oh how i miss the good old days before the world became child and idiot proof. last night whilst watching deadwood i decided to enhance the viewing experience with a little fishing but my trusty old bic lighter was on the fritz. not to worry, i had planned ahead and bought a package of 5 new ones. a new bic lighter, if that isn't nice, what is?
well, it didn't turn out to be that fucking nice after all. first it took a while to find the package, i had already done a little fishing, and things were falling out off the shelf. i almost knocked a good pile of fish onto the floor. finally, i found the new lighters and the fucking things wouldn't work. after a few moments of being perplexed as only a seasoned fisherman can be, i figured out that there was a safety ring around the wheel. i looked at the package and there weren't any fucking instructions. woe was fucking me. luckily i knew my limitations and headed upstairs to the gas stove for fire. the lovely mrs myshkin was neither impressed nor sympathetic to my dilemma, situation normal. i decided to figure it out in the morning.
well, the morning came and even with needle nose pliers i still couldn't get that goddamned safety ring off. in the space of a few minutes i broke 2 lighters. on the third try, i had success but it came at the cost of 2 noble instruments of fire. i don't like child proof packaging almost as much as i don't like cops. well, it's not even close but you get the picture.
here's a little exercise on how and why we're fucked when it comes to cleaning up the environment, Why world can't agree over climate change. it's a nice little article that seems to perfectly state the human condition when it comes to making the tough choices.
i love you sons of bitches.
100 comments:
Hell buddy, I buy Bic five packs also, I'll do a post showing you how to un-childproof those fuckers easy like.
No, the world isn't going to get un-fucked, we'll just have to deal with it.
I put my fishy bread in the freezer, I'll try it one of these days.
Yet another reason why I like gas stoves...they make a passable lighter when one is not available...
Doc! gosh, had i known you were in the neighborhood, i would have written something much more thought provoking and relevant to current events.
in the words of andy crane; i apologize.
My thoughts were provoked plenty...and current events are highly overrated. you did just fine!
Zippo? Forever a classic.
Fuck, Doc Teri is back with the living?
I even blogged! It's a banner day in docland...
zippo. have they ever made lighter fluid that won't eat your leg through your pant's pocket?
Zippo is a great lighter, just don't buy a knock off. And don't overfill it or it will attack your leg.
needle nose pliers works great. But usual matches still works pretty good, which I lit the wood stove (furnace)this evening.
In past at work I've taken a flat head screw driver and pop out the plastic thing in cap so it considered safe.
Give an child to open your pill bottle and they have it open in no time flat.
Coffee is on
Cool tune.
1) Jam a knife tip under the child protection ring...
2) Lever that shit until it goes, "ping", like a soft reminder of a garand expelling a spent clip.
3) Now it's like a good old bic.
Thims is very close on the bic fix.
If you don't mind dulling the blade of your knife.
the package says each lighter is good for 3000 lights and since i only use it once or twice a day it should last for several years, unless i lose the son of a bitch, so the problem probably won't resurface for quite some time.
i had a zippo in my youth and like bob says, i burned my leg.
i think i'll go test the new bic right now ;)
Normalcy bias.
I've never seen a child-proofed lighter and I'm going to keep on buying matches so I never do. So the song in the video is saying people should recycle their rubbish? I won't argue with that.
I am hearing the voice of Fareed Zakaria saying, "I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."
Assuming that you do most of your fishing in one place there is no reason to keep a Zippo in your pocket, just keep it with your other fishing gear. It’s not like I walk around with a bottle of personal lubricant that could leak in my pocket. :-)
I'm not much on fishing, but your kind sounds pretty good.
I use to always like those Djeep lighters, but nobody sells them in my neck of the woods anymore.
When I want fire while camping in the woods I just rub a couple of boy scouts together, they're always ready to give a hand to a friendly old soldier.
Beat that you sissified city slickers.
What?
thims - i yam what i yam, strong to the finish.
gb - i guess it has something to do with recycling. i just liked the catchy tune and all the cool pictures of dogs. the sea turtle was a nice touch too.
king - i thought you took your personal lubricant everywhere. be prepared, right?
tex - yes, my version of fishing is much more pleasant than standing around in the cold or getting a headache riding the waves.
harry - that's why i avoid the deep dark woods, except for these guys:
TWO TIME LOSER
While in Monkeyville today I got another five pack of Bic's, my post tomorrow will show you how to fix those fuckers easy.
