the kirby was emitting an odor like it was going to catch on fire so i took it apart and sure enough, that fucking chinese belt the vacuum store sold me was a piece of shit so it was off to a better vacuum store to get a genuine kirby belt. they came in packs of two for $7.99 so i was right back in business.
years and years ago, almost 30, i became sold on kirbys after an in-home demonstration. remember the old days when the phone would ring and they would offer a gift if you consented to letting some asshole salesman try and sell you a vacuum or some other piece of shit. the salesman came and asked me to vacuum a patch of rug with my vacuum and then he would go over the same spot with his kirby and show me what my vacuum missed. sure enough, his kirby picked up tons of dirt mine missed and i said to myself i want a kirby. then he told me the price, about $1500. i looked at him like he was crazy and asked him to leave. i got a large teak salad bowl as a gift. the next day i started looking for a used one and found one for $100 so i snapped it up and the rest is history.
while my kirby was out of action i borrowed a cheap $50 dirt devil upright vacuum. after reassembling the kirby i had a brilliant idea. first i would vacuum the house with the kirby and then i'd go over the same area with the dirt devil which was bagless and had one of those clear plastic cylinders to catch the dirt. i was very thorough with the kirby since i love the old girl and was pulling for her to do well. then i did a less intensive vacuuming with the dirt devil and here are the results:
that is one hell of a lot of dirt the kirby missed!
it looks like it's time to retire the kirby. in her defense, she's probably 35 years old and that $50 dirt devil would probably fall apart after a year or two. i plan on shining the kirby up real good and turning it into a lovely art deco ornament to adorn the bat cave. the lovely mrs myshkin fails to understand the emotional attachment i have with the kirby. so it goes.
i won't miss the noxious smells the kirby can emit when i'm too lazy to change the bag and the accumulated odors of a month or two waft through the house.
i love you sons of bitches.
45 comments:
Billy, my friend, sorry, mate, but this is becoming quite a regular occurrence and excuse, mate. I'm messing around at the minute, and will give you an in-depth analysis on your hoover heartache, other stuff, and the excellent [haven't watched it, yet - but it's got to be excellent, simply because it's Reggie] Reggie video, ASAP. :-P Yeah, I know, I've made your night, matey!
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful 'Starry' Night!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
PS No shit, but Pebble's just dived on my knee and is staring into my 'lappy's' screen! :=P
Ciao!
I had a Kirby that I also got used. I loved it dearly and almost cried when it was stolen! It was ancient and heavy, but the best darned vac. I had it in my driveway cleaning out my mother in law's car for her. I went in to answer a phone call, came back and the Kirby was gone. Our street was only one block long and no major road. Had to be a local who lived near. What a rat! They even took my extension cord.
Sorry to hear about the Kirby. RIP to your beloved vacuum. I hate to see what a Kirby cost these days but I might have to take your approach and look for a used one. Take care BP.
You should have asked the salesman how much of the 1500 bucks was his commission. I'm pretty sure people were trying to sell kirbies in the 1970s. Hasn't cleaning technology advanced since then? What about steam cleaners?
farmer - quite right, reggie and c.j. cannot fail to entertain.
silly - you're sure right about the kirby being heavy. it's hard to imagine some petite little old lady using one.
mr shife - the old kirby isn't on the scrap heap yet. she's like an old pair of levis, you just can't let her go.
gb - i would imagine it was a very healthy commission. i guess you could call those bagless cyclonic vacuums an advancement but emptying the cylinder and cleaning the hepa filter is a pain in the arse.
Kirby's don't actually pick up any better than most other vacuums, but they do last a hell of a long time.
Take any vacuum and do an area good, then go over the same area again with the same vacuum, and you will get more dirt and crud. There is a hell of a lot of dirt and crud in carpets, not even cleaning them gets it all out.
Fuck, that is an old Kirby, they have been using paper bags for years.
My mom had a kirby...Some friends and relatives has those one you add water..crap can't think of it...but it doesn't matter. The price is out of our my net work (price)
We got Kenmore it works great.
Coffee is on
Billy, any idea where I can speak to a hoover expert? My much beloved, three-year-old £25 cheapo beauty's gone on the fritz! :-P
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful 'Starry' Night!
Peace,
Steve...
Billy, mate, forgot to add, it's a petty, really that the wonderful Aquarian & Leslie aren't around to offer advice on The Kirby! After all, such women of such high intelligence, and beauty would no doubt offer to hoover your house free of charge, not to mention, know how to fix The Kirby whilst naked and blind-folded!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Aquarian & Leslie could suck a golf ball thought a Kirby hose, if they wanted to, and that is more than Kirby could do.
bill - good point on the second vacuum always finding more dirt. what surprised me is how good the $50 vacuum works but cleaning that hepa filter is a pain. i'd be fucked without my trusty little shop vac that i picked up for $20 new over 20 years ago. i love that little son of bitch too.
farmer - maybe leslie popped out her baby. that would keep her very, very busy. as for the aquarian, she's a lady of mystery.
dora - i was always a sears man so i'm also a kenmore man. too bad sears is always shrinking the hardware and appliance departments to concentrate on the more profitable clothing.
i'm into nabob coffee these days with a drop of vanilla extract.
Sears and Kenmore been hit and miss for us...we got some great stuff and stuff not so good, actual crap.
