a few weeks ago i was buying a lovely bag of golden delicious apples at a beat up old supermarket that has very good prices. i had painstakingly selected near perfect specimens; rock hard and no bruising. when the cashier put them on the scale and punched in the code they came up on the screen as red delicious. the cashier was an elderly asian woman with poor eyesight. she picked up the apples held them to her face and determined that they weren't red. she voided the transaction and put them back on the scale, none to gently. again she put in the wrong code but couldn't void the transaction. she kept taking them off and putting them back on the scale and trying different codes. all the time i was cringing every time she slammed them on the scale. finally i told her that i didn't want the apples anymore because she was bruising the living crap out of them and i walked off uttering a few colorful words. after getting home i felt a little guilty over the way i had acted.
a few days ago i went back and found some lovely granny smith apples. again i painstakingly picked out some fine specimens and headed to the checkout. son of a bitch, the same woman was on the cashier. i was feeling a little sheepish over my little tantrum the last time i tried to buy apples and hoped she wouldn't recognize me. she picked up my apples, slammed them on the scale and entered the code. son of bitch if she didn't punch in the code for red delicious apples again. she took the apples off the scale and held to her face and figured out that they weren't red. i was no longer feeling sheepish and was ready to really tell her what a feckin idiot she was but the second time she got the code right and i was on my way. my apples were slightly bruised but my guilt was gone.
i wonder how many feckin apples she' bruised in her career?
i love you sons of bitches.
117 comments:
There's a metaphor for something in this story somewhere. Let's see, something about doing the same thing and expecting different results? Nah, that ain't it. A slightly bruised apple a day keeps mostly blind little ol' lady grocers away? Oh, dear. That's totally lame-o. It's somebody else's turn now!
Women, I don't take much shit off of them anymore....
nance - i wish i could work a steve jobbs liver insult in there but the old brain has a worm in it right now.
billy - what about leslie???
You fucker, you just bring her up to start a shit storm. It's peaceful without that bitch being able to comment on my blog and I like it that way.
But I love ya, ya son of a bitch.
You could write a post on the various types of work gloves available at Home Depot and BBC would still use your comment box to spew his hatred of women.
I knew a woman with nice fucking tits who liked gloves. They were clear and disposable and she always wore them around me. The day she came over with a biohazard suit and a bar of soap, I started to realize she was a pushy little spoiled bitch. But she sure had nice tits for an empire-building bitch with nice tits.
But I guess he's not much of an expert on apples. Applesauce, maybe.
The bitch has spoken, everyone should be impressed.
And btw, I also like not being able to comment on your blog because it shuts you the hell up, and right now I suspect it's absolutely killing you, what with the current Eastern Seaboard Monkeys trifecta of doom...earthquake, compromised nuclear plants, and impending hurricane. Poor stifled you! What will all the lost souls do without your guidance?? Hit up the ATM, buy a nice Burberry umbrella and order Chinese delivery, that's what.
#winning!
See you in Hell, fucker!
Speaking of impressed....I'm working on a sweet present for you in the form of a blog tribute to your idiocy. I've compiled dozens of comments from anonymous internet folks telling you what a fucking shitbag moron hypocrite you are.
I have two working titles. Which do you prefer?
SPIRITS UNDOINGS
or
SPIRIT IS A BIG FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO DIGS POOP HOLES AND FUCKS A PLASTIC VAGINA
??
Holy shit, is this a blog feud?! I thought they only happened on political blogs! I've got nothing against women, but the one in the store shouldn't be allowed to put apples on scales. Maybe you should have offered to do it for her?
Like I've said many times before, she wouldn't make a pimple on Helen's ass.
I'm working on a sweet present for you in the form of a blog tribute to your idiocy.
As long as she understands that she isn't the first fucking woman on the internut that did that. I'm still here but I don't see them around anymore.
gb - yes, there does seem to be a bit of a dust up and the participants seem to have forgotten the rules of war; 1 insult per day. extra insults may be permitted if they include a tribute to ruby or an insult to japanese whalers.
i often thought about telling the cashiers that i prefer to place my own apples on the scales.
billy - i counted 8 of your insults to 3 of leslie's insults so i removed 5 of yours to balance the scales. also ruby insists that that any comments with the word "cunt" be deleted.
please abide by the rules.
