my little tantrum the last time i tried to buy apples and hoped she wouldn't recognize me. she picked up my apples, slammed them on the scale and entered the code. son of bitch if she didn't punch in the code for red delicious apples again. she took the apples off the scale and held to her face and figured out that they weren't red. i was no longer feeling sheepish and was ready to really tell her what a feckin idiot she was but the second time she got the code right and i was on my way. my apples were slightly bruised but my guilt was gone.

i wonder how many feckin apples she' bruised in her career?

i love you sons of bitches.

water, water. water.......

2011-08-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

whilst perusing the news i noticed an article on INFRASTRUCTURE PROBLEMS WITH WATER SYSTEMS in the land of plenty, the united states.

i read somewhere that us humans have a lot of water in our shells and we need a lot of the stuff to maintain and cleanse our shells so i guess this might be a problem that should be addressed. the west coast of british columbia is often referred to as a rain forest. we have lots of trees and it rains a lot so the label of rain forest isn't far off the mark.

we take our water very serious up here. years ago when the free trade agreement with the united states was being hammered out the main concern of ordinary working canadians was water. for as long as i can remember people have always worried about "those fucking americans want our water." we didn't really worry about jobs and commerce it was the water we wanted to protect.

i don't think we have a water infrastructure problem in the lower mainland of british columbia because we're always building something to keep care of the water and it ain't cheap. i pay about $1150 per year for water and sewage. it's probably a good deal because we have beautifully fresh drinkable water coming out of our taps. it's a mystery to me why people around here pay for bottled water. i guess they have more money than brains. right now we're drilling a hole in a local mountain to keep up with the demand for water and we're always ripping up roads to put in new water pipes. funny thing, people never complain about the cost of maintaining our water infrastructure. raise the gas tax 2 cents per litre and all hell will break loose but raise water rates a few hundred bucks and nobody bats an eyelash.

so here's my question, what do you pay for your water and what is the quality? do you drink tap water and can your kids turn on the outside tap on a hot day and drink water out of the garden hose. would the tea party agree to a tax that would be directed towards maintaining your water supply?

i love you sons of bitches.

let's talk money

2011-08-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

since i love you sons of bitches i'm going to dispense some free financial advice.

bear in mind that you get what you pay for.

1. fuck financial advisers. i know lots of real smart people who trust their money to financial advisers who are less intelligent than themselves. most financial advisers are salesmen. they are selling their services and are only too happy to put you into a mutual fund that will pay them a trailer fee for as long as you hold the investment. don't be lazy, do your own homework.

2. fuck diversification. the answer is simple, only buy the good stuff. history has proven that companies paying dividends and that have a record of increasing dividends have been the best performers by a large margin.

3. fuck risk. stick to companies with a sustainable business model. avoid companies that have to spend large amounts of money just to keep their market share. two examples are high tech companies and gold miners. high tech companies have to continually come up with new products and the competition is fierce. gold mines have a depleting resource and are constantly spending money on exploration and development with no assurance of success. well run banks and pipelines are good examples of sustainable business models. pipelines are my favorite because in addition to being sustainable there are huge barriers to entry by competitors. you don't wake up one morning and decide to build a pipeline. i'm talking oil and nat gas pipelines not pharmaceuticals with a product pipeline.

4. fuck greed. this one is this most important. don't get greedy, take what the market will give you. remember; bears make money, bulls make money and pigs get slaughtered. i've learned that if your goal is to make a return of 5% per year you'll probably make 10% but if your goal is to make 10% per year you'll be lucky to make 5% and stand a good chance of losing money.

5. fuck complexity. leverage and margin are for the pros and don't even think about foreign exchange.

6. fuck depending on your investments. i've noticed that people relying on investment income perform much more poorly than those who don't depend on an income from the market. never touch your principal.

7. fuck envy. don't compete with a friend who got lucky and had a big winner.

some bitter people continually complain about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. well guess what, the rich are usually smarter and almost always work harder.

of course you could copy my good friend noel constant and buy companies based on the bible. start at the beginning of the bible and invest in companies with symbols that match the narrative of the good book. you'll get rich but your son will piss it all away end up being called unk.

fuck that was long winded.

mr shife inspired me to find this, pay close attention if you want to get rich!

i love you sons of bitches.

fifty feckin six

2011-08-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

this past weekend marked the passing of another year for you know who.

can anyone guess what the lovely mrs myshkin had to say???

how about who gives a shit!

if she was speaking to me that might have been her reaction.

in any case i've made through 56 years. if you divide 56 by 2 you'll end up with 28 and that's a birthday i'll never forget. leading up to my 28th birthday my friends were daring me to drink 28 cans of beer to mark the occasion. since i wasn't a girly boy scrapbooker i accepted the challenge. it was a real hot day so i had a good thirst. truth be told i'm not sure if i made to 28 or not but i'll never forget how i felt the next day. my whole body ached and i felt like death warmed over, i may have had alcohol poisoning. that was the last time i tried to drink my age.

i had a little herbal refreshment and watched a few episodes of battlestar galactica. battlestar has the coolest soundtrack and i didn't spare the decibels.

56, if that isn't nice, what is?

i love you sons of bitches.

(did you notice charlie brown's tomato plant up top?)

who gives a shit

2011-08-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

do you ever get tired of being nice?

want to have a little fun?

i was thinking about searching all the blogs about scrapbooking or some other sucky subject and leaving the comment "who gives a shit"

brilliant idea or childish prank?

who gives a shit!

i love you sons of bitches

time flies...

2011-07-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

wow, it seems like just yesterday that i was droning on about the fool with the motorized bicycle. how time flies.

have i ever told you sons of bitches why i love you?

i love you sons of bitches because you never point out all the grammatical mistakes and missing words from my posts. i'm usually multitasking or arguing with ruby while composing these wee epistles and don't bother proof reading. even when i do a little proof reading i usually miss the errors. a few days later i'll take a look at what seemed brilliant a few days earlier and notice all the errors not to mention realizing that my thoughts were light years away from being brilliant. so it goes.

anyone want to trade a pound of smoked hazelnut coffee for a pound of blueberry cinnamon? the blueberry cinnamon is gone and smoked hazelnut seemed like a more manly coffee so i laid down my 8 bucks and picked up bag. it's ok but it's no godiva chocolate! i'll be returning to chocolate next purchase.

i think you sons of bitches might like this....

have i mentioned that i love you sons of bitches?

a dream come true

2011-07-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

i've always hated those bicycles with small gas engines attached to the frames. they usually make a lot of noise and spew a lot of noxious smoke. whenever one of the abominations ruins the peace and tranquility in the park i have a strong urge to toss a stick into its spokes.

today whilst riding back from the grocery store with a lovely little bag of golden delicious apples a large man on a bike came around the corner and almost hit me. i had to slam on my breaks to avoid the collision and was not happy. then i noticed he had a little 2 stroke engine attached to the frame of his bike. the anger microchip in my brain overruled the logic microchip on my brain and i called him a fucking idiot. had the logic microchip been working i would have taken into account the fact that he was about 100 pounds heavier than me and about 25 years younger than me. so it goes.

have you ever noticed that fucking idiots get upset when you call them fucking idiots? baby huey got upset and started swearing at me and with my anger microchip thoroughly in charge of my brain i one upped him and included his physical attributes and questionable intelligence in my colorful retort. we had a big stare down and he got off his bike. luckily my logic microchip regained control and i rode off but i couldn't resist one last comment; "you fat lazy shit, why don't you try using your pedals." i looked back several times to see if he was following me but he was nowhere to be found.

i usually regret these crazy outbursts but this time i'm very happy that i told baby huey what a fucking idiot he was.

i love you sons of bitches.

this and that

2011-07-17T15:21:00.000-07:00

i served blueberry cinnamon coffee to a few friends yesterday and they loved it. i didn't tell them it was blueberry cinnamon, no need to make them feel gay.

my harmon kardon receiver started to make the humming noise again. after monkeying around with it for a while i discovered that it's the left surround channel that's making the noise. i've been threatening it for months but this time i followed through! there is no hum in the front channels so i moved it to my bedroom and moved the old harmon kardon to the bat cave. there is a huge difference in power between the 2 receivers but at least there's no fecking humming and the the brute sounds excellent in my bedroom with 2 speakers.

i spent yesterday checking out used receivers on craigslist and found a 2 year old yamaha that would be a good fill in until i make make up my mind just what direction i want to go with new toys. it's a chinese guy selling it and i we are having a big problem hooking up. he wants to meet me in front of a best buy store to make the deal and i want to hear it working before buying it. he can't grasp the concept that i won't take him at his word that everything works. so it goes.

are you sick of the debt ceiling talks?

i love you sons of bitches.

the debt ceiling

2011-07-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

i didn't want to do it but i guess someone has to solve this little problem. your politicians are a bunch of fucking gutless wonders too busy worrying about offending their base rather than solving the problem.

i will solve your problems gratis, pro bono, no fucking charge......

