it's that magical time of year when the true believers GET NAILED TO A CROSS. one of the guys in the phillipines is such a strong believer he has been nailed to the cross 27 times. too bad the new pope, or any of the old popes, weren't strong enough believers to get themselves nailed to a cross.
think of it, the job of pope could be a 1 year term contract beginning the day after good friday. then on the following good friday in the next year the pope would get crucified to mark the end of his term and of course he could bake in the sun for a day or two until he croaked. then stick him in a cave with trap door and smuggle him out the cave. voila, a fucking miracle. sell t-shirts, dolls, commemorative plates, gold plated jewelry etc and we'll all live happily ever after.
i might even pay a few kopeks for the pay per view to watch the pope get what he deserves.
i just heard this song on the radio and must say jake bugg is better than the dinosaurs i've been listening to these past several years.
i love you sons of bitches
118 comments:
Those guys in the Philippines aren't getting the authentic Roman treatment, where the entire bodyweight is held in place by nails in the wrists and feet, causing much agony. Someone should tell them they're faking it. The Popes are too old for crucifixion - they'd look better being chased by lions in the Coliseum.
excellent idea with the lions. give the popes some red nike sneakers and maybe tie an old buick radiator around the lion's neck to even up the odds.
I liked your idea BP but I think the lions idea by Gorilla Bananas would be quite awesome. Thanks for the introducing to me some new music. I like it. Have a good one.
The chasing of christians by lions took place in the Circus Maximus, not the Coliseum(1).
Authentic Roman crucifixion did not involve 'nails' in the wrists and feet simply because metal was far too valuable to waste on criminals and terrorists. The reprobates were 'tied' with papyrus or palm fibre rope; to, well, whatever.
Crucifixion with 'nails' would involve impalement distal to the wrist, between the ulna and radius, to ensure the deserved victim remained in place. A 'nail' through the palm would not suffice to hold the weight of the unfortunate.
(1) The correct spelling is: 'Colisseum' AND it was called the 'Amphitheatrum Flavium' anyway.
Say you posted a pic of your cute female cousin and *someone* emailed you asking for her ass and thigh specs. Would you respond?
Where did you post it?
www.Bangbus.com?
I would not respond. I'd get them to forward money first. If you're gonna pimp-out your kinsfolk, you might as well make a buck.
Our header photos are strangely similar
Greetings from Wales!
F Y CN RD THS Y MST B WLSH
Does this sentence look pathetic to you? Be forever grateful that you hail from a wealthy and fertile land, a land that produces an abundance of goods and services. Be thankful you can afford to trade for such pleasantries and caprices as VOWELS. I have created "Vowels For Wales", a non-profit NGO primarily dedicated to helping those most wretched of souls. If you have any vowels you don't really need, please send them in.
Thousands of Welsh owe their miserable lives to the afflictions of their native tongue. They sit in their caves with their sheep and prostrate themselves before their ever so meek twig-and-pebble alters, bedecked as they are with any shiny things they might have found while doing pilgrimages to Tintern Abbey and the Wye Valley, and chant phonetically, in a language even they cannot comprehend.
Some naysayers foment that it'll never work just giving them vowels. They say we'll only encourage in them sloth and dependency. They insist the Welsh should be encouraged to take advantage of their amazing comparative advantage in the production of consonants. They would be far better off trading with prolific vowel suppliers like the Hawaiians.
They might be right; It is simple economics I reckon.
Yay Wales! Land of my people!
And he has a fluffer dog!
Cheshire, actually.
oh you are SUCH a fuck!
What?
He emailed me.
Thinks I'm cute.
He knows a Welsh tart when he smells one!
The brainwashed like to reenact their fictional stories, fug ‘em.
wales, if that isn't nice, what is?
good point bill, when children are force fed religion from a very young age it is textbook brainwashing. toss in a healthy dose of fear and it's a real money maker.
It is difficult to place the toothpicks that prop open their eye lids.
