alright you sons of bitches i’m back after a grueling 10 day investigative reporting assignment in the nut house. the nut house can be a lot of fun for the first few days but the loonies begin to get on your nerves once the novelty wears off and you realize these goofballs really are nuts and some of them are downright dangerous. i’d like to thank sonny for passing along a few messages and not telling his mother where i was. she’s been trying to have me declared legally incompetent for years but it looks like i’ve dodged another bullet. the back yard is full of holes, almost as if some fool has been looking for buried treasure.
doctors greenberg, silverstein, cohen, abramson, applebaum, dershowitz, finklestein, goldberg, greenbaum,lipchitz, rosenberg, reichman, turtlebaum, silverman, shapiro, weinberger and zimmerman all agreed that they had done all that could be done for a man in my condition. then the doctor in charge, a mister troutberg, declared: "You were sick, but now you are well again. And there's work to be done." all these doctors seemed to have something in common but i just couldn’t put my finger on it. i’m hoping that one of these days i can pin point the common thread.
have i been truly cured?
was i truly ill?
can a person be cured of a condition he never had?
yes! i wasn’t nuts, i just thought i was nuts and doctor troutberg told me i was well and that’s good enough for me. but he’s the one who is truly nuts if he thinks i’m interested in any work that needs to be done. now that i’m an expert in mental illness, i’ll answer any and all questions that interest me.
i love you sons of bitches.
ps. there's a fortune to be made in the headcase racket.
67 comments:
Welcome home BP. Glad all is well, and I think you are 100 percent normal and awesome. Take care of yourself and I hope you were able to get your hands on some amazing pharmaceuticals. Take care buddy.
welcome back, billy. maintain, er, stay healthy and share the daze, uh, days.
The nuthouse? I never would have guessed. I thought you had joined some old buddy in a log cabin in the wilderness and were hunting and fishing. So are you back where you used to be? (I'm talking about geography here.)
mr shife - thanks for your steadfast support. you are a true gentleman.
bob - i'm happy as a clam and fit as a fiddle.
gb - the loony bin, the booby hatch, funny farm, mad house etc.
are these physical institutions or states of mind?
Way to fuck up a blog, Pilgrim. What was once a lively resting stop for creative and poignant commentary amongst a group of people with a deep and everlasting love for one another is now Suck-up Cenral for a bunch of wankers too dense to get the joke.
And all you fuckers with your private blogs...? You real-life social hermits seeking communal admiration and diehard loyalty on the internet...? You pussies who hide when you don't quite get what you bargained for....? Fuck you, too.
And Go Saints!
Occupy Big Hole 2013 is ON !!!!!!!
Leslie waxed nostalgic,
"......creative and poignant commentary....."
".......a deep and everlasting love for one another....."
I too yearn for those wondrous days. I'm not sure about the "poignant" bit though:
poignant (ˈpɔɪnjənt, -nənt)
— adj
late 14c., "painful to physical or mental feeling," from O.Fr. poignant (13c.), prp. of poindre "to prick, sting," from L. pungere "to prick" (see pungent).
The only entity who might have experienced anything "painful to physical or mental feeling" was/is BBC, and he don't count. I am convinced I have a "deep and everlasting love" for him though, but then again, I adore Pink Eye".
The fucking bitch monkey thinks I can't count. She wouldn't make any of the pimples on Helen's ass. And at last count, there were four.
@ Utopia
In the spirit of Elisa Lam...........Jump! Jump! JUMP!
(Real spirit. Not that fake BBC shit).
thanks steve. as they say, it takes a genius to recognize another genius.
leslie - the aquarians commentary is often creative and poignant. yours however, is usually vindictive and self-absorbed dwelling in delusional thoughts of past self-importance. my therapy has enabled me to see you for what you really are.
"Past self-importance" ????!
How dare you!
There is ABSOLUTELY nothing "past", in a temporal sense that is, in Leslie's delusions of "self-importance".
au contraire, a blind man could see that she has nothing to be proud of at the present moment whilst losing a battle of wits with older gentleman who has no teeth.
Welcome back!
I use to work in the mental health field...until they raised enough money for a building!
Glad to see you back my friend.
The Tutor once lost "a battle of wits" with a group of third graders.