Rick keeps a Zippo in his shop as a backup in case his Bic dies on him. It comes in handy at times.
Camping tip # 2
Always salvage the "flint" after the gas is spent.
NEVE HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER FLINT THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!
Camping tip # 3
When you're out camping with that special boyscout, ask him if he knows the difference between a piece of fried chicken and a blow-job.
When he finally admits he doesn't, well, you're home free!
I have a lot of those flints, heat them up using a pair of needle nose pliers and toss them against a rock and they blow up.
Jajaja, I knew YOU would have dissected one and salvaged anything possible.
I figured it was some kind of composte phoney flint.
I have a bunch of wheels and springs and flints. :-)
hugh - you'll be a real asset at big hole with those camping tips.
my 2 broken lighters seem to be without a flint. and some people have flints coming out their ass.
Those phoney flints are backed by a coil spring like your old pre Bic writing instrument. Not doubt they made their escape, you being non the wizer.
I like gas stoves because I can threaten to stick my wonderful head in the oven part and demand ransom for not turning on the gas.
Usually.
SO WHO'S READY FOR THE WORLD CUP??
I'll tell you who ain't - João Rodrigo Silva Santos
Horsefeathers.
Who?
Broken lighter
(that still has butane)
Fishing Tip -
Light a candle, then light your lighter with the candle flame.
Boom!
You're in business and saving the Earth (from the waste of butane).
Tip # 4 -
NEVER use a Zippo or Zippo type lighter when smoked fish is your objective.
(unless it is some of the cheap mexican dirtfish we used to get back in the '70s)
pilgrim-
Where do you get off promoting this knucklehead as he sports a visage of the dreaded O'Bama on a sweatshirt @ 2: 16 ?
fuck me, you're right harry!
it's a wash, the image of that snake in the grass obumble is countered by the sea turtle. but i really hate to waste the positive karma of a sea turtle on that fucknut obumble.
did you know that there are people out there who think obumble's shit don't stink?
A little wine goes well with fish.
pilgrim-
Apparently there are millions that have lost their sense of smell.
Millions more never had any sense of any kind.
And a little fish goes well with just about everything.
too much fish?
just got a foot stool to check out the cupboard and see if there were any more lighters and much to my surprise i found an almost new tube of lanacane, i use that shit for mosquito bites.
i couldn't find it several months ago and blew about $10 on another tube. now i have 2 fucking tubes and probably won't be able to find either one next summer when some rat bastard mosquito bites me and it will be off to the store to buy another one.
and i just found out that i transferred money to the wrong account and got a $45 nsf charge.
i'm gonna punch the first fucking kid that knocks on my door and asks for candy.
WHOA up there pilgrim!
I have to believe you're a man of your weird, and doing something like that (at least getting caugh) will ruin a nice days fishing like nothing you've ever seen.
That punk kid didn't put those kopeks into the wrong account.
Be a man about it, blame the good wife.
p.s.
I had a mean fucking drunkass Polack buddy at one time who swore it was the garlic he ate that kept him free from being bitten by those rat fucking bastard mosquito bastards.
I think it must have been the Jack & Coke
when i called the bank, to verify my identity the guy asked me to list the last few checks i had written. the f bombs started flying and i told him i don't keep a record of the checks i write. which is true, now i have to erase all records of this little fuck up before the lovely mrs myshkin finds out.
time for some fish and a cup of queer fruity flavored coffee.
Sounds like its time to consider starting a program of Gaslight(ing) the fine mrs.myshkin.
"Hi, kiddies, here's Johnny! Happy Halloween!"
Take Care, Keep Very Safe & Stay Very Lucky!
Billy, To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful Day/Night!
Peace & Moon Barking,
Steve...
fuck off johnny. poor ruby is locked in her crate because the firecrackers drive her nuts and she feels safest in that lousy crate.
poor little ruby. she's gonna track johnny down tomorrow and have a good taste.
