we have a new premier and my worst fears have come true.
our new leader was a RIGHT WING RADIO TALK SHOW HOST!
that's right, our new premier, christy fucking clark, is going from firing up the rubes on her radio show to running the province. most times i visit my parents they have the radio turned on in their kitchen and guess what they're listening to. talk radio and christy fucking clark was featured front and center! oh, how i hate that bitch!
an infinite number of monkeys hammering away on an infinite number of typewriters would be unable to capture in words my dislike for christy fucking clark.
thank you for bearing with me whilst i threw my little tantrum.
i love you thirsty sons of bitches.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
lucky us
tomorrow the good people of british columbia get a new premier. i'm so happy i could shit.
our current premier was forced to quit due to a new tax called the harmonized sales tax. everything we do or buy is taxed at 12% because of the new tax. previously we had a provincial sales tax of 7% and a federal goods and services tax of 5%. the goods and services tax covered almost everything except for food. the provincial sales tax was basically for goods, not services. by combining the 2 taxes, services that were previously not taxed at the provincial level are now taxed.
we have government health care but they tax the shit out of us to pay for it. some provinces charge for the free health care and others do not. i'm lucky enough to live in a province that charges for the free health care. my employer pays the charge for me but the government considers my employer's payment of the health charge to be a taxable benefit and i'm taxed on that. so much for free health care.
so the right wing party is selecting a new leader who will become the premier of our province. the left wing party is also soon going to be selecting a new leader. when the current right wing government introduced the new tax they fell like a rock in the public opinion polls and the left wing party had a big lead. this resulted in in the left wing party self destructing because suddenly they had the opportunity to win the election and the back stabbing began. the lefties all wanted to be king so in a month or so they will select a new leader and sometime after that we'll probably have an election to make it all official.
i'm at a loss to decide which party i dislike more. when the big vote comes i won't vote for either major party. i'm fringe all the way. it'll either be the green party or the marijuana party that gets my vote and it'll have nothing to do with the party. i'll vote for which ever person annoys me the least.
on a more positive note, i bought 12 pounds of hershey's heart shaped valentine chocolates today. i meant what i said about giving up ju jubes!
i'm sweet on all you sons of bitches.
our current premier was forced to quit due to a new tax called the harmonized sales tax. everything we do or buy is taxed at 12% because of the new tax. previously we had a provincial sales tax of 7% and a federal goods and services tax of 5%. the goods and services tax covered almost everything except for food. the provincial sales tax was basically for goods, not services. by combining the 2 taxes, services that were previously not taxed at the provincial level are now taxed.
we have government health care but they tax the shit out of us to pay for it. some provinces charge for the free health care and others do not. i'm lucky enough to live in a province that charges for the free health care. my employer pays the charge for me but the government considers my employer's payment of the health charge to be a taxable benefit and i'm taxed on that. so much for free health care.
so the right wing party is selecting a new leader who will become the premier of our province. the left wing party is also soon going to be selecting a new leader. when the current right wing government introduced the new tax they fell like a rock in the public opinion polls and the left wing party had a big lead. this resulted in in the left wing party self destructing because suddenly they had the opportunity to win the election and the back stabbing began. the lefties all wanted to be king so in a month or so they will select a new leader and sometime after that we'll probably have an election to make it all official.
i'm at a loss to decide which party i dislike more. when the big vote comes i won't vote for either major party. i'm fringe all the way. it'll either be the green party or the marijuana party that gets my vote and it'll have nothing to do with the party. i'll vote for which ever person annoys me the least.
on a more positive note, i bought 12 pounds of hershey's heart shaped valentine chocolates today. i meant what i said about giving up ju jubes!
i'm sweet on all you sons of bitches.