1. impose a VAT, VALUE ADDED TAX.

shit, most countries have a VAT. it's a tax on consumption. look in the fucking mirror, you fools consume too much!

2. do away with mortgage interest being tax deductible. having mortgages be tax deductible drives up the price of housing and is unfair to renters. it also encourages fools to go deeper into debt. i seem to remember reading something about shitloads of fools taking out huge mortgages and not being able to make the payments. but here's the real reason mortgages should not be tax deductible:

DEBT KILLS! people hate paying taxes and will do almost anything to reduce the amount they of tax they pay. the real winners in mortgages being tax deductible are the banks. with a fractional banking system the banks have oodles of cash to loan and are only too happy to help the rubes save a little tax. more people would pay off their mortgages and gain a little financial freedom if the tax break ceased. the captains of industry want an indebted work force.

one more thing. 51% of you don't pay any income tax. it really rubs me the wrong way when people who pay no tax complain that the people who do pay taxes don't pay enough. of course the politicians have this figured out. shit, we'll raise taxes on the top 2% of the population. that should keep the other 98% happy and we need their votes. i saw bill clinton on tv saying that everyone ought to pay a little tax. but he's not running for office so he can speak the truth.

oh yeah, save money on medicare by not paying for those fucking electric scooters that drive me nuts.

wake up,you were sick, but now you’re well, and there’s work to do!!!

i love you sons of bitches.

remember, winners sign cheques on the back, losers sign cheques on the front.

TTRH-3

2011-07-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

after months of trying i finally got TTRH-3 and i'm loving it.

in case you're wondering just what TTRH-3 is, WONDER NO MORE

if you're a dylan fan TTRH is a must listen. i've been listening to seasons 1 and 2 for about a year and season 3 has been fabulous. i'm saving the last episode, "goodbye", for a special occasion.

if you're not a dylan fan perhaps this will tickle your fancy, DON'T FLATULATE ON A SCHOOL BUS IN AMERICA

and if that's not enough i offer a cure for homosexuality!

i love you sons of bitches but not as much as i love norah jones.

Moral Collapse of a Nation

2011-07-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

without a doubt, ADBUSTERS is my favorite magazine. i was trying to find the marquess of queensbury rules for torture. so who you gonna call, adbusters!

They are divided into three categories, each of which comprises several degrees of intensity: preparatory (nakedness, manipulated feeding, sleep deprivation), corrective (blows) and coercive (being hosed with water, locked in boxes, or subjected to torture by immersion). Slaps on the face must be administered by the fingers spread out, halfway between the tip of the chin and the bottom of the earlobe. Hosing a naked prisoner with water can last for 20 minutes if the water is at 5°C, 40 if it is at 10°C, and up to 60 if it is 15°C. Sleep deprivation must not last longer than 180 hours, but, after 8 hours’ rest, they can begin again. Torture by immersion can last up to 12 seconds, no more than 2 hours per day, for 30 consecutive days (a particularly tough prisoner underwent this torture 183 times over, in March 2003). A prisoner should not be locked in a box for more than 2 hours, but if the box allows the prisoner to stand upright, he can stay there up to eight hours at a stretch, 18 hours per day. If you put an insect in with him, you cannot tell the prisoner that its sting will be extremely painful or indeed deadly. And so on and so forth, for page after page.

this comes from Moral Collapse of a Nation, another quality adbuster story.

oh yeah, happy birthday to the country in moral collapse.

here's ruby guarding my tomato plant.

i love you sons of bitches.

oops...

2011-06-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

i was all set to pick up the lovely mrs myshkin at the airport on sunday but sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men are subject to revision.

on saturday afternoon i had just made myself a pot of coffee after a little fishing and the phone rang. it was the lovely mrs myshkin calling from the airport wondering where i was. it seems i had the return date wrong by about 24 hours. she was not amused. i had to forget about my nice pot of coffee and rush to the airport. it was a real nice pot of macadamia chocolate coffee. she was not amused when i arrived at the airport.

i felt a little sheepish but quickly invoked the good samaritin law. i was picking her up pro bono and was out a good pot of coffee. also, my illegal smile had turned to a frown. i was the real victim but she didn't see it that way. it was a frosty ride home.

i love you sons of bitches.

turn out the lights.....

2011-06-24T14:48:00.001-07:00

turn out the lights, the party's over.

the lovely mrs myshkin returns from abroad on sunday. on or about sunday morning i'll have to do a little cleaning. maybe.

i was planning on buying myself a nice new toy to compensate for all the money she's pissing away in europe and have had my eye on a few motorcycles but the weather has been the absolute shits. here we are in summer and there hasn't been one stretch of good weather. right now we have light rain with a temperature of about 15 degrees celcius. riding a motorcycle in shitty weather is for tough guys and teenagers. i'm neither. i also considered buying a new sound system but after dropping into a few stores i quickly decided that it might be better to wait for sonny to move back to town. i need a good science officer to make things work.

so she's coming home and i haven't bought any toys. i feel like cinderella. my ugly stepsister is living the life of riley and i have no new toys. woe is me.

when i told ruby that the old grouch is returning she quickly sought shelter from the storm.

if you don't hear from me after sunday, call the cops. i might be dead.

i love you sons of bitches.

happy feckin father's day!

2011-06-19T17:56:00.001-07:00

ruby took me to park for father's day. she crapped twice and i only had one bag. ain't life grand.

for billy cook

i love you sons of bitches

ouch....... (again)

2011-06-13T15:20:00.001-07:00

the lovely mrs myshkin is in europe so ruby and i decided to build something. our garage is a mess so i decided to put up some shelving. what should have been an easy project quickly turned into a giant headache.

i had a lot of 3/4 inch plywood and some steel framework so it seemed like a natural combination. i had spent a few days thinking about it and had an idea in mind. i carefully cut the plywood and laid it out on the floor all the time pondering what could possibly go wrong. my plan was to build it laying down on the floor and then lift it into position. after a few hours it was built and it was time to lift it into position. my plan failed to take one thing into account, how heavy that son of a bitch would be. i could barely move it a few inches let alone raise it up onto the lip of concrete around the garage. i wanted to make it snug to the wall in order to conserve space. i decided to take it apart and try lifting half of it into position. it worked! i got half of it into position with some blocks under the front feet.

i removed all the shelves from the second except for the top piece which i needed to get the correct distance for the end piece of the frame. i left a few screws loosely in the top piece to hold it together whilst aligning the frame. i almost had it into position and was giving it a few taps with the mallet when things went wrong. the top shelf came loose and came crashing down right on my fucking head! after hitting my head it landed on my hand. there was blood coming down from my head and my hand was also bleeding. the damage to my head was under the hair so i couldn't tell how much damage had been done. i got the garden hose and for a few minutes just sat in the yard holding the hose over my head to clean the wound. funny thing, it didn't really hurt. it was my hand that hurt.

after a few aspirins and a bit of time to rethink my plan i finished the project.

behold

the hand of god:

i love you sons of bitches.

oops

2011-06-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

in the past i've written about the troubles i've had with my harmon kardon receiver. the feckin thing gets really hot and develops a nasty hum at times. i've tried lots of different stuff and talked to several techies. yesterday i was bored at the cracker factory and contacted the harmon kardon support department. at first there were a series of e-mails then a techie phoned me and we had a long discussion and i was given several options.

one of the problems is it's a high current beast. it weighs 45 pounds and has tons of features i haven't been able to figure out in 6 years. in the past sonny would fix things for me but now i'm on my own. i don't like being on my own.

last night i took a real close look at the wiring and noticed some speaker wires that weren't totally in the connectors at the back of the unit so i disconnected all the speakers and trimmed the wires and reconnected them. guess what, the hum was gone. i had 3 techies contacting me yesterday with all sorts of high tech suggestions and it looks like i had a few loose wires. i'm not going to admit to these guys that it was merely a loose wire. in my defense it's pretty easy to have a loose wire when there are 8 feckin speakers hooked up. it's actually a job for a chinese teenager with skinny fingers to hook up all the shit.

with the fecking thing being so heavy it's hard to be gentle when sliding it forward to dust and clean the rack. i must have fecked up things whilst dusting. i should have know better than trying to perform a task that best suited to women, dusting.

i love you sons of bitches.

homegrown tomatoes

2011-06-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

my summer project is growing a few tomatoes. i wanted to grow something else but a certain someone vetoed the idea. it's not that i'm afraid of her it's just that she could easily destroy my plants whilst i'm away so tomatoes are the project.

my new gimmick is a fresh picture in the header on a weekly basis. it should be tres exciting.

my dad grows tomatoes every summer and they're his pride and joy but my mother takes great delight in criticizing his garden so my plan is to make sure dad's tomatoes are far superior to mine. that way when mom criticizes dad's tomatoes i can honestly say, "hey, dad's tomatoes put mine to shame, i wish i could grow tomatoes like dad"

i love you sons of bitches.

i'm going to malaysia!

