Thursday, May 16, 2013

cable wars

me and the cable company are not getting along very well at the moment. i was on a promotion that gave me cable and internet for around $70 and all was well with the world until they cancelled the promotion i was on. they told me that the promotion might come back in september but i was shit our of luck until then. i asked to be transferred the retention department but they told me to fuck off. since i was coming off a promotion they insisted that i pay the full price of around $145 including taxes. i told them i wasn't happy.

as luck would have it, the competing cable provider had a promotion where i'd get a free smart tv if i signed a 3 year contract with the monthly charge being about $130. i said sign me up. i then called my current cable provider to cancel my service. i had to talk to 3 different service reps and each time i thought they'd offer me something to keep my business but no luck. they just kept telling how their service was superior so finally i cancelled and all was well with the world.

a few days later i received a call from the provider i was cancelling and was offered a great deal. a 3 month promo at $59, a $40 credit to make up for my frustration, a free gateway system and an extra digital tuner should i need it. this sounded good so i asked how much my bill would be after the promo and was told $100 so i jumped at the deal and cancelled the free tv deal with the competitor.

a few days later i received an email confirming the installation appointment for the gateway system and a break down of my charges. they had set my monthly fee at $122.95 plus tax. of course i saw red and immediately called the provider. they told me the rep made a mistake and that $122.95 was the correct charge. i was so sick of these insufferable pricks that i didn't bother arguing. when the $59 promo ends in 3 months i'll cancel the service and go through all this bullshit one more time. this stupid gateway system will be at least 3 pieces of equipment that i'll have to return at the end of the promotion. they will deliver to set the system up and get you hooked on the service but if you want to cancel, you have to return the shit yourself. i will not be very gentle with the equipment when i return it.

on the plus side, donald is doing very well and i haven't had to have the missus gently wipe any tears from my face.

i love you sons of bitches.

86 comments:

Bob Harrison said...

That all seems so terribly familiar.

billy pilgrim said...

on the plus side, at least there's a little competition now.

Gorilla Bananas said...

This proves that (a) competition works and (b) you can't trust anything a sales rep say. I would have asked that prick to confirm the price in writing...

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

"......they will deliver to set the system up and get you hooked on the service but if you want to cancel, you have to return the shit yourself......"

You DO NOT have to return the equipment - there are multiple ways of ridding yourself of the equipment and contract(s) without any penalty.

For instance:

"My gayer friend, BBC, who is HIV positive, unfortunately cut himself and bled on your equipment. Do you still want it back?"

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Fez Ortona suggested,

".....You know what'd be fun? You getting yourself a mighty bullhorn and then while standing on a street corner somewhere in downtown Petawawabroke present your Kadr screed in all its poor, misunderstood, Muslim-terrorist-guy glory! The local UEL's will LOVE you for it, I'm sure......."


Firstly, there are no UEL's here'bouts - The Tutor is the only one. The rest of the inhabitants are an ugly, obese admixture 400 year old French and a swarthy collection of wetbacks from Ireland, Germany and Poland, predominantly
Secondly, regarding Mr. Khadr, you missed The Tutor's point, deliberately so I hope. You do not appear to be particularly thick, perhaps you are just not trying hard enough?

Never mind all this, I went to the Wal-Mart yesterday and purchased a cheap, but large, Pressure Cooker, a pile of fancy fireworks and several boxes of small nails and screws - all at once.

No one seemed to notice.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie queried,

"......How nice does a rack have to be to make you forget the face?......"

No "rack", or even face, can possibly be "nice" enough to make The Tutor forget a lack of intellect.
Now hips and thighs, that's another story entirely!

Leslie said...

What about "clingy", and "chronic bathtub spigot masturbator"?

These little quirks are forgivable in the shadow of a nice rack?

Leslie said...

Why don't you dog lovers and downloaders give up the cash you save on cable and help a sister out?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie dreamed,

"......What about "clingy", and "chronic bathtub spigot masturbator"?......"

Bathtub spigot masturbation is awesome! Especially when it is also clingy! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!
Pool jets work well too!

