here's the condensed reader's digest version of the cracker factory dog eating controversy. when korea was hosting the world cup back in 2002 i came across an article on korean restaurants being told to remove dog from their menus whilst the world cup was being played so as not to offend the non dog eating visitors for the world cup. i clipped the article and posted it on one of the cracker factory bulletin boards. the next morning i noticed that someone had written a scathing attack on "the racist" who had the temerity to question korean culture and through sheer ignorance insult a noble and proud nation. i was both amused and angered at the response to the article i had anonymously posted. on the other hand, the person attacking me had done so in his own handwriting so it was a simple task to identify my critic.
once i had identified the offender, i approached his supervisor and after a little quid pro quo, he agreed to fire the offending young man after a few months. the optics would not have been good if we had dealt the miserable wretch the nine of hearts immediately after the incident. after the culprit was disposed of, the incident raised it's ugly head at the next budget meeting. the usual practice at our budget meetings is for the all us 2 bit managers to give a brief synopsis of events and come up with some lame excuse as to why we were over budget. it was my turn to speak, but just before i began, one of my buddies doing his best father dougal mcguire impression (father ted) said, "tell me leo, are you still a racist?". i started laughing along with several others but the big boss was not amused. even the hint of racism at the cracker factory puts senior management into full panic mode. so it goes, there went my chance at the big time! those dog eating motherfuckers ruined my career!
but i have no regrets, because.....
i love you sons of bitches.
95 comments:
I've never been interested in screwing woman I've seen, but I've damn sure been interested in their tits. :-)
Bummer.
It looks like the Korean gods paid you back for persecuting one of their disciples.
absolutely no regrets, most of the people higher up the food chain were let go during the several rounds of downsizing the cracker factory has endured. plus it gave me pause to realize that i had already reached my level of incompetence.
trying to co-exist with my betters may have exposed my weaknesses and insecurities.
" i had already reached my level of incompetence."
Ah, the Peter Principle, good book.
Sally is still working at 77, trying to get her home paid off after her kids cost her a lot of money.
From a TV show I watched………”For every beautiful woman there is a guy tired of fucking her.”
I’m going camping now, the rest of you monkeys are in charge while I’m gone.
*poof*
uh uh uh uh uh
".....i approached his supervisor and after a little quid pro quo, he agreed to fire the offending young man after a few months......."
"quid pro quo"?
Do tell!
Your ego is a bit bruised so you decide to arrange to have the humourless twat sacked?
Jaysus! It's a real "Dog eat Dog" corporate culture ya got there at the Biscuit Works pilgrim.
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/dog+eat+dog
The Tutor's one and only foray into a 'Corporate Culture' was more of a "Dog and Pony Show".
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/dog+and+pony+show
Cannibals offend me less than dog eaters.
hugh - i guess that might be your theme song. the king's penchant for romantic comedies made the song irrelevant to him.
aquarian - quid pro quo r us. if i only had a pony, ruby's ready to jump.
tex - me too, i hope bob never goes to south korea. and rumor has it that the last dog sighting in north korea was in 1968.
aquarian - oh yeah, i started to watch alien last night but it made me keep thinking of leslie. ruined a good movie.
The Tutor has a very funny story 'bout that movie. His baby sister's(1) fourth child(2) was born at home in her bedroom - delivered by her hubby. This was not supposed to happen. Her next two youngest children, both boys, 3 and 6 years old witnessed the entire blessed event. The Tutor was summoned to babysit the two boys while mom, dad and new baby went to the hospital to get checked out. The Tutor took the two boys to the hospital to see their Mom the next day. Mom and baby were kept behind a closed door - home-births are considered dirty things so Mom and baby are kept apart from the rest in the Maternity ward. The 6 year old kept 'chinning' himself up to look in the tiny door window at his Mom but was not strong enough to hold himself up for long. On one occasion, as he dropped down from the window, he sulked away to the other side of the hall with a look of utter disgust on his face. The Tutor asked him what was wrong. He said, "Mommy just kissed The Alien."
