a dark, dark day for canada

all was well in my little world saturday morning. the weather was decent, ruby had a lovely bowel movement on our walk and i had a good bike ride. yes, life was good.

saturday afternoon i was checking the news and horror struck. randy quaid was DENIED PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS in canada. fuck me, tamil terrorists and syrian war criminals are routinely granted refugee status and yet our fucknut federal government has the temerity to deny cousin eddy citizenship. luckily randy can appeal the decision and we have outright criminals stretching the process out for 10 years with bullshit appeals so randy can probably stick around for a while. most things i say here are tongue and cheek but this really does piss me off.

the second dark cloud over canada was the new liberal premier of ontario, our most populace province. the new premier is a woman and now our four most powerful provinces have female premiers. this was no real big deal until i read the fine print. the new premier is AN OPENLY GAY LESBIAN! not only is she openly gay, she's legally married to another lesbian. fuck me, canada is turning into a regular sodom and gomorrah! so it goes.

there might be a silver lining to the dyke premier. she leads the pinko liberal party which is hanging on by a thread with a shaky coalition. the liberals now have 2 chances of forming a majority government in the next election and slim just left town. not that i'm against liberals in general but the ontario liberals have single handedly changed ontario from a rich province into an almost bankrupt province.

in summation; cousin eddy is out and the dykes are in.(my critique of israel will have to wait for anther day).

i love you sons of bitches. (in a manly way)

ouch

the roads were icy monday morning but i was itching to go for bike ride so off i went for a little exercise. all seemed well with the world until i started to make a left turn and hit some black ice. i was riding quite quickly because the road i was turning onto has a pretty decent incline and i wanted some speed. as soon as i hit the ice i knew something unpleasant was about to occur and sure enough i was right. down i went onto the hard cold asphalt. ouch! of course i yelled my favorite word the moment i hit the pavement.

i slid a few yards and immediately felt the pain. a middle aged asian couple rushed to my aid and helped me to my feet. an older man with a grey beard falling off a bike does tend to elicit sympathy. i could barely stand but they helped me to the sidewalk where i assessed the damage. bike was fine, i was broken. after a few minutes to regain my senses i hopped on the bike and carefully rode home.

the damage wasn't as bad as i initially thought. a nicely scraped left knee that will have a nice scab in a week or so, a bruised left elbow but no broken skin and a badly bruised left hip. i spent an hour on the couch with my knee and elbow covered in ice. four days later and i'm back on the bike.

surprisingly, i think going a good rate of speed lessened the damage because i hit the pavement with forward momentum rather than just falling straight down. oh yeah, i got zero sympathy from the lovely mrs myshkin. this i won't forget.

now to the meat of the matter. either i've lost my sense of humor or the daily show isn't very funny these days. it seems jon leibowitz (stewart) is more interested in criticizing fox news and kissing obama's black arse than going after the current government. when bush was president it was an excellent show but now it almost seems like a half hour infomercial for o'bumble. on the other hand stephen colbert can still make me laugh out loud.

i will no longer record and watch the daily show. adios mr leibowitz.

i love you sons of bitches

happy birthday

today is ruby's designated birthday. since she was a street urchin with no family history i decided jan 23 2002 would be the magic day.

and here's the old girl licking her lips after a wee bit of birthday cake.

happy 11th birthday old girl!

ruby loves you sons of bitches.

nine irons

life can be unfair. i'm feeling better but the roads are icy, i fell on my tender arse whilst taking ruby for a walk so i can't hop on the bike and head to the bakery. poor little me.

do you notice any difference between the 2 photos other than one package being larger than the other? if you look closely there is a difference in the contents but the labeling on the packages is identical. i didn't notice any difference and purchased the large package thinking i was getting hand rolled tea balls. imagine my surprise when i made my first cup of tea and had a strange item unfold before my very eyes.