The interjection, "You're smelly!" arose from the ranks. How was The Tutor to refute such a laconic utterance? I mean, he couldn't even say, "Well you're smelly times a million", because the children had yet to learn multiplication and the stringency of the riposte would be lost on them.
When it comes to battling wits with the dentitionally challenged, the possession of one's own teeth is of no help.
The Tutor successfully rebutted the children's taunt by wringing the neck of the class bunny and telling the children that their mothers were lying when they said that they loved them.
(The real BBC say's. A friend gave me some good stuff last week, being as I don’t use it I in turn gave it to another friend.
Time to head out on a camping trip. *poof*
(That idiot seems to think she knows when and where the Big Hole gig will be but only the involved parties know that.)
Glad you made it out! Eliot is such a sweet and caring soul. Even if he does dwell on Killgore a bit much.
I planned on going out today and taking some photos of fire halls. Funny how things seem to go together sometimes.
Maybe its time to visit Montana.
Does your class have a bunny, BBC[Real]?
Please to notice, BBC and Utopia, that I use punctuation brackets in matched pairs - as one should.
You know, BBC, if you introduce, socially, these two "friends" to whom you refer regarding the transference of "good stuff", you would eliminate your position as the "middle-man" and render this market far more efficient.
tex - glad to be back. i thought of bob quite a bit whilst recovering.
aquarian - wow, those are the cadillac of brackets!
silly - i probably wouldn't have made it out of the nut house in 1 piece had i touched the red phone. i really wanted to play with the loudest siren in the western hemisphere but i lacked courage.
the story of my life.
Nothing changed while you were away except that there was a dearth of self-deleted comments.
Welcome back.
I am sorry to hear that you have been unwell, lad. Have a speedy recovery. T'was farmer Ted who told me all about you.
I am new at this game, so please do not expect any miracles. If it is pigs or manure you are after then I am your man.
Have a great day.
A friend of a friend in England.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
thimscool, I'm in your town, drinking your whiskey.
Nice puffy clouds in your sunny sky.
greetings farmer giles, very glad to make your acquaintance.
i can think of several people i'd like to dump a truck load of pig manure upon.
How long are you in town?
my mercury dimes are sinking like a rock!
No they aren't. Show me where I can buy some close to spot...
I had to sit a test once that included precious metal arbitrage algorithms. I can therefore view this discussion among obvious laymen, with a pleasurable lofty detachment.
You will prostrate yourselves and exclaim "We're not worthy", and I, with most atypical aplomb, will accept the adulation stoically as my due. Then I’ll temper my subsequent communication with a bit of arm’s-length snobbery and diffidence, as is also my due.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, thank you indeed squire for taking the time and effort to respond to my earlier comment. Both myself and my tammies were tickled pink to read such hilarity.
It would seem that your sense of humour would be well suited to Dartmoor, where, laddie, I can assure you that the occurrence of dumping pig manure on and about people's persons has quite often settled many an unsavoury event or argument.
As some of us older farming folk say, "May the force of pig manure be with you."
Good day to you, sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
In addition, sir, thank you for asking about my leg. Most kind and very compassionate. Also, sir, with regard to my Tammies having read Animal Farm; despite them being such a lovable and intelligent breed, I try to steer them away from the savage and brutal thoughts and actions carried out by man, and I also encourage them to steer clear of politics.
Yours,
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
What the fuck are Tammies?
thims - i don't know what planet you're on but spot has dropped about 40% on my home planet and of course those lovely dimes have followed.
farmer giles, you silver tongued devil. i'll bet you say that to all the mental defectives.
your kind words and the kind words of a few other benevolent souls are what keep me out of the loony bin.
aquarians - how about a little benevolence towards the less fortunate, like me!
Fuck Leslie and Aquarians and the rest of that group, fucking bitches all. It's pleasant away from them on my camping trips, even if I'm fucking getting rained on.
Great to have you back Pilgrim...you were missed. in fact you were so missed that if my dumb phone double posts again I'm not even gonna delete the second one.
Yes. Will you sell me a roll of mercury dimes for $79, then? I'll pay five bucks for shipping too, and you'll make 10%.
So where's the link?