2011-06-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

malaysia may be the most enlightened country on the face of the earth!

a movement has started there called THE OBEDIENT WIFE CLUB

as much as the obedient wife club sounds nice i'll have to pass on malaysia. i think the muslims also place lots of dipshit rules on men.

on another note, my chompers can take a rest for the next 5 months. on thursday i got my cleaning and scaling done so it's clear sailing for me!! the scaling was a pain in the arse though. for the second straight time the dentist has personally done the scaling. i can always get the hygienist to take it easy on me but the dentist, she means feckin business.

here's how it went:

i love you sons of bitches.

those sons of bitches on facebook seem to be giving me the cold shoulder since i was a wee bit critical of zuckerberg's racket.

facebook

2011-05-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

my very good friend leonard myshkin is giving facebook a try. he's been on it for about a week and just can't figure it out. he's ran into a few old friends which is nice but there has to be something missing or maybe my good buddy leonard is just plain old retarded.

leonard's first reaction was, "how is the hell is thing worth 50 billion bucks?" there just doesn't seem to be a lot of meat on the bones. then he noticed all the ads on the side, much more intrusive than hotmail. one of the big deals seems to be that people make quick little comments or cut and paste some crap then all their friends take a quick gander and rather than taking the time for a witty reply they can click on "like". then the light went on in leonard's little brain. the facebook boys monitor everything the rubes do on their cash machine and build data bases on all the members. how convenient to have a record of all the stuff people like. it makes targeting ads all the more profitable.

the other thing good old leonard noticed was that when reading newspapers on-line somehow the facebook deal followed him and he was all set up to make comments on articles even though he hadn't registered with the paper. facebook is monitoring all leonard's travels in cyber space. how fucking nice. another group of dickheads monitoring us.

in any case, old leonard myshkin could always use a few friends if you're so inclined.

did she mention leonard's name?

i love you sons of bitches. (so does leonard)

worse than the dentist?

2011-05-23T08:08:00.001-07:00

what is worse than 2 hours in the dentist's chair?

5 hours at a chinese wedding with a 10 course meal. the food just kept coming and coming and coming and noise just kept getting louder and louder and louder.

i've been to a few of things in the past couple of years and it seems like there is some sort of contest to serve the most food. i skipped several courses knowing that i had to pace myself but there were some people that could have won a hot dog eating contest. there was one fat guy that looked just like larry david and it appeared that he had been starving himself for weeks. he was like a machine devouring crab legs and lobster tails. i hope the pig has a stomach ache this morning.

when we arrived and read the agenda telling us it was going to be a 6 hour marathon i let out a louder than planned "fuck me" drawing several looks and the old hate stare from the lovely mrs myshkin. at the 3 hour mark i vowed never to attend one of these things again but i've made that vow in the past only to be talked into attending the next one.

at the 5 hour mark a chinese elvis impersonator took the stage. that's when i laid down the law and said get me out of here.

i love you sons of bitches.

i would have much rather had a good peanut butter and jam sandwich. so it goes.

on a much more important note, it's INTERNATIONAL TURTLE DAY!

teefs don't fail me now.

2011-05-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

the week before last i had my first dental appointment to repair the damage from pilfering a few easter jujubes. it was such a painful and stressful ordeal that i've been unable to post anything about it until now. i have to see the dentist on thursday to get the whole thing put back together.

i was booked for a 2 hour appointment so i knew there would be a smidgen of pain involved. i was in the chair at 9:00 ready to meet my maker. i got my shot of freezing and fun began. as soon as she started drilling i almost jumped out of the chair. i needed more freezing. after getting another shot and waiting a few minutes she started drilling and again i almost jumped out of the chair so she had to give me more freezing. she was a little miffed and wasn't gentle giving me the third shot of freezing. this time it worked and the fun began. she was drilling and chiseling away and things were progressing pretty good until something happened at 10:00.

THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM WENT OFF!!! i kid you not, the fucking fire alarm went off!

she kept working thinking it was some sort of a test but the bells started getting louder and more frequent so we had to evacuate. i had to walk down 6 flights of stairs with a frozen mouth and a molar that was half gone. it was raining when we left the building and took our places among all the other evacuees. it took about 10 minutes for the fire truck to arrive and another 10 minutes for the firemen to walk around the building, look up and decide there was no fire then another 10 minutes to tell us there was no fire and we could go back in.

so i had to walk up 6 flights of stairs with a sore mouth and a feeling that the fun was just beginning. by now the dentist was 30 minutes behind schedule so all her goodness and loving kindness was out the window not to mention she was huffing and puffing from walking up 6 flights of stairs. the freezing was coming out by the time she was finished and i was not happy.

so it's back to the scene of the crime on thursday. in preparation for the ordeal i bought myself a little treat for after the appointment.

2 feckin lindt chocolate easter bunnies to eat as soon as i get into the mighty sonata and turn on the stereo. ah, the cadillac of chocolates!

note to self, don't park in the sun. wouldn't want the bunnies to melt.

i love you sons of bitches.

old man's war

2011-05-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

i just finished reading old man's war and found it to be an excellent sci fi read.

the main premise behind the book is old people being rejuvenated and turned into soldiers. here's the deal:

at age 65 you sign up to be rejuvenated at age 75. you get a totally excellent new body that is in its prime, age 25, but of course there is a catch. the catch is you have to sign up with the colonial defense forces for a period of 2 years. there is a little fine print that says the term can be extended to 10 years at the option of the CDF, colonial defense force. all terms get extended to 10 years. the CDF fights all sorts of blood thirsty aliens and there is a 60% chance that you will be killed before the term is up. if you survive the fighting they give you a civilian body and you can become a colonist somewhere in the universe but not on earth.

the new soldiers get a week to play with their new bodies before being sent off to boot camp. guess what the main activity is in the week of fun, sex! the old farts are horny as old rat shit!

would you sign up for a fabulous new body and agree to become a soldier?

Baccarat, Millionairecasino, ONLINE CASINO, SPIELAUTOMATEN, WEB POLL

i love you sons of bitches.

phoney baloney

2011-05-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

so there was NO LIVE FOOTAGE OF BIN LADEN BEING OFFED

and the photo of obama and his cronies watching the action was A FECKIN FAKE

all this leads to one question:

who is calling the shots, obama or his spin doctors?

how about an even bigger fraud?

stephen harper, canada's prime minister, WEARS A FECKIN TOUPEE!

i'm only 93% sure that my boy harper wears a toupee and i must confess the above picture is as phoney as obama and his crew watching the assassination but i love the story.

ALL POLITICIANS LIE!

i love you sons of bitches.

two thoughts

2011-05-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

1. the whole of the global economy is based on supplying the cravings of two per cent of the world's population: mikhail gorbachev.

2. suddenly obama is a hero because a seal shot a muslim in the head, so it goes: billy pilgrim.

i like short posts, both to write and to read.

i love you sons of bitches

bin laden

2011-05-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

i can't resist putting in my 2 cents worth: (an international perspective)

big fucking deal.

10 years and billions of dollars to catch a guy who as it turns out was right under their noses. we kept hearing about bin laden cowering in a cave but he was found in a pretty nice compound 50 miles away from all the amenities.

how did they find him? a courier was dropping off a package addressed to mr osama been laughing and noticed he looked a little familiar. a quick check on his blackberry and a $25,000,000.00 reward pops up.

in case you missed it, here's how obama caught osama:

i love you sons of bitches.

p.s. - if i have offended any americans by insulting your president feel free to insult our beloved canadian prime minister ad infinitum ;)

thank you lord!

