so long ginger

my friend's pitbull died. ginger was 12 years old, the same age as ruby and just as arthritic as ruby. to know jimmy and ginger was to love them. jimmy had never owned a dog until his irresponsible son came home with a pitbull and quickly lost interest in the dog leaving jimmy to pick up the pieces. for the first few weeks ginger drove jimmy crazy but then she won him over and a long love affair began.

jimmy was a techie at the cracker factory but he didn't really have a great work ethic. he was about 5 foot 10 inches tall and weighed about 350 pounds and most of that weight came from drinking beer. jimmy was poor until his mother in law died and left his wife a good chunk of money. the first thing jimmy did was quit the cracker factory and buy a house with a swimming pool. jimmy would drink beer on an air mattress in the pool while ginger laid on the edge of the pool and would take a dip when she felt like cooling off. jimmy had a shitty little car but once he came into money he went and bought a crown victoria for him and ginger. everywhere jimmy went, ginger was sure to follow. most people at the cracker factory thought jimmy was a deadbeat but i always thought he had style. jimmy's cup was always half full.

jimmy has been in mourning for the past month and broke down a few times when i called him yesterday. his wife did most of the work looking after ginger's physical needs while jimmy looked after her spiritual needs and now she won't let jimmy get another dog. before we adopted ruby i had nothing good to say about pitbulls, thinking they were vicious lunatics that did nothing but cause trouble but like jimmy, my heart was won over by an orphaned pitbull.

goodbye ginger, you will not be forgotten as long as jimmy draws breath.

i love you sons of bitches.

the medical industrial complex

beware the medical industrial complex. as an older person, i can remember going to the doctor with the hope of being cured. but today, you do not get cured, you receive ongoing treatment. there's a lot more money in treating a condition than in curing a condition. the reason i'm bitching about the medical industry is i took my dear old 92 year old father to the dentist this morning. dear old dad has 4 teeth and they are the most frail looking teeth i've ever seen. basically all they do is anchor his dentures. a few months ago the dentist wanted to perform a root canal on one of his teeth but i vetoed that idea. today the dentist announced that dear old dad needs three crowns. the dental insurance company doesn't automatically pay for major dental work, the dentist has to submit a treatment plan and get the o.k. from the insurance company before proceeding. so the dentist smells money and awaits the green light from the insurance company.

getting one crown is a royal pain in the ass for me so the thought of a 92 year old man getting 3 crowns is beyond reason to me. in my opinion, those old teeth aren't strong enough to support crowns but the dentist says they're necessary. do i listen to the professional or apply a little logic and tell the dentist to find another sucker?

on a more positive note, our enhanced and improved steroid program is working very well at the winter olympics. we are near the top of the standings in medals won and our men's hockey team will be playing for the gold medal against sweden on sunday after vanquishing those nogoodnik americans today while yesterday our fair lasses beat the american dykes to claim the gold medal in women's hockey. it wasn't that long ago that winning a silver medal at the olympics would make us happier than pigs in shit but now with our performance enhancing drugs, we want gold and lots of it!

shit, we're even winning gold medals in bobsledding these days. when i was a kid the europeans were kings of the bobsleds and we would be lucky to finnish in the top 20 but now we can glide down that mountain with the best of them. in any case, it will soon be over and it'll be time to start getting ready for the world cup. canada will never win the world cup in my lifetime and i'm pretty sure that canada won't win the world cup in my great great great children's lifetimes but it's the greatest show on earth and i'm gonna watch it!

i love you sons of bitches

and i just checked my voice mail, they still want to do the root canal. all 4 fucking teeth need major work. poor old dad.

feb 14?

if there was ever a fitting time to say I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, it's today. last summer's dental adventures and my more recent intestinal odyssey have taken the joy out of half priced candy on feb 15. maybe i'll buy myself a nice bag of fish later.

