oh how the world has changed when it comes to smoking. years ago we would sit at our desks in the cracker factory and smoke our brains out. if you were a non smoker, too fucking bad. fewer and fewer people smoke these days. around 20% of north american adults smoke these days compared to 29% of europeans who smoke. between the high rate of smoking and the chaos they're creating on the financial markets, those fucking europeans are starting to get on my nerves. but the japs killing whales and the chinese along with the east indians building coal fired electrical generation plants probably bug me more. so it goes.
we have one smoker in our happy little enclave at the cracker factory. if you lined up all the employees and asked a stranger to pick out the smoker, i'm certain they would pick the wrong person. our smoker is a petite, meticulously groomed middle aged woman. she regularly ducks out for a smoke and when she returns everyone can smell her coming. smokers don't realize how much they stink to a non smoker. yesterday she dropped by to tell me her tales of woe and i pretended to give a shit whilst i nodded and daydreamed of spicy coffee and the sopranos. after she left, my office smelled like shit for about 30 minutes. if i liked her, i'd take her aside and explain that she stinks like shit and should try a different nicotine delivery system during working hours. but i'm not terribly fond of her so i'll just put a sign over my door, "invited guests only."
if anyone wants to be an invited guest at the award winning "the end is near" blog, drop me an email and i'll pass it along to the king for approval.
i love you sons of bitches.
83 comments:
Well put that in your pipe and smoke it.
my goal is zero pipe bowls today.
so far, so good.
Well, maybe she needs some advice on how to kick the habit. I've heard that hypnosis works on some people, so you could trying swinging your pocket watch in front of her face.
Cute old song.
Smokers bother some folks and don't bother others, some folks that quit smoking still like the smell when others smoke, it's all a crap shoot I guess.
I've tried many ways to stop but so far nothing has worked and at my age maybe it doesn't matter, one thing or another is damn sure going to kill me one of these days.
But having said that, if I quit smoking I'd fucking be perfect.
Damn near every Canadian I know smokes but maybe that's just a coincidence.
Remember the crazy eyed Cher? I wonder if she still smokes, I'm guessing she does.
Those E-Cigarettes are pretty good about not stinking up the place.
One of my co-workers always has a dip in his mouth, he's lost most of his teeth and his breath will nearly knock you down. We are considering replacing our No-Smoking policy with a No-Tobacco use policy. Yee-Haw!
gb - or tie an air freshener around her neck.
bill - obama want to increase the fed tax on smokes by 94 cents a pack!
tex - free vaporizers for all!
They fucked up with the last tax increase, it was on ciggs only and didn't include pipe tobacco, that's when I switched to pipe tobacco so I spend less than 20 bucks a month on it.
I like to keep my bad habits cheap habits.
high prices helped me quit 24 years ago.
the average income of smokers is way, way less than that of non smokers so it could be called a regressive tax but i'd rather call it an incentive to quit.
If my bad habit goes over thirty bucks a month maybe I will quit smoking.
How much does your bad habit cost you a month?
My drinking costs me just over a hundred a month, you want me to drop that also?
Fuck you, I'm not the fucking saint you are.
i'm not asking you to quit anything. i'm jealous of people that can keep drinking into their old age.
moderation is for monks.
my bad habit only costs about $20/month because i use such small amounts.
A resurgence of the pure, raw hatred I have towards a few folks here has resurfaced in my mind. Even though the people I speak of are horrid, wretched individuals, it is wrong for me to feel such hate for them. I try to quell the feelings, but with this current resurgence in the feelings, I see I have failed.
pure raw hatred towards a few folks?
i'm pretty sure i know the man at the top of your list but after that i'm at sea.
holy christ! that leaves me.
so it goes.
well, i just paid frump a visit and that explains things.
the man needs help.
Well "we" haven't commented at Frump's in ages, so who is he talking about? Maybe BBC left his usual "I wonder how many dicks she's fondled" comment on Frump's birthday post for his daughter. That's always a big hit.
Frump clearly has some problems with some folks at work, and he does need to do something about it, like quit and get a different job, it has nothing to do with me.
