whilst reprogramming my brain at the foundation eliot suggested that i have my teeth checked. taking dental advice from a man with absolutely horrid dental hygiene could be construed as bordering on insanity but as i earlier stated, i’d do anything for eliot. a few days ago i showed up for some cleaning and scaling only to be informed that i had 3 teeth in need of repair, fucking fillings! today i showed up and endured 90 minutes of torture only to be told that there were 2 more teeth in need of repair. i didn’t book an appointment. i’ll ruminate on this for a while.
in the last post i posed the question, “can a person be cured of a condition he never had?” i’m disappointed that no one offered me any help on this stumper. of course i wasn’t asking this question for my own benefit and of course i didn’t check myself into the nut house for my own benefit either. there is a certain pipe smoker who will remain unnamed that i was trying to assist in overcoming a period of darkness. if this person could only swallow his pride and seek my help there might be a glimmer of hope for him. i am of the opinion that a person cannot be cured of a condition that they do not possess. it’s up to the person in question to realize that there’s nothing to cure. most trained medical professionals are loathe to admit this, after all they’re in the money making racket and there’s nothing better than a patient who cannot be cured. molly coddling is only good for the first 10 days, then hit the patient over the head with a wooden mallet and let the chips fall where they may. (that's why i checked out of the nut house on day 9)
so here is today’s big question:
is one year of enjoying candy worth the aggravation of 3 hours in the dentist’s chair? if i had to pay for the dental work the answer would be easy, fuck no. but since the dental work is free it’s a tough decision.
i love you sons of bitches,
65 comments:
Did you explain all this to your son because he was giving us the impression that you'd flipped your wig. Eating candy is never worth it unless you brush your teeth right afterwards.
So do you brush your teeth right after eating candy billy? It seems like it might be a good compromise sort of solution to today's question.
Great clip from Cuckoo's Nest. All those young fresh faces! Danny DeVito even has most of his hair. He and Christopher Loyd probably didn't suspect that they would be tied together again on Taxi.
I am inclined to agree with you on yesterday's question. You cannot be cured of an illness you have never had. Does that count immunizations. They might throw a monkey wrench into that idea.
Yes, of course it is!
That video was like a flashback to where I use to work.
I remember this aide from the tiny republic of Togo, he didn't say "medication" he would say "Meeeediciiine."
He had a great accent.
gb - i think sonny is trying to have me committed. he has his eye on my hyundai.
silly - i'd be brushing my teeth 30 times a day and destroying my gums. i wouldn't want to hurt my gums.
tex - i think cuckoo's nest might be my 15 minutes of bliss after i'm done with season 2 of the sopranos.
after i get my throat cut, my next medical mission is a root canal. oh the joy of antiquity!
June 25, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Farmer Giles said...
".....To the young lady(Me, I presume), who uses the language of a 'trooper' as we say over here in England, Tammies are Tamworth rare-breed pigs. I have farmed these beauties for over half a Century. Fine beasts, unlike the Pumas and such that lurk around in the shadows of Dartmoor.
Incidentally, my neighbour Farmer Ted lost three sheep, not more than two hours ago to one of these beasts......"
Tamworth pigs are ginger in colouration - well done.
Pumas on Dartmoor? You've been frequenting the Aidensfield Arms with Greengrass, haven't you?
I swear like at 'squaddie', actually.
"......in the last post i posed the question, “can a person be cured of a condition he never had?” i’m disappointed that no one offered me any help on this stumper......"
Disappointed?
Alas, can your condition of disappointment be cured?
I bet Farmer Giles is heavily into octopus porn.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, the pleasure is all mine, I assure you. Before I address the point of interest you made on your bog, may I first answer the lady trooper, Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc. Even by my aged eyes, that name appears to be somewhat suggestive, but the world is still free in many places; free that is, to speak, say, and call yourself and others what it is that you wish.
