i found a few loaves and headed to the check-out. there were long lines at each of the cashiers, bummer. just before i reached the cashier there was a commotion. mohammed refused to take his stuff off the cart and put in on the conveyor belt. he had a lot of stuff. he wanted the cashier to take the magic scanner to his cart. in short, mohammed wanted the mountain brought to him rather than him going to the mountain. to put it into perspective, there are lots of little old chinese ladies shopping for their restaurants and they all lift the boxes of produce onto the conveyor belt but not mohammed. the manager was called and greeted him but name, his name really was mohammed. i guess this had happened before. rather than telling mohammed to put his stuff on the conveyor belt the manager kissed his ass and personally took the corded scanner to his cart and scanned all his stuff. after scanning everything they talked about mohammed's restaurant. i thought they would be talking about falafels or fried camel balls but no, mohammed had a mexican diner. i'm not making this up. so after about 20 feckin minutes i paid for my 2 loaves of stale bread and was on my way.
on the way home the skies opened up and it started to hail like crazy. the hail was pounding my noggin so i decided to pull the touque down over my forehead for protection forgetting that i had a cable with a master lock wrapped around my wrist. when i quickly lifted my hand to my head to pull down the touque, the lock hit me square in the forehead. feckin ouch!!!
after swearing up a storm i thought about it for a minute and thanked my lucky stars that the lock didn't hit a tooth. i have a lump on my head but no chipped teeth. i'm so happy i could shit, but not happy enough to forgive mohammed for being a prick. if he wasn't such an asshole i would have rode home before the hail.
if you want to experience heaven on earth, try a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich on oatnut bread. even better, smoke a little something first ;)
i love you sons of bitches, but not mohammed.
15 comments:
i love that brand too, but too many carbs for me...really miss it.
oh man..smacked in the head by a bicycle lock..now there's a story for the grand-kids..
a guy named Mohammad running a Mexican restaurant...only in Canada.
Oh how you make me laugh BP. I enjoyed this post a lot. I will try my new Chinese phrase out on Mohammed because he certainly deserves it. Enjoy your sandwich and I will look for that bread when I am at the store next.
Mmmmmm...tasty!
Now why doesn't that supermarket have a quick serivce till for non-mohammedan shoppers with relatively few items? Hope the lump is better - did you apply an ice pack to it?
yellowdog - but i don't have any grandkids!
mr shife - our father who farts in heaven, give us our daily bread.
ted - camel balls or bread?
gb - this supermarket has no express lanes. i think they consider small time buyers like me to be pests. they like the big orders.
I adore this blog. Had to say that.
Oatnut Bread is fabulous. I like mine toasted before I put the peanut butter on, so it gets all melty. And then, it's seedless blackberry on top. Another bong hit: Oatnut grilled cheese with grape jam. Trust me on this.
I want names. Why have a blog if you can't have an effect on somebody's bottom line. Mr. Mohammed Entitlement's restaurant is named _________. Boycott!!!
I don't think they sell that bread here.
nance - thanks, i'm blushing. i might talk a good fight but deep down i'm terrified of anyone named mohammed.
secret - i'll bet they sell it at alice's restaurant.
it took me a minute but i realized that 'mohammed' is carelessly guarded code for gimped-up old white men on the dole. nice work
khan - thanks, it was such a cunning disguise i was completely fooled. he sure didn't look like an old white guy.
Canada, land of the meek, home of the played.
Y'all are worse than we are.
thims - the womb of islam with soon engulf the west so i guess we're even.
Stop beating yourself up Billy, literally!
First the chunk of wood and now a lock. Maybe you should think about starting to wear a helmet.
So what's the deal with mohammed... is the conveyor belt contaminated by having transported pork?
robert - excellent point on the pork! i hadn't thought of that but it makes a lot of sense.
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