2011-04-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

our election is 2 days away and things just became real interesting.

jack layton, leader of the new democrats, has been soaring in the polls and has been acting like he's king of the world then something happened.

jack layton was CAUGHT NAKED IN A BAWDY HOUSE!!!

this happened in 1996 and it seems like more than a bit of a coincidence that the news came out 2 days before the election and when he was soaring in the polls.

of course he is denying any wrong doing. he was a city councilor at the time of the incident and the city cops let him off. he has an asian wife and was found naked in an asian bawdy house so i guess he has an asian fetish.

the reason i like this so much is jack is a totally sanctimonious prick. he always claims the moral high ground and acts like his shit don't stink but i guess it does now. predictably all his supporters are calling this a smear campaign and predicting it will backfire and of course his opponents are happy as pigs in shit but not making any comments. i don't know if this will have any effect on the outcome of the election but it makes me happy. i love seeing politicians squirm.

i love you sons of bitches

i chickened out

2011-04-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

a while back i decided to let the old beard grow back and let my thinning hair grow long before it all fell out. my hair had grown long enough to completely cover my ears and the beard was getting pretty wild too. on the days when i didn't have to show up at the cracker factory i didn't run a comb through the old hair after washing it. i kinda looked like ted kaczynski, the unabomber.

so what made me chicken out? next week i have an appointment at the dentist to begin the reconstruction of a tooth that fell victim to stale ju jubes. i had this fear that if i looked like a homeless bum the dentist might treat me like a homeless bum and not being a masochist i decided to clean up my act.

it was off to the barber school for a haircut. have i mentioned that i love the barber school as much as i don't like cops? i had a nice young man cut my hair ever so carefully and after he was finished the owner came to inspect. the owner looks just like harry mudd of star trek fame and he isn't bashful about pointing out flaws in the haircut. after a few touch-ups i was done. the barber school charges $8.00 for a haircut, $8.96 when the harmonized sales tax is tacked on. after paying the owner i walked back and gave the young man a $6.00 tip. a regular hair cut starts around $15.00 around here so i was breaking even.

the young student's face lit up like a christmas tree when i handed him the tip. if i gave a $6.00 tip to a snooty french waiter he'd look at me like i was pond scum. the smile on the student's face was definitely worth $6.00 to me.

i love you sons of bitches.

the election

2011-04-27T18:37:00.000-07:00

our election is less than a week away and it's getting fun to watch the jockeying for position and the changing of strategies.

we have 4 main parties:

the conservatives, currently in power with a minority.
the liberals, a centrist party and hard to figure if they lean left or right.
the new demorcrats, a left wing party slowly moving to the center.
the bloc quebecois, a french party only in quebec that wants to separate from canada.

when the campaign first started the conservatives and liberals put out attack ads on each other and didn't really attack the new democrats. then the new democrats started putting out attack ads on the liberals which was funny because there is always talk of a new democrat/liberal coalition to battle the conservatives. the new democrats, liberals and conservatives by and large ignored the bloc quebecois. then the fun started.

the new democrats have recently had a good increase in popularity and now rank second to the conservatives and ahead of the liberals. in the past this was unthinkable. the new democrats were always a distant third to the conservatives and liberals. now the liberals and new democrats are attacking each other and giving the conservatives a pass. the main increase in the new demorcrats popularity is coming from quebec so the bloc quebecois is now also attacking the new democrats. all this is helping the conservatives so they're happy as pigs in shit because they are now looking at forming a majority government.

two big shot liberal candidates are former new democrat premiers. when they moved to federal politics they joined the liberals because being a liberal gave them a better chance of forming government and all the riches that go along with power. now the former new democrats are attacking their former party and urging voters to do the same.

when the new democrats were behind in the polls no one really paid much attention to all their promises but now people are asking how they are going to pay for all their spending. so far their only response is higher corporate taxes which sounds nice but it's the biggest pile of shit in the world. corporations don't pay taxes, people pay taxes. when corporate taxes are lowered the dividend tax credit is reduced so share holders collecting dividends pay more taxes and when corporate taxes are increased the dividend tax credit is increased so share holders collecting dividends pay less taxes. it's all a fucking shell game.

i love you sons of bitches.

jesus loves me

2011-04-23T15:09:00.001-07:00

a while back i mentioned that my search for the perfect coffee may be over. i was given a package of godiva chocolate coffee and fell in love with it. after drinking a few cups i headed to the store to buy some more. as luck would have it i couldn't find any, rats!

after finishing the package i was given i have to admit that it quickly became quite tiresome. only my frugality made me finish the package. i'm pretty sure jesus removed all the godiva coffee from the shelf when i went looking for more. thank you jesus. i just wish he'd removed all the french vanilla coffee from the shelves while he was at it.

in honor of jesus and easter and all that stuff i decided to read up on some of his hijinx.

as a sci-fi fan i've read the bible several times and have read a few books on revelation but this was the first time i really enjoyed myself reading about jesus and that nasty dad of his. after reading this i was so proud of myself i picked up a dvd from the bbc on the book of revelation. son of a bitch, it gave a completely different picture of revelation and i'm back in the dark.

in any case, happy fucking easter.

i love you sons of bitches.

april...

2011-04-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

april

how do i hate thee, let me count the ways.

1. income tax, enough said.

2. performance appraisals at the cracker factory. i don't know what i hate more, writing appraisals for my staff or being the recipient of an appraisal. call it a draw, they both bug me.

3. our federal election. funny how the politicians tell us to tighten our belts for 4 years but when the election is on somehow there's enough money to grant all of our wishes.

the worst offender in bullshit promises is the leader of the ndp, new democratic party. the king of the lefties flies into every city, finds out what everybody wants and gives a rip roaring speech promising to pay for whatever the rubes desire. of course he doesn't have a hope in hell of becoming the prime minister so he can promise the moon. he's a real douchebag but so far he's put out the best commercial i've seen:

another commercial i like is from the libertarian party:

of course the libertarians are a bunch of wolves in sheep's clothing. the name sounds cool but essentially they're a bunch of right wing crackpots. they don't have a candidate in my riding so i couldn't vote for them if i wanted to. unfortunately the herbal refreshment party doesn't have a candidate in my riding either.

right now it's a toss up as to who is going to get my vote. it's a dead heat between the greens and the marxist leninists. i'm leaning towards the marxist leninists.

so it goes.

cans cans cans...

2011-04-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

i hit the jackpot on empty beer bottles and cans last weekend. a kindly older gentleman gave me 2 garbage bags full of dirty stinky empties. when I opened the bag the stink almost knocked me over and most of the cans had mold on them. the government liquor store gives the full 10 cent refund on empties but they are incredibly picky. if they see any mold or empty cigarette butts in the cans they will usually reject the whole lot so I decided to take them to the recycling depot. the depot only pays 8 cents for domestic bottles and all cans but gives the full 10 cents for imported bottles. they pay $1.00 for a dozen empty cans. a 4 cent bonus. Whoopee. the best part is they don’t care if the cans are covered in dog shit, they take everything.

after sorting my load I headed to the counter and was met by a nice middle aged Chinese lady. she processed my junk quite quickly but didn’t give me the rate of $1.00 for each dozen empty cans. i pointed this out to her but we seemed to have a hard time communicating. each time I said 1 dozen cans she pulled out a pocket calculator and showed me that 12 X 8 = 96 cents. No matter what I said, she entered 12 X 8 and proudly showed me the answer of 96. there was a big sign behind her that said $1.00 for a dozen. i decided against looking for the manager to get my extra 4 cents per dozen and pocketed the $12.50 she handed me. The total actually came to $12.49 but she rounded up to $12.50 so I got that going for me too. Which is nice.

the $12.50 went straight into my kraft raspberry jam jar. the total sits at around $115.00 at the moment. i’m thinking of buying a new computer once the jar gets full.

i love you sons of bitches!

the gas lawnmower

2011-04-07T17:16:00.000-07:00

earlier this week it was my parents 67th wedding anniversary. my father is 89 years old and my mother is 86 years old. what did they do to celebrate their anniversary? they went to the casino. my mother loves casinos and honda lawnmowers.

i bought them a honda lawnmower for their 65th wedding anniversary. my dad has a patch of grass in their backyard that he cuts with a hand mower but he hired my kids to cut the rest of the grass. sonny did it faithfully for several years and when he moved on my daughter took over the job. it's real easy money, $50 for about 90 minutes work. the daughter lasted a few months before she decided cutting grass was beneath her so i took over the job. this works out real good for my daughter because i give her the money.

today was the first cut of the year and predictably i couldn't start the feckin mower. i did usual stuff; check that the spark plug was clean and pull the cord in the dark to see if there was a spark. i had spark so next i checked the carburetor and put a little gas in the air intake. the feckin thing still wouldn't work. i had my dad holding the mower in position and holding the safety bar on so i could pull with 2 hands. my mother comes outside and says we should have got an electric mower. i don't know if she forgot it was upon her insistence that i bought the honda. off we went to the lawnmower repair shop. after a good drive with the mower hanging out my trunk we arrive at the repair shop and it had vanished. the whole building had been demolished. fuck! so we went home. i couldn't find a repair shop within a reasonable distance so it was back to fighting the beast.

i decided to ride my bike to the gas station for fresh gas. i keep a spare bike in their garage for just such occasions. have i mentioned that i have more bikes than brains?
i picked up the fresh gas and put a little in the air intake of the mower and the prick starts on the first pull!! so i drained the mower's gas tank of the old gas and spilled gas all over my hands. did i mention that i skinned a knuckle earlier when trying to fix the beast. the gas in my fresh cut hurt like crazy. after filling the tank with fresh gas i cut the grass. my daughter was at university so she missed the whole ordeal. she'll find a $50 dollar bill on her desk when she comes home.

i'm going to drain the gas this fall after the last cut.

i love you sons of bitches but i can't say the same thing about japanese lawnmowers.

rasslemania

2011-04-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

tonight is the big night for wwe rasslers, rasslemania. i say big night because it's the night where they make their biggest paycheck.

for years i was a die hard rassling fan. i don't know if it was quitting drinking or the sorry state of rassling these days that turned me off rassling. probably a little of each or maybe i just grew up.

i blame hulk hogan for ruining rassling mainly because he became the most popular rassler on the planet and never rassled. he took lots of steroids, did lots of work on the microphone, flexed his muscles a lot, pointed his finger and finally did his leg drop on some poor schmuck. today's rasslin is all about body builders reading scripts with the occasional bit of rasslin thrown in.

a recent RASSLIN ARTICLE stated that a 2 hour rasslin show had 9 minutes and 58 seconds of rasslin. the rest of the show was interviews and bullshit. most rasslin shows on tv are actually infomercials for the monthly pay-per-views.

it wasn't easy being a rasslin fan. not one of my friends shared my enthusiasm for this theatre of the absurd. i used to enjoy walking into a conference or budget meeting and saying, "did anyone see rasslin last night." this was usually followed by dead silence and looks of scorn. i don't what is phonier, rasslin or budget meetings but that's another story.

although i no longer watch rasslin i still frequently check in on the rasslin websites. if you want to be bombarded with pop up ads, try a few rasslin sites. it's almost like they think rasslin fans aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.

on more thing, apparently you can BET ON WRESTLEMANIA MATCHES. if hulk hogan was still rasslin i could make a few bucks tonight.

mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be rasslers.

i love you sons of bitches.

the search...

