the tomatoes are doing exceptionally well this year. take a look at satan:
i've named the little guy satan because there's a horn growing out of it's head. today is the first time i noticed it's starting to turn a lovely shade of orange, soon to be red. i'm out checking on it several times a day so this color is new. the lemon tomato plant is finally starting to produce fruit. last year i got one very nice yellow tomato which is pretty pitiful for a tomato plant. this might be the last year for lemon tomatoes.
i wish that little son of bitch donald would start another growth spurt. as things look now, i won't be getting any flowers unless he's a real late bloomer. a few days ago i removed a big clump of "babies breath" that was encroaching on donald. the lovely mrs myshkin got rather upset when she noticed what i had done. she still isn't talking to me. (note to self: if she starts talking to me, remove more baby's breath)
so what's better than detroit going tits up? this is way the FUCK BETTER! how the hell can a business that pays no taxes and is able to issue tax deductible receipts get into financial trouble? easy, it can't. this is all a ruse to fleece its sheep out of more money and probably get a casino license or some other sort of license to print money. what bugs me more, cops or churches? tough call, i'll have to think on it for a few minutes.
i could use a few good lovelies in my life, big changes will soon be happening in pilgrimville.
oh yeah, some fat asshole threatened to beat the shit out me after i told him it wasn't nice to make his dog run in the heat while he rode a bike.
i love you sons of bitches
60 comments:
The garden looks great, BP. If I had to pick between the church and the cops, I think I would pick the cops. It feels like the church is way more corrupt but that is just my opinion. Look forward to hearing about the upcoming changes. Good ones I hope. Have a good one.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, what a delight it is to see that which indeed appears to be most definitely a most holy and heavenly image of a Satanic tomato, in shape, of course, squire.
I must comment, sir, that this is a first, and I will be quick to inform, and ask, my fellow Dartmoor farmers of strange and remarkable event/occurrence.
However, sir Billy, I would have to admit that, personally, I would be at odds to post and comment on such, merely through fear of upsetting certain religious brethren that inhabit our planet.
Having said that, Mr Pilgrim, squire, it would appear that you are a man without fear, especially when it comes to facing the wrath of the church and its Gods. In saying such, your quite unique, humorous, but true, in my opinion, opinion[s] show your total contempt for those 'heavenly, above-and-beyond-the-law' Anglican folk, whom I myself have had quite a few differences of opinion with in my three score years and 10, plus years on this planet.
However, sir, it is not my wish, nor desire, to start a war of religious indifference on your bog, squire, as I think that that is something that you have already set-out to do yourself, sir.
I only hope that the thunder clouds do not open, and resultantly, this does not result in you being swallowed-up by such to face the wrath of God.
May you have a pleasant day, sir, one in which, you are not aggravated and attacked by staunch and highly-respected church-goers and church-enthusiasts.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
thanks mr shife, 3 tomato plants is a pretty easy garden to manage. it pays to know your limitations.
farmer giles, you might be onto something. it was raining toads earlier this evening and i found 7 of the smaller tomatoes wrapped in what appeared to be saran wrap. after looking at them i decided not to break the saran wrap seals. instead i tossed them over the fence into the albanian's yard.
A defined-benefit pension plan can always get into trouble if pensioners are living longer than expected. Maybe they should raise their retirement age so there are more old vicars to service the flock. Dogs are too eager to please - a cat would never put up with an owner treating it like shit.
Sirs, BBC and Mr Pilgrim, thank you most kindly for the advice with regard to Word Verification. At this present point in time, however, I am satisfied that it is not necessary to set such, Sir BBC, especially in light of the fact that I am becoming quite concerned by the number of Russians [according to my stats] visiting my bog. I am in my naivety about such knowledge, meaning, Settings and Word Verification, however puzzled as to how you could be deemed to be a robot, and as such, have, as you have stated, had to type out the verification code/word when posting a comment on my farming bog.
I agree, sir BBC, that today's society may well me messed-up, sir, but I am happy to live on the fringes of it, living in Dartmoor National Park, that is.