Apparently, he had watched the film on VHS a few nights before his new baby sister was born! Is that fucking funny, or what?
(1) She is in her 50s now and runs marathons - including those that go boom at the end.
(2) This girl is now in her mid twenties - I think.
i'm thinking of starting a new company; placentas r us.
there'a an opening for a few purchasing agents in asia, anyone interested?
Is that the comedic gem you were hoping to use on my blog, Pilgrim?
You suck pilgrim.
What about my story?
Eh?
It's fucking funny!
And the plural of 'placenta' is 'placentae' you fucking unlettered retard!
Yah, is funny! I can't imagine what type of babysitter the tutor summoned for the occasion... field trip to the morgue?
jesus christ, it's called symmetry. placentas is the correct match for "r us."
I froze A's placenta, in order to postpone a decision about how to employ it... but a two day power outage forced a quick decision to dispose of medical waste in a shallow hole in the neighboring yard. A hole that was promptly excavated by some desperate animal willing to consume rotting afterbirth.
It's a sad story.
i'd be willing to bet you now have a back up generator.
Yes, and of course I found an alternate source for placentae. Two is one, and one is none, ya know.
Say, how much for a flash frozen 2# placenta drop shipped from your fine establishment?
You people are damaged.
".......I froze A's placenta, in order to postpone a decision about how to employ it... but a two day power outage forced a quick decision to dispose of medical waste in a shallow hole in the neighboring yard. A hole that was promptly excavated by some desperate animal willing to consume rotting afterbirth........."
Afterbirth - skeezy or not - is highly nutritious. Most birthing animals, given the chance, eat theirs. Except humans.
AND!
AND!
Unless you employed a "Medical Grade" (-80 degrees) freezer, A's placenta was already useless for anything but a nutritional supplement anyway.
Sorry to hear about it being dug up though. That's rude.
No. Burying it in the fucking yard IS RUDE.
$250/kilogram.
as an investor, selling by weight is the best option. (we add substantial amounts of water to each unit, much like the fresh chicken racket)
Very affordable! I suggest branching out into brestmilk derived products next...
My daughter used to say that she preferred her gorilla cheese sandwiches with the crusts cut off; I asked her who milked the gorillas. She replied: Barack Obama. I shit you not.
presidents milking gorillas, that's why nations fail.
thimscool?
I was assuming you were storing the placenta, and various bric a brac, for the purposes of future 'stem cell' needs, if required.
And hopefully not.
I'm counting on the clones.
There are HTML and ASCII codes for the reversed "R". So if you were really concerned about symmetry, you would have bothered to research and use them!
♡
☺
☻
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻
Leslie's maternal instincts are predicated on her insistence that these two books are better than anything that Spock guy ever wrote on child rearing
"You're crying and that's why Daddy drinks."
"Myrtis was naughty and that's why Mommy stopped loving her."
my assistant in charge of backward letters is totally incompetent. but the son of bitch protects my comfort zone so his job is secure.
My trip got shortened, so it goes.
your power amazes and terrifies me. i couldn't get someone fired without video and dna.
Aquarians - You hit my funny bone every once in a while.
Your last comment was a gem.
Sorry, there, Tex... The antiquarian cuddle-lover doesn't know how to gracefully accept a compliment, having been raised in a military camp in Myanmar.
She's not sure about your intentions... but now is your chance to ply her with some stern commands, and she'll just melt... or at least acquiesce. Seize the day!
Thanks for the advice thimscool, but I'm not feeling too bold, maybe I'll just play it cool for a while.
Haw !
Too fucking funny !
Seize the day FTW,
BBC, I found a woman for you.
Na, I don't mind the clap but I don't fuck fat asses.
I'D RATHER GO FISHING...
Is that your catch or the bait?