Zippo lighters? Made in Bradford, PA. Lifetime wrrenty no matter how many times you ove fill them and burn your balls or leg. The Bradfordians all understand this issue..
I have several in the drawer and a few collectables and still us a BIC. No namptha taste....
THEY MAY GET QUITE COMMON..
It seems this 'childproof' label is rather presumptive. I figger 'adult-proof' is more apropos for you lot.
And who but rich fucking empire-builders buys Baron Bic(1) products?
Idiots!
A 3-Pac of Gemtone Lighters, each longer-lived than a regular Bic lighter - costs $0.99, including sales tax.
That's $0.33 each!
AND they are not only not adult-proof, they're not even childproof.
Wal-Mart sells the Bic 5-pack for $4.98 PLUS sales tax.
That's over $1.00 each!
Pretty obvious only assholes would purchase a Bic lighter.
And ZIPPO lighters are also shit! I sold a bunch of fake Vietnam-era Zippo lighters to stupid Australian, Canadian and American backpacker idiots in Vietnam one christmas. Made a bundle.
(1) Pronounced "Beesh"
my buddy suggested those cheap ones from the dollar store but a man of my means should use the cadillac of disposable lighters, bic.
however, i avoid their pens like the plague.
I haven't paid for a pen for years, got two free ones when I paid the insurance the other day. I don't give a shit if they say STATE FARM on them.
1000000000000066600000000000001
That is Belphegor's Prime.
It is also, as it happens, the exact sum of BBC's Wells Fargo Bank, Transit and Account number and his State Farm Insurance number.
Ain't that peculiar?
The Tutor has made me read a bunch of Maclean's magazines from the late 90s, early 00s.
I can't help but think that you, pilgrim, think just like that Allan Fotheringham guy.
Former Prime Minister Chretien called him "Dr. Fuckinghan". Funny guy that Jean.
Innit?
fotheringham! oh the stories i could tell.
he, like i, enjoyed his scotch whiskey.
Harry...I rather enjoyed cheap Mexican dirtfish in the 70s.
Even the thought brings back fond memories...
...I think.
I haven't fished in a long, long time. Maybe someday again I can enhance my viewing experience. Makes me sad reading articles like the one you posted especially since I have two little ones that I live on this shit sandwich. Take care, BP.
I am beginning to think you folks are not talking about 'fishing', as in the technique, occupation, or diversion of catching various cold-blooded, aquatic vertebrates, having gills, commonly fins, and typically an elongated body covered with scales, at all.
We're dealing in metaphor, yes?
You scoundrels!
yes, fishing is enjoy the moment's euphemism for bible study. lord knows, jesus loved his fish.
jesus rewards those who suck him diligently.
Ain't he the one who kept saying, " come onto me"?
Hey, whatever turns your crank buddy.
Well, we do know he didn't like pork.
In Gadara, Jesus cast demons into a herd of pigs (Matthew 8.30-32 (cf. Mark 5.11-13 and Luke 8.32-33)) which then proceeded, in terror, to 'drown' themselves.
Presumably, the heathen owners of these swine would not have considered this liberation of their assets as theft. I reckon these pig farmers thought themselves noble by providing a service for the greater good and therefore did not require recompense.
Then again, perhaps they were quite pissed that they were not compensated for their loss and proceeded to lay the foundation for that which would eventually conclude, 600 years later, with the Archangel Gabriel delivering those specific words, as recorded in the Qur'an, to the prophet Muhammad.
thanks aqaurian, you've made a valuable contribution to our saturday morning bible study group.
i hope frump is catching this.
Frump is most likely spending his Saturday morning trying to get a 69’er going so he has something to brag about at his next confession.
How valuable?
As you are a self-attested man of great means - "a man of my means should use the cadillac of disposable lighters, bic." - I wonder if I might expect a small stipend in the post?
You've my address and Canada Post letter rates within Canada are half as expensive as sending re-purposed cards to the US of A.
And Jesus brought back to life one Lazarus of Bethany (John 11:38-44). Presumably, this Lazarus must still be alive. Unless, of course, we accept that there is a "Best Before" date or "Expiry Date" for the Lord's miracles. This is surely blasphemy I reckon.