ALTF, Fuck off!
Diocletion would approve of your whore's mune of degrees!
I typed "menu", but Google thinks she's funny.
A soaked BBC[Real] sputtered,
".....Fuck Leslie and Aquarians and the rest of that group, fucking bitches all. It's pleasant away from them on my camping trips, even if I'm fucking getting rained on....."
So, when you are not on one of your "camping trips"(1) you are immersed, against your will, in all that is, "Leslie and Aquarians and the rest of that group"?
I cannot speak for Leslie, but I find that kinda creepy.
thimscool?
What are you on about and what does the senior Augustus of the Tetrarchy have to do with it?
(1) BBC code for meeting strange men in bucolic settings for casual "man-on-man" sexual deviance.
That scheming tetrarch debased the currency while pronouncing an edict on maximal prices, much like your debasement of this comment thread wit your pronouncement of lofty hauteur.
Well, thimscool, ya got the "wit" part right.
And don't be trashin' me pal Gaius Aurelius Valerius Diocletianus Augustus! He's from Split, the Pearl of the Adriatic!
And a Yankee should talk about "debasing" currencies?
Ha!
At least the Romans never debauched their currency with portraits of Susan B. Anthony!
".......That scheming tetrarch debased the currency while pronouncing an edict on maximal prices, much like your debasement of this comment thread wit your pronouncement of lofty hauteur......"
Fair enough conclusion, however, I do not need to pronounce an edict on maximal wit. This happenstance is more than self-regulating amongst the heathen one finds gracing this unsophisticated salon.
Evidently silver can be mined as cheaply as $16/oz. So there is further to fall.
The market price for a precious metal has very little to do with the cost of mining/smelting/packaging it. In fact, this $16/oz. "Floor" price is meaningless.(Except in the very long run that is.)
And the silver mines of Potosi are worked by very inexpensive labourers who get by on a wad of coca leaves for a 12 hour shift. This results in a production floor price of some $4/oz.
And another thing!
I provide you cuntribbits with exquisite raillery - see my comments at 6:02 AM and 6:15 AM above - and what do I receive in thankful reciprocity? Fucking inanely inane inanity like,
"Evidently silver can be mined as cheaply as $16/oz. So there is further to fall."
If it were not for my debilitating psychological character flaw wherein I need to project dignity and control during these Internet times of social stress and anxiety, I wouldn't be here at all!
Is it any wonder I do not Facebook or Twitter?
I'm happy to oblige!
I hate you, thimscool!
Leslie would like y'all to know that she is currently supping on salad greens at a Cracker Barrel while keeping her huge van idling in the parking lot with the A/C on full to keep her precious Poms comfortable.
She has also purchased a selection of Patriotic Garden Gnomes - 40% off regular price!
FUCKING YEAH! God bless the USA and nowhere else!
Why did you not simply log into the Leslie account to inform us?
To the young lady, who uses the language of a 'trooper' as we say over here in England, Tammies are Tamworth rare-breed pigs. I have farmed these beauties for over half a Century. Fine beasts, unlike the Pumas and such that lurk around in the shadows of Dartmoor.
Incidentally, my neighbour Farmer Ted lost three sheep, not more than two hours ago to one of these beasts.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, so, I find myself among mental defectives do I? Well, laddie, I will let you into a little secret. There are plenty of those kind of folk on Dartmoor. Oh yes, sir, it has long been well documented. Some strange folk, and some really strange happenings have gone on here in my lifetime.
I intend to write about these on my bog. And sir, in response to your kind comment, I would just like to say, you mentioned the book Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. I have a copy in the cottage somewhere. No, sir, when I said "bloody buggers" that was not a reference to those insectoid aliens, it is just the way in which us folk often curse and swear. Made me laugh, sir, did that one, "oh buggers".
I have noticed that some of the folk on this bog use the big bad four letter word, fuck, quite a lot. Well, if I said that, sometimes I can be a silly old fucker, then that would most certainly make our farming folk laugh.
Read the Mothman Prophesies, sir, I read it when I was a younger man. If you believe what you read or have seen the film, then you will have some understanding of the strange moors around where I live.