2011-03-31T15:20:00.000-07:00

the search might be over.

back in december whilst trying to come up with a good new year's resolution i hit a brick wall. after several years of behaving myself i couldn't afford to give up any of my few remaining vices. for a jewish gentleman a man without land is nothing but for a gentile such as myself a man without vices is nothing.

rather than giving anything up i decided to drink more coffee so i set myself on a quest to find the perfect cup of coffee. the perfect cup of coffee cannot be purchased in a restaurant. it has to be 100% freshly served and the mug has to be pre-heated to the correct temperature and of course a good bone china mug adds to the experience. also there can be no additives. i consider it blasphemous to add sugar, cream or any of the other stuff that has become so popular these days.

in order to fully enjoy the experience i need some sweet music playing on a good sound system and a faithful dog by my side. this can only happen in my bat cave.

without further adieu here is the early favorite for coffee of the year; CAFE GODIVA, chocolate creme.

my daughter picked this up for me and after a few sips i fell in love. this doesn't mean the search is over it just means that i'll be happy as a clam for a few weeks as me and ruby enjoy the moment. ruby will be dreaming of basking in the summer sun and i'll be in the wonderfully soft arms of montana wildhack.

life can be sweet.

please don't laugh

2011-03-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

thursday morning i stopped by the supermarket to pick up a few groceries. after picking up some healthy stuff in the bulk foods section i strolled down the candy aisle and noticed the cute little easter bunny jujubes. like an alcoholic finding a bottle of whiskey or a drug addict finding a packet of heroin i was unable to control myself and grabbed a few of the little darlings. i quickly started chewing them out of lust and wanting to swallow the evidence before being caught by an eagle-eyed store clerk.

while picking out some broccoli crowns i felt something come lose in my mouth. it took a second to figure it out but my worst nightmare had come true. the feckin jujubes had pulled off my gold crown. several months earlier i lost a chunk of a different tooth whilst eating hard stale halloween jujubes. after that little incident i vowed to give up jujubes. was it just a coincidence that my dental crown dislodged whilst shopping for broccoli crowns and chewing on pilfered jujubes? was god watching me?

a few hours later i was in the dental chair. my dentist kindly fit me into her busy schedule and thought she could just re-cement the crown and send me on my merry way. not having much time she asked if i could be brave and get the job quickly done without any freezing. wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible i said yes. being poked and scrubbed hurt but no big deal. then the hygenist started blasting away with the cold air and i almost jumped out of the chair. i thought all was going well until she noticed a slightly dark spot and upon further investigation she decided i had a cavity forming under the surface. the quick fix was over and i'm in line for some serious dental work.

she said it was going to be expensive and would have to get pre-approval from the insurance company before proceeding. it'll take 3 or 4 weeks for the approval and in the meantime my old crown has been re-attached. if i wasn't such a pansy i would have said go ahead and fix it and we'll worry about the insurance later but i'm happy to have about a month before the torture begins.

feckin jujubes!!!!!!!

i love you sons of bitches.

earth hour

2011-03-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

this saturday march 26 is EARTH HOUR!!!

at 20:30 (8:30pm) it would be ever so nice if you would turn your lights out for one hour. it's a small gesture but every long journey begins with a single step. some of us have already taken a few steps forward on this journey and sadly there are those of us that take a few steps backward every year. when i go past a local tim hortons, an incredibly popular coffee and donut operation, in the morning and see giant SUV's lined up all the way into the street to pick up a coffee from the drive thru i want to cry. it's bad enough that these people transport a few tons of iron and plastic around the city to pick up a coffee or pack of smokes but to sit for 20 minutes in a drive thru line up with their 6.0 litre hemi engines firing away is total insanity! would it kill them to park the beast and walk into the diner, exchange greetings with a few fellow human beings, smell the coffee and fresh donuts, place their order, pull out their plastic money and walk out with a cup of coffee? no, it's better to sit in their giant climate controlled beast and blab away on their iphone or text their little brains out on their crackberry.

if black history gets a month, women's history gets a month, poetry gets a month, asian pacific american heritage gets a month, hispanic heritage gets a month and american indian heritage gets a month; why does the earth only get a lousy hour???

how about black history hour and earth month?

a lousy month! let's give our planet a feckin decade or maybe a century or better yet, let's honor our planet every day!

does honoring the earth over blacks, asians, indians and hispanics make me a racist?

i love you sons of bitches.

oh yeah, did you hear bill maher's palin joke that has a few people annoyed?

"Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade 'Tsunami.' I mean she said, 'These 'Tsunamians' will not get away with this.’ Oh speaking of dumb twats, did you..." Maher said.

feckin computer

2011-03-19T12:35:00.001-07:00

acting on sonny's advice i ventured out and bought a portable hard drive to back up all my stuff and a new power supply.

the portable hard drive is a tiny little bugger, i'd rather have a heavy piece of iron that wouldn't need to attach itself to a tree with roots if a strong wind blew. it's an amazing little thing. i hooked it up and it asked me a few questions and it went on its merry way backing everything up. it only cost $40. the new power supply also cost $40 (after feckin rebate) but it's not hooked up yet. sonny left town and told me that i shouldn't attempt to install it myself. oh how the worm has turned. it seems like yesterday that i would tell sonny not to do something.

last night the old computer took a nap and wouldn't wake up. the fans turned on but the screen stayed black. i gave it my sternest stare and pulled the plug. after depriving it of electricity and threatening to send it to japan i plugged it in and it worked. i hope sonny returns soon to try the new power supply.

you may have noticed my new little hard drive is sitting on the art of war. it's a book that is worth reading every few years, especially now with all the nonsense going on in the middle east. many consider the art of war to be the finest book ever written on war and the best part is it's real short, 81 pages.

according to sun tzu the only way to really win a war is to not fire a single shot. convince the enemy to surrender either through reasoning, treachery or the threat of annihilation. if you must go to war the most important weapon is knowledge, both of the enemy and of your own forces. if war is necessary it must be winnable in a short period of time. no one wins a war that lasts for a protracted period of time. apart from winning the war the most important point is not to waste any resources. remember when this was written there was no such thing as running a deficit. if the king ran out of money, the game was over.

not to criticize the american war machine but it seems to missing all of sun tzu's points. look at iraq and afghanistan. vietnam and korea also lasted a long time. fuck, there are still american troops in korea, japan and germany. small wonder the country is in the red but the military industrial complex must be fed.

but who am i to criticize the largest military machine on the planet. i can't even defeat a feckin computer.

i love you sons of bitches.

back from the shadows....

