our election is 2 days away and things just became real interesting.
jack layton, leader of the new democrats, has been soaring in the polls and has been acting like he's king of the world then something happened.
jack layton was CAUGHT NAKED IN A BAWDY HOUSE!!!
this happened in 1996 and it seems like more than a bit of a coincidence that the news came out 2 days before the election and when he was soaring in the polls.
of course he is denying any wrong doing. he was a city councilor at the time of the incident and the city cops let him off. he has an asian wife and was found naked in an asian bawdy house so i guess he has an asian fetish.
the reason i like this so much is jack is a totally sanctimonious prick. he always claims the moral high ground and acts like his shit don't stink but i guess it does now. predictably all his supporters are calling this a smear campaign and predicting it will backfire and of course his opponents are happy as pigs in shit but not making any comments. i don't know if this will have any effect on the outcome of the election but it makes me happy. i love seeing politicians squirm.
i love you sons of bitches
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
i chickened out
a while back i decided to let the old beard grow back and let my thinning hair grow long before it all fell out. my hair had grown long enough to completely cover my ears and the beard was getting pretty wild too. on the days when i didn't have to show up at the cracker factory i didn't run a comb through the old hair after washing it. i kinda looked like ted kaczynski, the unabomber.
so what made me chicken out? next week i have an appointment at the dentist to begin the reconstruction of a tooth that fell victim to stale ju jubes. i had this fear that if i looked like a homeless bum the dentist might treat me like a homeless bum and not being a masochist i decided to clean up my act.
it was off to the barber school for a haircut. have i mentioned that i love the barber school as much as i don't like cops? i had a nice young man cut my hair ever so carefully and after he was finished the owner came to inspect. the owner looks just like harry mudd of star trek fame and he isn't bashful about pointing out flaws in the haircut. after a few touch-ups i was done. the barber school charges $8.00 for a haircut, $8.96 when the harmonized sales tax is tacked on. after paying the owner i walked back and gave the young man a $6.00 tip. a regular hair cut starts around $15.00 around here so i was breaking even.
the young student's face lit up like a christmas tree when i handed him the tip. if i gave a $6.00 tip to a snooty french waiter he'd look at me like i was pond scum. the smile on the student's face was definitely worth $6.00 to me.
i love you sons of bitches.
so what made me chicken out? next week i have an appointment at the dentist to begin the reconstruction of a tooth that fell victim to stale ju jubes. i had this fear that if i looked like a homeless bum the dentist might treat me like a homeless bum and not being a masochist i decided to clean up my act.
it was off to the barber school for a haircut. have i mentioned that i love the barber school as much as i don't like cops? i had a nice young man cut my hair ever so carefully and after he was finished the owner came to inspect. the owner looks just like harry mudd of star trek fame and he isn't bashful about pointing out flaws in the haircut. after a few touch-ups i was done. the barber school charges $8.00 for a haircut, $8.96 when the harmonized sales tax is tacked on. after paying the owner i walked back and gave the young man a $6.00 tip. a regular hair cut starts around $15.00 around here so i was breaking even.
the young student's face lit up like a christmas tree when i handed him the tip. if i gave a $6.00 tip to a snooty french waiter he'd look at me like i was pond scum. the smile on the student's face was definitely worth $6.00 to me.
i love you sons of bitches.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
the election
our election is less than a week away and it's getting fun to watch the jockeying for position and the changing of strategies.
we have 4 main parties:
the conservatives, currently in power with a minority.
the liberals, a centrist party and hard to figure if they lean left or right.
the new demorcrats, a left wing party slowly moving to the center.
the bloc quebecois, a french party only in quebec that wants to separate from canada.
when the campaign first started the conservatives and liberals put out attack ads on each other and didn't really attack the new democrats. then the new democrats started putting out attack ads on the liberals which was funny because there is always talk of a new democrat/liberal coalition to battle the conservatives. the new democrats, liberals and conservatives by and large ignored the bloc quebecois. then the fun started.
