the search...

the search might be over.

back in december whilst trying to come up with a good new year's resolution i hit a brick wall. after several years of behaving myself i couldn't afford to give up any of my few remaining vices. for a jewish gentleman a man without land is nothing but for a gentile such as myself a man without vices is nothing.

rather than giving anything up i decided to drink more coffee so i set myself on a quest to find the perfect cup of coffee. the perfect cup of coffee cannot be purchased in a restaurant. it has to be 100% freshly served and the mug has to be pre-heated to the correct temperature and of course a good bone china mug adds to the experience. also there can be no additives. i consider it blasphemous to add sugar, cream or any of the other stuff that has become so popular these days.

in order to fully enjoy the experience i need some sweet music playing on a good sound system and a faithful dog by my side. this can only happen in my bat cave.

without further adieu here is the early favorite for coffee of the year; CAFE GODIVA, chocolate creme.



my daughter picked this up for me and after a few sips i fell in love. this doesn't mean the search is over it just means that i'll be happy as a clam for a few weeks as me and ruby enjoy the moment. ruby will be dreaming of basking in the summer sun and i'll be in the wonderfully soft arms of montana wildhack.



life can be sweet.

please don't laugh

thursday morning i stopped by the supermarket to pick up a few groceries. after picking up some healthy stuff in the bulk foods section i strolled down the candy aisle and noticed the cute little easter bunny jujubes. like an alcoholic finding a bottle of whiskey or a drug addict finding a packet of heroin i was unable to control myself and grabbed a few of the little darlings. i quickly started chewing them out of lust and wanting to swallow the evidence before being caught by an eagle-eyed store clerk.

while picking out some broccoli crowns i felt something come lose in my mouth. it took a second to figure it out but my worst nightmare had come true. the feckin jujubes had pulled off my gold crown. several months earlier i lost a chunk of a different tooth whilst eating hard stale halloween jujubes. after that little incident i vowed to give up jujubes. was it just a coincidence that my dental crown dislodged whilst shopping for broccoli crowns and chewing on pilfered jujubes? was god watching me?

a few hours later i was in the dental chair. my dentist kindly fit me into her busy schedule and thought she could just re-cement the crown and send me on my merry way. not having much time she asked if i could be brave and get the job quickly done without any freezing. wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible i said yes. being poked and scrubbed hurt but no big deal. then the hygenist started blasting away with the cold air and i almost jumped out of the chair. i thought all was going well until she noticed a slightly dark spot and upon further investigation she decided i had a cavity forming under the surface. the quick fix was over and i'm in line for some serious dental work.

she said it was going to be expensive and would have to get pre-approval from the insurance company before proceeding. it'll take 3 or 4 weeks for the approval and in the meantime my old crown has been re-attached. if i wasn't such a pansy i would have said go ahead and fix it and we'll worry about the insurance later but i'm happy to have about a month before the torture begins.

feckin jujubes!!!!!!!



i love you sons of bitches.

earth hour

this saturday march 26 is EARTH HOUR!!!

at 20:30 (8:30pm) it would be ever so nice if you would turn your lights out for one hour. it's a small gesture but every long journey begins with a single step. some of us have already taken a few steps forward on this journey and sadly there are those of us that take a few steps backward every year. when i go past a local tim hortons, an incredibly popular coffee and donut operation, in the morning and see giant SUV's lined up all the way into the street to pick up a coffee from the drive thru i want to cry. it's bad enough that these people transport a few tons of iron and plastic around the city to pick up a coffee or pack of smokes but to sit for 20 minutes in a drive thru line up with their 6.0 litre hemi engines firing away is total insanity! would it kill them to park the beast and walk into the diner, exchange greetings with a few fellow human beings, smell the coffee and fresh donuts, place their order, pull out their plastic money and walk out with a cup of coffee? no, it's better to sit in their giant climate controlled beast and blab away on their iphone or text their little brains out on their crackberry.

if black history gets a month, women's history gets a month, poetry gets a month, asian pacific american heritage gets a month, hispanic heritage gets a month and american indian heritage gets a month; why does the earth only get a lousy hour???

how about black history hour and earth month?

a lousy month! let's give our planet a feckin decade or maybe a century or better yet, let's honor our planet every day!

does honoring the earth over blacks, asians, indians and hispanics make me a racist?



i love you sons of bitches.

oh yeah, did you hear bill maher's palin joke that has a few people annoyed?


"Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade 'Tsunami.' I mean she said, 'These 'Tsunamians' will not get away with this.’ Oh speaking of dumb twats, did you..." Maher said.

feckin computer

acting on sonny's advice i ventured out and bought a portable hard drive to back up all my stuff and a new power supply.



the portable hard drive is a tiny little bugger, i'd rather have a heavy piece of iron that wouldn't need to attach itself to a tree with roots if a strong wind blew. it's an amazing little thing. i hooked it up and it asked me a few questions and it went on its merry way backing everything up. it only cost $40. the new power supply also cost $40 (after feckin rebate) but it's not hooked up yet. sonny left town and told me that i shouldn't attempt to install it myself. oh how the worm has turned. it seems like yesterday that i would tell sonny not to do something.



last night the old computer took a nap and wouldn't wake up. the fans turned on but the screen stayed black. i gave it my sternest stare and pulled the plug. after depriving it of electricity and threatening to send it to japan i plugged it in and it worked. i hope sonny returns soon to try the new power supply.

you may have noticed my new little hard drive is sitting on the art of war. it's a book that is worth reading every few years, especially now with all the nonsense going on in the middle east. many consider the art of war to be the finest book ever written on war and the best part is it's real short, 81 pages.

according to sun tzu the only way to really win a war is to not fire a single shot. convince the enemy to surrender either through reasoning, treachery or the threat of annihilation. if you must go to war the most important weapon is knowledge, both of the enemy and of your own forces. if war is necessary it must be winnable in a short period of time. no one wins a war that lasts for a protracted period of time. apart from winning the war the most important point is not to waste any resources. remember when this was written there was no such thing as running a deficit. if the king ran out of money, the game was over.

not to criticize the american war machine but it seems to missing all of sun tzu's points. look at iraq and afghanistan. vietnam and korea also lasted a long time. fuck, there are still american troops in korea, japan and germany. small wonder the country is in the red but the military industrial complex must be fed.

but who am i to criticize the largest military machine on the planet. i can't even defeat a feckin computer.

i love you sons of bitches.

back from the shadows....

Back from the Shadows again !
Out where an In-jun's your friend!
Where the veg'tables are green,
And you can pee into the stream!
Yes, we're back from the Shadows again!

yup, the computer is back from the shadows. my mighty computer died over a month ago and i was lucky enough to have an old desktop hanging around to fill in. the netbook had a willing heart but the small keyboard and infernal touch pad drove me crazy after a few minutes.

sonny took a cursory look at the old computer several weeks ago and concluded it probably needed a new motherboard. he came back to town on the weekend and took it apart. i was given the option of buying some new parts or a whole new computer. a new computer was the smart option but when i had the old computer ( 3 years old) built i paid an extra $400 for a primo case and power supply. i really didn't want to admit buying the expensive case was a mistake.

after deciding to buy a new computer i asked sonny to reassemble the old one so i could stick in storage for a few years until i got up the courage to toss it out. after putting it back together a miracle happened, it came to life and continues to breathe right now as i type this wee epistle. i be happy.

when it first died i threatened to give it a good thrashing but that didn't put the fear of god into it. i guess removing a few organs and placing bamboo slivers under its ram made it realize i wasn't fucking around this time.

i've procrastinated on buying an external hard drive to back up my important stuff but this time i have to do it.

now if those lovely japanese could only fix their nukes and return some confidence to the capital markets i would be happier than a pig in shit.



i love you sons of bitches.

one for the whales

imagine for a moment that there is a god. correct that, imagine for a moment that there is a supreme being looking over our sweet little planet. perhaps this supreme being is not land or air based but is water based and decided that 71% of the planet should be covered in oceans. the supreme being was happy for eons as he frolicked in the oceans and bonded with denizens of the deep. there were some very large peaceful creatures that were able to communicate with the supreme being from distances of thousands of miles.

after eons of peace and tranquility a land based species took to the oceans and exploited the realm of the supreme being with wanton disregard for the ocean creatures. toxins were discharged into the pristine waters, wars were fought on the oceans, nuclear weapons were tested in the oceans and the ocean creatures were hunted to the point of extinction.