Once again, and please do not be offended, Mr BBC, as you are indeed the true King, but I found myself laughing heartily at the comment posted by the ever-overly-humorous comments of sir Billy 'your humour is a gift' Pilgrim', 'bbc makes an excellent point on the word verification. i can't remember the last time i passed verification on the first try.
there's a tourettes epidemic going on these days but the lovely mrs myshkin always acts this way when her gout acts up so maybe it's just the gout. on the other hand, there are a shitload of motherfuckers and cunts out there
so maybe you're just seeing the world as it truly is, totally fucking wonderful!'
Mr Pilgrim, sir, you are indeed the eternal optimist, squire, and I am sure that had you been sailing on the Titanic on the fateful night that it sank, you would have quite happily gone to your sea-grave shouting, 'Do not panic, someone has simply left a tap running in one of toilets. Could you please pass me a bucket whilst I bail-out all this water.'
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Mr BBC, sir, I apologise to you with regard to my previous post about Word Verification. I did not quite understand that which you meant. I have now switched Word Verification off.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Farmer Giles sure keeps peculiar hours for an English farmer farming in England.
You didn't have anything to do with that full moon pony sacrifice, did you Farmer Giles?
Dear Madam, you must understand that more-often-than-not, my working day may extend to 24 hours, depending on the time of year, or on unforeseen circumstances.
Today, I finished work at approximately, 7.30 PM. It is now just gone midnight, and therefore, it is now a few minutes into the early hours of Sunday morning here in the United Kingdom, my lovely. I hope this answers your question, young lady.
I wish you a wonderful day.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Fuck the church and all religions, spirit rises above all that brainwashing bullshit.
Farmer Giles, thank you for turning it off, you are a true sport and let me introduce you to a true FRIEND OF MINE.
My one tomato plant is doing very well with 17 nice tomatoes on it, and a good number of smaller ones that will die before they mature, such is life.
Billy P, I cut off a few branches on my plant that didn't have anything but leaves on them, no point in feeding them in my mind.
I'm thinking of cutting off more so the fruit gets more sun, what do you think I should do?
Farmer Giles?
Unforeseen circumstances like this?
farmer giles - notwithstanding cops, churches and politicians i might be considered an optimist. i see where leslie found something about satanic activities in dartmoor. since there are no tomatoes involved in the dartmoor incident, i can rest easy but i'm concerned for your safety.
king - i'm not an expert when it comes to gardening. i plant them, water them and if some branch bugs me, i cut it off. i spent this morning working on my bike and was ready to throw it off a cliff but luckily there were no cliffs nearby.
leslie - it seems you've fallen prey to farmer giles charms, much like myself.
Farmer Giles is a Satan-worshipping pony slicer! Read the first paragraph of his first comment on this post...."a most holy and heavenly image of a Satanic tomato"...?? Do the math.
Dartmoor has a long, ugly history of animal sacrifice and Farmer Giles is up all night barking at the moon.
I think she wants to suck Farmer Giles cock being as she can't at mine.
I am sure that's it.
BBC, you don't look a day over 85 in those pics Doc Teri posted. Way to take care of yourself, buddy.
I've always made it pretty clear that I'm not trying to get old, just have my experiences and they are starting to show. Goddamn right I'm starting to look old compared to ten years ago and I'm right proud of those lines, I've fucking earned them.
Ok, good. Because you look like hell.
I like your choice of camping shoes, though. The rugged manliness of loafers has gone largely unrecognized.
That is the beauty of Doc Teri, she didn’t say a thing about how I looked, just that it was a honor meeting me and doing some camping with me.
So I don't care what a washed up cocksucker that didn't get invited thinks of me or how I look.
That is beautiful, but there aren't a lot of Doc Teris in the world so maybe you should clean up your act. You're too old to be talking about your cock all over the internet.
Shuddup and suck my cock....
You seem like you're in a bad way. Can you no longer afford hookers? Set up a PayPal account. I will contribute.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, I hope that you will once again allow me access to your bog to answer some comments that have been placed on my own, squire. The reason being, I cannot access the bogs of some of the folk who posted such, especially The King's/Mr BBC's. I thank your in advance, sir Billy.