Try pointing one of your firearms at them. That ought to keep 'em wide-eyed and attentive!
The healthy dose of fear, eh? Great idea.
Pretty soon I will have a fearless army of evangelical agnostic soldiers, ready to ignore my bidding!
onward christian soldiers.
i'd like to hear hemmingway's opinion on religious brainwashing. if only i knew a expert on hemmingway.
Typical father eh?
Damnit pilgrim, you've come between thimscool and my comment.
Get thee behind me you satanic son of a bitch.
I'm not agnostic, spirit has nothing to do with a fucking make believe god. Spirit is spirit only, and not always interested in trying to save mankind. Collectively mankind is a fucking idiot.
Agnostic: A person who claims that they cannot have true knowledge about the existence of God (but does not deny that God might exist).
I fucked her to death millions of years ago, get over it.
She said, "Tell me are you a Christian, child?"
And I said, "Ma'am, I am tonight!"
I said, "Lets not talk about that now."
Dear oh dear.
Dear oh dear oh dear.
Y'all engage in topics of conversation well above the level of comprehension extant in my pretty little head.
I reckon I no longer belong here.
To wit:
Regarding the Rolling Stones and their impending performance at Glastonbury this summer:
"If they need the money, they should fuck off and do car insurance adverts like Iggy Pop does.
If they believe they have more to say artistically, they should just fuck off.
If they just miss playing on stage, then I guess I can forgive them."
I'd like to know who BBC used for a stunt double in his Easter post.
Michael Eavis is the Max Yasgur of England. He mainstages dinosaur rock every year. He also pays for shit, so the Stones are doing it for love, I suppose.
In case anyone is interested, the New Orleans 2013 murder count is currently at 44, (plus 3 burned bodies still unclassified).
Chicago is currently at 69.
Louisiana also has the lowest property taxes and the biggest sinkhole.
You forgot the most important comparative advantage Louisiana has over everywhere else.
It has you!
And the Saints!
Oh yes, the beguiling AND beguiled Saints!
How could I have forgotten that?
Hmmm, because it's above the level of comprehension extant in your pretty little head? Just a guess.
Oh,
AND
Nobody, but NOBODY wants to talk boring, 4-down, Yankee Doodle football on MLB's Opening Day!
GO JAYS GO!!
Good guess Ms./Mr. Coleman.
The Tutor wishes to inform y'all that he has only 'witnessed' a Toronto Blue Jays game once in his life. It was in the early 80s and it transpired at the old CNE Stadium in Toronto. He agreed to accept the free ticket, and service the donor later, ONLY because the location was perfect to view the annual CNE Air Show. The Concorde, very new to the skies at the time, was scheduled to 'fly by'.
"Magical it was" he said. The fly-by, not the game.
The game?
All he remembers of it, is that the Blue Jays were one of the two participants. And even that, he admits, is just a guess.
KA MATE
Kikiki kakaka kauana!
Kei waniwania taku tara
Kei tarawahia, kei te rua i te kerokero!
He pounga rahui te uira ka rarapa;
Ketekete kau ana to peru kairiri
Mau au e koro e – Hi! Ha!
Ka wehi au ka matakana,
Ko wai te tangata kia rere ure?
Tirohanga ngā rua rerarera
Ngā rua kuri kakanui i raro! Aha ha!
Now that is a Sport!
I had to Google "Jays".
"MLB" I guessed at and was right. Go me!
So are you actually saying baseball is more complex and exciting than football, or just.....seasonal? You are familiar with the Saints cute black oufits and helmet logo? As a team, they are serious eye candy. Football as a sport, I'm not really sure what anyone's function is besides the quarterback.
Oh, the kicker guy...I know what he does.
"......Saints cute black oufits and helmet logo....."
Helmet logo?
Ha!
Canadians are very familiar with that "Flower of the Lily". And because of it, we in the Anglo part of the country, which is the majority of the country, have to endure Frog scribble on all our consumer goods.
