my left knee still hurts. i haven't ridden a bicycle in 4 days, so it is really sore. the reason i pulled my little stunt with the left leg is i have a bum right knee. the thought of not being able to hop up stairs on one leg really ate away at me so i decided to try it using my gimpy right leg but this time i didn't put one arm behind my back and allowed myself to hold onto the hand rail. drum roll please....
i did it. the secret is hanging onto the hand rail. the hand rail not only helped with my balance it allowed me to pull myself forward a wee bit. after doing one step i decided it was time to quit while i was ahead. once the left knee returns to form i'm going into training!
now the good news. i dropped into value village to look for a pair of jeans and hit the motherload. whilst trying on a pair of jeans i stuck my hand in the pocket and found 20 bucks!! and to top it all off the jeans were a perfect fit. proof positive that jesus loves me. it just goes to show that you don't have to go to church or be a particularly good person for jesus to love you. so i got that going for me too.
i'll bet THESE GUYS can't hop up the stairs on one leg or fit into a cheap pair of used jeans. but what the fuck, jesus probably still loves them.
and now, the world's best halloween song.
i love you sons of bitches.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
don't try this at home
don't try this at home, i wish that thought was running through my head yesterday when i visited a friend. i was relating an incident where the elevator was out of order a few days earlier and i had to take the stairs and there were several people that were having a tough time climbing the stairs. i boasted that i could hop up the stairs on one leg with my hand tied behind my back. one thing led to another i decided to prove that i could do it. big mistake.
i stood at the bottom of the stairs on one leg with my left hand stuck in my back left pocket. it was real hard to get started because i seemed to lose my balance when i was ready to start hopping. after a few moments to get my bearings i hopped up onto the first step. it was not easy. the second step was not any easier. on the 3 step something happened to my knee when i landed and the demonstration was over. my feckin left knee is swollen and i can barely walk today. as they say, don't try this at home!
on a brighter note i got lucky with a remote control. i have an old jvc radio/cd/cassette in my bedroom that i listen to every night and hit the sleep button on the remote so it'll turn itself off should i drift off to sleep whilst listening to the news etc. the sleep button on the remote is almost worn out, i have to press it several times really hard to make it work. i've been looking for a new radio but i have an emotional attachment to the old jvc. by chance i checked out the harmony data base and was totally surprised that my 25 year old jvc boom box was in the data base. i quickly ran out and bought another harmony remote to program for the jvc. voila, it worked!
here are all my children:
here are the harmony remotes that i'm smitten over:
i love those harmony sons of bitches, you guys too.
i stood at the bottom of the stairs on one leg with my left hand stuck in my back left pocket. it was real hard to get started because i seemed to lose my balance when i was ready to start hopping. after a few moments to get my bearings i hopped up onto the first step. it was not easy. the second step was not any easier. on the 3 step something happened to my knee when i landed and the demonstration was over. my feckin left knee is swollen and i can barely walk today. as they say, don't try this at home!
on a brighter note i got lucky with a remote control. i have an old jvc radio/cd/cassette in my bedroom that i listen to every night and hit the sleep button on the remote so it'll turn itself off should i drift off to sleep whilst listening to the news etc. the sleep button on the remote is almost worn out, i have to press it several times really hard to make it work. i've been looking for a new radio but i have an emotional attachment to the old jvc. by chance i checked out the harmony data base and was totally surprised that my 25 year old jvc boom box was in the data base. i quickly ran out and bought another harmony remote to program for the jvc. voila, it worked!
here are all my children:
here are the harmony remotes that i'm smitten over:
i love those harmony sons of bitches, you guys too.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
ouch
i got my flu shot on thursday and today i have a sore throat. just a coincidence or do flu shots really give you a small case of the sniffles.
since it was free i won't complain or cry like a big baby. nope, i'm going to blame THIS SON OF A BITCH!
or how about THE APPLE GESTAPO!
as i previously wrote, i bought a new el cheapo computer. it works just fine and has similar specs to an apple computer costing many time more. i called a friend who recently shelled out about $2500 for an apple computer, $1700 for the computer and $800 for an extended warranty, service contract and a bunch of shit from the i store. when i called to tell him about my $359 bargain i was expecting him to say, "shit, i should have got one of those and saved a bundle." to my surprise he basically called me an idiot saying my new toy was a piece of crap and i should have got a quality machine like an apple. so it goes.
i love you sons of bitches.
since it was free i won't complain or cry like a big baby. nope, i'm going to blame THIS SON OF A BITCH!
or how about THE APPLE GESTAPO!