2011-03-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Back from the Shadows again !
Out where an In-jun's your friend!
Where the veg'tables are green,
And you can pee into the stream!
Yes, we're back from the Shadows again!

yup, the computer is back from the shadows. my mighty computer died over a month ago and i was lucky enough to have an old desktop hanging around to fill in. the netbook had a willing heart but the small keyboard and infernal touch pad drove me crazy after a few minutes.

sonny took a cursory look at the old computer several weeks ago and concluded it probably needed a new motherboard. he came back to town on the weekend and took it apart. i was given the option of buying some new parts or a whole new computer. a new computer was the smart option but when i had the old computer ( 3 years old) built i paid an extra $400 for a primo case and power supply. i really didn't want to admit buying the expensive case was a mistake.

after deciding to buy a new computer i asked sonny to reassemble the old one so i could stick in storage for a few years until i got up the courage to toss it out. after putting it back together a miracle happened, it came to life and continues to breathe right now as i type this wee epistle. i be happy.

when it first died i threatened to give it a good thrashing but that didn't put the fear of god into it. i guess removing a few organs and placing bamboo slivers under its ram made it realize i wasn't fucking around this time.

i've procrastinated on buying an external hard drive to back up my important stuff but this time i have to do it.

now if those lovely japanese could only fix their nukes and return some confidence to the capital markets i would be happier than a pig in shit.

i love you sons of bitches.

one for the whales

2011-03-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

imagine for a moment that there is a god. correct that, imagine for a moment that there is a supreme being looking over our sweet little planet. perhaps this supreme being is not land or air based but is water based and decided that 71% of the planet should be covered in oceans. the supreme being was happy for eons as he frolicked in the oceans and bonded with denizens of the deep. there were some very large peaceful creatures that were able to communicate with the supreme being from distances of thousands of miles.

after eons of peace and tranquility a land based species took to the oceans and exploited the realm of the supreme being with wanton disregard for the ocean creatures. toxins were discharged into the pristine waters, wars were fought on the oceans, nuclear weapons were tested in the oceans and the ocean creatures were hunted to the point of extinction.

there was one nasty little nation that was hell bent on exploiting the soul mates of the supreme being, the whales. even the other selfish human nations of the planet were disgusted with the slaughter of whales and passed ineffective international laws protecting the whales but the nasty little nation persisted in hunting the whales to the brink of extinction. the nasty little nation was japan.

one fine day the supreme being conducted a census of his ocean friends and was alarmed at the results. his friends were quickly disappearing, soon he would have no soul mates to serenade him in song as he happily frolicked in the now dirty waters. enough was enough, time to teach that nasty little nation a lesson. a little shake, rattle and roll of the land surrounding the nasty little nation.

who is more important to the planet?

the whales or the nasty little nation that persists on slaughtering them.

the supreme being may have made up his mind.

so it goes.

a feckin set up

2011-03-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

last week i saw the radio repairman. my countless little radios weren't getting a clear stream of data from the transmitters in my head. this can spell trouble but nothing that some expensive drugs can't fix. the good doctor once again brought up the subject of retirement. funny thing, when i was much younger i was dying to retire but now that retirement is staring me in the eye i'm not so sure that i'm ready to pack it in but i might not have a choice. the good doctor is strongly hinting that she might not find me fit to work.

yesterday i called the pharmacy to get a prescription refilled. the pharmacist had to call the doctor for authorization but for the first time in memory he refused and instructed me to drop by his office which i dutifully did. after waiting for the obligatory half hour in the examination room the good doctor strolls in, warmly shakes my hand and asks how i'm feeling. after the niceties he asks me about retirement. i was a little taken aback but managed to be non-committal saying it was certainly something to think about. after a nice chat about cycling (he is also an avid cyclist) i received a few prescriptions with lots of repeats and was on my way. when i got into the car it hit me, the radio repairman sent him a letter and didn't tell me! it's a feckin conspiracy.

i have a dream of finding a nice piece of waterfront property and parking a beat up old trailer on it ala jim rockford. i've always loved the rockford files. i could live in an old beat up trailer with a few pitbulls surrounded by expensive waterfront homes. me and the dogs would get up early and take the beer cans out of their recycling boxes. yes i have a dream but there is one problem. my parents are 89 and 86 years old and they need me. i've asked them if they want to move away with me but they want to stay in town.

you might have noticed that a certain person is not in my plans. so it goes.

aren't those be good tanyas something else!

i love you sons of bitches.

my buddy conrad

2011-03-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

i remember a communications professor who always told us that when engaging in a debate it is better to take the side that you don't support. it will force you to think and best of all you will be prepared for most of the arguments your opponent produces. this might be the reason i like to read right wing publications and every once in a while a pleasant accident will occur.

for years i detested CONRAD BLACK. he is a wealthy, arrogant snob and recently spent time in jail for his past misdeeds but he is also recognized as one of few remaining real newspaper men. what started out as a lark, reading his weekly column, has now become something i truly enjoy. for all his faults, he has a way with words.

reading his latest column i came across a word that i hadn't heard in years, "enfeeblement." i just love that word, almost as much as recidivist. here is the paragraph in which he used it. (i also love his last sentence)

I cannot accept that the West has reached the point of enfeeblement that we sit like worried, helpless sheep while Iran arms itself with nuclear weapons, and are afraid to assist a clear majority in Libya get rid of a murderous fruitcake of a despot. At the time of Munich, Winston Churchill called for the return of "martial courage of olden time." Here, we could settle for the purposefulness of the unprepossessing George W. in the Iraq Surge or of Obama escalating in Afghanistan. If NATO (the U.S. Sixth Fleet in practice) can't take out Libyan air defenses at no or minimal cost, we should all start studying Arabic and spending an hour a day with our foreheads pressed to the floor.

here's the whole column if you're interested, How Canada can help save Libya

i love you sons of bitches.

funny?

2011-03-01T12:56:00.000-08:00

years and years ago our gang spent friday nights drinking and arguing over which television show was the most funny, monty python or sctv. most of us, myself included, voted for monty python. i think there was a certain snob appeal with monty python, it was british and internationally popular.

now that i'm a little older and less intoxicated i have to change my vote to sctv.

i love you sons of bitches but i still loath christy fucking clark.

woe is me

2011-02-28T14:39:00.000-08:00

we have a new premier and my worst fears have come true.

our new leader was a RIGHT WING RADIO TALK SHOW HOST!

that's right, our new premier, christy fucking clark, is going from firing up the rubes on her radio show to running the province. most times i visit my parents they have the radio turned on in their kitchen and guess what they're listening to. talk radio and christy fucking clark was featured front and center! oh, how i hate that bitch!

an infinite number of monkeys hammering away on an infinite number of typewriters would be unable to capture in words my dislike for christy fucking clark.

thank you for bearing with me whilst i threw my little tantrum.

i love you thirsty sons of bitches.

lucky us

2011-02-25T13:54:00.000-08:00

tomorrow the good people of british columbia get a new premier. i'm so happy i could shit.

our current premier was forced to quit due to a new tax called the harmonized sales tax. everything we do or buy is taxed at 12% because of the new tax. previously we had a provincial sales tax of 7% and a federal goods and services tax of 5%. the goods and services tax covered almost everything except for food. the provincial sales tax was basically for goods, not services. by combining the 2 taxes, services that were previously not taxed at the provincial level are now taxed.

we have government health care but they tax the shit out of us to pay for it. some provinces charge for the free health care and others do not. i'm lucky enough to live in a province that charges for the free health care. my employer pays the charge for me but the government considers my employer's payment of the health charge to be a taxable benefit and i'm taxed on that. so much for free health care.

so the right wing party is selecting a new leader who will become the premier of our province. the left wing party is also soon going to be selecting a new leader. when the current right wing government introduced the new tax they fell like a rock in the public opinion polls and the left wing party had a big lead. this resulted in in the left wing party self destructing because suddenly they had the opportunity to win the election and the back stabbing began. the lefties all wanted to be king so in a month or so they will select a new leader and sometime after that we'll probably have an election to make it all official.

i'm at a loss to decide which party i dislike more. when the big vote comes i won't vote for either major party. i'm fringe all the way. it'll either be the green party or the marijuana party that gets my vote and it'll have nothing to do with the party. i'll vote for which ever person annoys me the least.

on a more positive note, i bought 12 pounds of hershey's heart shaped valentine chocolates today. i meant what i said about giving up ju jubes!

i'm sweet on all you sons of bitches.

gone fishing

2011-02-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

years and years ago a member of our gang made his living selling herbs. kenny was originally from the united states but after a few run-ins with the authorities he decided to head north and somehow our happy little band of misfits ran into him at a bar and soon he was part of the gang. kenny impressed us with his tales of large deals and large profits but somehow he was always broke. after a run-in with our law he decided to go straight and started selling fish out of the back of his truck. he purchased fish from the indians on credit and promised to pay when the goods were sold. it wasn't long before kenny figured out selling herbs was more profitable than selling fish so he started to sell herbs along with the fish.

one day after selling most of his fish he headed to the bar to try and sell some herbs. predictably, he got shit faced drunk while his truck sat in the sun. he finally staggered out to his truck and left the parking lot and drove straight into some guy driving a shiny new corvette. so there was a drunken kenny sitting in the middle of a busy road with rotten fish in the bed of his truck and plenty of herbs on bench seat of his truck trying to convince the owner of corvette to forget the whole thing. the guy with the corvette called the police and kenny was taken away. the truck was impounded along with the fish and the herbs. kenny spent a bit time in jail but was soon out on bail and back to selling herbs and fish.

kenny continued in his entrepreneurial ways for years and along the way he hooked up with lady of the evening who was addicted to a white powder so kenny added that commodity to his business. a few years ago his lifestyle caught up with him and he suffered a massive heart attack. kenny now sleeps with the fish.

i bring all this up because last night a friend called me and asked me if i needed any fish. after all these years we still use the the word "fish" when referring to certain high priced herbs.