there was one nasty little nation that was hell bent on exploiting the soul mates of the supreme being, the whales. even the other selfish human nations of the planet were disgusted with the slaughter of whales and passed ineffective international laws protecting the whales but the nasty little nation persisted in hunting the whales to the brink of extinction. the nasty little nation was japan.

one fine day the supreme being conducted a census of his ocean friends and was alarmed at the results. his friends were quickly disappearing, soon he would have no soul mates to serenade him in song as he happily frolicked in the now dirty waters. enough was enough, time to teach that nasty little nation a lesson. a little shake, rattle and roll of the land surrounding the nasty little nation.



who is more important to the planet?

the whales or the nasty little nation that persists on slaughtering them.

the supreme being may have made up his mind.

so it goes.

a feckin set up

last week i saw the radio repairman. my countless little radios weren't getting a clear stream of data from the transmitters in my head. this can spell trouble but nothing that some expensive drugs can't fix. the good doctor once again brought up the subject of retirement. funny thing, when i was much younger i was dying to retire but now that retirement is staring me in the eye i'm not so sure that i'm ready to pack it in but i might not have a choice. the good doctor is strongly hinting that she might not find me fit to work.

yesterday i called the pharmacy to get a prescription refilled. the pharmacist had to call the doctor for authorization but for the first time in memory he refused and instructed me to drop by his office which i dutifully did. after waiting for the obligatory half hour in the examination room the good doctor strolls in, warmly shakes my hand and asks how i'm feeling. after the niceties he asks me about retirement. i was a little taken aback but managed to be non-committal saying it was certainly something to think about. after a nice chat about cycling (he is also an avid cyclist) i received a few prescriptions with lots of repeats and was on my way. when i got into the car it hit me, the radio repairman sent him a letter and didn't tell me! it's a feckin conspiracy.

i have a dream of finding a nice piece of waterfront property and parking a beat up old trailer on it ala jim rockford. i've always loved the rockford files. i could live in an old beat up trailer with a few pitbulls surrounded by expensive waterfront homes. me and the dogs would get up early and take the beer cans out of their recycling boxes. yes i have a dream but there is one problem. my parents are 89 and 86 years old and they need me. i've asked them if they want to move away with me but they want to stay in town.

you might have noticed that a certain person is not in my plans. so it goes.



aren't those be good tanyas something else!

i love you sons of bitches.

my buddy conrad

i remember a communications professor who always told us that when engaging in a debate it is better to take the side that you don't support. it will force you to think and best of all you will be prepared for most of the arguments your opponent produces. this might be the reason i like to read right wing publications and every once in a while a pleasant accident will occur.

for years i detested CONRAD BLACK. he is a wealthy, arrogant snob and recently spent time in jail for his past misdeeds but he is also recognized as one of few remaining real newspaper men. what started out as a lark, reading his weekly column, has now become something i truly enjoy. for all his faults, he has a way with words.

reading his latest column i came across a word that i hadn't heard in years, "enfeeblement." i just love that word, almost as much as recidivist. here is the paragraph in which he used it. (i also love his last sentence)

I cannot accept that the West has reached the point of enfeeblement that we sit like worried, helpless sheep while Iran arms itself with nuclear weapons, and are afraid to assist a clear majority in Libya get rid of a murderous fruitcake of a despot. At the time of Munich, Winston Churchill called for the return of "martial courage of olden time." Here, we could settle for the purposefulness of the unprepossessing George W. in the Iraq Surge or of Obama escalating in Afghanistan. If NATO (the U.S. Sixth Fleet in practice) can't take out Libyan air defenses at no or minimal cost, we should all start studying Arabic and spending an hour a day with our foreheads pressed to the floor.

here's the whole column if you're interested, How Canada can help save Libya



i love you sons of bitches.

funny?

years and years ago our gang spent friday nights drinking and arguing over which television show was the most funny, monty python or sctv. most of us, myself included, voted for monty python. i think there was a certain snob appeal with monty python, it was british and internationally popular.

now that i'm a little older and less intoxicated i have to change my vote to sctv.



i love you sons of bitches but i still loath christy fucking clark.