as i previously wrote, i bought a new el cheapo computer. it works just fine and has similar specs to an apple computer costing many time more. i called a friend who recently shelled out about $2500 for an apple computer, $1700 for the computer and $800 for an extended warranty, service contract and a bunch of shit from the i store. when i called to tell him about my $359 bargain i was expecting him to say, "shit, i should have got one of those and saved a bundle." to my surprise he basically called me an idiot saying my new toy was a piece of crap and i should have got a quality machine like an apple. so it goes.
i love you sons of bitches.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
toys
call me stupid and hit me with a stick but i'm watching the republican debate so i might as well drone on about some other nonsense whilst watching some guy called perry make an idjit of himself.
i bought a new desktop computer on the weekend. after intense pondering i said; feck it, i'll just buy the cheapest machine i can find that meets my needs. $359 and it works like a charm. this was the 4th desktop computer i've bought. previously the new toys required some tinkering before they were up and running but this little beauty just required me to follow the bouncing ball and it was off to the races. i'll thank bill gates for the simplicity. in the past i thought bill gates was evil, now i think he's a saint and steve jobs was the devil incarnate.
i also bought an e-reader. true to form i bought the cheapest one i could find. doing a little research i found people worried about whether the toy took 1 or 2 seconds to turn the page. we are a bunch of whiners. my el cheapo ereader works fine. it's simple to use and i can make the fonts as large as i want. lucky me.
oh yeah, this is day 7 with no candy. i'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and when she asks what i've done whilst off work on sick leave i'll proudly say, i haven't had a ju jube or peanut butter cup for 7 feckin days. so i got that going for me too. i haven't had a drop of alcohol for almost 6 years. big feckin deal, i get real tired of people thinking they're a feckin saint because they gave up a vice.
i love you sons of bitches
i bought a new desktop computer on the weekend. after intense pondering i said; feck it, i'll just buy the cheapest machine i can find that meets my needs. $359 and it works like a charm. this was the 4th desktop computer i've bought. previously the new toys required some tinkering before they were up and running but this little beauty just required me to follow the bouncing ball and it was off to the races. i'll thank bill gates for the simplicity. in the past i thought bill gates was evil, now i think he's a saint and steve jobs was the devil incarnate.
i also bought an e-reader. true to form i bought the cheapest one i could find. doing a little research i found people worried about whether the toy took 1 or 2 seconds to turn the page. we are a bunch of whiners. my el cheapo ereader works fine. it's simple to use and i can make the fonts as large as i want. lucky me.
oh yeah, this is day 7 with no candy. i'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and when she asks what i've done whilst off work on sick leave i'll proudly say, i haven't had a ju jube or peanut butter cup for 7 feckin days. so i got that going for me too. i haven't had a drop of alcohol for almost 6 years. big feckin deal, i get real tired of people thinking they're a feckin saint because they gave up a vice.
i love you sons of bitches
Saturday, October 15, 2011
occupy wall street
for the record, i like protestors. they wake people up and bring attention to problems or what the hell, they wreak havoc on law abiding citizens. so it goes.
the question i have is what is the goal of the occupy wall street crowd? from what i can gather these guys are mad at corporations for making too much money and not having a social conscience. also, i think these guys are anti republican and pro democrat. am i correct so far?
the most hypocritical thing i've seen in the whole deal is obama jumping on the cause and castigating the so called wall street corporations.
why is he a fecking hypocrite?
take a look at his LARGEST POLITICAL BENEFACTORS.
that's right, he takes a shit load of money from the very corporations he's criticizing in public but behind closed doors he's hopping into the sack with the captains of industry. the very banks that have benefited from his bailouts were in fact his largest contributors. i can't blame him for bailing them out but what he can be blamed for is not putting regulations in place to stop them from fucking up again.
that's it for now. my fecking desktop computer died and the fast food princess is going to set up the new one i bought this morning.
i love those protesting sons of bitches even if i think they're a wee bit misguided.
profit is the straw that stirs the drink in our society.
the question i have is what is the goal of the occupy wall street crowd? from what i can gather these guys are mad at corporations for making too much money and not having a social conscience. also, i think these guys are anti republican and pro democrat. am i correct so far?
the most hypocritical thing i've seen in the whole deal is obama jumping on the cause and castigating the so called wall street corporations.
why is he a fecking hypocrite?
take a look at his LARGEST POLITICAL BENEFACTORS.
that's right, he takes a shit load of money from the very corporations he's criticizing in public but behind closed doors he's hopping into the sack with the captains of industry. the very banks that have benefited from his bailouts were in fact his largest contributors. i can't blame him for bailing them out but what he can be blamed for is not putting regulations in place to stop them from fucking up again.