".....The antiquarian cuddle-lover doesn't know how to gracefully accept a compliment,....."
Correct, thimscool. I never gracefully accept compliments or complements, but will accept compliments or complements gracefully on occasion.
Thank you Texlahoma, I strive to bring mirth and woe to all pilgrim's friends - and without reciprocity most of the time.
I am not bitter.
Cuddles, yer a weird bird.
Are you lamenting your lack of complementary commentators? Or do their compliments provoke disdain, disgust at they sycophancy, rendering them uncomplementary (yet still complimentary)?
I guess we'll never know... Frankly I more mystified by your neglect of my split infinitive, but I gather that how y'all roll in Canadia.
That's a fine catch, Bill! How did you cook it?
I usually just batter them in cornmeal and spices, and then pan fry them But my favorite recipe is broiled, Venetian style.
Tell me you ate that thing, and didn't throw it back...
Nevermind... read your blog.
I can't believe she ate the whole thing!
Thims, guess you haven't read my morning post or you would know that I gave the fish to friends. At 14 & 15 inches they would best be baked in an oven, unless you have a pretty big frying pan.
tex - get in line. i think farmer giles is also smitten with the fair aquarian. i myself was once smitten with the lovely aquarian but slowly realized that a beautiful young lady wouldn't be interested in an old man with a sordid past.
nice fish king, did you have to cut a hole in the ice?
".....Are you lamenting your lack of complementary commentators?....."
Yes. Leslie, being in the delicate state in which she currently finds herself, is moody and continually stuffing her maw with pickles.
".......Frankly I more mystified by your neglect of my split infinitive,....."
I am trying to be more congenial and accepting of my lexical lessers - it being the "Season" and all.
Besides, I lost my 'Teaching Through Abuse' Licence yesterday when the Canadian Government tabled its 'Anti-Bullying' legislation in Parliament.
It seems I can't use my extensive collection of Leslie photographs for 'Revenge Porn' any more either.
Billy, mate, please correct me if I'm wrong, here, my friend, but are you actually stating that because The Board Of Directors weren't happy with you expressing your discontent with Korean culture back in 2002, when they hosted 'The Beautiful Game', and because you openly aired your viewpoint on such, plus the fact that some poor bloke lost his job, as a result of your disdain, which, I do believe was his democratic right, i.e. to voice his disapproval at your disapproval with regards to the barbarity of Korea's treatment of canines, which, thus, as a direct result of such, you still feel/felt that your career prospects at the Cracker Factory were ruined?
Well, Billy, mate, as you must've surely been aware, most of us know that it ain't wise nor smart to wind-up 'The Directors', especially when you're playing against those almighty middle and high-management brothers. Still, Billy, something tells me, inclination, perhaps, that you'd do the same again, my friend. An 'old dog finds it hard to learn new tricks' as they say! :-P
Laughed like phuck [are you still censoring the comments placed on your blog, Billy?] when I listened to the Odds track and read the lyrics on the video. Sadly, I'd never even heard of them until your complimentary introductory mention.
Also noticed that you made a comment about yours truly being smitten with the lovely Aquarian babe, amigo, you cheeky kunt! :-P Well, Billy, I guess that some truths can't be hidden or disguised, mate! :-P Seriously, the _chick's_ got style and talent, not to mention, she's extremely lettered. Gotta admit that I've pist myself laughing at some of the shiz she writes. Witty as a weekly wank, as they say over here in Blighty. Small & strange old world, innit?
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful Day!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Perfect.
Oh Leslie, You're so jelz!
Mr. Farmer Giles,
Escape while you still can, I'll only break your heart. And speaking of 'The Beautiful Game', I reckon if George Best can get a new liver, and then also drink that one to shit, you could get a new heart too.
Ronaldo scored three to put the Porks into the Cup! I can only hope that Portugal draws England in the Group Stage! We'll see Cristiano outclass that Rooney cunt, like real good!