This young lady, I deduce, has a sense of humour which I find highly amusing. Yes, most Tammies are gingery in colour, and so are mine. Unfortunately, I have not been frequenting Aidensfield Arms with a Mr Greengrass. After all, this is not Heartbeat that we are re-enacting, Missy. Besides, farmer folk such as myself as barred from such establishments. Finally, young madam, you say that you swear like a squaddie. Perhaps that is so, but is that a problem? I may be older now than I was five minutes ago, but I am open-minded and do not judge people by the tone or merits of their profanity. It is the 21st Century, after all, is it not? And a squaddie is the same as a trooper in Great Britain, a soldier.
It appears too that Miss Leslie also has a very witty sense of humour, one which I find refreshingly funny. Just because I am an elderly farmer from Dartmoor, England does not mean that I have lived the life when younger. Octopus porn is a new notion to me, did you acquire the name from a James Bond movie? In actual fact, at my age, I do not think that I could muster the energy or the sexual desire to find an octopus attractive enough to chase and pleasurise, let alone to be intimately interested in.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, I do hope that the pain your are suffering from, as a result of tooth decay and eating too many sweets, is bearable, and that you are not suffering too much. I have 31 teeth, perhaps one short of what it regarded as being the norm. I attribute this fact as so; despite being elderly, ever since I was a youngster, I have always chewed on liquorice sticks, which you can buy from health shops. I also avoided eating sweets and food that contained too much sugar. I also used to rub coal dust onto my teeth, then wash off after about five minutes, and always brushed hard and cleaned after meals.
Can a person be cured of a condition he never had. Now, to me that is a psychological question, perhaps with a cryptic twist. What if the person believes he/she has a condition. This could be classified as a form of mental illness, let us say. Hypochondria is a mental illness. I have met many a hypochondriac, both genuinely ill and not so genuinely ill. Anyway, I am just a pig farmer, and pig shit and such things are my area of expertise.
Tonight is our social gathering, where farmer Ted, farmer Fred, Farmer Jed, farmer Zed, farmer Led and I drink Dartmoor moonshine, a potato and highly volatile alcohol-based drink which has resulted in many rapturous events. Amongst other things, we will discuss the events of the week, and the imminent occurrence of a history first, this year's black hole phenomenon which was documented on Horizon on the TV on Wednesday night. Then the verbal pig shit will flow, and laughter and stupidities will follow.
After that, all hell will no doubt break loose, as my departing guests try to steer their old Massey Ferguson tractors, guide their horse and carts and drive their newly-designed Quad bikes back to their homes.
"May the force of pig manure be with you all, and many pleasantries to all"
Good day to you, sir and ladies.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
I bet your wife Carmelita knows a thing or two about tentacle erotica. Ask her.
Lady Leslie, sadly, Mrs Giles passed away some years back, but I will admit and confess that she was rather proficient and experienced in that department, young lady; extremely attentive and admirably professional and dedicated to providing gratuitous satisfaction.
Have a nice day, whilst I continue to enjoy a moonshing session with my friendly farming folk.
Be good and be happy.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
farmer giles - i'm in awe of your literary skills. i've longed for the day when the aquarian is no longer the queen bee around here. she has intimidated myself and my good friend bbc, aka the king, for months if not years. if i was a religious man i'd think you were a gift from the lord but i'll not question my extreme good luck of meeting a man such as yourself who oozes class and good breeding.
i must warn you that a few of the trollops frequenting this humble blog can be very devious and calculating. beware of the fair leslie, she's smart as a whip and meaner than a junk yard dog. as for the aquarian, she's an enigma to me. she is also smart as a whip but that's all i know for certain.
my good buddy bbc, is a true boffin. his ingenuity could put macgyver to shame.
I'm loving the aroma of this 7 grams of hydro in my pocket. Somewhere out there is a farmer I could really sink my teeth into!
Omar, always glad to help.
(except in a few hours when I will be no help to anyone..)
what does a 7 gram packet cost on the east coast? i usually pick up a nice little 4 gram packet on special for $24.
Why in the hell would you want to help Frump? He seems to have joined the Flat Earth Society and fell off the edge.