Monday, February 21, 2011
gone fishing
years and years ago a member of our gang made his living selling herbs. kenny was originally from the united states but after a few run-ins with the authorities he decided to head north and somehow our happy little band of misfits ran into him at a bar and soon he was part of the gang. kenny impressed us with his tales of large deals and large profits but somehow he was always broke. after a run-in with our law he decided to go straight and started selling fish out of the back of his truck. he purchased fish from the indians on credit and promised to pay when the goods were sold. it wasn't long before kenny figured out selling herbs was more profitable than selling fish so he started to sell herbs along with the fish.
one day after selling most of his fish he headed to the bar to try and sell some herbs. predictably, he got shit faced drunk while his truck sat in the sun. he finally staggered out to his truck and left the parking lot and drove straight into some guy driving a shiny new corvette. so there was a drunken kenny sitting in the middle of a busy road with rotten fish in the bed of his truck and plenty of herbs on bench seat of his truck trying to convince the owner of corvette to forget the whole thing. the guy with the corvette called the police and kenny was taken away. the truck was impounded along with the fish and the herbs. kenny spent a bit time in jail but was soon out on bail and back to selling herbs and fish.
kenny continued in his entrepreneurial ways for years and along the way he hooked up with lady of the evening who was addicted to a white powder so kenny added that commodity to his business. a few years ago his lifestyle caught up with him and he suffered a massive heart attack. kenny now sleeps with the fish.
i bring all this up because last night a friend called me and asked me if i needed any fish. after all these years we still use the the word "fish" when referring to certain high priced herbs.
i'll be picking up my fish tonight.
i love you sons of bitches
one day after selling most of his fish he headed to the bar to try and sell some herbs. predictably, he got shit faced drunk while his truck sat in the sun. he finally staggered out to his truck and left the parking lot and drove straight into some guy driving a shiny new corvette. so there was a drunken kenny sitting in the middle of a busy road with rotten fish in the bed of his truck and plenty of herbs on bench seat of his truck trying to convince the owner of corvette to forget the whole thing. the guy with the corvette called the police and kenny was taken away. the truck was impounded along with the fish and the herbs. kenny spent a bit time in jail but was soon out on bail and back to selling herbs and fish.
kenny continued in his entrepreneurial ways for years and along the way he hooked up with lady of the evening who was addicted to a white powder so kenny added that commodity to his business. a few years ago his lifestyle caught up with him and he suffered a massive heart attack. kenny now sleeps with the fish.
i bring all this up because last night a friend called me and asked me if i needed any fish. after all these years we still use the the word "fish" when referring to certain high priced herbs.
i'll be picking up my fish tonight.
i love you sons of bitches
Thursday, February 17, 2011
ouch
the sun was almost shining so i decided to go for a nice ride to the wholesale supermarket to pick some cheap, almost stale, bread. my favorite bread, oatnut, sells for 99 cents when it's within a few days of the best before date.
i found a few loaves and headed to the check-out. there were long lines at each of the cashiers, bummer. just before i reached the cashier there was a commotion. mohammed refused to take his stuff off the cart and put in on the conveyor belt. he had a lot of stuff. he wanted the cashier to take the magic scanner to his cart. in short, mohammed wanted the mountain brought to him rather than him going to the mountain. to put it into perspective, there are lots of little old chinese ladies shopping for their restaurants and they all lift the boxes of produce onto the conveyor belt but not mohammed. the manager was called and greeted him but name, his name really was mohammed. i guess this had happened before. rather than telling mohammed to put his stuff on the conveyor belt the manager kissed his ass and personally took the corded scanner to his cart and scanned all his stuff. after scanning everything they talked about mohammed's restaurant. i thought they would be talking about falafels or fried camel balls but no, mohammed had a mexican diner. i'm not making this up. so after about 20 feckin minutes i paid for my 2 loaves of stale bread and was on my way.
on the way home the skies opened up and it started to hail like crazy. the hail was pounding my noggin so i decided to pull the touque down over my forehead for protection forgetting that i had a cable with a master lock wrapped around my wrist. when i quickly lifted my hand to my head to pull down the touque, the lock hit me square in the forehead. feckin ouch!!!
after swearing up a storm i thought about it for a minute and thanked my lucky stars that the lock didn't hit a tooth. i have a lump on my head but no chipped teeth. i'm so happy i could shit, but not happy enough to forgive mohammed for being a prick. if he wasn't such an asshole i would have rode home before the hail.