Coffee is on
My Sears mower seems to be okay, so far.
the craftsman honda mower i bought for my dad was stolen from his garage along with my kona bike.
i'll be buying craftsman mower in a few months.
Stolen? That really sucks... Some years back a man was making a ruckus while trying to steal a tool box of mine. I stepped out the door with a gun in my hand and called out to him and I've never seen anyone move that fast. He was gone like a shot.
Bill, was the "He was gone like a shot", quote meant to be a pun, mate? When the flippin' heck are you gonna geat rid of that gun? _Real_ men don't need to carry and use guns! :-P
As for thieving buggers, many of those/these scum around where we live. They steal to feed their drug addictions - poor sods!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Steve, I just keep getting more guns, I'm an American and we love them. Could I interest you in black powder shooting? It's a fine sport.
If anyone ever attacks America they will find more than just the military shooing at them, they'll find everyone fucking shooting at them. Don't fuck with our freedom and our booze and our women.
Bill, lay down your arms and all that gun talk, bollocks, mate, there's no need for it! :-P All that macho shit died-out with John Wayne - didn't it. War & Killing ain't funny, my friend, as, I'm sure you're probably aware. Fuck the Killing Fields, mate. Make Love! :-P
As for fucking with your freedom and booze, well, how much freedom do you actually believe you have? As for the booze, nah, gave that up 17+ years back. If Eileen weren't on the scene, I may, however fuck a few of your women - given the opportunity! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
there are millions of psychotic lunatics out there with guns so i guess a reasonable man like bill should have a gun to protect himself. it's circle that can't be broken.
it's circle that can't be broken.
Sadly, those are true words. Sigh...
Not that this area is much different from a lot of other areas in this country but a hell of a lot of folks here are loaded for bear. My little arsenal is nothing compared to what many have.
One rifle holds 14 rounds but it is just a .22. The 30-30 holds just seven rounds. The two 50 caliber guns are just one pop at a time, being black powder guns.
I know people with guns that will punch holes through one inch steel plate, what do you call these people?
"People you don't want to fuck with."
Billy, mate, so, what you're actually telling me is that statistically Bill's likely to come across quite a few of these psychos, is he? Well, Bill, mate, how many gun-tooting psychos have you actually come across, and how many have you had to slay? Fuck me, this sounds like the stuff of Billy The Kid and Wild Bill Hickok! :-P
You know that putting your gun down makes sense, so why not just lock it away. After all, _I_ didn't get where I am today by carrying a gun! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Bill, I know people who punch holes through 1" steel plate with their fists. It's called being pissed-off! :-P
Take care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Bill, mate, how many gun-tooting psychos have you actually come across, and how many have you had to slay?
Zero, but a favorite motto in this country is to be prepared. Don't try to understand us Americans, and don't ask us to get rid of our guns, we are not about to do that.
If we want to be a lot of non gun toting pussies we'll move to Britain or Canada, hahahahaha
Next thing you know Steve will say he can punch holes through 1" steel plate with his dick.
Bill, mate, no, I won't be saying it, I'll be getting on with doing it! Ouch! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
i'm satisfied with having a pitbull.
She's a little long in the tooth. You should get her an uzi.
What you need is a cheap shop vac. They'll suck up anything.
what i really need is a nubile young lady to take care of all my needs.
it seems the older my wife gets, the crankier she gets.
There is that, who in the hell needs a cranky old lady. Or for that matter, a cranky young lady.
Exactly why a shop vac is a necessity. It doesn't think for itself, and it never talks back. ;)
Sounds to me like Static uses a shop vac for a penis pump, he should get a pocket pussy.
But if his dick isn't getting all that hard any more I guess he can use the shop vac to suck his dick up into the pocket pussy being as it has a hole all the way through it. :-)
Fuck, if I live another year I may have to buy a shop vac.
By golly, that is what the Cyberskin company needs to come up with next.
A cocksucking pocket pussy.
i have a small shop vac and love the little son of a bitch.
I have a really big one, it is too damn big to use a lot of places, I should not have traded my smaller one to Rick for it.
Bill, mate, sure seems that you know about all things pocket pussy and shop vac, my 'friendly neighbourhood perv'. I wonder if there's a demand for such a wealth of knowledge? If so, why not write a book on the subject[s], and then you'll be able to buy a whole hosts of tanks and other 'killing field' armaments to add to your arsenal of _one_ [ ? ] gun! :-P
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
Steve, you are on the internut, if you want to know more about pocket pussies, including making your own, Google such.
Key words are:
Cyberskin
Pet pussy
The only advice I have is to turn your Cyberskin pussy inside out and cut some lines in it to give it some texture.
And don't bother with a pecker pump, you can get three shop vacs for what one of them costs.
Only bored judges in courtrooms use pecker pumps.
that would be a good project for shop class in high school.
Well considering all our manufacturing has been outsourced so most of the parts now come from China what are you going to do?
Do they still make an American or Canadian made penis pump? There's some research for ya.
Pocket pussies are a waste of money. Cyberskin, shmyberskin. Shop vac. Every time.
Penis pumps, however, could do you some good, Mr. BBC. Slide one over your head (I mean the one on your shoulders), it might take some time to get it over your ears and your nose, but once you do, pump that thing until your eyeballs explode. Voila! Instant gratification.
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