Fug it, he's a university professor, they all seem to come from a universe I haven't discovered yet. They're all more fugging bat shit crazy than the rest of us and I'm going camping with one in a few weeks.
BBC will you just fucking leave for Big Hole already???! You've been talking about this trip for 2 years already!
GO!!!!!
I've only been talking about it for less than one year, you washed up cocksucker, get your facts straight.
BBC wil you just fucking leave for Big Hole already???!. You've been talkng about this trip for 11 months and 28 days already!
GO!!!!
I'm not leaving until the 16th of July and I'm taking my time getting there to stop and visit with friends on the way. So fuck you. Really, you fuck you, no one else wants to.
I will miss you. Please drive safely.
billy pilgrim revealed,
"......i must warn you that a few of the trollops frequenting this humble blog....."
We few. We happy few. We band of sisters - Leslie and yours truly - are honoured to be cognominated as "trollops". I wonder if the others who frequent this humble blog feel as we do?
$50. Champagne for breakfast and a Sherman in my hand.
Do you people not comprehend what smoking does to your skin, your brain, and your fingernail beds? You are gonna be some gnarly-looking oldsters, if you're not already.
I'm not suppose to die pretty, I'm supposed to die all wore out thinking it was a hell of a ride, and it pretty much has been.
It's never too late for moisturizer, BBC.
Dear BBC,
Would all the people you assaulted and/or emotionally destroyed while you were on this "hell of a ride" also be "wore out"?
Most of them were pleased to have known me, so fuck off.
Hey! I've given up on pork, beef, farmed fish, most dairy products and I haven't touched a cigarette in more than a decade. I moisturize and do 45 minutes of Pilates a day! Marijuana indulgence is a righteous force for good! Tell you what, pop me a photo of yourself at 50 and together we'll carefully analyze the inevitable sags, bags and veins reality of the female middle-aged sitchiation! Deal?
Ignore her, BBC. She is jealous and deeply disturbed.
Doc Teri is holding up well. Perhaps you could ask her for some exfoliating tips while at Big Hole?
Sure, Omar, deal. I 've had very little sun exposure and I've only smoked one (clove) cigarette in my life. I will never EVER be craggy-faced. You got me on veiny, though. That's a sad and inevitable reality we pale people face. Evil bastard! You've ruined my day.
BBC admitted,
".....Most of them were pleased to have known me, so fuck off......"
Most?
So not all then?
I take it the ones you assaulted were the poor folks not pleased to have known you?
Were they women BBC? The ones you assaulted I mean.
Ask those you think I assaulted, I can't speak for them.
Time to get my ass outside while we have a nice day here and do some painting.
*poof*
Dearest Omar,
To mention the concept of middle age and the chronology of 50 years as if they are synonymous.
50 is old age.
Middle age is 30 to 49.
Besides, when Leslie is 50, you'll be dead. Ostensibly for spelling "moisturise" with a "Z" and even mentioning the word "Pilates" much less engaging in it.
Fucking Fruit!
BBC challenged,
".....Ask those you think I assaulted, I can't speak for them......"
I would do, but as you well know, she is now deceased. Her children, however, have interesting stories about your "hell of a ride".
Dearest Leslie,
Your bff is a wee edgy this morning. Pass her a clove cigarette, will ya?
(pats your head)
Clove smokes are great!
The clove masks the smell of tobacco so you can smoke them in bars and restaurants here in Ontario. The Management and Anti-smoking Gestapo are fooled!
The Tutor tells the retards they are "therapeutic Ayurvedic Dhoomas"
Works a treat.
She's always edgy. Eats too much red meat.
She’s edgy because she doesn’t get enough dick in her.
I see that the bitch here that thinks she is an expert on me chooses to ignore the fact that when their mother died that my daughter was living with me and that my son wasn’t getting along with her either. I’m a hell of a lot easier going than their mother was. I’m not disfranchised from my kids because of their childhood, we always got along good, but what they became as adults. But the fucking bitch thinks she is an expert on me. She was assaulted alright, and raped, but that was before I knew her, I just accepted her son as my own.
