Wednesday, January 16, 2013

oohhhhh.......

all right you sons of bitches, i expect a little sympathy. it's official, i have the flu.

a few aches and pains the past few days and a moderately upset stomach yesterday have erupted into a full body ache, fever and as of now i can shit through the eye of a needle. lucky fucking me. each year i religiously get a flu shot and hope for the best. i guess i didn't hope hard enough this year.

ruby shamed me into taking for a walk on the icy roads and we had to cut it short. the toilet beckoned me and ruby slipped on the ice. her all wheel drive platform was no match for the black ice. we're a couple of ailing senior citizens today and probably for a few days more. lucky us.

in case anyone forgot, this is the song i've requested to be played when the folger's coffee tin containing my ashes is emptied into salamasond.

i love you sons of bitches.

56 comments:

Leslie said...

Flu shots are mercury-filled bunk. I hope you feel better soon, so that this might be your last poop post.

thimscool said...

Can you shit a camel through the eye of a needle?

thimscool said...

At least he didn't post pictures.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Sorry to hear that, good Sir. Try cutting an onion in half and putting it next to your bed. Honest to God, there's many who swear by it.

texlahoma said...

Leslie said what I was going to say about the flu shot.
And I agree with thimscool about the pics.
Get well soon or just time jump into the future about a week.

Bob Harrison said...

Don't get a flu shot and you may die. So your choice. I was sick for a month, Billy, so all I can say is drink lotsa of fluids and eat (if you can-- I lost ten pounds during the siege).

thimscool said...

I hope Ms. Mishkin is serving you lemon tea with local honey and rubbing your feet.

billy pilgrim said...

thanks for the kind words. it's been several years since i've been this sick. so far today, one fucking banana.

i'm drinking lots of weak tea. i might be going through caffeine and chocolate withdrawal.

the worst part is i'm on vacation at the moment. i'm so happy i could shit, better not say that.

silly rabbit said...

That is terrible news! I hope you feel better soon. I have heard the same thing about the onion, though I have never tried it myself.
I'm more of a chicken and heavy on the onion broth for illness.
I have not yet gotten it, knock on wood. I always get a flu shot, but I believe in immunizations.
All in all, I think the best way to avoid the flu is to avoid door knobs and any fixture in a public loo, then wash your hands and don't rub your eyes or nose.

harry said...

Fucking pussy.

Get over it.

thimscool said...

Hello Harry!

The legendary Romius T. has 17 posts in his daily poop watch blog within the blog.

You've got a ways to go before you can claim to be an expert reporter on excrement, Pilgrim.

Feeling better today?

billy pilgrim said...

that's right harry , i'm a fucking pussy for the next few days.

the big question is, would my condition be worse had i not received the flu shot?

it was free and the pharmacy gave me a coupon for 20 free air miles which i deposited in the trash on my way out.

after crapping my brains out and eating next to nothing i thought i might drop a pound or two but i weighed one pound more this morning. might be the chinese scale or all the water i drank.

harry said...

Free huh? Well I guess it was worth it then, eh?

Ya fucking monkey pussy.




And a fine fucking hello to yourself Mr. thimscool.

thimscool said...

What a ray of sunshine.

billy pilgrim said...

would i be the ray of sunshine or would harry be the ray of sunshine?

i was well enough this afternoon to buy a roll of dimes.

thimscool said...

How about them krauts asking for 300 tons of gold? It's like they don't trust us for some reason...

Now, I can see why they want the 374 tons they store with the frogs, but you've gotta wonder why they don't just annex France again.

billy pilgrim said...

the whole thing makes me think of the old con game, find the pea under the cup.

misdirection and sleight of hand.

thimscool said...

Pea under the cup? Every government is printing like it is going out of style. Manufacturing commodities are all increasing on a steady or rapid basis. Manufactured goods are not, but P/E is going up to compensate management anyway in spite of the lack of profits, thanks to the cheap money. 2nd tier sovereigns are all stacking gold as fast as possible, and shitty little oil rig countries like Venezuela and (formerly) Lybia are all grabbing as much physical gold and silver as possible.

But the paper price of gold and silver just hovers? And every time it looks to make a break it gets slapped back down... by the players that already have a lot of paper gold and for whatever reason don't think it is necessary anymore because they are also the ones printing the monopoly money that they exchange for oil and manufactured goods?

Meanwhile, folks are finding tungsten rods inside of gold bars and the major banks have the chutzpa to say "trust us" after the LIBOR rigging and the money laundering.

Shell game my ass. What we have here is a failure to communicate, because the same elite fuck nuts own every printing press.

Pilgrim, I hope you've got some food and water to go along with your stacks of silver.

thimscool said...

I said manufacturing commodities, but really I mean food and oil (which is related to food).

FOOD. Get food. Do it now. Get enough for your family and friends that think you are crazy.

Food. And water, and the means to get more water. If you can afford a roll of dimes, you can afford a 2 week ration of food with a 25 year shelf life. Do it now! Buy the chow! Don't delay, or you will pay.

FOOOOOD.




Leslie said...

@ Bob Harrison

Never had a flu shot, haven't had the flu in 11 years.

Correct, my choice.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutor has never had an IM injection of a statistically determined immunisational prophylaxis for influenza either.
Nor have I.
He has not only not had the flu in four decades, he has not even had a cold since 1976!


I was not even born in 1976.

Leslie said...

I recall The Tutor being extremely sick while in Thailand. He blamed it on bad pizza, though. I think that's when he found out he was riddled with intestinal parasites and 90% rotted out.