Oh, what ever....
She'll be back with more, she just ran out of steam last night.
As I was reading the back and forth between BBC and Leslie, I had a horrifying thought.
What if there is no real Leslie, just BBC, two computers and a red wig!
Sorry BBC, I don't really think that.
Now I remember what I was going to say, before I got sidetracked.
Wanda Jackson seems so soft spoken, then belts out with that powerful voice. She reminds me of the stereotype librarian that looks so innocent until she takes off her glasses and lets down her hair.
What if there is no real Leslie, just BBC, two computers and a red wig!
I don't have time for crap like that. It amuses me that an idiot on the internut would do a post about how I don’t get along with many of the women on this rock when the whole damn world already knows that. Guess she just likes to waste her time.
The weather is nice enough today that I’ll be able to spray two base coats on the right side of the boat.
I walked into the bedroom one day and Marie was naked as a jaybird, except for a red wig she had put on.
Boy, that wig was a cheap ass stiff piece of shit that was soon on the floor.
tex - i was thinking the same thing. the red wig seems to stir his creative juices.
Redheads can stir my juices alright, but so can blonds, brunettes, and raven haired chicks. But at my advancing age even some gray haired ones can do that.
Oh hell, who am I kidding, I was screwing gray haired women 30 years ago, and they were loving it.
What did I miss? Feckin whalers.
You didn't miss anything, move along now. :-)
billy - how about giving us your views on world events rather than women.
thims - i think it's time to start blasting the japs again about their whaling practices. the tsunami/nuclear sympathy card has expired.
I've had it with world events, just a bunch of bullshit happening out there, I'm a voice for the men on this rock that are tired of the women on it.
I guess if we want Japan to stop whaling we should stop helping them with their little disaster until they get the point.
As an American of the USA, I'll decline to comment on whether or not the Jap's nuclear sympathy card is expired.
But I'm all for sinking their whalers.
Wouldn't they just build new whalers? Whale and tuna are darn expensive there, I recon they can afford to build new ships if they can afford expensive meat and want it.
thims - i'm thinking about buying a refurbished computer but sonny tells me to buy a new one.
any thoughts on refurbished desktops?
Don’t do it. This ain't Cuba.
This ain't Cuba.
Not until 2013.
There are a whole lot of people who just don't give a shit. You just look like money to her, so why should she care?
There are a whole lot of people who just don't give a shit. You just look like money to her, so why should she care?
Huh? Who looks like money to whom?
You're one helluva moderator, Billy. Kudos to you. Forget about them apples. Looks like the tomatoes are getting ready for the big harvest. ;)
You're one helluva moderator, Billy. Kudos to you. Forget about them apples.
Yeah, when she wakes up she'll be back like a shit storm.
My wild raspberries are about ready to be turned into shakes and cobblers.
A Japanese whaler and BBC walk into a bar...
Bartender says: BBC, yo mama so fat when she lays on the beach, Greenpeace pushes her back in the water.
Japanese whaler says: 老人は非常に小さいハープーンを持っている
BBC says: I'm a voice for the men on this rock that are tired of the women on it.
Crowd of people in bar says: ROTFLMAO!
PS ~What about rollover comments? I was busy yesterday.
Rolls eyes, da bitch is back. Yeah, she was busy, being drunk.
That all you got? Sheesh.
Please note my first comment was, as requested, an insult to Japanese whalers, because my Japanese whaler was hanging out with you...see...
So you still have one coming. Yo mama don't count!
Yeah, that’s all I had for the bitch.
It’s nice when she is blacked out from a good drunk, she can’t run around the internut being a world class bitch.
Public service for the internet challenged
Hahaha, that's funny big guy. But we have fine cocks, yes?
I didn't look it up before because I don't give a damn what she is saying.
Hahaha, that's funny big guy.
You know, I almost feel bad making fun of such an imbecile. Almost. Not quite there yet.
Perhaps Thimscool can post a guide for successfully following comment threads...?
Drink Moar Rum!
雌は少しおっぱいを持っています。
She’s just a world class bitch. Nice day, while she’s practicing her bitch skills here I’ll be out putting six coats of paint on my boat. *poof*.
