bye bye

double headache

my favorite pair of sneakers are gone. a pair of blue suede adidas gazelles are history. the rip lived up to her name ripping out the tongue and the inner sole. they were, old comfortable and fashionably worn. i'll miss those old friends. of the course the rip was too busy flying around the yard and playing keep away with a few tennis balls to accept her verbal reprimand.

losing the shoes isn't the worst part of the incident. the worst part is being reminded every hour what an idiot i am and how many times i've been told not to leave my sneakers lying around. a more petty man would stick a few meatballs into her shoes and let the rip take it from there. this is day 10 in our relationship and i'm beginning to feel a little ripper fatigue. ripper goes insane when i leave the house and i've also had to cut back on my sweets. every time i grab a bag of candy or piece of cake you know who is demanding her share. she's sworn off dog food, instead preferring meat and potatoes. so far she's won the battle of wills. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

a rip in the fabric of time

the time line is unstable at casa myshkin. to be more precise there is a rip in the fabric of time.....

meet the ripper, her friends call her rip.

we adopted rip from a shelter and she has no history. she is in the 1 - 2 year old range and is very probably a recent mother who was abandoned after the pups were born.

me and rip are totally outraged at these GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE SHITHEAD NINE IRONS!!!

at the shelter i looked at rip then i looked at my daughter and as if possessed, said the following: "i think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

the following morning i hopped into the sonata to run an errand and noticed a few windows covered in dog snot. all is right with the world. i love dog snot on the the windows.

and i love you sons of bitches almost as much as i love dog snot on a window.

what could go wrong?

yes, i admit to listening to coast to coast radio. i'm a big fan of GEORGE NOORY. old george is the perfect straight man for all his loony guests. he can keep a straight face and react like some sort of rube who truly believes that crazy guests are wonderfully sane people and their stories are of vital importance to the global community. i don't want to rag on all of his guests, i would imagine that there are many serious guests with legitimate stories to tell and credible unexplained phenomena to expose.

now good old george has introduced the PARANORMAL DATING SITE. what could go wrong? if you want to breed true lunatics you have to have a pure gene pool, no normal genes allowed. so it makes perfect sense to create a vehicle that will match up lunatics on a global scale. coast to coast has over 500 radio stations promoting the gospel of alien conspiracies and all things super natural so there is a large sample of humanity just waiting to get hooked up with like minded crack pots. who knows, maybe one of these days i'll start wearing a tin foil hat and dip my toe into the paranormal dating pool. like i said, what could go wrong?

i love you sons of bitches.

******CLIFFHANGER!

I WAS DOING SOME GARDENING AT MY MOM'S HOUSE AND FOUND A TREASURE! A LESS TRAINED EYE WOULD NOT HAVE RECOGNIZED IT BUT OLD EAGLE EYES PILGRIM IMMEDIATELY FIGURED IT OUT. I HAD TO ABANDON MY GROUCHY OLD BAG OF SISTER AND FLY HOME TO UNRAVEL THE MYSTERY AND SURE ENOUGH, GOD FUCKING LOVES ME!*******

*****IN THE TRUE SPIRIT OF GIMMICKS, YOU'LL HAVE TO AWAIT MY NEXT POST FOR THE DETAILS.*****

final resting place

dear old dad was a 100% pure icelander. a true viking. he had my back for 60 years and the thought of not having him watch my back was truly distressing so i took action. once again, he has my back. he is watching my back at this very moment:

i sealed a portion of his ashes into the regal viking. his is the first face i see each morning and the last face i see before retiring for the evening. my sister is not amused. she was upset when i sent her a photo journal of the entombment and ceremony i performed. she and i are polar opposites. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

jug # 12

this is the little beauty that got it all started. i had only planned to buy this jug but before i realized what was happening i was loading 12 fucking jugs into the mighty hyundai.

regular readers know that i can never get enough of deadwood but things might have been getting a little stale so it was time to bring in the fucking indian. so far the indian has been excellent, offering me more unconditional positive regard than a $500/hour jew psychiatrist. the chief has already paid for himself many times over.

the dirty son of a bitch who uploaded the deadwood clip with the chief disabled embedding etc so please:

CLICK RIGHT HERE TO EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF AL AND THE CHIEF!

this wraps up my 12 days of jugs gimmick. it has been an outstanding success. readership has not greatly increased in quantity buy it's been a home run in terms of quality. it seems that everyone's favorite aquarian was captivated by the jugs. so i got that going for me too.

i love you sons of bitches.

jug 11

jug # 11 could be my self portrait in a few years. it's called auld mac and there really isn't anything special about it. just an old man. nothing wrong with being just an old man in my books.

i measured the young cedar trees yesterday and was truly amazed at their growth. the small tree grew two inches in the month of may and the larger tree grew 3 inches in the month of may. i've been watering them like crazy and giving them a bit of fertilizer. the trees hold a special place in my heart because just after we moved to this house dear old dad and i planted them. i was planning on buying a few alaskan weeping cedars but the nursery didn't have any so i picked up the giant cedars. i've planted a lot of trees over the years and often think how much nicer the city would be if everyone shared my love of trees. we have a few huge trees beside our house and the real estate agent told us that they actually reduced the value of of the house. nine irons don't like climbing on the roof and cleaning out the gutters.

new growth!

i love you sons of bitches