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

How much did you give to the "sister", Leslie?

I wish to give her some advice. "Do not EVER take your dog to a Vet, much less allow the fuckers to "operate". The entire process is an exercise in the net transfer of wealth from you to them - AND your pet suffers unconscionably for it too.

billy pilgrim said...

$150 for my own song.

sign me up!

Fez Ortona said...

Maple syrup is supposed to be on the table before the pancakes.

billy pilgrim said...

the king is not hiv positive and rob ford has never smoked crack.

didn't someone steal all of canada's maple syrup?

BBC said...

I hope it doesn't rain too much today.

texlahoma said...

The thing I hate about satellite TV is when I'm trying to see if a tornado is headed my way, I usually get this message:
Complete loss of signal
Followed by:
Partial loss of signal
Followed by:
Complete loss of signal

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Ms. Ortona?
Maybe you are that thick.
Of course when they bring the maple syrup after the pancakes, it'll definitely be too late.

And I truly detest that movie - and the stars in it.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Ms. Ortona?

Was your quoting: "Maple syrup is supposed to be on the table before the pancakes." an instance of pseudo-self-deprecation or did you have a particular person in mind for the "Rainman" appellation?

I am having an argument with a slapper who thinks wearing high-heels with blue jeans is classy about what your comment meant.

Leslie said...

Awesome last sentence, genius!

Leslie said...

Also?


SO JEALZ!

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Irony?

The grammar done sucks don't it?

Query?
Do you believe wearing high heels with blue jeans is classy? The Tutor and I do not.

Leslie said...

It's possible to look classy in heels and jeans, yes.

Ask the tutor if he thinks photographing oneself peeing in hotel sinks is classy.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Now tan jodhpurs, black riding boots, a royal blue serge, a white blouse, appropriate head-gear and a short riding 'crop', that is classy.

So is this

That's The Tutor and me, when I used to be white.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

The photographing is neither here nor there. It would be the publishing of said photographs that would be suspect.
Perhaps you could provide a link to these alleged photographs?

Leslie said...

Do it yourself, lazy!

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

I am sure, nobody, except perhaps BBC, wants to see alleged photographs of The Tutor urinating into a Hotel Novotel Siam Square sink in December 2007, or there'bouts.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Do you Leslie?
Sure would be classy of you.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

Am I classy Leslie?

Click me!

Fez Ortona said...

Speaking of thick..

I would love to see that pic of the Tutor with his thick and smelly old manhood peeking up above his computer keyboard again! THAT was something special! That lovely image was Cathy D's handiwork, if I remember correctly.

Leslie said...

Oh!

Snap!

Why does everyone recall this photo but me?

Now the video...? That I remember!

Leslie said...

SR~

Pure class.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Actually, the laptop photograph was emailed to Kelly, a flaming Gayer. Shortly thereafter The Tutor broke Kelly's testosterone addled heart and in retribution, she sent it to Cathy D, who delighted in publishing it 'cause Cathy D, aka: Butchie had been previously reamed by The Tutor so often this was his chance - or so he thought - to get back at The Tutor.

The Tutor's propitious penis was in great demand for at least three months after that.
There's a nifty set-up for y'all.

Innit?


Smelly?
How would you know?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie lamented,

"......Why does everyone recall this photo but me?......"

Conjecture?
You do not like male genitalia so it did not register in your long term memory?

Leslie said...

Conversely?

Perhaps it is because I like male gentitalia that it did not register at all.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

I like female gentitalia myself.




Good one though!
Nyuck!

billy pilgrim said...

fuck the tutor, i have a gateway system and new lightning fast internet. i can download a movie in 30 seconds!

some nine iron spent a few hours installing all this shit and i plan to return it all aug 31.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Ms. Ortona thinks it's thick and musky. That's good, right?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

".......i can download a movie in 30 seconds!......."

The trick is, finding a movie worth downloading in 30 seconds.

Innit?

The installer will get paid twice then. Once to install it and then again to dismantle it. You are a true philanthropist pilgrim - always thinking of the downtrodden hourly-paid masses and sticking it to The Man!