And Leslie has made many enemies on the internut over the years so lets not lose any sleep over it.
if he penned it at work then it might refer to his place of employment but using the word "here" seems to indicate his blog.
in any case, it might be a prelude to mass murder. the rosewater foundation aids hapless loveable fucknuts, not potential mass murderers so i might have to withdraw my offer of help.
"When they(1) saw me in my space suit and the parachute dragging alongside as I walked, they started to back away in fear. I told them, don't be afraid, I am a Soviet citizen like you, who has descended from space and I must find a telephone to call Moscow!"
(1) A farmer and her daughter observing the strange scene of a figure in a bright orange suit with a large white helmet landing by parachute near them.
52 years ago today folks!
LOL "prelude to mass murder". I'm thinking it'll be "Slaughter at Big Hole".
Has anyone seen video of the guy that walked into a California Home Depot this weeknd and sawed off his arms?
....funny it's not the Cream of Yankee Cunts who be quoting Ronald McDonald.
Never took to smoking. I had helluva time giving up chewing tobacco but cigarettes were never my thing. The soccer team I root for is in your town this weekend to take on the 'Caps. I am thinking your team is going to fare much better. Have a good one, BP.
I stopped smoking when I could no longer purchase a pack of smokes with a fin. I'm not sure how long ago that was. I don't keep track. People around here now pay up to $12 for a single pack. Idiots. Gives you cancer AND drains the pocketbook? 'Idiot' is actually a lightweight label. Of course many choose to suck on the cheaper and most illegal native manufactured cigarette. That's an interesting turn of events. Why folk (white folk in particular) think it wise to consume a product made by rightfully hostile and predictably vindictive natives is beyond me. But I'm down. Grand Chief Two-Butts can smoke every smoker he can get his hot hands on, as far as I'm concerned. Time to move up the food chain!
Sterculian Rhetoric harrumphed,
"This appears to be "predictably vindictive" too."
'splain away, Dr Lock Hospital.
"You're a right cunt. And no mistake."
I have my days.
Who gives a shit....
Hey BBC, there's a nice Hadj goat fucker video on Live Leaks for you!
I named my first Pomeranian "Fez".
There you go. More evidence of our spiritual connection. I think we were meant for each other. A cyber John and Yoko. You wouldn't meet me in London, how about Holland or France?
"You are not that thick. Try harder."
No. You'll just delete all your rumblings anyway, so why should I bother?
I understand.
Christ, I know it ain't easy!
Hey, I know that road!
Wrong. Iggy has sucked since 1994. Growing his hair back long was a mistake. The album he presented sporting that long hair was very good though. It would be his last.
"it's just that social life
it's got you on the run
that goddamn social life
it's torture dressed as fun"
Lillian Roxon? I don't recognize anything that happens to come up from down under. Did you know that the Canadian diplomatic delegation to the Paris Peace Conference of 1919 threatened boycott if they were made to share their Commonwealth table with the Australians? They felt that to be in the same room with such far flung Philistines was an insult and certainly beneath them. It is a similar feeling to how most Old World Canadians feel about those in the Upper Canadas. That's nothing personal though, it's strictly business.
"Hey, I know that road!"
You and the other Yankees who have been travelling it since time out of mind.
A radical policy I'd support for those living west of the Upper Canadas! Our humble blog host excepted of course. My lebensraum vision for this country spares those out on the left-coast. Even though how 'left' they actually are is debatable.
You and the other Yankees who have been travelling it since time out of mind.
You better be glad for that, otherwise you wouldn't have that awesome KFC!
Anyway you Yankee-bashing bully, I won't be coming your way again in this lifetime. I much prefer Western Canada.
That Lennon song is better suited to this driving video.
I never shat mustard and you can fuck right off and learn how to read! I clearly stated "or whatever it's called", after I described the song.
And it was my father not my "parents" and it was a Bassett Hound, not a "puppy", and the Bassett Hound was later killed in a drive-by shooting on a rural rode by some drunk old man hick in a pickup truck and NO I do NOT need therapy!