Good day, sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
king - don't take too many camping trips, we need you around here.
doc - i missed you guys like crazy but i learned a lot in the nut house.
thims - there ain't much of a future in buying high and selling low so i guess i'm stuck with them. silver can be mined for virtually nothing if there's enough base metal by-products to absorb the costs.
aquarians - please try and use smaller words. i wish more people had that dignity and control flaw.
farmer giles - was it the pumas or tammies that had their way with the sheep?
i'm always glad to receive a little help.
thanks farmer giles, i'll definitely give the mothman prophecies a look and yes the f word is frequently used around here. if it's good enough for my hero, al swearengen, it's good enough for me.
I hate fucking farmers. Always complaining about something. The spring is too wet. The spring is too dry. Not enough sun. It's too cold. The strawberries have a virus this year. We're not subsidized enough by government. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Never ends it seems.
holy shit omar, you're meaner than leslie!
all these doctors seemed to have something in common but i just couldn’t put my finger on it. i’m hoping that one of these days i can pin point the common thread""
I bet they had a lot in common with those Union Doctors that met in Chicago last Tuesday and voted to call obesity a disease.
The ink wasn't even dry on the official paperwork before some equally rich politician in the House floated a bill to throw all kinds of appropriated money at the "treatment" and "therapy" of the Jew - I MEAN "new" *ahem* - "disease"!
Just a coincidence, I'll bet...
Like one hand washing the other!
"NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG!"
Free silver! You'd better sell me those dimes while you can.
Omar is very mean. I love farmers.
Thimscool, I was at Lantern, en route to Georgia, which took an extra 2 and 1/2 hours thanks to that mess called I-85. Upon arrival, I was somewhat taken aback to discover that all of my arty educated vegan yoga cousins now own numerous firearms. I pondered that all the way to New Orleans, where I'm safe from gun-toting crazy people.
Ha ha. My plan is working!
Next time let me know and we'll go to Kitchen on MLK just north of Rosemary.
galt - diabetes is a disease and obesity leads to diabetes so if obesity isn't a disease it's the next best thing. eliot is a little obese.
Young Mr Omar, sir. You hate fucking farmers do you, always moaning and being subsidised and all that cods-wallop? Well, laddie, I will say this. Aye, you are entitled to your opinions, but please do not be so public about them and air them to the world on Mr Pilgrim's bog.
A young cheeky bugger sod, that is all you are. I have never been subsidised in my life. However, I will admit to being a moany old fucker at times, and this is one of those moany old fucker moments! Bugger shit and piss buckets from the ground up, I say.
Good day to you, sir, and please be more respectful to the farming folk of this earth.
In days gone by, when I was younger, I may well have called you a cheeky cunt fucker or the like, but maturity and wisdom have prevailed and resultantly calmed my fiery temper.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, it is once again a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you for the comments you placed on my bog, kind sir. You are indeed a most humorous and sharp-wittedly, not to confess to the sullen shark bait, sharp-minded.
To address your first comment, sir, the Sandbagger incident. Well, squire, purely coincidental I am sure, or some form of telepathy, possibly. But, sir, because of some of the occurrences I have witnessed on this here moor over the years, I might be so bold as to suggest alien intervention, laddie. Aye, you may laugh, but so have others, and that prevented them from getting where they are today, if you know my meaning.
To address your Craggy Island comment. Well, sir, I fear nothing that you suggest. Although I will add that farmer Ted, in my book, is far more devious that Father Ted fellow. He is not as funny by any means of the brush though.
Have a productive day, sir, and may the force of Dartmoor manure be with you, Sherlock, sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
i watched an episode of sandbaggers last night and quite enjoyed it. i only have a few more days before returning them to the library so a tough decision will have to be made. so much to watch, so little time.
The library here doesn't ding you if you are a few days or a week overdue on movies.
they charge $1 a day here.
i'm often behind some chinamen in line and when they're told they owe a fine they suddenly can't speak english and i'm not making this up.
lets see, they check out books and movies in english but they can't speak it. bull fucking shit.
A $1 a day??? Outrageous! I think it's a quarter a day here, but since I haven't had a late library book since Nixon was president I wouldn't really know for sure. I'd steal the fucking book before I payed a dollar a day fine.
buck a day for movies, two bits a day for books.
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