Leslie said...

Musty is never good. It's one step away from moldy.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Ms. Ortona?

I keep forgetting to tell you, The Tutor's three uncles on his mother's side were in Ortona between December 20 and 28, 1943.
They done killed a whack of Germans they did. And they all lived to die of heart disease and complications of malaria(contracted earlier in Italy in 1943) in the early 1960s.

Have you thanked a Vet recently?

And Leslie?
Is genititalia the pee pee of an Italian male?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

I said "musky" not "musty", you hard consonant identification disorder sufferer.

Leslie said...

Musky is never good. Unless you're a Rastafarian.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Or a mammal in oestrus.
The Tutor's manly musk would peel the polish off your wonderfully pedicured toes Leslie.
I've no doubt.

Leslie said...

Thankfully the tutor's manly musk is quarantined in Canada.




Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Thankfully indeed!
The rutting female Yankee woman would be just too much for the old man. In his case the flesh is willing but the spirit is weak.
It wouldn't be a pretty sight.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

As opposed to the rutting male Yankee woman that is.

Leslie said...

Perhaps he has ED like the other weak Spirit?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

ED?
Ha!
Like French Bread ED!

BBC said...

I could do it every day with the help of Viagra, otherwise I am happy with once a week.

*poof*

Fez Ortona said...

Thank a Vet lately? Um, no. I haven't even worn a poppy for about a decade now let alone 'thank' one of those useful idiots. I'll be thankful when the very last one of them is six feet under.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Useful idiots?
Didn't Lenin coin that phrase? And wasn't he referring to people, ummmmm..... ahhhhh..... like you, Ms Ortona?

Libruls!

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Don't deny it though Ms. Ortona, it would be fun killing Germans with not only impunity, but even remuneration and access to all the hairy Italian whores your little heart desires.

Fez Ortona said...

All my 'great' uncles came back fucked in the head from Ortona. Racist douchebags to a man. They drank too much, beat their wives on occasion and blew their fucking noses at the dinner table with their filthy hankies. I don't miss them at all.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Perhaps they went to Ortona already "fucked in the head"?
They were white Canadian males, yes?
I would not be surprised if The Tutor's uncles knew your 'great' uncles. Looted, whored and drank chianti together - while killing Germans and shooting dogs for sport.

A connection betwixt us?

Mr. Shife said...

The cable and satellite companies are a bunch of pricks. I detest calling them because more often than not I know more than they do and they are full of it. Good luck with the promo BP. Hope it goes well and glad to see Donald is doing well. Take care buddy.

Fez Ortona said...

Perhaps they went to Ortona already fucked in the head? Ya think? Whack jobs the lot of them.

A connection betwixt us? Maybe. I am the product of whack jobs who had those WWII whack jobs as parents. It's a struggle, lemme tell ya. I was always on the outside looking and hoping to get in. Never got there, glad I didn't. As Madonna famously quipped -- "Absolutely no regrets".

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Nu?
Yins is a third generation whack job then?

As for being on the outside and looking in, I feel your pain/elation. In my case, I had to endure fecking Libruls!
And when I cautiously entreated them with that observation, I'd evoke:
"We are not a Liberal family! We vote Conservative. Always have; always will."
To which I'd riposte:
"Fuck off! Y'all support democracy don't you, how fucking Librul is that?
They will, without doubt, be amongst the first against the wall when the revolution comes!

Madonna is a whore; as is Aung San Sui Kyi. And I don't like Mother Teresa much either.

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they're O.K.
If they don't give me proper credit
I just walk away

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

Living in a material world
And Leslie's a material girl.

billy pilgrim said...

thanks mr shife, donald is turning into a son that i can be proud of.

king - fuck me, it doesn't seem that long ago that you were good for twice a day.

Fez Ortona said...

Yins is a third generation whack job then? I have my days. My generational whackiness tends to lean toward my maternal line. It's top end whackiness though! Or so mumsy believes. Paternally I stem from a long line of London northenders who ended up, one way or another, in the dairy biz. More even keel them folks. Howza bout you? Was father a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery? Would explain a few things..