i don't know if i'm happy or worried about CHINESE BANKS BAD LOAN RATE INCREASES FOR 9TH STRAIGHT QUARTER. on the one hand it's nice to see china have a few problems but on the other hand an economic slow down in china would wreak havoc in the capital markets and that would cost everyone more than a few kopeks. of course the million dollar question is how accurate are these chinese statistics? i suspect the bad loan rate is considerably higher than the 1% reported.

i just deleted a long epistle on the economy that was going to be my valentine's day present to you sons of bitches whom (or should it be who?) i love so much but i'm going to give you something better, nothing. there's no better way to lose money than to listen to some idiot salesman masquerading as an analyst.

don't forget, you've got 3 business days to settle your accounts.

i love you sons of bitches and i also love my teeth so fucking much that i'm going to skip the candy sales tomorrow.

the reverse anti neutronic kirby test.

the kirby was emitting an odor like it was going to catch on fire so i took it apart and sure enough, that fucking chinese belt the vacuum store sold me was a piece of shit so it was off to a better vacuum store to get a genuine kirby belt. they came in packs of two for $7.99 so i was right back in business.

years and years ago, almost 30, i became sold on kirbys after an in-home demonstration. remember the old days when the phone would ring and they would offer a gift if you consented to letting some asshole salesman try and sell you a vacuum or some other piece of shit. the salesman came and asked me to vacuum a patch of rug with my vacuum and then he would go over the same spot with his kirby and show me what my vacuum missed. sure enough, his kirby picked up tons of dirt mine missed and i said to myself i want a kirby. then he told me the price, about $1500. i looked at him like he was crazy and asked him to leave. i got a large teak salad bowl as a gift. the next day i started looking for a used one and found one for $100 so i snapped it up and the rest is history.

while my kirby was out of action i borrowed a cheap $50 dirt devil upright vacuum. after reassembling the kirby i had a brilliant idea. first i would vacuum the house with the kirby and then i'd go over the same area with the dirt devil which was bagless and had one of those clear plastic cylinders to catch the dirt. i was very thorough with the kirby since i love the old girl and was pulling for her to do well. then i did a less intensive vacuuming with the dirt devil and here are the results:

that is one hell of a lot of dirt the kirby missed!

it looks like it's time to retire the kirby. in her defense, she's probably 35 years old and that $50 dirt devil would probably fall apart after a year or two. i plan on shining the kirby up real good and turning it into a lovely art deco ornament to adorn the bat cave. the lovely mrs myshkin fails to understand the emotional attachment i have with the kirby. so it goes.

i won't miss the noxious smells the kirby can emit when i'm too lazy to change the bag and the accumulated odors of a month or two waft through the house.

i love you sons of bitches.

another season gone

the deadwood marathon wrapped up this week. as usual, it was sublime and a good time was had by all. it's funny how each time i watch it, i get captivated by a different character. of course al swearengen is the top banana and his soliloquies are par excellence. i went through a stage where e.b. farnum was my favorite for a few years and last year it was jane canary (calamity jane) that caught my fancy. this year i was hanging on every line delivered by the silver tongued jack langrishe. too bad jack only showed up late in the series.

watch this and try to explain to me how the walking dead, breaking bad or mad men are more popular than deadwood.

i've now started season 4 of the sopranos for my nightly 15 minutes of bliss. as an added bonus (gimmick #17) allow me to recommend THE HOLLOW CROWN. i stumbled across the hollow crown while perusing METACRITIC and was instantly smitten with the quality of dialogue. that shakespeare guy isn't too shabby. after watching the hollow crown over the period of a week i tossed a star trek movie into the player for a change of pace and the characters just seemed so cheap and shallow compared to the eloquent kings richard and henry. so it goes.

last night i watched elysium and i am happy to announce that jodie foster is still smokin hot! in my book she's head and shoulders above that publicity whore angelina jollie.

another song i heard on cbc radio and found myself wondering why i hadn't heard much about these guys in the past. as far as canadian performers go, these guys are probably just as good as bieber.

i love you sons of bitches.