You, ALTF, are likely too evil for germs to survive in your vessel.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutors S.E. "Asian Contagion", was bacterial, not viral, and contracted from eating un-refrigerated pâté to be found on the authentic "Saigon Sub" one purchases from street-vendors in HCMC.
The 'intestinal parasites' were 'pre-boarded' long before he arrived in S.E. Asia that year. He suspects the wiggly beasties hitched-a-ride when he visited you earlier in that year. I reckon they were glad to be rid of you. Certain death with the Tutor was to be preferred to life with you.

You are indeed correct vis a vis my vessel - the beauty of which you are indeed envious, and no mistake. Even 'germs' know better than to invade yours truly.

billy pilgrim said...

thims - there is a very remote possibility that you're wrong.

bull markets are born out of pessimism.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

I am indeed '90% rotted out' as you so succinctly suggest, but I am whole enough to attempt the Iditarod this year.

Are Obi(e) and Jasper free?
Do you mind if I rename them, Balto and Togo?

Leslie said...

Pomeranians were oriinally sheep herders and sled dog untl your Queen Victoria miniaturized them. Obi is retired. Jasper doesn't like you.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

".....Pomeranians were oriinally(sic) sheep herders....."

You have been misinformed.
Pomeranians were originally Guinea Pigs - rodents - until your ancestor, the one in the Roman Catholic Clergy, Caninised them.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

At 04:00 Hours (EST) this morning the temperature was -26C (-15F) in my back yard. At the exact same instant in Sydney, Australia, the temperature was 46C (114F) in my friend's back yard.

And people still insist there is a god?

Sheesh!

billy pilgrim said...

i know an old man who build you a real nice heater out of an old radiator, a transistor radio and a bird cage.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Now before some moron chimes in with some anthropogenic climate change bollocks, I'll set y'all straight.
These climactic climatic changes are obviously theogenic.
And why?
Simply because that cunt thimscool's hoarding food again!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

billy pilgrim said,

".....i know an old man who build you a real nice heater out of an old radiator, a transistor radio and a bird cage......"

No you don't!
None of us know him any more.
Leslie, the evil slattern, frightened him away. I, for one, am the poorer for it.

What's a transistor radio?
Is that, like, you know, 'Geezer Tech'?

thimscool said...

Fooooooood!

Mr. Shife said...

Hope you feel better BP, and you don't shit your pants.

Carmelita said...

I can make you feel good long long time.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Oh dear.

thimscool said...

This place goes to hell when the proprietor gets the shits. Maybe we should take up a collection to buy him a tablet for the toilet.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Speaking of toilets........

The fair Leslie is currently baking cakes in the shape of toilets.
In celebration of the just concluded season of her beloved Saints.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

"Precious in the sight of the Lord (Roger Goodell) is the death of his Saints."
Psalm 116:15

Leslie said...

Fuck you and the rickshaw you rode in on.

Leslie said...

Since my beloved Saints were persecuted and sacrificed by the NFL this season, I've had to embrace my inner Masshole and get behind The Patriots.

Just fyi.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

".....Fuck you and the rickshaw you rode in on......"


One does not ride 'on' a rickshaw; one rides 'in' a rickshaw. You knowledge-of-the-Orient-and-Asia ignoramus.
The horrid grammar and syntax notwithstanding, Fuck you.
Fuck you and fuck anyone who won't put a candle in the window and stay up all night fucking you.
Wait a minute, that didn't come out right, never mind, you get my point.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

And I know for a fact that "The Reigning Queen of Rock and Roll" and one of the "100 Greatest Singers of All Time", Stevie Nicks hates the Saints. In fact, her response to the question, "Will the Saints ever make the playoffs ever again?",
"In Your Dreams"

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

And she doesn't like The Patriots much either.

Leslie said...

Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac are headlining the New Orleans Jazz Fest this year. They have already revamped her songs to pay homage to America's best and most badass football team.

"Rock on, black and gold dust woman..."

billy pilgrim said...

thanks mr shife, things are on the upswing.

carmelita - i'd like to feel good long long time ;)

thims - no doubt about it, i'm an integral part of this omelette.

leslie and aquarian - a match made in hades.

Leslie said...

CHOKE! No Dirty Birds in the Dome!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Algeria's Prime Minister, Mr Sellal, said the kidnappers had crossed into the country from northern Mali, and that they were from Algeria, Egypt, Tunisia, Mali, Niger, Canada and Mauritania.The foreigners killed or still missing include workers from the UK, the US, Japan, Norway, Romania, Malaysia and the Philippines

I reckon the Canadian(s) was(were) responsible for the US deaths.

Remember, the score stands at USA 4 : Canada 1. Perhaps Canada has evened the score now?

Ha!

Leslie said...

Why can't you ever stay on topic?! The topic is the Superbowl!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The NE Patridiots are topically equivalent to the NO Taints.

billy pilgrim said...

michael vick needs several more concussions and a few crushed vertebrae.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Mr. Vick needs only to be placed in a 'ring' with two irate and hungry pit bulls.
Poetic justice I reckon.

Leslie said...

I don't give a shit about the Pats. Actually relieved I don't have to hightail it to Nola to tailgate.

Saints 2013!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Leslie opined,

".....Actually relieved I don't have to hightail it to Nola to tailgate....."

As are we.
We are all quite tired of having to endure your constant blathering-on about all things under-class Sportsball Thingy.

Saints 2013?
They won't make the playoffs next year either. Superbowl 2014, in Jersey, will NOT have any Taints.

Leslie said...

No? You've cancelled your trip?

Leslie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Galt-in-Da-Box said...

That sucks, Leo.
I avoid flu shots like the plague they are, because every time I've gotten one, I wind up sick with the flu.