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

London?
Blighty London?
The Tutor's mater hails from those wretched Isles. Accordingly, The Tutor has had several complete blood transfusions to rid his constitution of the terrible taint of it all.
The Tutor's paternal line draws deeply from the Genocidal Dutch. The Ancestors, in the very early 17th century, thought they were boarding a VOC frigate on its way to ethnically cleanse the Banda Islands in Indonesia of the un-cooperative locals, but ended up in New Amsterdam(soon-to-be-known-as New York City) instead.
Idiots!
The narcolepsy, however, is high-grade; and the buggery, top shelf.

BBC said...

Tater Tots!

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Speaking of buggery, how's Helen, BBC?
Did you get her that new and improved strap-on electric-cooled pony-harness with fuel injection you promised her?

BBC said...

The fucking bitch monkey thinks she knows about electric-cooled pony harnesses.
It will take propane if there are no leaks and the proper coolant gas is unavailable. There is a lot of friction involved and any stray sparks would ignite any leaking propane.

Fucking cunt bitch monkey!

BBC said...

The fucking bitch monkey thinks she knows how strong Helen's hips are too.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

I'm a girl BBC, we girls know about such things.

BBC said...

BBC doesn't give a fuck cuz he doesn't look at bitches links.

*poof*

I was temped at the mention of a nipple but if you can't get it in your mouth there is no point in it.

billy pilgrim said...

excellent point king.

Leslie said...

Is The Tutor trying to make us believe he thought Kelly Ripafart to be female at the time he sent her/him pics of his French bread? If so, nice try.

Cathy D. would like you all to know she her friend Butchie was the "reamer" and not the "reamee". She posted the pic for other reasons, such as ABSOLUTE FUCKING HILARITY.

She will make the sex tape of The Tutor's 3-way with his Afghan friend and some old bag who used to work for Eddie Bauer available to the highest bidder.

BBC said...

Thank you Billy P. You are a friend, the bitch('s) are not.

I don't understand why you let these freaks wreck your blog.

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

The Tutor did believe, at that point, Kelly was female, but he was indeed pleased when it was revealed she/he was not.

Cathy D, the very, very close friend of Butchie, did post it for hilarity - and it was. How she got it? That's the truly hilarious bit.

The tape?
What's the latest bid?
I have a copy of the "Director's Cut". How much ya figger that'll go for?

Leslie said...

Not much. I've seen the money shot.

Leslie said...

I have a question. If I managed to get Bestiality BBC booted from the general Blogger viewing public in 3 days, why can't Real BBC harness his very GOOD and very STRONG internet friends into running Fake BBC out of town?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

I was wondering the same thing.
He reported "Spirits Doings Sucks" to blogger a week or two ago - it's still there with no "Warning Page".

The "Director's Cut" includes never before seen scenes of the very short "Latency" period and a series of sub-plot scenes involving a virginal Sears haversack and a pair of L. L. Bean culottes.

Leslie said...

What about the mouth-breathing and that odd little squeal? Edited out?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

No, but a "Laugh Track" pirated from the 1970s "Gong Show" was added.

The squeals were neither odd nor little.

billy pilgrim said...

king, they're here for your entertainment.

you gotta admit that they're way more entertaining than frump.

Omar said...

iconoclastic semi-boombastic

Omar said...

D·G·REGINA

billy pilgrim said...

would rob ford with a crack pipe be an appropriate avatar for me?

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Dei Gra Rex Et Ind Imp

BBC said...

Bitch monkeys don't entertain me.

Helen keeps taking all the found I put in our shared fridge.
Time to work on the fifth wheel.

*poof*

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

"......Helen keeps taking all the found I put in our shared fridge......"

"found"?????!?

"food" perhaps?

Leslie said...

He probably meant "all the found food..."

Aquiraans Leov To Fkuc said...

Like "Road Kill"?

Shaw Kenawe said...

Will the Broonz sweep Noo Yawk tonight?

billy pilgrim said...

yes, i think it can easily done.

they'll just take lundquist out to highway 61.