i'll be picking up my fish tonight.

i love you sons of bitches

ouch

2011-02-17T15:17:00.000-08:00

the sun was almost shining so i decided to go for a nice ride to the wholesale supermarket to pick some cheap, almost stale, bread. my favorite bread, oatnut, sells for 99 cents when it's within a few days of the best before date.

i found a few loaves and headed to the check-out. there were long lines at each of the cashiers, bummer. just before i reached the cashier there was a commotion. mohammed refused to take his stuff off the cart and put in on the conveyor belt. he had a lot of stuff. he wanted the cashier to take the magic scanner to his cart. in short, mohammed wanted the mountain brought to him rather than him going to the mountain. to put it into perspective, there are lots of little old chinese ladies shopping for their restaurants and they all lift the boxes of produce onto the conveyor belt but not mohammed. the manager was called and greeted him but name, his name really was mohammed. i guess this had happened before. rather than telling mohammed to put his stuff on the conveyor belt the manager kissed his ass and personally took the corded scanner to his cart and scanned all his stuff. after scanning everything they talked about mohammed's restaurant. i thought they would be talking about falafels or fried camel balls but no, mohammed had a mexican diner. i'm not making this up. so after about 20 feckin minutes i paid for my 2 loaves of stale bread and was on my way.

on the way home the skies opened up and it started to hail like crazy. the hail was pounding my noggin so i decided to pull the touque down over my forehead for protection forgetting that i had a cable with a master lock wrapped around my wrist. when i quickly lifted my hand to my head to pull down the touque, the lock hit me square in the forehead. feckin ouch!!!

after swearing up a storm i thought about it for a minute and thanked my lucky stars that the lock didn't hit a tooth. i have a lump on my head but no chipped teeth. i'm so happy i could shit, but not happy enough to forgive mohammed for being a prick. if he wasn't such an asshole i would have rode home before the hail.

if you want to experience heaven on earth, try a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich on oatnut bread. even better, smoke a little something first ;)

i love you sons of bitches, but not mohammed.

everything is broken

2011-02-13T15:20:00.001-08:00

thursday was not my best day. on my way to bank i received a speeding ticket, the first one in about 20 years. then at the bank the manager wouldn't cash a cheque payable to me and the lovely mrs myskin even though she had endorsed it. i was in a foul mood after the speeding ticket and used my favorite word quite loudly so he said that he would "work with me" to resolve the problem. it took a few minutes but it was resolved and i was on my way.

after arriving home i discovered that my desktop computer would only give me a black screen. no matter how much i threatened to thrash it, it just wouldn't work. i was forced to fire up the emergency netbook i purchased when sonny left town. a quick phone call to sonny didn't resolve the problem. i have to wait for sonny's next trip to town for a proper diagnosis. there's a good chance i'm paying for my past sins of file sharing.

i hate using little keyboards so the fast food princess set me up with her old desktop until things get resolved. it's old and only has 1 gb of ram so things are running quite slowly. using a different computer is prompting the financial institutions i deal with to ask me lots of questions to which i forget the answers i provided years ago resulting in phone calls, lots of time put on hold and having to kiss the arse of several strangers working at call centers.

i'd happily go buy a new desktop but the old one has a lot of important stuff on it. until it's declared deader than a doornail i'll wait for a visit from sonny. so far i get the impression he doesn't share my sense of urgency. so it goes.

and just for good measure i re-injured a pulled groin muscle whilst doing some stretching exercises last night. i had a 15 lb weight in each hand and was letting gravity work it's magic while touching my toes. it's a great way to stretch but it's also easy to over stretch.

any r.l. burnside fans out there?

i love you sons of bitches.

here is my hand

2011-02-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

here is my hand
please hang it on the wall
so you will remember
when i was quite small

of all the stuff my angels made in school this is my favorite by a country mile. occasionally when i think of it i get a little choked. hands are a big deal to me. when sonny was a little guy part of our pre-bedtime ritual was shaking hands. his job was to squeeze as hard as he could. a strong handshake is essential in the business world as it's usually the first contact when greeting a business associate or going into a job interview. you only have one chance to make a strong first impression and blowing it with a poor handshake is just plain stupid.a firm grip also goes a long way toward establishing yourself as the alpha male. on the flip side, a limp grip is also something that won't be soon forgotten. another thing, keep your hands out your feckin pockets before shaking hands. a soft, sweaty grip is almost as bad as a limp wrist.

sonny is currently in his 16th year of karate and spent 4 summers in the core shack at various mining camps. now that he's in the business world it's highly unlikely that he'll come up short on a handshake. i did the same thing with the fast food princess but she liked to inflict pain by squeezing the fingers on each side of my ring. that can really hurt if done correctly.

the preceeding babble was just an excuse to play one of my favorite songs.

i love you sons of bitches

caution!

2011-02-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

don't read this if you are squeamish.

100 DOGS SLAUGTERED!

naturally there is total outrage in our area over this disgusting act and our newspapers speak of international outrage. has anyone outside of canada heard of this story?

canada is often criticized for mollycoddling criminals and this story certainly supports that contention. michael vick was tossed in jail and was forced to declare bankruptcy over promoting dog fights and killing the losers. our asshole assassin received disability payments for the stress he suffered whilst slaughtering dogs.

100 dogs slaughtered in the name of profit.

fuck the olympics.

man's best friend

2011-01-28T16:33:00.001-08:00

has anyone seen this image?

it came from a story regarding FLOODING IN BRAZIL. when i first saw this picture it reminded my of just how faithful a dog can be. the more i thought of the dog standing vigil over the grave the more emotional i became.

last sunday was ruby's designated birthday. ruby was a street urchin whom i adopted from a shelter. i didn't rescue ruby, she rescued me. after having a cup of coffee i called her to go for a walk but she wouldn't get out of her bed. this never happens, dogs live for walks. i checked her out and she seemed very lethargic. try as i might, i couldn't persuade her to go for a walk. ruby is nine years old and the life expectancy for her breed is 8 - 12 so i was more than a little alarmed. what to do? i felt her nose. it was warm and semi wet. for the rest of day i treated her like a queen. breakfast in bed and the offer of a walk every hour. she turned me down every time.

she has now returned to her normal self and i'm left wondering if she was really ill or just putting on an act. pitbulls are famous for being vicious and dangerous but there's another side to them. they are very sensitive and intuitive. don't get me wrong, pitbulls are no angels and i wouldn't trust ruby around small children.

at 55 years of age i have more days behind me than in front of me. i've always had the companionship of a dog and think how much time have left on this planet in terms of how many dogs i'll share my life with. i have more dogs behind me than ahead of me. statistically i should have 2 more dogs in my life, maybe 3 if someone up there really likes me.

ruby, long may you run.

the big short

2011-01-23T11:14:00.000-08:00

maybe this should be titled better late than never. i should have read this book when it first came out but being somewhat of a tightwad i waited to borrow a copy from the public library. i found it to be an excellent read, not too difficult to understand and not too simplistic as to skim over some of the tricky stuff.

the two things that jump out at you are the incompetence and corruption in the financial system. and of course it all comes down to profit. whilst the investment houses were basking in the glory of the huge profits to be made by handing out sub prime loans like halloween candy and then repackaging them as bundles of investment grade bonds it seems those in charge were blinded by the profit. AIG was run by an arrogant fool that didn't give a shit about the details and those that were smart enough to read all the details made a fortune by investing in CREDIT DEFAULT SWAPS. interestingly, a new breed of credit default swaps had to be created to make all this happen.

the big question is what were the regulatory agencies doing while all this was going on? does it take a genius to figure out that self regulation doesn't work? the totally disgusting thing is these large financial institutions have been allowed to carry on with business as usual with no new regulations. the answer to all this is really simple.

big business is the government! democracy is an illusion. profit is the straw than stirs the drink. with all the pension funds invested in the capital markets the beast must be fed! we all felt the pain when the beast missed a few meals and many of us are continuing to feel the pain.

i love you sons of bitches.

ouch........

2011-01-19T10:18:00.001-08:00

how did it happen?

here is a reenactment of what happened:

well not quite. i decided to break up some old lumber around the house. rather than saw it into pieces i decided to smash it into pieces with the sledgehammer sonny bought me for father's day. i placed the board on a concrete ledge and gave it a mighty whack. the fecking thing immediately sprang into the air and hit me right between the eyes. i saw stars and within 10 seconds i had a lump the size of a golf ball just above the nose. i staggered into the house and looked into the mirror. blood was pouring down the my face and my vision was blurry. after cleaning up the blood and gaining my senses i grabbed a bag of the lovely mrs myshkin's frozen peas and applied it to my lumpy face.

when the lovely mrs myshkin came home she was more concerned about her thawed out blood soaked frozen peas than my injured face. after she finished telling me how stupid i was she chastised me for swearing. she wasn't home when it happened but after 23 years of marriage she knew the f-bombs would be flying.

so it fucking goes.