Accordingly, if one travels to Bethany - the present-day West Bank city of al-Eizariya, located about 2.4 km east of Jerusalem on the south-eastern slope of the Mount of Olives - and ignores the "Traditional Tomb of Lazarus of Bethany" as a "real monument", you'll find an old fucker selling 5-packs of Bic lighters for 6 Israeli New Shekels a pop!
He is too much of a pussy to commit a real sin, like getting a blowjob from a student. I like the kind of confessions on Dexter, “I just fucked my boss in his office.”
ROLLS EYES..
“Young lady, suck it diligently and I’ll give you a good grade.”
A student blowjob? That Victor Hugo wannabe is more likely to give than to receive.
I tried pilgrim.
I really did.
Often it is not possible to lift the level of discourse here.
As the Bible tells us:
Galatians 6:7-8
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
sorry aquarian, i don't have your address.
i watched dead in tombstone the other night and mr de la cruz rose from the dead a few times.
you have to remember, the king speaks in tongues and even i, lord of the realm, cannot fathom all the spiritual messages he delivers. but i'm pretty sure most of them have to do with procreation.
Fucking A.
Fuckin' aye?
I LOVE ROB FORD, HIS BROTHER'S PRETTY COOL TOO.
if you ever wonder why i have links to sun papers, it's because i've already used up all my free articles on the better papers.
Not procreation, just sex, the spirits are here for the sex.
but i'm pretty sure most of them have to do with procreation?
Ha!
Genesis 38:9
Onan and the casting of seed to the ground.
BBC spends his life engaging in acts preparatory to Onanism. He never quite makes it though. Hence the the incessant content of all his messages.
For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.........
until now i wasn't familiar with onanism. but you may have a point, his sperm is often in the gutter and love in the sink.
Yeah, he is thick as a brick.
Innit?
The spirits minds are often in the gutter, so to speak, so what?
I'll go visit others now......
Jaysus pilgrim!
Be more careful!
Now look what you've done!
yes, there may soon be a room full of eagles or elks practicing onanism.
Don't y'all be blamin' little ol' me if BBC gets all pouty and doesn't return for a few days.
It wasn't my fault!
As the Alpha to his Beta, pilgrim, you ought to know you have his entire concept of his own self-worth in your hands.
Use this power wisely.
Rob Ford FTW.
Any flash, fossilised, furry, fuck-witted, flange-brained, frenetic, frugal, fungicidal fucker wanna buy a ferret?
alpha male! thanks aquarian.
the king may not want to make me his superior.
Fuck a ferret, got any gerbils?
alpha males don't fuck with gerbils.
better ask the beta male.
JESUS REWARDS WOMEN....
pilgrim - my question was for the good Farmer Giles.
That is unless you are also in the fucking ferret flogging business?
when someone mentions gerbils my thoughts usually drift towards frump.
pilgrim - the butt-chugging link that the king posted today got me thinking how great gerbils would serve the purpose as suppositories for the youngsters adventures in alcohol.
THIS LINK???
I think that is how cunts get drunk faster, and they don't spill their drinks on their keyboards.
Ah, for fuck's sake, I can't even try and flog a fuckin' furry ferret without their being some controversial uproar and disapproval by The Board Of Directors. How's about a bi-sexual Tamworth boar, who's more interested in fuckin' sheep than fuckin' pigs?
farmer giles, you were such a gentleman when you first dropped by but you seem to have devolved.
did the king corrupt you?
Maybe Rob Ford would be interested in butt chugging? He might lose some weight.
billy pilgrim delightedly squealed,
"......alpha male! thanks aquarian......."
I said you are the Alpha to his Beta - a purely relative arrangement between the two of you only. We all know the resident Alpha male of this handy comments facility is Leslie.
The Tutor is channelling his inner 10 year-old boy so he might better 'fit in' 'round here.
Stay tuned.
Doc Teri could have a cosmos pussy.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(sorry Teri, it just slipped out of me.) :-)
oh, alpah male for a day is better than a kick in the arse.
Billy, didn't you mean to say that being arse, and being kicked for the day, is better than being alpha male? :-P
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful Day/Night!
Take care & Stay Lucky, Matey!
Steve...
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