Ronaldo - adorable
Rooney - fucking butt ugly!
You mean "The Crying Game"?
I thought you never watched movies?
Ya gotta admit, she sure was cute!
Billy, well, it would appear that your lovely ladies are on form, yet again, mate. :-P
Lady Leslie, I could fall for you like a beautifully colourful autumn leaf falls from a an old oak tree, sweetheart! :-P
Augasmic Aquarian, it seems that you have an extended knowledge of soccer, sweetheart. It's ironic that both Ronaldo [yeah, I've gotta admit that the guy can play and demonstrate 'The Beautiful Game' to its full potential. It's a pity, though, that 'the pretty boy' has to dive, whinge and whine about phuck all for the whole 90 minutes of each and every game] & The Roone both played for Man Utd. The Roone, still does. If your watched Portugal play England back in 2006[?] it was Ronaldo's cheating/diving/'Rooney's just belted me in the face' antics that got Rooney sent off after he retaliated, and it took a while for the two Utd team-mates to get over it. Sadly, babe, I ain't interested in their sexual prowess - just their soccer. Just like Lady Leslie, my sweet, I could fall for you just like a beautifully coulourful autumn leaf falls from an old oak tree! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Augasmic Aquarian, my love, George Best, sweetheart, was a legend amongst soccer legends. Sadly, like so many others, the 'Devil's Brew' wouldn't release its grip on him. Don't worry about my heart, sweetheart, it's always warm and pumps extremely well! :-P
Sweet Dreams!
Take care & Stay Lucky!
Steve...
It would appear spring is in the air in the autumn of our lives...
the original and truly beautiful game will be played this coming sunday in regina saskatchewan, the grey cup. it's about -25 degrees at the moment but might warm up to zero by game time sunday.
REGINA WEATHER
did a squirrel run off with the king's fish?
Way to go, BP. I still for the life of me do not understand how you can eat a dog. Then again there are vegetarians who say the same thing about cows. Have a good one buddy.
Ya just gave me a capital idea to get rid of the dog problem in the neighborhood. We'll rent the place out to Koreans!
With 7 billion on this planet how do we know we're not on an aliens menu?
Billy, your dog-eating friends from the other side of the world did you a favor, truly. Based on my own experience, of course, I think that, when faced with the prospect of continuing to co-exist with others at a higher point in the food chain, one's best option is to hop on his or her Iron Maiden and pedal as fucking fast as possible in the opposite direction...
I can head for a remote lake and do some fishing but they can't, they have over populated their country. That's how I see it.
"......Lady Leslie, I could fall for you like a beautifully colourful autumn leaf falls from a an old oak tree, sweetheart! :-P......"
Are you serious?
Firstly, the oaks with which I am familiar, do not develop colourful hues come the autumn - dull, shite brown they are!
Secondly, Oak leaves do not fall of their own volition. The activation of the abscission cells at the leaf-stem base is not sufficient for leaf-fall - the attachment is merely 'weakened'. It takes a vicious, bone-chilling, vaginal-puckering and scrotum-tightening wind to drop an oak leaf.
If you insist on using a deciduous leaf-fall metaphor to express your adoration of Leslie, use the resplendent Maple, Ash, Aspen or Sycamore - much better. The colours are more vibrant and varying and a slight romantic breeze is all it takes to bring the little darlings fluttering to the ground.
thimscool?
".....It would appear spring is in the air in the autumn of our lives......."
Jaysus!
Bobby Goldsboro? Frank Sinatra? I would have added a bit of Richard III / Steinbeck, '....into the winter of our discontent'. You know, so we could be inclusive of BBC in our use of the first person plural possessive variant pronoun 'our'.
Dearest Farmer,
Firstly, it's 'football', not 'soccer'.
Secondly, it was Butt-Ugly, Genetically-inferior-Saxon Rooney's 'retaliation' that resulted in his red card - not the antics of Ronaldo, the Lipizzaner Stallion of Step-over dribbling.