\

oh yeah, i'm thinking of suing the manufacturer of the sledgehammer for not attaching a warning label or providing adequate instructions.

i love you sons of bitches.

ouch

2011-01-16T08:34:00.000-08:00

we are all the victims of a series of accidents.

there will be a very nice prize for the lucky soul correctly guessing what happened.

even in pain, i love you sons of bitches.

time for a change

2011-01-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

is anyone else sick and tired of politics?

it has all become so predictable. some event will occur prompting both the right and left wing choirs to start singing. to an outsider such as myself these choirs can't sing for sour apples but the members of each choir are convinced theirs is the sweetest music on the planet. after they sing, all the other members of the choir quickly comment on their own brilliance and the absolute ignorance and corruption of the opposing choir. the destruction of the opposition choir is more important than solving the problem.

there are smaller choirs are out there but they're hard to hear these days with all the noise coming out of the large well funded choirs. the choir i belong to is constantly under attack from the corporate profit choir. the corporate profit choir is so clever it has spawned countless sub choirs dedicated to discrediting my choir. the captains of industry have unlimited resources to train and maintain their choirs. sadly, the poorer less educated members of the choir don't realize they are in the choir but they're ready to sing at a moment's notice. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

why capitalize?

2011-01-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

from time to time people ask why i almost never capitalize letters. i am of the firm belief that the capitalization of words is a privilege not a right much the same way as having a driver's license is a privilege and not a right.

an extreme example would be mahmoud ahmadinejad. what has that hate mongering little prick ever done to merit the capitalizing of his name? rather than spend time pondering if a particular word merits being capitalized i just decided to hell with it. save capitalization for special circumstances, like Ruby's birthday or anything relating to Shane Macgowan.

so if i ever capitalize your name, you know i think you're pretty fucking special.

so what do i think is special?

the soundtrack from I'm Not There.

i love you Sons of Bitches.

those wacky iranians

2011-01-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

iran has decided to tackle the big stuff, IRAN BANS VALENTINE'S DAY

after trying to blow up israel for the past few decades i guess they decided to hit israel in the pocketbook. everyone knows the jews make a fortune selling candy and greeting cards for valentine's day. but the jews are smart, they'll control the black market for valentine's day stuff in no time.

there is a good chance that the iranians won't be successful with their valentine's day crackdown. they can't control heroin for sour apples.

********IRAN HAS THE WORLDS BIGGEST RATE OF HEROIN ADDICTION******

i suspect the taliban have more to do with iran's drug problem than the jews. could it be possible that the iranian clerics are dumber than a sack of rocks?

i love you sons of bitches.

time is on my side

2010-12-31T18:22:00.000-08:00

this evening has some special meaning to all my friends on this sweet little planet. it is the night where they draw another line on the wall to mark the passage of their arbitrary concept of time. i usually take part in this event though it has no meaning for me and i sense a certain wrongness in this concept. i find it easier for me to adapt to their concept of time rather than converting them to the correct concept of time. this evening has always existed and it will always exist. it simply is. i and all those around me have no say in the matter, we cannot change it, it simply is.

my corporeal shell may have stopped working correctly and melted away in a moment that always is, yet it is splendidly preserved and able to perform wonderous things in another moment than thankfully never ends. the birth and death of the carcass assigned to me are events that always have and always will occur as is the journey it takes. i have but one regret, i can’t play ping pong for sour apples.

for those of you celebrating this evening, have a good one. it never ends.

i love you sons of bitches in all my moments. you will soon graduate from the linear existence wrongly assigned to you by a god who never has and never will care about you. care about each other, nobody else will.

now i'll bask in my favorite moment. please join me.

the time has come....

2010-12-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

2010 is almost over so it's time to reflect on the year past and look forward to the coming year.

all in all 2010 was decent year for me. i didn't spend a minute in jail and didn't commit any mortal sins. shit, it was a pretty lackluster year. i've thought long and hard about coming up with a few new year's resolutions but i don't have any vices that i want to give up. that doesn't me that i don't have any vices it just means i enjoy my vices and am going to keep them.

i've decided to spice things up by drinking more coffee. 2011 will be the year i try to find the second best cup of coffee in the world. the best cup of coffee contains grand marnier or scotch but that's off bounds for me. in the old days a good cup of coffee would always be accompanied with a cigarette but i've long since given that little pleasure too. fuck, i've given up all the good stuff.

that's it, i'm getting depressed thinking about all the good stuff that i can no longer enjoy. oh yeah, i'm going to seek the perfect cup of coffee. big whoop.

i love you sons of bitches so if you're having a drink or a smoke, have an extra one for me.

merry feckin xmas

2010-12-25T14:56:00.000-08:00

guess what i watched last night

i love you sons of bitches

goodnight sweet prince

2010-12-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

the red rocket has left the building.

after about 10 years of faithful service the red rocket has found a new home with a nice jewish family. one bike had to go and the red rocket drew the short stick. i advertised her on craigslist for $125 and got a few nibbles but no bites. i then reduced the price to $112.50. of course i was willing to take $100. a young man, about 30, came to see her and fell in love with her. he offered me $100 but since i could tell he was smitten i told him $110 was the lowest i'd go. i now have $110 in my pocket.

how do i know the red rocket is with a nice jewish family? because the young man told me several times that he was jewish. he was a very nice man but for the life of me i couldn't figure out why he kept telling me about his gimcrack religion.

the red rocket was a faithful friend. i must have collected well over $1000 in beer cans whilst riding her through the local parks. now the mantle has been passed to the iron maiden and the black adder. i haven't decided which one will be my main squeeze but i'm leaning towards the iron maiden. the black adder will probably be my sunday-go-to-meeting ride.

i love you sons of bitches.

coldest night of the year

2010-12-20T16:29:00.000-08:00

tomorrow will be the longest night of the year but i like to think of it as the coldest night of the year.

this song has been number 1 with me for 5 years. since the first time sonny headed up north as an 18 year old. now he's an established engineer and i'm a depressed old man. so it goes.

the song speaks of loneliness and depression. i understand loneliness and depression is somewhat of an epidemic in our society. i'm lonely because sonny's gone and depressed because this friday is the last day to lock in your capital losses and gains for 2010 and i lack the motivation to give a shit about financial decisions these days. when it comes to stuff like this i tend to close my eyes and hope everything works out well. we are all the victims of a series of accidents and most of my financial successes have been nothing but a series fortunate accidents.

i love you sons of bitches and hope all your accidents are of the fortunate variety.

two turtledoves......

2010-12-16T13:39:00.000-08:00

merry f'n xmas

(that's how i signed the xmas cards i sent out this year)

i heard this on the radio yesterday and fell in love with it.

it would be heaven on earth to wake up next to dame kiri te kanawa and have her whisper 2 turtledoves into my ear each morning.

i love you sons of bitches.

it's getting hot.

2010-12-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

with all the posturing going on with budget deficits and unfunded entitlement liabilities no one seems to be focusing on the big picture. there was a CLIMATE CHANGE CONFERENCE in mexico that just wrapped up. this important conference was little more than a footnote in many newspapers compared to economic news and of course the perpetual state of war on our planet.

the conference restated the goal of limiting the rise in temperature to 2 degrees celsuis over the next 25 years. more likely is A 3.5 DEGREE INCREASE IN GLOBAL TEMPERATURES.

in my mind a 3.5 degree celsius increase in temperature over the next 25 years is beyond catastrophic. our ecosystem is in a balance that literally took billions of years to achieve and we're going to piss it down the drain in the name of greed and ignorance. we are so feckin greedy and short sighted that rather than slow down our destruction of the planet our politicians are promoting stimulus plans and urging consumers to spend their way out of a natural economic contraction.

growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell and our species has turned out to be a cancer on the planet.

you were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.

feckin ju jubes

2010-12-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

whilst eating old halloween ju jubes i noticed a very jagged edge to one of my molars. after a little investigation i discovered part of the tooth was missing. time to panic. i spit out the big black witches head and noticed a white chunk embedded in it. sure enough, it was a chunk of my tooth. just what i needed, a fucked up tooth.

this wasn't the first time i've been the victim of hard stale ju jubes. several years back i was eating stale santa ju jubes at the movie theatre and lost a chunk of a molar. my bargain ju jubes ended up causing me to get a gold crown. so when i lost the chunk of tooth to the witches head i had dreams of another crown. the dentist fit me yesterday afternoon. after ninety minutes of pain in the chair all was repaired. i didn't need a crown but it took a long time and the bill came to $571. So me buying cheap old halloween ju jubes cost the insurance company $571, so it goes.

i've now decided to give up ju jubes. if i can give up alcohol and quit watching pro rasslin then giving up ju jubes should be a piece of cake but i've got about 5 pounds of the offending halloween ju jubes left. it's fun wathing ruby chew ju jubes but the smart thing would be to toss them in the trash.

i love you sons of bitches.