it's that time again....

in the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, but i'm an old fart and my thoughts heavily turn to tomato plants! i took my dad to the garden shop this morning and picked up a few plants myself. they have tons of different varieties so i picked up a few pineapple and pink germans. who the fuck knows what will grow but i'm pretty sure it'll be plain old tomatoes.

and the little son of bitch donald isn't so little anymore. he's still a man of mystery, out of the hundreds of guesses from the international readership, only one guy in sri lanka has come close.

and that's not all i have going for me these days, another stray turtle wondered into the yard.

and here's my story de jour. i was standing in the line at the cashier in the drug store and the lady in front me, an attractive middle aged asian lady, was 5 cents short when paying for her stuff. she pulled out her debit card to pay the 5 cents, and me being a philanthropist of some renown, pulled out a nickel and offered it to her. not only did she not accept my nickel, she gave me a dirty look and said nothing. gave me the cold fucking shoulder! what a cunt!

how about a little racial sensitivity training?

i love you sons of bitches.

the tree

take a gander at CANADA'S SECOND LARGEST TREE. fucking beauty eh!

a few days ago i paid a visit to a garden shop looking for an alaskan weeping cedar tree. they didn't have any but i didn't want to go away empty handed so i picked up a few baby giant cedar trees:

i was expressly forbidden to buy any large trees because we already have a few that the lovely mrs myshkin hates:

i'll be dead long before those little sons of bitches grow into manly massive pieces of lumber but it'll be fun watching them grow. at our old house i planted several small giant cedars just before we left. they only cost a few bucks and i planted them at the property line beside my neighbors sump. that prick ended up with 4 families living in his monster house so i hope one day the baby cedars grow into fine large trees and fuck up his drainage.

i love you sons of bitches.

earth day

happy earth day!

i got to wear my new t-shirt today.

not only that, i got a free cup of coffee at starbucks for bringing my own mug. but i still think their coffee is over rated and will never buy a cup although a few years ago someone gave me a starbucks gift card which i used to buy some half priced holiday coffee beans.

i love you sons of bitches.

a battle of attrition.

anyone getting tired of my whining about the cracker factory? i'm tired of me whining about the cracker factory but i don't have a lot of other shit to whine about so i'll drone on until jesus gives me a sign. i'm not going to hold my breath waiting for jesus to shit or get off the pot.

today i was called into the big office and the h.r. manager was there. when the h.r. manager is present, you're fucked. plain and simple, you're fucked. remember the old george carlin bit? all right billy we're gonna fuck ya, but we're gonna fuck ya slow.

on a more pleasant note, donald is growing like a weed. but as they say, one man's weed is another man's flower.

if you think that's nice, this is even nicer! my favorite turtle jockey, the magic gnome, has taken up residence in a nice little spot in our front yard and is there to greet me and the roo every morning when we go on our walk.

on a more somber note, the son of a policeman WENT ON A MURDER SPREE with a knife. the prick killed 5 people before running away and suffering a dog bite from a 4 legged cop. that's what happens in a country with gun control, you get knifed. he did the dirty deed at a party full of university students. you'd think there would be a few guys there capable of knocking the shit out him before he could take off.

anyone remember this old classic?

i love you sons of bitches.

donald lives!!!

last year around this time i was droning on about my plant donald and challenged the international readership to guess what sort of plant donald would turn into upon reaching maturity, IN CASE YOU FORGOT.

when we moved a few weeks back i dug donald up and brought him with me much to the chagrin of the lovely mrs myshkin, she still calls him a weed. well, donald has sprung to life! he was a little wilted when i planted him but in the last week it's as if jesus himself tossed a little holy water on the little guy. behold:

it looks like donald will be an early bloomer this year so get your guesses in quick.

things are looking pretty bleak at the cracker factory but as i like to say, who gives a shit. i'm praying my brains out that things are going to go like this tomorrow when my times come to meet with the queen of mean:

i love you sons of bitches

the mower

last fall, the honda lawnmower i used to cut my dad's grass was stolen. i think it was 4 years old and it worked very well, woe was me. i bought a new mower at sears last weekend, the cheapest one they had. i figured if some prick is going to steal this one, he'll get a cheap mower. the new mower is a craftsman with a kohler engine. i had never heard of kohler until i bought the mower. yesterday i took it out of the box and assembled it. it was easy to assemble but the fecking cardboard box it came in was one tough nut to crack. and it was even harder cutting it up for disposal.

after it was assembled i put in the oil that came with it and then bought some gas. all the while, in the back of my mind i was thinking, what if this prick won't start. after putting in the gas the moment of truth arrived. i closed my eyes, said a prayer and pulled the cord. the son of bitch fired up on the first pull and i didn't pull very hard. i couldn't believe how easy it started. then i walked it down to my dad's and cut his grass. the fucking thing started first pull everytime and i barely had to pull the cord. i've always liked craftsman stuff and am quite sad with the way sears keeps downsizing their hardware department. when i bought the mower, there were no staff in the hardware section and when i found a salesman all he could say was, there's the mowers and that's all we have. luckily they had the one on sale and i didn't have any questions because he made it clear that he wasn't going to answer any lawnmower questions, it was a take it or leave it sort of deal. for now, i'm glad i took it.

and the batcave is up to speed. when sonny put all my electronic stuff together he only connected 2 speakers because things were in a state of disarray and there was no logical place for the surround speakers. or maybe he was testing me to see if i was still competent enough to finish the job. well, i passed the test. all speakers are now fully functional and i can rattle the lovely mrs myshkin's windows on a whim, should the mood strike.

but on a sour note, things have gone to shit at the cracker factory. it would appear my days are numbered. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.