that's it for now. my fecking desktop computer died and the fast food princess is going to set up the new one i bought this morning.
i love those protesting sons of bitches even if i think they're a wee bit misguided.
profit is the straw that stirs the drink in our society.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
tomatoes
the tomato growing season is about over and although i lost the growing contest very badly to my father, i'm happy with the results.
these are the little beauties that have been ripening in the kitchen. of course there were more and you'll have to take me at my word that the best ones have been eaten.
whilst purchasing the plants in the spring i noticed some "yellow tomato plants" and couldn't resist picking one up and son of a bitch, i grew a yellow tomato and it's feckin huge. i took a picture of it beside ruby so you see just how big it is!
after a little fishing i decided to make some "butter toffee" coffee. it seems i fished a little too much and here's the result; the foot of god. i thought there was an image of jesus in the spilt coffee but after the fish wore off, jesus be gone.
on a different note, the doctor pulled me from the game and won't let me back in for at least 2 months. i don't know what the cracker factory will do without me. in fact the cracker factory doesn't really know what to do with me. this past spring they made me mentor to the young recruits but that didn't really keep me busy so i was also assigned to representing people with grievances. little did they know that i would fall in love with the book "speaker for the dead" and actually put a lot of effort into battling the evil corporation on behalf of all the aggrieved parties.
i love you sons of bitches.
these are the little beauties that have been ripening in the kitchen. of course there were more and you'll have to take me at my word that the best ones have been eaten.
whilst purchasing the plants in the spring i noticed some "yellow tomato plants" and couldn't resist picking one up and son of a bitch, i grew a yellow tomato and it's feckin huge. i took a picture of it beside ruby so you see just how big it is!
after a little fishing i decided to make some "butter toffee" coffee. it seems i fished a little too much and here's the result; the foot of god. i thought there was an image of jesus in the spilt coffee but after the fish wore off, jesus be gone.
on a different note, the doctor pulled me from the game and won't let me back in for at least 2 months. i don't know what the cracker factory will do without me. in fact the cracker factory doesn't really know what to do with me. this past spring they made me mentor to the young recruits but that didn't really keep me busy so i was also assigned to representing people with grievances. little did they know that i would fall in love with the book "speaker for the dead" and actually put a lot of effort into battling the evil corporation on behalf of all the aggrieved parties.
i love you sons of bitches.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
obama
let me begin by saying i was never an obama fan, in my opinion he reeked of narcissism from all the adulation he received leading up to the presidential election but that's only the opinion of an outsider. quick, name three harvard educated lawyers who aren't in love with themselves. i knew you couldn't do it.
maybe it was his color that made people think he would be the great friend to the poor or maybe it was just the fact he wasn't george bush that made people think the messiah had landed. i have seen the messiah and she has 4 legs, a nasty disposition and can fart with the best of them.
so i wasn't surprised when i read this, Obama: A disaster for civil liberties before reading this i thought all the criticism of his record on civil rights was just rhetoric from a bunch of conspiracy minded kooks but the facts speak for themselves. face it, as far as privacy and civil liberties go the cat is out of the bag. between surveillance technology and the growing chasm between the haves and the have nots, freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. so it goes. we are facing the same bullshit in canada but at least it's coming from a right wing douche who is pretty much doing what we all expected, being an asshole.
how to get the genie back in the bottle?
on a different note, i'm seeing the radio repairman (brain guy)so what the fuck, why not dispense a little childish watermelon humor.
in case you forgot, this will be my swan song. so it goes.
i love you sons of bitches.
maybe it was his color that made people think he would be the great friend to the poor or maybe it was just the fact he wasn't george bush that made people think the messiah had landed. i have seen the messiah and she has 4 legs, a nasty disposition and can fart with the best of them.
so i wasn't surprised when i read this, Obama: A disaster for civil liberties before reading this i thought all the criticism of his record on civil rights was just rhetoric from a bunch of conspiracy minded kooks but the facts speak for themselves. face it, as far as privacy and civil liberties go the cat is out of the bag. between surveillance technology and the growing chasm between the haves and the have nots, freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. so it goes. we are facing the same bullshit in canada but at least it's coming from a right wing douche who is pretty much doing what we all expected, being an asshole.
how to get the genie back in the bottle?
on a different note, i'm seeing the radio repairman (brain guy)so what the fuck, why not dispense a little childish watermelon humor.
in case you forgot, this will be my swan song. so it goes.
i love you sons of bitches.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)