the new democrats have recently had a good increase in popularity and now rank second to the conservatives and ahead of the liberals. in the past this was unthinkable. the new democrats were always a distant third to the conservatives and liberals. now the liberals and new democrats are attacking each other and giving the conservatives a pass. the main increase in the new demorcrats popularity is coming from quebec so the bloc quebecois is now also attacking the new democrats. all this is helping the conservatives so they're happy as pigs in shit because they are now looking at forming a majority government.
two big shot liberal candidates are former new democrat premiers. when they moved to federal politics they joined the liberals because being a liberal gave them a better chance of forming government and all the riches that go along with power. now the former new democrats are attacking their former party and urging voters to do the same.
when the new democrats were behind in the polls no one really paid much attention to all their promises but now people are asking how they are going to pay for all their spending. so far their only response is higher corporate taxes which sounds nice but it's the biggest pile of shit in the world. corporations don't pay taxes, people pay taxes. when corporate taxes are lowered the dividend tax credit is reduced so share holders collecting dividends pay more taxes and when corporate taxes are increased the dividend tax credit is increased so share holders collecting dividends pay less taxes. it's all a fucking shell game.
i love you sons of bitches.
we have 4 main parties:
the conservatives, currently in power with a minority.
the liberals, a centrist party and hard to figure if they lean left or right.
the new demorcrats, a left wing party slowly moving to the center.
the bloc quebecois, a french party only in quebec that wants to separate from canada.
when the campaign first started the conservatives and liberals put out attack ads on each other and didn't really attack the new democrats. then the new democrats started putting out attack ads on the liberals which was funny because there is always talk of a new democrat/liberal coalition to battle the conservatives. the new democrats, liberals and conservatives by and large ignored the bloc quebecois. then the fun started.
the new democrats have recently had a good increase in popularity and now rank second to the conservatives and ahead of the liberals. in the past this was unthinkable. the new democrats were always a distant third to the conservatives and liberals. now the liberals and new democrats are attacking each other and giving the conservatives a pass. the main increase in the new demorcrats popularity is coming from quebec so the bloc quebecois is now also attacking the new democrats. all this is helping the conservatives so they're happy as pigs in shit because they are now looking at forming a majority government.
two big shot liberal candidates are former new democrat premiers. when they moved to federal politics they joined the liberals because being a liberal gave them a better chance of forming government and all the riches that go along with power. now the former new democrats are attacking their former party and urging voters to do the same.
when the new democrats were behind in the polls no one really paid much attention to all their promises but now people are asking how they are going to pay for all their spending. so far their only response is higher corporate taxes which sounds nice but it's the biggest pile of shit in the world. corporations don't pay taxes, people pay taxes. when corporate taxes are lowered the dividend tax credit is reduced so share holders collecting dividends pay more taxes and when corporate taxes are increased the dividend tax credit is increased so share holders collecting dividends pay less taxes. it's all a fucking shell game.
i love you sons of bitches.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
jesus loves me
a while back i mentioned that my search for the perfect coffee may be over. i was given a package of godiva chocolate coffee and fell in love with it. after drinking a few cups i headed to the store to buy some more. as luck would have it i couldn't find any, rats!
after finishing the package i was given i have to admit that it quickly became quite tiresome. only my frugality made me finish the package. i'm pretty sure jesus removed all the godiva coffee from the shelf when i went looking for more. thank you jesus. i just wish he'd removed all the french vanilla coffee from the shelves while he was at it.
in honor of jesus and easter and all that stuff i decided to read up on some of his hijinx.
as a sci-fi fan i've read the bible several times and have read a few books on revelation but this was the first time i really enjoyed myself reading about jesus and that nasty dad of his. after reading this i was so proud of myself i picked up a dvd from the bbc on the book of revelation. son of a bitch, it gave a completely different picture of revelation and i'm back in the dark.
in any case, happy fucking easter.
i love you sons of bitches.
after finishing the package i was given i have to admit that it quickly became quite tiresome. only my frugality made me finish the package. i'm pretty sure jesus removed all the godiva coffee from the shelf when i went looking for more. thank you jesus. i just wish he'd removed all the french vanilla coffee from the shelves while he was at it.
in honor of jesus and easter and all that stuff i decided to read up on some of his hijinx.
as a sci-fi fan i've read the bible several times and have read a few books on revelation but this was the first time i really enjoyed myself reading about jesus and that nasty dad of his. after reading this i was so proud of myself i picked up a dvd from the bbc on the book of revelation. son of a bitch, it gave a completely different picture of revelation and i'm back in the dark.
in any case, happy fucking easter.
i love you sons of bitches.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
april...
april
how do i hate thee, let me count the ways.
