growing like a weed

donald is growing like crazy. who knows, maybe it was a magic seed and i'll be climbing the beanstalk in search of giants. frump seems to have a new gimmick with some numbers, the gimmick racket can be quite cutthroat.

now that the hysteria over the chechnyan fucknuts has died down the facts are quite interesting. nothing is more interesting than the gunfight at the OK corral. i remember hearing reports of an intense gunfight between boston's finest and a well armed terrorist barricaded in a boat. now it seems that the gun fight was PRETTY FUCKING ONE-SIDED!

behold the holes!

yes, the terrorist had no gun but that didn't stop the cops from opening fire and shooting the shit of a defenseless boat. i guess with all the media attention the cops couldn't plant a weapon in the boat and claim to be acting in self defense. so now there is a FUNDRAISING CAMPAIGN TO BUY THE GUY A NEW BOAT! why in the wide world of sports aren't the cops buying the guy a new boat??? or maybe some chechnyan crime lord could score some points by purchasing a new boat.

i love you sons of bitches.

good news - bad news

the good news is that jay and silent bob have been cleared in the boston marathon bombing.

the bad news is this picture of the future:

this is what awaits any rumored enemy of the state

i love you sons of bitches.

take a guess

i ordered a few things for the utopian bike and look what arrived:

i was totally shocked when the package arrived. mountain equipment co-op had a free shipping promotion so i decided to order a few cheap road tires, $10 each. i was expecting a couple of tires to get thrown on my doorstep tied together with some tape or string not a giant fucking box! it doesn't seem like the most economical way to ship a few tires.

if anyone can guess what kind of plant this is, there is a very nice prize awaiting.

i meant to plant the seeds last spring but forgot and threw them in the soil last september. a few seeds sprouted and grew a few inches before winter set in. i figured they were goners but this one brave little tailor survived and it's my pride and joy. (until the tomatoes get planted) if anyone can guess what kind of plant this will turn into, there will be a very nice prize awarded.

this will be my new gimmick, guess the fucking plant. i can't cry or feel raw hatred so this will be the gimmick in my attempt to attract a new reader. everyone likes a contest.

i'm seething with raw love for you sons of bitches

smoking

oh how the world has changed when it comes to smoking. years ago we would sit at our desks in the cracker factory and smoke our brains out. if you were a non smoker, too fucking bad. fewer and fewer people smoke these days. around 20% of north american adults smoke these days compared to 29% of europeans who smoke. between the high rate of smoking and the chaos they're creating on the financial markets, those fucking europeans are starting to get on my nerves. but the japs killing whales and the chinese along with the east indians building coal fired electrical generation plants probably bug me more. so it goes.

we have one smoker in our happy little enclave at the cracker factory. if you lined up all the employees and asked a stranger to pick out the smoker, i'm certain they would pick the wrong person. our smoker is a petite, meticulously groomed middle aged woman. she regularly ducks out for a smoke and when she returns everyone can smell her coming. smokers don't realize how much they stink to a non smoker. yesterday she dropped by to tell me her tales of woe and i pretended to give a shit whilst i nodded and daydreamed of spicy coffee and the sopranos. after she left, my office smelled like shit for about 30 minutes. if i liked her, i'd take her aside and explain that she stinks like shit and should try a different nicotine delivery system during working hours. but i'm not terribly fond of her so i'll just put a sign over my door, "invited guests only."

if anyone wants to be an invited guest at the award winning "the end is near" blog, drop me an email and i'll pass it along to the king for approval.

i love you sons of bitches.

lucky us

obumble, banana barry or what ever you want to call him, PICK YOUR OWN NICKMAME HERE., is about to name a new ambassador to canada. it seems the deal is done and THIS GUY IS THE WINNER.

all this bullshit about being a champion of the common folks is of course total bullshit. his appearances on crappy shows like the view or all the other phoney baloney talk shows are more scripted than pro rasslin but the rubes eat it up. by appointing a former partner in goldman sachs he has eliminated any doubts as to who his real friends are, the fucking bankers and captains of industry. appointing this captain of industry to the plum position of ambassador to canada probably signals that the keystone pipeline is a go. so it goes.

for a full in depth analysis of the the new ambassador and my personal insight into keystone, hop on over to "the end is near."

i love you sons of bitches.