last september i bit the bullet and had the drive train replaced in the iron maiden. i hemmed and hawed over that decision for a long time but decided what the hell, that old bike and i have a lot of memories, so i sunk a few hundred dollars into it. to have a little fun i decided to toss a toonie (2 bucks) into a jar every time i rode her to the supermarket since that's about how much money i would save on gas. well, september 1 will be d-day. i'll open the jar and count the coins. all i know right now is the jar feels heavy:
the decanter beside the jar contains about 5 pounds of pennies. remember when i had the brilliant idea to buy 25 pounds of pennies? well, i still have 20 pounds looking for a home. all i can say is it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the tomatoes are doing very well. the picture below shows a few ripe ones next to an almost ripe lemon tomato. they're from different plants that i failed to properly prune and have crossed over each other.
my buddy continues to deteriorate and refuses to seek medical help. he wouldn't get out of bed this morning saying he'd rather kill himself but lacked the guts. he is a very difficult man to deal with at the best of times. as they say, pride goeth before a fall.
i love you sons of bitches, any guesses on the number of coins?
47 comments:
183.
wow, that would be $366! i hope you're right.
Dats a lotta fish.
Assuming you may go to the supermarket two times a week, on the bike, not in the car, that's about 96 trips to the market so I'm going to say there is about 100 coins in that jar based on my assumption that it is a pint jar.
If a man rides a bike to a market 183 times a year that's about 15 trips a month to the market on a fucking bike. For what? A three dollar cup of coffee?
Dats a lotta fish is right, and it's looking to me that the bike is how he delivers it.
It had skipped my mind that you can go to the market to buy,,,, or sell.
Those tomatoes look damn good - anyone would guess you lived in a Mediterranean climate. Someone needs to teach your friend how to knit.
king - your reasoning is probably quite close. it's the bakery in the supermarket that lures me most mornings.
gb - we had the dryest july on record this summer so maybe the tomatoes thought they were in the mediterranean. knitting, i'll suggest it to him. that should make him yell at me for a good 2 minutes.
Hire Wanton Wanda and her Won Ton Whips to thrash him senseless and then deliver him to the promised land.
Pilgrim, did your comment below mean to imply I'm fat? I'm 5'7 and 127 pounds, 40 of which is forehead. NOT FAT.
And I know I'm a bit behind, but I'd be interested to hear about what those "sick fucking queers" did to poor BBC that's left him so traumatized.
I know I get traumatized every time those sick fucking queers laugh at my little white boy dick.
They laugh and point and point and laugh....
Sick fuckers.
Hahahaha!
I have a fine cock and it's only been in one asshole and that was an honest mistake, at least it was a female asshole. :-)
Shee-utt, all us Mesicans love buttsecks; we learn all about it in Catlick school.
king - please tell me there was massive amounts of alcohol involved in your anal adventure.
Omar? Will that do?
No, there wasn't massive amounts of alcohol involved, wasn't even drinking, just got the wrong hole during a doggie style. Marie liked trying different positions.
Was this before or after your homosexual experience?
You escaped! Thank goodness!
Leslie is a fucking idiot, I've never had a homosexual experience, just experienced fucking queers that wanted to do things with me but I wouldn't let them.
88 coins?
Your tomatoes are looking very tasty!
I've just returned from having three beers at Reggies and Sally said that she needed someone to paint her new shed and wanted to know what I would charge her for that.
I asked her if she would be interested in trading painting for blow jobs, it didn't offend her one wit, she has known me for years so she said sure.
I suppose I'll paint that fucking shed for a few beers.
thims - now this is why you keep coming back.
tex - 88 sounds good but i'll be adding a few more before sept 1.
The problem with Leslie is that she never liked butt fucking when it didn't bother Marie at all.
Carry on.....
BBC,
It's ok if you got a little sloppy one night and things happened. It's very common in the Navy and in jail.
But just own it instead of raging against "fudge packers" and "fucking queers". With that truck and that gun of yours, no one would ever suspect you're anything but 100% hetero.
And I'm really not buying your "got the wrong hole" story.
Not at all.
Besides, you know what they say- " once you go back you never go back",
Hahahahaha!
Preverts.
Leslie is worse than a pervert, she is just a sick fucking bitch.
I'm headed up the mountain today, the rest of you monkeys are in charge while I'm gone.
I'm a sick fucking bitch? Honey, if you actually "got the wrong hole", Marie is the sick fucking bitch! Either it was hugely agape from having just done the local Elks Club members or you're hung like a popsicle stick.
I've just been called a "pervert" by someone who banged his own granny, his aunt, his cat, and any five dollar hookers that would have him.
It will be hard for me to reach greater heights in this life.
well king, you certainly opened a can of worms with this one.
I'll take, "hugely agape from having just done the local Elks Club mmbers", for five hundred dollars Alex.
Billy, mate, I just intended to drop by your site, but it appears that I've actually hit The Butthole Surfers site. Just a passing thought, though, Billy, my friend, perhaps The King was actually their drummer, King Coffey! :-P
Personally, I'm not afraid to admit that I've hit the 'brown' instead of the 'pink' on many occasion, both when pissed-as-a-newt, and after abstaining. It's no big shit, really. In fact, when the weather's cold, I often prefer the 'brown' as it's warmer.
As far as I'm aware, I've never shoved my Wang up a bloke's arse, but having said that, when I used to drink, I couldn't even remember who, or what, I shagged, never mind who, or what's bed, I'd landed in! :-P It'd only be a pain in the arse to even recall such memories!
