in the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, but i'm an old fart and my thoughts heavily turn to tomato plants! i took my dad to the garden shop this morning and picked up a few plants myself. they have tons of different varieties so i picked up a few pineapple and pink germans. who the fuck knows what will grow but i'm pretty sure it'll be plain old tomatoes.
and the little son of bitch donald isn't so little anymore. he's still a man of mystery, out of the hundreds of guesses from the international readership, only one guy in sri lanka has come close.
and that's not all i have going for me these days, another stray turtle wondered into the yard.
and here's my story de jour. i was standing in the line at the cashier in the drug store and the lady in front me, an attractive middle aged asian lady, was 5 cents short when paying for her stuff. she pulled out her debit card to pay the 5 cents, and me being a philanthropist of some renown, pulled out a nickel and offered it to her. not only did she not accept my nickel, she gave me a dirty look and said nothing. gave me the cold fucking shoulder! what a cunt!
how about a little racial sensitivity training?
i love you sons of bitches.
20 comments:
She probably thought it was humiliating to be offered 5 cents by a stranger. Maintaining face is a bigger part of their culture than yours. But you're right, she needs training on how to avoid appearing like a cunt to westerners!
I was sitting next to Sally in the bar for social hour this afternoon when she started to scratch her chest and tits so I said, "Do you need some help with that?"
She got all fucking excited and, oh hell, never mind, this may be a family blog.
Anyway, fuck tomatoes, I'm not planting one this year.
Those look like very nice tomatoes. I'm curious to see if the German Pinks are pink.
Love the new turtle! I have a new one too. I'll have to post a pick.
I don't know what to say about the snotty woman. That was nice of you billy.
gb - good point, maybe my animal magnetism is still intact.
bill - a man without tomatoes is nothing.
silly - the last few years i've planted lemon tomatoes which were cool tomatoes but there were very few tomatoes on the vine.
You may be correct, I have no tomatoes to toss at assholes.
On the brighter side of things, without Helen here to stop me I shot two of those fucking cat food stealing coons yesterday.
bill - did you shoot them dead?
If I did they went someplace else to die so they wouldn't stink up this place. But I just used a pellet gun so maybe I just hurt them a little.
then they're probably not dead. a few years ago we had coons in our garbage all the time and i must have shot those assholes about 20 times without killing them. pellets bounce of their heads.
This are true, they have hard heads so I go for heart shots and in recent years two of them have died before making it out of the yard.
I'd just as soon they go die somewhere else so I don't have to pack the nasty bastards away.
Yesterday I lent my .177 pellet rifle to Marcie cuz she is tired of the coons at her place.
About an hour ago I popped one with my newer .22 pellet rifle, it jumped about a foot in the air and hauled ass.
Donald looks wonderful and best of luck with the tomatoes. Nice of you BP to help out the Asian lady. Too bad she ruined your act of kindness. Take care buddy.
Billy, mate, please tell me that you're not losing your silver-tongued, roguishly charming, Brit-derived, elixir of life, mate, the likes of which I'd have to modestly and somewhat humbly say, was a gift with which I was born, and something which still manages to be bestowed upon me, and as such, always manages to captivate the hearts and minds of women the globe over? :-P
Ah, Donald - I'm still working on his root origins, amigo. I'll get back to you when I've come up with conclusive and concrete DNA for this rare species of botanic bewilderment.
Just got back from my latest world cruise, hence the rather short, and abrupt response to your wonderful and latest scribe. Once I've recovered from the jet-lag, Billy my boy, then I'll enlighten you with the sort of usual paradoxical, witty, and admirable comments to which you've no doubt become accustomed to reading from such a half-baked British pig farmer.
To You & Yours, I Wish You a Happy & Peaceful 'Starry' Night!
Take Care & Stay Lucky!
Peace,
Steve...
mr shife - donald appreciates your continuing support and yes, he is the most wonderful plant i've ever known.
farmer - a world cruise, you lucky devil. the king had a hernia operation and lost a dear friend whilst i've been under attack at the cracker factory and you've been living the high life!! you must have been a fucking saint in your previous lives.
Nothing planet yet.
I guess while we do plants Dora does planets.
Hahahahahaha
(bless her little heart)
Dora would turn a wordsmith into a babbling idiot trying to correct her.
Hehehehehe
keep this planet clean
it's not uranus.
Good luck with your tomato plants. I haven't planted any yet. I'm watching the Clippers vs The Thunder
(it's thundering for real hear).
Donald is beautiful, in a manly way, of course.
tex - i think i've heard something about the clippers on the news. something about negroes and hebrews i believe.
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