the anniversary

tomorrow marks 8 years without a drink. i've mentioned this before but for the millions who haven't heard it before, here's the story. i stopped drinking on december 1 for one very good reason. i wanted to get in good shape and be ready for all the christmas parties and all the alcohol that goes along with xmas parties. but the best laid plans occasionally go astray. one thing led to another and i missed all the xmas fun. fuck me, i was tricked into sobriety. so here's my advice to any young reader who may drink a little too much from time to time. if some fucknut tells you to take a rest from drinking to get in good shape for future drinking, don't do it! it's a fucking trick and you may end up like me, a boring old teatotaler.

my mentally ill friend is falling back into despair and lunacy again. maybe it's the upcoming xmas season or the change in the weather but he's drowning in self pity and won't seek any professional medical help. notice i use the word "professional". he is getting amateur help, me. the state would classify me as an amateur but eliot and countless satisfied customers would dispute the amateur label. his problems are as plain as the nose on his face but like any mentally ill person he's living on that river in egypt, de nile. he's stuffed to the gills with the 3 poisons of the mind; greed, hatred and delusion. have you ever tried to tell a man that he has these three wonderful character flaws? at the rosewater foundation, confidentiality is paramount so i won't divulge any further details. and until i've achieved a little success with him or release another patient, i can't take on any new cases. it wouldn't be fair to give a patient less than the gold standard of care the foundation has spent decades establishing.

remember, the more power you have over someone, the greater your duty to use that power benevolently. if someone asked me to describe eliot in one word, it would be benevolent. eliot has been mentoring me in the benevolence racket for years. it is a long journey but as eliot often says, the longer the view, the wiser the intentions.

in case anyone has forgotten my mission statement: the first thing you see when visiting me, ENJOY THE MOMENT

the last thing you see, I LOVE YOU SONS OF BITCHES.

and don't forget, i love you sons of bitches.