the census

several things went wrong yesterday but one thing went extremely right. while riding home from the supermarket i decided to stop by the lake and see if any brave and adventurous turtles had managed to start a new colony where the great turtle holocaust of 2013 took place. my spirits soared when i spotted several turtles basking on an old branch sticking out of the water. i raced home to find my binoculars in order to get a more accurate view of the little darlings. of course i couldn't find the fucking binoculars and predictably found them several hours later when i had ceased looking for them. i was like a kid on xmas eve last night, too excited to sleep.

i couldn't conduct my census too early because the little darlings don't begin the day's basking until their incredibly accurate and precise brains tell them conditions are right, the sun's rays must be warm enough to activate their basking micro chips. after an exhaustive enumeration i'm very happy to report there are at least 8 turtles in the park including 2 red eared sliders. it was the sliders that were judged to be invasive and a threat to humanity. god bless those brave little tailors. i'll be very vigilant in keeping track of the health of the colony and will report any changes toot sweet. another gimmick, take that frump. turtles are infinitely more interesting that tobacco consumption.

i'm also very pleased to announce the little folding clothes line has been installed. i can't believe that most people don't have a clothes line. in my book, it's a necessity. nothing beats sleeping between fresh sheets that have baked in the sun all day. sonny helped me cement the son of bitch sleeve in the ground:

after thinking about it over night i decided to add more concrete. remember the closet, i'm not satisfied unless things are solid:

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, life is good.

i love you sons of bitches.