I hate looking for the "Preparation" instructions on my Frozen McCain's Pizza only to find French atrocity.
Guns are for getting sexually aroused with, if you need them for anything else BBC then yer weak.
Think yer tough BBC
Ha!
I had constipation for 5 weeks once AND maddening genital itching caused by a ganon of blood wart leaches - and I loved it!
You really know how to make the boys swoon.
I surely do!
The unfortunate lexical contrivance above afforded me the opportunity to use the collective noun 'ganon'. It's a sure-fire aphrodisiac, it is.
My word-shake brings all the boys to the yard.
And there like,
It's better than yours.
Damn right it's better than yours.
I can teach you,
But I have to charge.
Ah. One of Omar's (RIP) favorite tunes.
See that BBC? Omar is ALTF!
Nah, sorry. It was this one.
"You really know how to make the boys swoon".
She should try the new Head & Shoulders infused with Old Spice. That will start us up!
Who's Omar?
I love Old Spice.
Get the fuck outta here. Aqua Velva? Hai Karate? How old are you again??
No, just Old Spice. I don't know the other two.
That precious little American icon is still on the market, so what's age got to do with it? Nevertheless, 33. You?
Btw, what do you think of that little Fiat car?
Leslie loves Old Spice?
So be it.
As it is obvious I "steer the punt from the Cambridge end", I will douse myself in that elixir of not-quite-unrequited Sapphic love.
Some there are who say that the fairest thing seen
on the black earth is an array of horsemen;
some, men marching; some would say ships; but I say
she whom one loves best!
Sappho’s "The Anactoria Poem"
Richard Lattimore translation.
Age has nothing to do with I suppose, it's just that OS has been around forever. I used to wear it, but now if I smell the stuff it conjures up visions of Magnum PI or someone of that same vintage. I'll be 50 in the fall, but my daughter says I look 33. I don't know much about the new Fiat. They're cute, but sharp at the same time. Apparently Jenny from the Block keeps it real jaunting around Brooklyn in one. That's not a big selling feature for me however.
I used 70% Isopropyl alcohol.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
If I had a daughter, she'd tell me I looked like shit.
Add a little water to that rubby and you can quaff that stuff, Priapus. Carpe noctem!
i'm saving up to buy some axe anarchy.
Any axe worth its salt has at least a 3 1/2 pound head and a keen edge.
Yep. There's yer king.
long live the king!
The king is omnipresent.
Old Bitter Balls-
Think yer tough? Old Knudsen had constipation for 5 weeks and genital itching caused by blood wart leaches and he loved it.... that would have drove a lesser man insane but not Old Knudsen.
ALTF-
Guns are for getting sexually aroused with, if you need them for anything else BBC then yer weak.
Think yer tough BBC
Ha!
I had constipation for 5 weeks once AND maddening genital itching caused by a ganon of blood wart leaches - and I loved it!
http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/2013/04/boy-fingers-dog.html?m=0
Lord t'underin' jaysus, b'y, that dullard Harry's on the (bitter) ball fer a change!!
The ALT-F giveth and the ALT-F taketh away.
Notice my completely, and I might add, truly, "Serendipitous Academic Convergence" used the word 'ganon'. The other, and I might also reiterate, truly coincidental version, was unlettered and lacked any semblance of a "Collective Noun".
Those Irish, what can I say?
For the life of me, however, I could not figure out how to rearrange my version to dispense with that unfortunate terminal use of the preposition "with", with which the 'non-Taig's' version, "Guns are for getting sexually aroused with," is burdened.
Perhaps someone here could help?
Harry?
My two cents...?
OWNED!
Fucking Aquarians?
I am gob-smacked!
I am flabbergasted!
I am astounded!
You're nowt but a plagiarising cunt!
All your word salads and dross are now suspect.
I think Harry should 'Google' each and every line you have ever pixellated, here, or anywhere, to ascertain it's original source.
HA!