if you want to experience heaven on earth, try a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich on oatnut bread. even better, smoke a little something first ;)
i love you sons of bitches, but not mohammed.
i found a few loaves and headed to the check-out. there were long lines at each of the cashiers, bummer. just before i reached the cashier there was a commotion. mohammed refused to take his stuff off the cart and put in on the conveyor belt. he had a lot of stuff. he wanted the cashier to take the magic scanner to his cart. in short, mohammed wanted the mountain brought to him rather than him going to the mountain. to put it into perspective, there are lots of little old chinese ladies shopping for their restaurants and they all lift the boxes of produce onto the conveyor belt but not mohammed. the manager was called and greeted him but name, his name really was mohammed. i guess this had happened before. rather than telling mohammed to put his stuff on the conveyor belt the manager kissed his ass and personally took the corded scanner to his cart and scanned all his stuff. after scanning everything they talked about mohammed's restaurant. i thought they would be talking about falafels or fried camel balls but no, mohammed had a mexican diner. i'm not making this up. so after about 20 feckin minutes i paid for my 2 loaves of stale bread and was on my way.
on the way home the skies opened up and it started to hail like crazy. the hail was pounding my noggin so i decided to pull the touque down over my forehead for protection forgetting that i had a cable with a master lock wrapped around my wrist. when i quickly lifted my hand to my head to pull down the touque, the lock hit me square in the forehead. feckin ouch!!!
after swearing up a storm i thought about it for a minute and thanked my lucky stars that the lock didn't hit a tooth. i have a lump on my head but no chipped teeth. i'm so happy i could shit, but not happy enough to forgive mohammed for being a prick. if he wasn't such an asshole i would have rode home before the hail.
if you want to experience heaven on earth, try a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich on oatnut bread. even better, smoke a little something first ;)
i love you sons of bitches, but not mohammed.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
everything is broken
thursday was not my best day. on my way to bank i received a speeding ticket, the first one in about 20 years. then at the bank the manager wouldn't cash a cheque payable to me and the lovely mrs myskin even though she had endorsed it. i was in a foul mood after the speeding ticket and used my favorite word quite loudly so he said that he would "work with me" to resolve the problem. it took a few minutes but it was resolved and i was on my way.
after arriving home i discovered that my desktop computer would only give me a black screen. no matter how much i threatened to thrash it, it just wouldn't work. i was forced to fire up the emergency netbook i purchased when sonny left town. a quick phone call to sonny didn't resolve the problem. i have to wait for sonny's next trip to town for a proper diagnosis. there's a good chance i'm paying for my past sins of file sharing.
i hate using little keyboards so the fast food princess set me up with her old desktop until things get resolved. it's old and only has 1 gb of ram so things are running quite slowly. using a different computer is prompting the financial institutions i deal with to ask me lots of questions to which i forget the answers i provided years ago resulting in phone calls, lots of time put on hold and having to kiss the arse of several strangers working at call centers.
i'd happily go buy a new desktop but the old one has a lot of important stuff on it. until it's declared deader than a doornail i'll wait for a visit from sonny. so far i get the impression he doesn't share my sense of urgency. so it goes.
and just for good measure i re-injured a pulled groin muscle whilst doing some stretching exercises last night. i had a 15 lb weight in each hand and was letting gravity work it's magic while touching my toes. it's a great way to stretch but it's also easy to over stretch.
any r.l. burnside fans out there?
i love you sons of bitches.
after arriving home i discovered that my desktop computer would only give me a black screen. no matter how much i threatened to thrash it, it just wouldn't work. i was forced to fire up the emergency netbook i purchased when sonny left town. a quick phone call to sonny didn't resolve the problem. i have to wait for sonny's next trip to town for a proper diagnosis. there's a good chance i'm paying for my past sins of file sharing.