Later, Genius!
billy - i looked up the translation:
"The old person has the very small harpoon"
leslie's handing you your lunch today.
maybe you should go make a white flag.
robert - in her defense, she's probably not getting paid much more than minimum wage and management wants her to move fast. that being said, she still bruised my feckin apples.
jayne - this is turning into a pretty classy blog. n'est-ce pas?
leslie - maybe you should take it easy on the old guy. a man takes great pride in his harpoon.
Taking a short break between coats. I don't care what the bitch posts and the Japanese I posted translated to the fact that the bitch has little tits.
Big mouth.
Small brain..
Even smaller tits...
Yup !!
Coat # three coming up.
billy - big tits don't age well.
how do you like the new photo of my tomato plant? it's going to be touch and if they ripen before the weather turns.
i've turned off the word verification. hopefully that lousy chinaman has flown the coop.
They are looking good and if this nice weather holds they should do just fine.
Some big tits don't age well, this is true, and after a certain age no tits age well. But I've never been interested in big tits, just decent size nice tits that the nipples get all excited when I'm kissing them.
Okay, sucking on and gumming them. :-)
Leslie didn't notice you had a tomato plant, she's just here to fuck with me.
Sum bitch, the boat is starting to look pretty damn good. Maybe next year I'll make a project out of the 18 footer.
Probably has bruised quite a few apples. Maybe it would make sense to ask her to be careful?
Good old Ruby.
If a woman threw my apples down on a scale she would hear about it in a heartbeat.
The same holds true for a man though, don't fuck with my fruit.
So what do they say about slightly bruised apples? Does that just keep the proctologist away? Have a good weekend.
Kill her softly with kindness, and she'll take very special care of your fruit sacks in the future.
Or you could just cane her. That's what Sean Connery would do.
It's going to be a fine Friday here, beautiful weather here these days, good for beaches and boating but I've got to let the paint on it cure for a while before I take it out.
Thimscool lives in North Carolina, I hope that Leslie, I mean Irene, doesn't kick his ass.
It's never gonna heal if you keep picking the scab.
I guess I'm not feeling the need for it to heal, or sense that it will, she hates me and everyone knows that, and it's made me hate her.
What I'm feeling is the need for a trip to the beach.
But hey, it's nice having your enemies clearly defined. :-)
hahahahahahahhaha fuck the apples I like the freak show between leslie and bbc..you'll never win this one leslie..arguing with bbc is like farting in the wind..it always blows back into your face.
Hum, Yellowdog is wiser than Leslie.
mr shife - i'd eat a crate of bruised apples if that would ensure an healthy arse.
thims - has irene hit yet?
billy - has hurrican leslie sunk you boat yet?
yellowdog - so far i think leslie is winning the debate. bbc needs to pick up his game.
secret - ruby thanks you for your support. the old girl is getting quite gray these days.
You really enjoy our pissing contests don't you? You egg them on, asshole. :-)
call the moderator and asshole?
2 point penalty.
What's it take to get a four point penalty?
That son of a bitch is making me pay for an issue we had a few years ago. But I love that son of a bitch.
Anonymous.... Get a fucking life, and learn how to make links.
I'M GUESSING THEY WERE GAYS, proving that gays aren't doing any better than anyone else.
Wait. You're telling someone else to get a life?! That's hilarious.
Take away spray paint and All-You- Can-Eat Spaghetti Night at the Golden Corral, and what would be left in your life?
Oh yeah, a yard full of your own poop.
Fuck you, bitch, what do you know, you can't spray paint shit.
Or fix a tractor or build a home, near as I can tell you're fucking worthless.
I'm proud of you for not leaving a comment on that article asking if they had nice tits. I guess you couldn't figure out how to log-in.
And I have an art degree, moron. I can paint circles around you. Preferably in the shape of a target.
What do I care if dead gays had nice tits? Tits on gays are worthless.
Preferably in the shape of a target.
If you ever learn how to shoot a fucking gun maybe that will be useful to you.
If you can do all those wonderful things, why do you live in a lean-to in a debris-filled lot?
Oh, cuz yer a demented old fool.
My lean to is free and clear the the roof don't leak, idiot.
It sure is a beautiful evening here, Billy P should go out and piss on the base of his tomato plant, it will love the nitrogen.