1. income tax, enough said.
2. performance appraisals at the cracker factory. i don't know what i hate more, writing appraisals for my staff or being the recipient of an appraisal. call it a draw, they both bug me.
3. our federal election. funny how the politicians tell us to tighten our belts for 4 years but when the election is on somehow there's enough money to grant all of our wishes.
the worst offender in bullshit promises is the leader of the ndp, new democratic party. the king of the lefties flies into every city, finds out what everybody wants and gives a rip roaring speech promising to pay for whatever the rubes desire. of course he doesn't have a hope in hell of becoming the prime minister so he can promise the moon. he's a real douchebag but so far he's put out the best commercial i've seen:
another commercial i like is from the libertarian party:
of course the libertarians are a bunch of wolves in sheep's clothing. the name sounds cool but essentially they're a bunch of right wing crackpots. they don't have a candidate in my riding so i couldn't vote for them if i wanted to. unfortunately the herbal refreshment party doesn't have a candidate in my riding either.
right now it's a toss up as to who is going to get my vote. it's a dead heat between the greens and the marxist leninists. i'm leaning towards the marxist leninists.
so it goes.
how do i hate thee, let me count the ways.
1. income tax, enough said.
2. performance appraisals at the cracker factory. i don't know what i hate more, writing appraisals for my staff or being the recipient of an appraisal. call it a draw, they both bug me.
3. our federal election. funny how the politicians tell us to tighten our belts for 4 years but when the election is on somehow there's enough money to grant all of our wishes.
the worst offender in bullshit promises is the leader of the ndp, new democratic party. the king of the lefties flies into every city, finds out what everybody wants and gives a rip roaring speech promising to pay for whatever the rubes desire. of course he doesn't have a hope in hell of becoming the prime minister so he can promise the moon. he's a real douchebag but so far he's put out the best commercial i've seen:
another commercial i like is from the libertarian party:
of course the libertarians are a bunch of wolves in sheep's clothing. the name sounds cool but essentially they're a bunch of right wing crackpots. they don't have a candidate in my riding so i couldn't vote for them if i wanted to. unfortunately the herbal refreshment party doesn't have a candidate in my riding either.
right now it's a toss up as to who is going to get my vote. it's a dead heat between the greens and the marxist leninists. i'm leaning towards the marxist leninists.
so it goes.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
cans cans cans...
i hit the jackpot on empty beer bottles and cans last weekend. a kindly older gentleman gave me 2 garbage bags full of dirty stinky empties. when I opened the bag the stink almost knocked me over and most of the cans had mold on them. the government liquor store gives the full 10 cent refund on empties but they are incredibly picky. if they see any mold or empty cigarette butts in the cans they will usually reject the whole lot so I decided to take them to the recycling depot. the depot only pays 8 cents for domestic bottles and all cans but gives the full 10 cents for imported bottles. they pay $1.00 for a dozen empty cans. a 4 cent bonus. Whoopee. the best part is they don’t care if the cans are covered in dog shit, they take everything.
after sorting my load I headed to the counter and was met by a nice middle aged Chinese lady. she processed my junk quite quickly but didn’t give me the rate of $1.00 for each dozen empty cans. i pointed this out to her but we seemed to have a hard time communicating. each time I said 1 dozen cans she pulled out a pocket calculator and showed me that 12 X 8 = 96 cents. No matter what I said, she entered 12 X 8 and proudly showed me the answer of 96. there was a big sign behind her that said $1.00 for a dozen. i decided against looking for the manager to get my extra 4 cents per dozen and pocketed the $12.50 she handed me. The total actually came to $12.49 but she rounded up to $12.50 so I got that going for me too. Which is nice.