i hate using little keyboards so the fast food princess set me up with her old desktop until things get resolved. it's old and only has 1 gb of ram so things are running quite slowly. using a different computer is prompting the financial institutions i deal with to ask me lots of questions to which i forget the answers i provided years ago resulting in phone calls, lots of time put on hold and having to kiss the arse of several strangers working at call centers.
i'd happily go buy a new desktop but the old one has a lot of important stuff on it. until it's declared deader than a doornail i'll wait for a visit from sonny. so far i get the impression he doesn't share my sense of urgency. so it goes.
and just for good measure i re-injured a pulled groin muscle whilst doing some stretching exercises last night. i had a 15 lb weight in each hand and was letting gravity work it's magic while touching my toes. it's a great way to stretch but it's also easy to over stretch.
any r.l. burnside fans out there?
i love you sons of bitches.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
here is my hand
here is my hand
please hang it on the wall
so you will remember
when i was quite small
of all the stuff my angels made in school this is my favorite by a country mile. occasionally when i think of it i get a little choked. hands are a big deal to me. when sonny was a little guy part of our pre-bedtime ritual was shaking hands. his job was to squeeze as hard as he could. a strong handshake is essential in the business world as it's usually the first contact when greeting a business associate or going into a job interview. you only have one chance to make a strong first impression and blowing it with a poor handshake is just plain stupid.a firm grip also goes a long way toward establishing yourself as the alpha male. on the flip side, a limp grip is also something that won't be soon forgotten. another thing, keep your hands out your feckin pockets before shaking hands. a soft, sweaty grip is almost as bad as a limp wrist.
sonny is currently in his 16th year of karate and spent 4 summers in the core shack at various mining camps. now that he's in the business world it's highly unlikely that he'll come up short on a handshake. i did the same thing with the fast food princess but she liked to inflict pain by squeezing the fingers on each side of my ring. that can really hurt if done correctly.
the preceeding babble was just an excuse to play one of my favorite songs.
i love you sons of bitches
please hang it on the wall
so you will remember
when i was quite small
of all the stuff my angels made in school this is my favorite by a country mile. occasionally when i think of it i get a little choked. hands are a big deal to me. when sonny was a little guy part of our pre-bedtime ritual was shaking hands. his job was to squeeze as hard as he could. a strong handshake is essential in the business world as it's usually the first contact when greeting a business associate or going into a job interview. you only have one chance to make a strong first impression and blowing it with a poor handshake is just plain stupid.a firm grip also goes a long way toward establishing yourself as the alpha male. on the flip side, a limp grip is also something that won't be soon forgotten. another thing, keep your hands out your feckin pockets before shaking hands. a soft, sweaty grip is almost as bad as a limp wrist.
sonny is currently in his 16th year of karate and spent 4 summers in the core shack at various mining camps. now that he's in the business world it's highly unlikely that he'll come up short on a handshake. i did the same thing with the fast food princess but she liked to inflict pain by squeezing the fingers on each side of my ring. that can really hurt if done correctly.
the preceeding babble was just an excuse to play one of my favorite songs.
i love you sons of bitches
Friday, February 4, 2011
caution!
don't read this if you are squeamish.
100 DOGS SLAUGTERED!
naturally there is total outrage in our area over this disgusting act and our newspapers speak of international outrage. has anyone outside of canada heard of this story?
canada is often criticized for mollycoddling criminals and this story certainly supports that contention. michael vick was tossed in jail and was forced to declare bankruptcy over promoting dog fights and killing the losers. our asshole assassin received disability payments for the stress he suffered whilst slaughtering dogs.
100 dogs slaughtered in the name of profit.
fuck the olympics.
100 DOGS SLAUGTERED!
naturally there is total outrage in our area over this disgusting act and our newspapers speak of international outrage. has anyone outside of canada heard of this story?
canada is often criticized for mollycoddling criminals and this story certainly supports that contention. michael vick was tossed in jail and was forced to declare bankruptcy over promoting dog fights and killing the losers. our asshole assassin received disability payments for the stress he suffered whilst slaughtering dogs.
100 dogs slaughtered in the name of profit.
fuck the olympics.
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