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful Day!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Steve/Utopia...
PS Gotta agree with Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc, Billy, mate, when she thus did hilariously blather: "I must say pilgrim, without Leslie and me, this blog has a completely different aesthetic. I quite like it!"
PPS Some interesting and fuckin' hilarious German/Hitler facts that I wasn't aware of, Billy, mate. You sure have a wide-ranging interest in reading matter/material, mate! :-P
PPPS Nice, Tommies, Billy, they look like two sets of bollocks, my friend. Wouldn't like to hazard a guess as to how many bucks/pennies are in the jar, mate, but keep up the peddling, my friend, you're efforts to help the environment are a credit to you, Billy.
Ciao,
Steve...
My guess is 140. Why? Why not. The maters look good. Kyle and I might try my hand at growing some tomatoes next year and will hit you up for some advice if we need some help. Sorry to hear about your friend. Hope whatever happens it is the best thing for him. Take care BP.
One judges a pilgrim by the company it keeps.
To wit:
BBC - This is a cunt, self evident and no mistake. Recent un-closeted homophilic revelations make him a "King to not a single Queen and a Queen to every King"
Farmer Giles - Verbose and utterly banal Brit-fuck.
Japing Ape - Comment whore extraordinaire. Certainly genetically 1% shy of Sapiens Sapiens status.
Harry - Leslie says he has a wicked sense of humour it's just that it's wasted here. I only somewhat agree.
thimscool - An enigma, wrapped in a mystery, surrounded in a puzzle and shoved up the muzzle of a smooth-bore blunderbuss.
Leslie - The only female still bad-ass enough to grace this hell-hole of faux machismo and compromised testosterone. A truly lovely human being. Kind to dogs and old men found confused and wandering in parks. A bit hard on the ladies though.
Omar - The less said the better.
Which brings me to yours truly, a truly despicable nonce. A practising psychopath whose only socially redeeming feature is his profound abundance of apathy preventing him from taking-out the fucking lot of you.
Ummmmmmm...
Ermmmmmm...
Please to change the personal pronouns in the final paragraph above:
"his" to "her"
and
"him" to "her"
It seems I have been fuct-over by my poorly-chosen editor. I trusted it and did not proofread its "truly lovely" and "bad-ass" 'corrections'.
that's the daily double harry, you can risk all or any part of your money:
he shits in the woods and he's not the pope.
mr shife - yes, the maters have turned out well. my friend has asked me to quit calling him. i'll give him a few days then start nagging him once more about getting medical treatment.
farmer giles - the king sowed a lot of wild oat whilst traveling the world in the navy. a dna test may be in order for the both of you.
aquarian - him?????
yes, it's all happening at the zoo.
maybe your tutor can connect the dots:
The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly but
They're dumb.
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages,
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.
Zebras are reactionaries,
Antelopes are missionaries,
Pigeons plot in secrecy,
And hamsters turn on frequently.
Billy, me old mucker, fuck me, mate, and with all due respect to the King [who, rumour has it, is engaging in activities that appertain and relate to the usage of his anal probe, with the ever lovely and charismatic, Lady Lesley], when I read your comment, I laughed so fuckin' hard that my chewing gum dislodged itself from my big Brit gob and landed on my lappy's screen. Therefore, my friend, I may have to sue! :-P
I'll endeavour to avoid commenting on the ever-vivacious Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc's comment, as no doubt she'll rip me to fuckin' shreds again, for my Brit-speak, my grammar, punctuality, spelling, sentence construction and the likes. All I will say however, is, that all things arse are probably right up her street/anus.
As I'm in an extremely good mood, due to the fact that I'm so fuckin' happy with my new Blogger template; instead of primarily wishing your good self, Billy, a happy and peaceful day, one in which the sun shines on you and yours, I'll extend this short, yet extremely sincere comment to all who have posted with regards to your blog, or otherwise, or for those who're about to post, or to those who will in the foreseeable future post a comment.
Take Care & Stay Lucky, mate.
PS Dearest, Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc, yeah, you were correct, sweetheart, it is 9"! :-P
I'm more like an open book shat out a smooth bore Elks Club hooker's ass with the force of a blunderbuss. But you were close, sir.
I mean, madam.
i'd be honored to have the king for a dad. we could go shooting, camping, fishing and chasing skirts together.
this whole aquarian deal has me perplexed. i think that crazy tutor is impersonating her.
Not sure if the above's directed at me, but, bloody hell, we've a budding Hemingway in our midst. Give me a big manly hug and a big, manly sexy 'Frenchy', you sex-bomb! I guess the thought of the anal probe must've aroused the literary spark in you, matey! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve
Billy, mate, I too would be honoured to have The King as my dad. We could get rid of that unnecessary gun, throw away the fishing tackle - as fish feel pain, too, yeah, carry on camping, and perhaps smoke lots of African-based Ganja, the likes of which is making me fall in love with you more-and-more by the minute! Strange Brew...
After all, I didn't get where I am today by being a corporate whore, a mamby-pamby robber's dog, or naming my goldfish, Wanda!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace, love, bring on the wenches and Jerusalem artichokes,
Steve...
i'm not too fond of camping so we could share him. you can camp and do all that nice stuff with him and i'll go shooting and terrorizing the pansies with the king.
i'm facing a tough decision; reggie or the mighty boosh?
i got a bad feeling about this.
Mr thimscool,
I should delete what remains of your FB profile on my friends list? I dislike untidiness on my page.
Shanks
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