ROAD, motherfuckers!
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
I already corrected RODE, dipshit.
Robert Frost was read at my mother's funeral. Clearly I had no say in the matter.
Also, "Masshole of New England" is overkill. "Masshole" would suffice.
Pilgrim has his comments emailed to him. Deleting is pointless and rude.
pilgrim rarely reads his email since most of the comments are not directed at him.
will trudeau wipe mulcair off the face of quebec?
Leslie, what drugs do you take to manage this elaborate conversation between your many sock puppets?
You are witnessing straight up mental illness. No drugs can do that.
I've missed most of this mess because I'm in my garden playing with my new glass mosaic solar glow ball thingys.
Our fair Leslie:
Her idea is to reach the multiplicty by the derangement of all her senses. It involves enormous suffering, but one must be strong and be a born poet. It's really not her fault.
She channels Arthur Rimbaud
It really isn't my fault.
In Latin, and Traffic Court Law, we call it "Non Compos Mentis".
In Pig Latin we call it "Ealousjay Uchmay?"
Sooie indeed!
take off, eh.
About our friend ALT-F?
At her core, the very well-spring of her essence, is a simplicity upon which great taste inevitably relies. She sees quality in ordinary objects; she treats them like they are special - and so they are! Luxury is what you make it! For her, control-top knickers from Kmart are made luxurious by the way she wears and maintains them. Then there is the way she presents in a Kimono, as a coat; in black and silver silk lacquered lamé, lined with double-faced red satin, or the way she handles Christian Dior gloves crushed down to just below her elbows. Of course a fresh pair of gloves are tucked neatly inside her accessorised burlap gunny sack in case the pair she is wearing should become soiled.
Oh in case any of you lot think ALT-F is an acronym for Aquarians, you are sadly mistaken. I would have thought the use of the 'hyphen' would have been a clue:
André Leon Talley - Fabulous!
Innit?
Hi, Billy,
Come on, Billy my friend, bloody hell, give us a fuckin' break will you - please??? :-P
Don't you think, and believe, that us poor smokers are persecuted and ostracised enough as it is???
The last person I expected to get on his 'high-horse' about such an issue was my old American mucker, your good self.
Bloody hell, I've just rolled-up a smoke, was sat hear enjoying it as I headed over to take a peak at your excellent blog, and fuck me - you're in my face giving me a sermon about one of my few remaining 'unhealthy' pleasures in life! :-P
Jeez, I've been a 'menace to sobriety' for the last 16+ years, and if so wished, could rant and rave about the evils and destruction[s] of the 'devil's brew'. But no, Billy, my friend, we had this conversation years back, and as such, I think we'll leave it dead and buried!
Hope you're OK, mate, and that life's treating you well. I believe you'll still remember my views on environmental ignorance and destruction - so, I'll leave that one alone too. Good and extremely valid points that you made though, amigo!
Take Care & Stay Lucky, Buddy,
Steve...
steve - your gracious comments humble me.
i started the post with the thought in mind of pointing out how appearances could be deceiving to others and how personal habits could be deceiving to oneself but i got lazy and ended it quickly. so it goes.
You're American?
You're American?
you didn't know that i'm unstuck in time?
during world war 2 i was an american prisoner of war.
During WW2 my mommie was fucked and I was born. Don't know who fucked her but it doesn't matter, I'm sure she enjoyed the fucking.
http://youtu.be/H5U5LiHnutw
Born during WW2? Wow. You've got some hard looking miles on you there, BBC. I'd have guessed you were at least depression era vintage. You're nice and slim though. That's a plus.
I liked the theme... the self delusion and visual delusion. So true. People think people who have delusions are nuts, but I think we all have them to greater or lesser degrees.
in the midst of chaos with hitler on the march, a king was born!
Why the hell can't they make cigarettes that smell as good as pipe tobacco? I think it's the ammonia in the paper that makes them smell so goddamn bad, to say nothing of the floor-sweepings & other fillers in the crappy tobaky itself!
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