As Leslie would say, "You've been owned". Though, to be perfectly honest, I really have no idea what that phrase actually means, but heh, does it really matter if Leslie actually communicates ideas? She's cute, and this is all that matters.
Innit.
I suspect next we'll learn that you are a complete fraud in other ways. Like I would not be at all surprised if it is revealed that you are, ".....a balding 50ish year old Canadian trustafarian with a claim to a Myanmarian transsexual strumpet....."
In fact I would not be at all surprised that at some point in the near future you are revealed to be me!!!!!!?!!
I'm not sure I could deal with that. Though it would be interesting to watch the profound cognitive dissonance sweep over the dullardic minds of BBC, Harry, The Frumpy Professor and Doc Teri, to name a few.
No. NO! You are not allowed to plagiarize an insult from where you got owned on another blog!
You have no shame!
I'm so ashamed!
At least I got to use my, that's right, MY!!!!!!?!! phrase:
"Serendipitous Academic Convergence"
A much more erudite, and less vulgar and pedestrian, means of expressing the purloining of another's intellectual property as one's own.
Heh!
SR?
Perhaps this is what Leslie means by the phrase "You got OWNED"?
Sterculian Rhetoric purloined,
".....a balding 50ish year old Canadian trustafarian with a claim to a Myanmarian transsexual strumpet....."
Heh!
That comes from some Anonymous cunt at xkcdsucks.
This is a case of the pot calling the cattle black I think.
http://xkcdsucks.blogspot.ca/2013/03/comic-1190-time-to-find-better-webcomic.html#comment-form
I'm pretty sure you stole the "academic convergence" line too. Give me a minute and I'll remember from where.
OMG!
SR?
ALT-F?
WTF?
Why don't you steal the fucking html code for links already??!
They? Stole it from me, Leslie.
The thieving Bonnie and Clyde cunts!
Harry, have you read Portrait of a Canadian Unglued? It's very entertaining.
I can assure you ALT-F, the Myanmarian strumpet, does exist outside of the mind of "Unglued Canadians"
Click on me.
She's the one in red.
Personally, I feel bad for BBC.
The poor man is gonna have a coronary when he realises what has transpired.
IF he realise what has just transpire that is.
Ha!
Look at this!
Dated November 14, 2005!
http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2005/11/buddy-can-you-spare-nail.html
Oh dear.
Leslie has frightened away all the folks.
ALT-F is a sobbing mess!
Are you happy Leslie?
Well?
Are ya happy, Twerp?
How did I frighten them all away? I've yet to be outed as a psychopath and besides, some folks just like to watch.
Question: I must get 20 emails daily offering me discounted Canadian pharmaceuticals. Can you not get your hands on any of those?
Dated November 14, 2005!
Nice touch, Nutbag!
Seems Buddy could spare a nail!
Time for a new post, Pilgrim, ALTF done been crucified!
Leslie revealed,
"......I've yet to be outed as a psychopath....."
Indeed.
Time for a new post, Pilgrim, ALTF done been crucified!
Nyuck!
AND related to the content of the post too!
You are just too funny Leslie. Despite not having been outed as a psychopath, yet, I like you lots.
I know you do. It comes through loud and clear in your requests for butt pics.
You are indeed too funny Leslie, but I do not find your butt funny at all.
You do yourself a disservice Leslie. I find your butt quite adequate.
The glorious reign of Her Majesty, Dr. Miriam X - aka ALT-F - has come to an inglorious end.
Sic Transit Gloria Steinem
And with her will go all that is precious and beautiful here. I, for one, will mourn her loss.
At Danny's.
Tonight.
Pepper Coleman ejaculated,
"......Add a little water to that rubby and you can quaff that stuff, Priapus. Carpe noctem!......"
Priapus?
I prefer "Min" if I am to seize anything.
Danny's serves fried rice? I thought it was a steakhouse, you know, like Sizzler.
Fried rice!
LOLZ!
I don't get it, Leslie.