At least I am not prominently traversed like a centrefold of the AAA Road Atlas.
And you can't even make any money off your affliction now.
Tragic it is.
Dearest BBC,
The man doth protest too much, me thinks
Have you, or have you not, ever spent time in jail for assaulting a woman?
Be honest.
Do y'all think I should build an outdoor fireplace? I really want one, even though it's currently 96 degrees here.
Does veinywoman.com prefer 'fireplace' poses?
If so, go for it.
You won't be in violation of any Historic Neighbourhood restrictions I trust.
Every one knows that I've spent ten days in jail for hitting a bitch that was attacking me. Is that all you got? Bitch...
They can't restrict anything not visible from the street. And that horrible fake-ginger, aesthetically-challenged Midwesterner has yet to show her face. I've been waiting.
And she privatized her Facebook page devoted to me! Chickenshit!
That's alls I gots, Mr. BBC.
Well, that's all I have that if pixellated here would pass pilgrim's censorship muster anyway.
If any one would like ALL the dirt on Mr. BBC, email The Tutor at gerbsc@gmail.com and he'll send you the PDF file, replete with Internet links, photographs and the telephone numbers of many of Mr. BBC's traitorous friends.
You know, BBC, you should be very careful about whom you trust. One of your so-called friends sold you out for a photograph of Leslie's feet!
Can you believe it?
You are not only a bitch, you are a fucking idiot.
Email The Tutor!
He'll send you a highly redacted version of the package.
I dare you to, BBC!
Do you have the guts?
Are you man enough?
I could fucking care less what Omar has.
jesus fucking christ!
lord melbury, farmer giles, shows up to lend a touch of class and all you proles can do is bicker.
gourmet night is cancelled!
and quit ragging on the king.
gourmet night? That's okay, I don't do gourmet anyway, I just had a bowl of oatmeal and now I'm going out to put a second coat of paint on the camper shell.
Omar is The Tutor?
Yins is totes funny BBC. I take it all back, you're my hero!
Wait, what? Omar Is the Tutor? The Tutor does Pilates? He might've told me that before I sent him pictures of my feet!
The photographs of your feet were not for me, they were for BBC's "friend".
Pilates?
The "Downward Dog Push-Ups" help with my muscular focus: abdominals, thighs, hip flexors and tumescence.
BBC mourned,
".....I just had a bowl of oatmeal......"
According to Samuel Johnson in his famous 1755 Dictionary:
"Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people."
Gruel is what gets me and my family through the long winter months. Handful of raisins, a nice drizzle of pure maple syrup, a little cream. Mmmmm..
Omar announced,
"......Gruel is what gets me and my family through the long winter months......"
Dickensian gruel?
Dessicated grapes?
Tree sap?
Udder seepage?
Having trouble providing for your family are we?
Should I get The Tutor, who may or may not be you, to cut you a cheque?
Not at all. It's cheap and healthy eats! I should point out that the udder seepage used isn't of the bovine variety, but a sugar-free and soy based beverage. Fuck nuts can cut us a cheque if he likes. It can go to the Barbadian Xmas time share account!
Cut me a check too, Fucknuts. Sazerac's on you!
I'm not sure he would want to support your rapine of the poor folks of Barbados, but I will pass it along.
Fuck nuts?
Fuck drupes more like.
The Tutor does not "cut checks"
He'll either cut you a cheque or just cut you.
Your choice.
Come cut me then, Fuckdrupes. You know, if they'll let you out of Canada. And you can hand deliver my check.
I'll let The Tutor know you desire the pleasure of his company.
As far as the cutting is concerned, if he feels you want it, he won't do it. He's a sadist that way.
z vs s
or vs our
check vs cheque
with such a large international readership, it's hard to keep all the customers satisfied.
spain vs brazil this afternoon, international r us.
Speaking of cutting...can you also let Teh Tutor know I desire the pleasure of his company? The weekly lawn maintenance needs to be performed and, if he's physically up to the task, he can scoop the pool.
fuck me, the canucks got fleeced in another trade. we might have the worst manager in the league.
woe is us.
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