Leslie can't do something like that, cuz she's cultured, and all that shit.
Yeah...and...?
My lovely house is free and clear and the roof don't leak and neither do I!
Okay, so you don't leak, what in the hell is a woman that isn't self lubricating worth?
Terrible grammar there, Pops.
Maybe you should've struggled through 4th grade. Then you'd have some real skills.
Fuck you and your grammar, english is a piece of shit and I like to butcher it.
You've left 48 comments on this post.
Perhaps you could give a seminar on "getting a life".
Spend all day on internet talking about spray paint.
Make passionate 30-second geezer love to plastic vagina
Wake up. Repeat.
I like this blog so I leave a lot of comments here, idiot. Don't you ever get tired of farting into the wind?
I'm turning in, and will not be dreaming of drooling on Leslie's tits.
billy - piss on my tomato plant!
another 2 point penalty for bbc.
you might need a knockout to win.
Hey, I didn’t say piss on your tomato plant, I’m rooting for it, I just suggested that you piss on it because it helps it grow good.
I’m heading out to the boondocks for four days Billy P, you’ll have to entertain yourself with the MOUNTAIN BEAVER, be careful around her, she has the largest fleas known to modern science.
She visited my post seven times this morning, looks like she's crawled back into her burrow - for now.
You really are criminally stupid. I clicked on your rat and hemp photos to enlarge. Count them.
If you can't comprehend a stat tracker it seems to me you should not be able to have a driver's license or a handgun.
It's funny you try to differentiate between the boondocks and where you live. Funny because they're both redneck hellholes, and funny because you think it matters to anyone where you and your can of spray paint are bedding down for the night.
My counter doesn't count you clicking on my pictures, you lame brained lying bitch. Go play in the fucking surf, idiot.
I'm leaving now....
Shit, condolences on being infected by BBC, I banned him from my site a couple of years ago - I didn't mind so much about his personal attacks on me, it's when he vomitted his filth in accusing a fellow blogger of being responsible for her son dying in action overseas, that I finally gave up and realised he is more to be pitied than scorned, being as he is in TOTAL need of mental help. Actually, as he obviously thrives on the attention, I'm annoyed at myself for gracing him by sadly acknowledging he is still out there..
Anywaaaaaaaaaays, sorry, I digress.
What was this post about again? Sorry, I'll scroll back..
Oh yeah, apples, and having the female equivalent of BBC weighing them? I'd far rather grow my own!
leslie - i can't really figure out these stat trackers either but it's more from lack of interest than lack of skill.
billy - you seem to have more than a few detractors. don't make the same mistake hilter made by waging war on too many fronts.
shrinky - i think billy would be gentle with the apples. he likes nature and the planet, it's people that irritate him. but i might be wrong.
BBC, when he could still hold down a job.
it seems billy has more detractors than supporters.
so it goes.
He does seem to have left quite a trail of wreckage, but in spite of his many faults, I still like him and call him friend.
He'll, we could all use some mental help.
Stupid droid thinks hell should be he'll.
Hey Billy,
Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Holy crap! They need a new cashier.
Ruby is wise beyond her years!
thims - one thing i like about billy is his honesty. there's no false praise from mr cook!
very clever with the jack off. you must be a master baiter.
silly - no comments on billy? he could use a little support from a friend.
I never got that package. I sure hope no one committed a federal offense.
Billy is on his own. He bought his ticket and he takes that ride. Besides, I think he rather enjoys it.
Having said that, I stand on the fact that Billy did come down to visit and he did try to do what he could for my car. Though I only wanted some help with tuning it up, he also replaced some worn tires that I did not ask to be replaced. There are times when he has his good points.
He is, and I think he would agree, an unusual man.
thims - shit!, i should have insured the package but i was too cheap.
silly - he's like sinatra, he does it his way.
Unusual? Yes. He's a fuckin oracle. Sort of like those cylons in the bathtub.
You misspelled ORIFICE.
I figured you would comment on the bathtub.
I don't know what a Cylon is. And he doesn't bathe.
thims - i just finished season 3. episodes 18, 19 & 20 with baltar's trial are best episodes of the whole series.
leslie - haven't you seen billy's video of himself naked in some mountain spring?
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