What does fried rice have to do with drowning my sorrows tonight at Danny's Steak and Yim Cha House in beautiful down town Petawawa, Ontario, Canada?
"Yim Cha" is Cantonese for "Dim Sum", if anyone was wodering.
Sizzler?
American?
ALTF is fried rice. Get it?
Two heads, both of 'em empty!
Gotta go now, let me know if there's to be an Irish wake for ALTF!
That Knudsen guy is Irish, right? Seems fitting.
".....ALTF is fried rice. Get it?
Two heads, both of 'em empty!....."
No. I don't get it. Perhaps you are using an idiom? One with which I am unfamiliar?
Dicephalic I am.
And both are empty of intellect and knowingositiness.
Both indeed lacking all but the neural-synaptic transmission grid required for the proper operation of my Autonomic Nervous System.
I get by though.
I bring home the bacon.
No one knows.
Indeed!
Ugh.
Seriously?
2452 profile views?
Please. The real SLTF was WAY more popular.
Indeed?
I've only about 700 Profile Views.
I can't be real then.
You worms can't even come close to the original!
Maybe not, little missy, but we are still here and the original is not!
The original SLTF stuck her head in a Coal-Gas fired oven.
The wimp!
Leslie queried,
"......Question: I must get 20 emails daily offering me discounted Canadian pharmaceuticals. Can you not get your hands on any of those?......"
Pharma Reps give me buckets of all manner of drugs all the time. They take me to lunch AND offer me all sorts of twisted sexual services if I promise to 'prescribe' their products.
I've got about 2,000 dollars - street value - of Oxycodone in my trouser pocket at any given time for chris' sake!
april 1 - our fair province reduced the maximum charge from 35% to 20% of the original price for generic drugs.
the hst disappeared too!
SR...I am incontrovertibly inconsolable.
I have been listed amongst your "dullardic minds."
I thought you, at least by proxy, loved me.
ALT-F wanted me to adopt her; a proposition I seriously considered except that my children could not be offered in trade.
I am confused...abandoned...
and, to add further misery to the insult, I can even beat the constipation record contained herein this comment thread!
WTF?
By the way, Pilgrim, I loved the social farting video of the last post. I was, alas, too busy socially farting to comment...
where ever you may be
let the wind blow free
Pretty good tune.
Pilgrim, how do you attract so many skanks? That Leslie is the dumbest cunt I've come across in a very long time.
excellent points carmelita.
I don't know if any of the "dumb" comes into play, but every time Sterc up there opens his yap it's this cat I hear in my head. The Wild Dragon's Happy Ending! Very spiritual.
Leslie said...
It was postponed until early April. My lawyer demanded discovery. That's when I have to make an appearance.
Now stay tuned y'all. ..............
March 15, 2013 at 1:28 PM
_______________________________________________
Attire ? I obviously want to see the charge(s) dismissed.
In lue of that, just kicking that can down the road works well.
After all, it's a fight against time ultimately. No?
Ha! That guy's babble totally sounds like SR, but SR's voice is a dead ringer for Truman Capote's.
This dumb cunt's speeding ticket was dismissed last evening. No fine and no points, but the threat of a public stoning if I get pulled over again within a year.
I wore a plain cashmere sweater and a pencil skirt and I put my hair in a high ponytail so I'd look like less of a hell demon. I was the only female and the only white person. The judge smiled at me and said "good evening" when I walked up to the bench, and I even got called first. Pretty much a breeze. I think I was there a total of 15 minutes.
Excellent.
Congratulations.
Sounds like Truman Capote? LOL! Where is Liberal Supporter with a hearty HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! when you need him?
harry - you're betraying our king.
pilgrim- Oh?
Leslie, what's up with your on again, off again blog?
who gives a shit.
i didn't think you were looking for nice.
Sorry, my previous comment had to go. I just realized she may very well wind up here. No need for me to be rude!
Ah, invited readers only, I'm honored.
yes king, royalty is always welcome.
Post a Comment