the $12.50 went straight into my kraft raspberry jam jar. the total sits at around $115.00 at the moment. i’m thinking of buying a new computer once the jar gets full.
i love you sons of bitches!
after sorting my load I headed to the counter and was met by a nice middle aged Chinese lady. she processed my junk quite quickly but didn’t give me the rate of $1.00 for each dozen empty cans. i pointed this out to her but we seemed to have a hard time communicating. each time I said 1 dozen cans she pulled out a pocket calculator and showed me that 12 X 8 = 96 cents. No matter what I said, she entered 12 X 8 and proudly showed me the answer of 96. there was a big sign behind her that said $1.00 for a dozen. i decided against looking for the manager to get my extra 4 cents per dozen and pocketed the $12.50 she handed me. The total actually came to $12.49 but she rounded up to $12.50 so I got that going for me too. Which is nice.
the $12.50 went straight into my kraft raspberry jam jar. the total sits at around $115.00 at the moment. i’m thinking of buying a new computer once the jar gets full.
i love you sons of bitches!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
the gas lawnmower
earlier this week it was my parents 67th wedding anniversary. my father is 89 years old and my mother is 86 years old. what did they do to celebrate their anniversary? they went to the casino. my mother loves casinos and honda lawnmowers.
i bought them a honda lawnmower for their 65th wedding anniversary. my dad has a patch of grass in their backyard that he cuts with a hand mower but he hired my kids to cut the rest of the grass. sonny did it faithfully for several years and when he moved on my daughter took over the job. it's real easy money, $50 for about 90 minutes work. the daughter lasted a few months before she decided cutting grass was beneath her so i took over the job. this works out real good for my daughter because i give her the money.
today was the first cut of the year and predictably i couldn't start the feckin mower. i did usual stuff; check that the spark plug was clean and pull the cord in the dark to see if there was a spark. i had spark so next i checked the carburetor and put a little gas in the air intake. the feckin thing still wouldn't work. i had my dad holding the mower in position and holding the safety bar on so i could pull with 2 hands. my mother comes outside and says we should have got an electric mower. i don't know if she forgot it was upon her insistence that i bought the honda. off we went to the lawnmower repair shop. after a good drive with the mower hanging out my trunk we arrive at the repair shop and it had vanished. the whole building had been demolished. fuck! so we went home. i couldn't find a repair shop within a reasonable distance so it was back to fighting the beast.
i decided to ride my bike to the gas station for fresh gas. i keep a spare bike in their garage for just such occasions. have i mentioned that i have more bikes than brains?
i picked up the fresh gas and put a little in the air intake of the mower and the prick starts on the first pull!! so i drained the mower's gas tank of the old gas and spilled gas all over my hands. did i mention that i skinned a knuckle earlier when trying to fix the beast. the gas in my fresh cut hurt like crazy. after filling the tank with fresh gas i cut the grass. my daughter was at university so she missed the whole ordeal. she'll find a $50 dollar bill on her desk when she comes home.
i'm going to drain the gas this fall after the last cut.
i love you sons of bitches but i can't say the same thing about japanese lawnmowers.
i bought them a honda lawnmower for their 65th wedding anniversary. my dad has a patch of grass in their backyard that he cuts with a hand mower but he hired my kids to cut the rest of the grass. sonny did it faithfully for several years and when he moved on my daughter took over the job. it's real easy money, $50 for about 90 minutes work. the daughter lasted a few months before she decided cutting grass was beneath her so i took over the job. this works out real good for my daughter because i give her the money.