what i got was fucking chrysanthemum flowers. they don't look too bad but they taste like shit. it's was a very large package i purchased so i'm either going to be drinking a shit load of tea i don't like or absorbing a $17.98 loss. i bought them in chinatown so there are 2 chances of getting a refund and slim just left town. the feckin nine irons always seem to be one step ahead of me. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

oohhhhh.......

all right you sons of bitches, i expect a little sympathy. it's official, i have the flu.

a few aches and pains the past few days and a moderately upset stomach yesterday have erupted into a full body ache, fever and as of now i can shit through the eye of a needle. lucky fucking me. each year i religiously get a flu shot and hope for the best. i guess i didn't hope hard enough this year.

ruby shamed me into taking for a walk on the icy roads and we had to cut it short. the toilet beckoned me and ruby slipped on the ice. her all wheel drive platform was no match for the black ice. we're a couple of ailing senior citizens today and probably for a few days more. lucky us.

in case anyone forgot, this is the song i've requested to be played when the folger's coffee tin containing my ashes is emptied into salamasond.

i love you sons of bitches.

no respect

it's come to my attention that the poor get very little respect. it was a beautiful afternoon and i was looking for reason to go for a good bike ride. i had the good fortune of finding 11 empty beer cans whilst walking the roo and decided to ride across town and convert them into $1.10. a noble mission if there ever was one.

after a long hard ride i arrived at my favorite liquor store to cash in the cans. this particular store has an outside return station with a large stainless steel counter for organizing the returns. after carefully putting my cans in a cardboard flat i pressed the buzzer to summon the clerk. a short fat man came to the window and told me it was unnecessary to press the buzzer since he could see me through the window. he had a ruddy complexion with a big red nose, an alcoholic if i ever saw one. i pointed to the sign stating ring buzzer for service and he pointed to a sign stating all cans must be clean. an older man dressed like a bum cashing in a few empty cans gets no respect.

after getting my money i turned my attention to the garbage cans and started looking for heavy plastic liquor store bags. i found a good number of them and was testing them for leaks when the clerk stuck his head out the window and told me to keep out of the garbage. the implication being i was a homeless man and was making a nuisance of myself. rather than telling him to go fuck himself i emptied the can onto the pavement, smiled and rode off. the cranky alcoholic had a nice little mess to clean up.

i use the liquor store bags to hold dog shit when cleaning the backyard. i get some strange looks from people when telling them that the bags make excellent dog shit storage containers. what can i say, i'm a high class guy.

in my drinking days i loved this song.

i love you sons of bitches

the deal be done

i few days ago i asked which deal would be done first.

the national hockey league's battle with the player's association or the fiscal cliff battle between the democrats or the battle of the sexes between mr cook and a few mysterious ladies.

one deal is done, that national hockey league has struck a deal with the player's association that should last 10 years. there is an opt out clause that can be invoked by either side after 8 years.

the fiscal cliff was averted but nothing was solved. the whole thing will play out again and again. so it goes.

the battle between mr cook and the ladies would appear to be over with mr cook deciding that his health was more important than continuing the battle. (i suspect this only a temporary truce)

what is my opinion on these three deals?

hockey deal; who gives a shit.

battle of the sexes; who gives a shit.

fiscal cliff; i might even give 2 shits.

my buddy conrad black penned AN INTERESTING COLUMN on the state of affairs in america with one very interesting point. for the first time in its history canada is gaining more immigrants from united states than we are losing to the united states. i'm guessing that the people coming to canada are probably better educated and more productive than the average american citizen.

as for the fiscal cliff, i found this interesting:

Fiscal Cliff put in perspective:

* U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000

* Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000

* New debt: $1,650,000,000,000

* National debt: $14,271,000,000,000

* Recent budget cuts: $38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:

* Annual family income: $21,700

* Money the family spent: $38,200

* New debt on the credit card: $16,500

* Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710

* Total budget cuts so far: $385

Got It?

i love you sons of bitches.

one rule

it would appear i need a rule, so here it is:

Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

i love you sons of bitches