I reckon if Portugal plays England in Rio, we'll be treated to a 'replay' of the 1986 Cup match between Argentina and England.
You remember that one, Innit?
Maradona dribbled past FIVE FUCKING LIMEY defenders, leaving them holding their jock-straps betwixt their knees and looking stunned like the in-bred island feckers that they are. Ronaldo, will do that to all twelve of you fuckers!
The only good thing about football or soccer are the CHEERLEADERS.
mr shife - i guess the question is, have ever eaten dog without knowing and if so, does it count?
doc - having been higher on the food chain in the past, i learned that the basic job was easier but the meetings and mandatory lunches and dinners were the things that drove me nuts.
aqaurian - you're certainly more popular amongst the men than leslie. even the tutor would have a difficult time making her lovable. you're right about rooney, he looks like shit.
farmer - george best was my photo on facebook for the longest time, georgy was the the man!
demuer - yup, if the aliens are raising us for food, they're quite good at it.
king - excellent observation.
".......aqaurian - you're certainly more popular amongst the men than leslie. even the tutor would have a difficult time making her lovable......."
Dear oh dear!
You've done stirred up one fuck of a hornet's nest with that one pilgrim.
Leslie, at the moment, is quite perturbed at The Tutor. It seems she has lost her latest beau, not because of The Tutor, but to The Tutor. To lose your man to another woman is one thing, but to lose him to another man?
Ha!
That had to hurt!
Last I heard, she was soliciting men who frequent these sorts of websites:
www.bbwpornpics.com/pregnant/
She's 'showing' now I figger.
Tater loves me longtime you fuxkers.
Ya and no doubt ALTF is more popular with the "men" here. Y'all are women haters.
Not Omar though. He gets it.
The Tubby does indeed love you, but the question at hand is whether The Tutor could make you lovable.
The Tutor loves women, who while 'up the duff' imbibe strong drink and discharge firearms.
Omar is indeed a rare bird. He does 'get' it - and quite often it would seem. Unfortunately this 'it' is a Gram Negative MDR STI. Contracted, repeatedly, from Leslie's blog.
normally i'd say, there's nothing to get, it is what it is, but sterc makes an excellent point about getting a little something from the bitter one's blog.
Schnapps?
Who's a "woman hater"?
Can you Spot The Tater??
The cutie in the Sailor Suit.
Right?
Wrong, Arf Tits!
The Greek God urinating into the beer stein?
Nope! The Tater only pees in hotel sinks.
I picked him out immediately!
The fuck you did.
There is only a reflection of his deep and thoughtful soul to be perceived. He's not actually present!
Right?
Bullshit! You know I did! I was just being nice!
No you didn't.
You're just being that bitter, monkey-bitch about which pilgrim has repeatedly warned us women who are loved and admired here.
I politely tried to upgrade him to the sailor suit guy with the awesome REO Speedwagon hair. There was no doubt in my mind which one is The Tater.
REO Speedwagon?
Ha!
The Tater knows them!
I still think Sailor Suit guy is The Tater. You do realise, that photograph was taken two, maybe three, years before either of us were born?
The Tater used to be a roadie for REO Speedwagon.
There, now everybody knows.
OMG HAHAHAHAHA!
If you want The Tater to keep on loving you, you better shut the fuck up.
The Tater was a Groupie for Fleetwood Mac, not a Roadie for some shit Easy Rock crap.
And 'Now Everybody Knows' is Waylon Jennings, not REO Speedwagon!
Sheesh!
You have made no secret of your new love affair.
He buys you pretty presents he takes you everywhere.
Apropos, Innit?
So
jealz!
Fuck
Off!
Shut up and suck my cock.
Perhaps I haven't been sufficiently starved to appreciate or entertain the concept, but I never seen a pooch yet I thought would look good in the barbecue & better on a plate.
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