the baby's are healthy.

remember the post of A MONTH AGO when i was the proud father of 2 healthy, strapping baby cedar trees? well it was time to measure the little darlings today and i'm happy to report that they're growing like weeds. the small tree has grown from 21 inches to 22.5 inches while his big brother has grown from 64 inches to 68 inches. this is no accident, i've been watering them every morning and singing to them each evening before they go to sleep. it probably didn't hurt that i put a wee bit of fertilizer in the hole before planting them. i'll measure them again in a month. this gimmick should last for a several years. after that i may need some surveying equipment to measure their height if this rate of growth continues.

a few nights ago i hopped on the bike and rode to the library after dinner. it was a warm evening so i rode through the park and odin must have been smiling upon me because i experienced a moment of bliss whilst riding under the canopy of trees. it was total serenity and fresh air with a few rays of sunlight making it through the trees and when those rays of sun shone upon me, my spirits lifted and i realized, life is good, enjoy and remember the moment. that's the secret, remember the blissful moments and say adios to those moments that cause you grief.

the trip to the library was to pick up a copy of the dark knight. i watched the movie a few years ago and didn't think it was anything special. this time i thoroughly enjoyed it and why is that you ask? like i've said many times, lower expectations. of course heath ledger stole the show and this time i was able to drift off to tralfamadore while christian bale, michael caine and morgan freeman put others to sleep. it's a shame that old heath checked out so soon. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

the green thumb

i might not have a green thumb but the hand is healing very nicely. must be the sunshine.

donald is all grown up so it should be pretty easy for anyone with a green thumb to identify the species. here's a hint; there's a popular chain of stores named after him.

the tomato plants are also doing well but it's still a crap shoot. it's been my experience that tomato plants can be finicky when it comes to sunshine and nutrients. this is my first planting at this location so i'm not sure how fertile the soil is and i'm not sure if the spot is sunny enough to appease the high spirited and famously temperamental pink german tomato and everyone knows what happens when germans get angry.

and yes, that's my favorite ivy vine in the background that i brought along from the old house. i don't know what the lovely mrs myshkin has more contempt for, the ivy or donald.

and now for the excitement. the clothesline is back in business and it's in use at this very moment. there is a slight breeze from the northeast so it's getting a wee bit of a test today. if the wind picks up i might run out and bring in the laundry. ruby is in the yard guarding her winnie the pooh blanket and will bark three times to signal me if the son of a bitch falls over.

i heard this song on the radio and thought it was good enough to pass along.

i love you sons of bitches.

a comedy of errors

it seems i was little premature in boasting about the excellent job i did erecting the umbrella clothes line. guess what happened when i hung some laundry on it. that's right, the son of a bitch fell over. after painstaking research, i must conclude that my hole wasn't deep enough. not being easily discouraged, i pulled the concrete plug out of the ground and deepened my favorite hole, then added some fresh concrete to the bottom of the hole. i wasn't sure if the old concrete plug would adhere to the new concrete at the bottom of the hole so i put some long screws half way into the plug with the hope that they would add strength to the bond:

yes, it is a rinky dink solution but i was too lazy to drive to home depot and buy more concrete as well as a new sleeve for the pole. if this two bit fix doesn't work i'll head to home depot and buy enough concrete to build an olympic sized swimming pool and a 3 foot sleeve. i'm not overly optimistic on my rinky dink solution. so it goes.

on a more pleasant note, shares in the world rasslin federation SANK LIKE A ROCK TODAY. i still hold vince mcmahon and hulk hogan responsible for ruining rassling. their main competitor, TNA rasslin, is also having financial problems and is having HAVING TROUBLE MEETING THE PAYROLL. maybe the muscle bound steroid era is coming to an end and we can get back to a bunch of fat guys making racial and homophobic comments in between kicking each other in the nuts.

i love you sons of bitches.

the census

several things went wrong yesterday but one thing went extremely right. while riding home from the supermarket i decided to stop by the lake and see if any brave and adventurous turtles had managed to start a new colony where the great turtle holocaust of 2013 took place. my spirits soared when i spotted several turtles basking on an old branch sticking out of the water. i raced home to find my binoculars in order to get a more accurate view of the little darlings. of course i couldn't find the fucking binoculars and predictably found them several hours later when i had ceased looking for them. i was like a kid on xmas eve last night, too excited to sleep.

i couldn't conduct my census too early because the little darlings don't begin the day's basking until their incredibly accurate and precise brains tell them conditions are right, the sun's rays must be warm enough to activate their basking micro chips. after an exhaustive enumeration i'm very happy to report there are at least 8 turtles in the park including 2 red eared sliders. it was the sliders that were judged to be invasive and a threat to humanity. god bless those brave little tailors. i'll be very vigilant in keeping track of the health of the colony and will report any changes toot sweet. another gimmick, take that frump. turtles are infinitely more interesting that tobacco consumption.

i'm also very pleased to announce the little folding clothes line has been installed. i can't believe that most people don't have a clothes line. in my book, it's a necessity. nothing beats sleeping between fresh sheets that have baked in the sun all day. sonny helped me cement the son of bitch sleeve in the ground:

after thinking about it over night i decided to add more concrete. remember the closet, i'm not satisfied unless things are solid:

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, life is good.

i love you sons of bitches.

the epic rant

whilst shopping at safeway this morning, half priced donuts, there were unusually long line ups at the cashiers and i may have fallen in love. a very nice looking woman standing in front of me in the line started complaining quite loudly about the lack of staff and the need to open more cash lanes. she just kept getting madder and madder until the manager came and tried to calm her down. by this time everyone in the store was looking at her. no matter what crazy thing she said, i had her back. i repeatedly told the manager that "she was making excellent points." after the commotion was done she thanked me profusely and went on her merry way. i should have given her a business card.

next i phoned my dad's credit union to check on a few items and they asked me for my date of birth followed by a myriad of other questions. i asked why so many questions and was told i gave the incorrect answer for my date of birth. i told her that i knew what my fucking date of birth was and the dumb cunt told me to check my driver's license. these dumb fucks screwed up my birth date and then told me that i had to come into the branch to prove my identity and straighten things out. to say that i blew a gasket would be an understatement. i hate credit unions with a passion and having some young dumb cunt telling me that didn't know my own birthday was the icing on the cake. the question is, should i go there with a full head of steam and raise royal shit or maybe do a little fishing to get mellow before entering the building.

credit unions and supermarkets, good practice for the upcoming shit storm at the cracker factory.

i love you sons of bitches.