today was the first cut of the year and predictably i couldn't start the feckin mower. i did usual stuff; check that the spark plug was clean and pull the cord in the dark to see if there was a spark. i had spark so next i checked the carburetor and put a little gas in the air intake. the feckin thing still wouldn't work. i had my dad holding the mower in position and holding the safety bar on so i could pull with 2 hands. my mother comes outside and says we should have got an electric mower. i don't know if she forgot it was upon her insistence that i bought the honda. off we went to the lawnmower repair shop. after a good drive with the mower hanging out my trunk we arrive at the repair shop and it had vanished. the whole building had been demolished. fuck! so we went home. i couldn't find a repair shop within a reasonable distance so it was back to fighting the beast.
i decided to ride my bike to the gas station for fresh gas. i keep a spare bike in their garage for just such occasions. have i mentioned that i have more bikes than brains?
i picked up the fresh gas and put a little in the air intake of the mower and the prick starts on the first pull!! so i drained the mower's gas tank of the old gas and spilled gas all over my hands. did i mention that i skinned a knuckle earlier when trying to fix the beast. the gas in my fresh cut hurt like crazy. after filling the tank with fresh gas i cut the grass. my daughter was at university so she missed the whole ordeal. she'll find a $50 dollar bill on her desk when she comes home.
i'm going to drain the gas this fall after the last cut.
i love you sons of bitches but i can't say the same thing about japanese lawnmowers.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
rasslemania
tonight is the big night for wwe rasslers, rasslemania. i say big night because it's the night where they make their biggest paycheck.
for years i was a die hard rassling fan. i don't know if it was quitting drinking or the sorry state of rassling these days that turned me off rassling. probably a little of each or maybe i just grew up.
i blame hulk hogan for ruining rassling mainly because he became the most popular rassler on the planet and never rassled. he took lots of steroids, did lots of work on the microphone, flexed his muscles a lot, pointed his finger and finally did his leg drop on some poor schmuck. today's rasslin is all about body builders reading scripts with the occasional bit of rasslin thrown in.
a recent RASSLIN ARTICLE stated that a 2 hour rasslin show had 9 minutes and 58 seconds of rasslin. the rest of the show was interviews and bullshit. most rasslin shows on tv are actually infomercials for the monthly pay-per-views.
it wasn't easy being a rasslin fan. not one of my friends shared my enthusiasm for this theatre of the absurd. i used to enjoy walking into a conference or budget meeting and saying, "did anyone see rasslin last night." this was usually followed by dead silence and looks of scorn. i don't what is phonier, rasslin or budget meetings but that's another story.
although i no longer watch rasslin i still frequently check in on the rasslin websites. if you want to be bombarded with pop up ads, try a few rasslin sites. it's almost like they think rasslin fans aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.
on more thing, apparently you can BET ON WRESTLEMANIA MATCHES. if hulk hogan was still rasslin i could make a few bucks tonight.
mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be rasslers.
i love you sons of bitches.
for years i was a die hard rassling fan. i don't know if it was quitting drinking or the sorry state of rassling these days that turned me off rassling. probably a little of each or maybe i just grew up.
i blame hulk hogan for ruining rassling mainly because he became the most popular rassler on the planet and never rassled. he took lots of steroids, did lots of work on the microphone, flexed his muscles a lot, pointed his finger and finally did his leg drop on some poor schmuck. today's rasslin is all about body builders reading scripts with the occasional bit of rasslin thrown in.
a recent RASSLIN ARTICLE stated that a 2 hour rasslin show had 9 minutes and 58 seconds of rasslin. the rest of the show was interviews and bullshit. most rasslin shows on tv are actually infomercials for the monthly pay-per-views.
it wasn't easy being a rasslin fan. not one of my friends shared my enthusiasm for this theatre of the absurd. i used to enjoy walking into a conference or budget meeting and saying, "did anyone see rasslin last night." this was usually followed by dead silence and looks of scorn. i don't what is phonier, rasslin or budget meetings but that's another story.
although i no longer watch rasslin i still frequently check in on the rasslin websites. if you want to be bombarded with pop up ads, try a few rasslin sites. it's almost like they think rasslin fans aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.
on more thing, apparently you can BET ON WRESTLEMANIA MATCHES. if hulk hogan was still rasslin i could make a few bucks tonight.
mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be rasslers.
i love you sons of bitches.
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