Holy Christ, i woke up today and suddenly i’ve been married for 25 feckin years! I don’t think i could have lasted 25 years without the support of the exquisite ms wildhack. Thank you Montana.
The lovely mrs myshkin is in asia at the moment and won’t be returning until the first week in june. Lucky me. Before she left i gave her a stack of silver turtles, pandas and maple leafs as well as a lovely card from the dollar store. What did she give me? Squat, dick, zip, nada...... if fact she didn’t even thank me for the all the silver. If we make to 50 years she sure as fuck isn’t going to get a stack of gold maple leafs.
Tomorrow morning i have a date with a man who (correct usage ?) will be sticking his fingers up my arse. It’s time like this that getting old isn’t such a sweet deal. Last week when i went for all the blood tests i was pleasantly surprised when they gave a stool sample kit to take home and have fun with. This is getting to be more fun every day.
Maybe i’ll get a toy and a piece of candy if everything checks out and there won’t be any extra charges to our over burdened health care system. it turns out that all the full figured women and stocky men are GOING TO COST A FORTUNE TO MAINTAIN. did you know that obesity INCREASES 10.5% WHEN A WALMART OPENS NEARBY. i guess it's everyone's god given right to pig out on cheap potato chips and giant bottles of cheap soda pop. so it goes. happy feckin anniversary to me.
i love you sons of bitches.
23 comments:
I can't quite tell from the tone of your post if I should be saying Happy Anniversary, but I'll say it anyway - Happy Anniversary!
If I had stayed with my first wife we would be doing 47 years this year. She was okay, loved sex and wasn't an empire builder but she was a really shitty housekeeper and a decent home was important to me back then.
Now I'm a shitty housekeeper, go figure. I trust that she is doing okay, I really do, if she is still alive.
Oh hell, never mind, I've done some research (isn't the internut great?) and I've outlived my ex wife's and shack ups.
On the other hand you can't knock variety.
Congratulations on your 25 years and make sure your doctor friend uses plenty of lube. Some men say it's easier if they close their eyes and think of their favourite shemale porn actress.
Good job on the 25.
I bet you never thought you'd be celebrating your 25th wedding anniversary by "having a date with a man who will be sticking his fingers up (your) arse."
Or on the other hand, maybe that was the plan all along, I don't really know you that well.
But seriously, congratulations on 25 years of marital bliss.
secret - thanks, ruby and i are enjoying the occasion.
bill - now you know why i was buying all those silver coins.
gb - i was thinking about what kind of muffin to treat myself to after the ordeal. i had a lovely maple walnut muffin.
tex - i'm very pleased to say, arse be fine!
Last night a young punk next door decided to get in a pissing contest me cuz somehow one of the little kids got locked in a running truck and I decided to stick my head over the fence and get involved, he said something like, "Mind your own business you old cocksucker".
And the pissing contest was on, I called the cops on them, have I ever mentioned that I like cops?
Maybe your doctor will get the prize of a half-fresh turd if he digs down deep enough to make ya squeal like a pig.
Congrats on being hitched for 25 fekkin' years. My wife and I are comin' up on 23 years in August and it doesn't feel like a day over half a century. Oooo weee... she's a lucky gal!
bill - you old wuss! you have about 20 guns, put them use.
kelly - i've been living the life of riley for the past 24 hours in celebration of having a healthy arse. i bought a box of drumsticks but didn't notice i picked up caramel until i got home. oh well, the next box will have the chocolate core.
I wouldn't shoot a punk thug over a pissing contest unless he came after me, and I had one in my pocket just in case, it's not worth going to jail for, I'll post about it on Sunday.
Well BP hope the fingers in the arse were a nice anniversary present. Congrats to you and the Mrs. on 25 years. I am sure you and Ruby are having a good time. Have a good one.
Mr. Pilgrim said,
".....Tomorrow morning i have a date with a man who (correct usage ?....."
Yes.
DRE?
Did you need the tissue?
Assuming the nice man gave you one that is - you know, with the cut-backs in Health Care and all.
".....i've been living the life of riley for the past 24 hours....."
Living the life of Riley? Surely you are not old enough to have personally adsorbed that idiom. Your parents, right?
wow..nothing?...is she bearing a grudge or something?...happy 25th..you did good.
mr shife - ruby is eating like a queen. lots of steak and extra lean ground beef.
aquarians - he gave me my file and told me to find a new doctor. a few years ago my family doctor moved back east so i had to find a new doctor and about a month ago i received a letter from my new doctor that he was leaving his practice so i decided to get the full package before he left. now i can take my time finding a new family doctor. it's not easy finding a family doctor these days.
yellowdog - she doesn't hold me in high esteem. so it goes.
Happy Adversary...I mean "Anniversary"!
I know how you must feel: In a couple months it'll be 45 years I've been happily wed to my right fist.
LOL @ Galt-in-Da-Box...
May I add my best wishes to you and Mrs. Wildhack for reaching this significant milestone.
As for the rest of the post?
TMI.
But glad your tubes are in good working order.
Cheers!
I get my poke in the ass this week as well; new doctor though... female! I will try diligently to think about baseball during that point in the examination.
Gz on the 25 years. As to the other thing I hope he prewarms and lots of lubriacant. Water based I hope.
So after 25 years that's what I have to look forward to...getting punched in the rectum??
Nothing beats a goode cock punch!
Wait..
galt - ever try your left fist?
shaw - cheers to you and your broons too! maybe next year.
robert - hope your poke went well.
charlie - yes, there was lubricant but no i don't think he warmed his hands.
static - i got six weeks of bliss, what more can a guy ask for?
hugh - i can think of lots of stuff that beats a good cock punch.
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