Firstly, we, the farming folk, and the neighbouring community, are fully aware of the sickening Satanic, ritualistic-type killing of the poor young pony. We are still shocked and appalled, not-to-mention, totally sickened and dumbfounded by that which was made public on Thursday, 25/07/13. We have been working hard alongside the local police to bring these evil culprits to justice. I will speak more about this on my own bog, Mr Pilgrim, sir. This is not the first time such evil has occurred on our Moor. We will indeed find and punish, through the courts, using the law of the land, the perpetrators of this most sinister and gruesome crime.
Also, Mr Pilgrim, sir, I once again laughed most heartily at the following 'your humour is a gift' comment, squire, 'i get a lot of pop up adds regarding beautiful young russian lassies looking for a husband so think there's good chance you've caught the fancy of a few russian lassies. a single man with a pig farm is highly sought after in most russian circles.'
As I explained in an earlier bog, sir Billy, when I lived the life, had I not met the late Mrs Giles, and was 'sowing my wild oats', then I no doubt would have entertained such a notion. However, the late Mrs Giles was, and still is, with me, although not in body. I could never allow myself to betray such a wonderful woman; the mother of my children, and the woman I loved, and still love, with all my heart's desire. I will meet her again soon, and am looking forward to that, despite not wanting to die in the not too distant future. sir.
The King/Mr BBC fist commented, 'I stopped caring about counter stats some time ago, they may look at your blog but they are too busy fucking around with their own stupid shit to go fuck with you.
On the other hand, I think Leslie wants to suck your cock, sir, that is if you are up to it.'
I agree with Mr BBC with regard to the stats situation, sir. With regard to his latter comment, squire, I believe I have answered that in my response to your comment about Russian women, sir Billy. No disrespect to lady Leslie, of course, sir.
The King/Mr BBC, then went on to further comment, 'How about it, sir, are you up to getting your cock sucked? I'm guessing yes.' Again, I believe I have answered this question, sir. However, far from being homophobic, if The King/Mr BBC himself is offering to perform such an act himself, then I think I would much rather wrestle with the wild Pumas and evil Satanic perpetrators of the horrific crime that was mentioned earlier. I also did not wish nor mean to stir-up/pass-on such unbridled feelings to The King/Mr BBC, and therefore apologise for arousing him in such a way, sir Billy.
Comment Continued:
Mr Gorilla Bananas commented, 'David Oliver is also getting a lot of Russian traffic, so maybe they found
your blog via him. It might be one or two avid readers.' I had never heard of Mr Oliver, sir, that is until I typed his name into Google, sir. If Mr Bananas is referring to the American athlete, then he may have a valid point.
Anyway, no matter what the reason as to why I appear to be so popular with Russians citizens, because the cold war has long since past, my anus has no reason to quiver like a jelly when reflecting upon their current interest.
Have an enjoyable day, Sir Billy and friends, and please do not worry for my safety. I may be old and somewhat fragile, but I used to be strong and robust. Wisdom is now my main greatest protector, sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
I've sent the good Farmer Giles an invite to be able to visit my blog.
Can't you read, BBC? He's just not that into you.
Shut the fuck up, I wasn't talking to you.
farmer giles - i have few more tomatoes with horns hiding behind leaves. if i could only get a tomato with an image of jesus on it i'd be on easy street. i hear miracle tomatoes are worth a fortune these days.
you can't go wrong listening to the king. whilst others ask, what would jesus do. i ask myself, what would the king do?
Mr Pilgrim, sir, you are indeed a man of wisdom, squire. I agree wholeheartedly that The King/Mr BBC is a man who I myself would serve to look to, and look upon, especially when facing troublesome times and daunting dilemmas.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
That's good, because apparently he can't change his own flat tire.
I didn't ask for help but Tim being the fine man he is jumped right in to help, being an ignorant cunt you wouldn't understand that you wouldn't make a pimple on his ass.
i needed help to change a tire on my bike this weekend. it's a long sad story.
I would have helped you.
What about me, BBC? Say I'm standing by the side of the highway, looking pathetic and helpless in high heeled sandals and a nice summery frock. You don't know me, I haven't been invited to your private blog, but you size me up as spoiled because my toenails are painted and there's a Saks Fifth Avenue bag on the seat. My car done broke. The sun's going down and I could soon be eaten by wolverines.
Would you help me?
I'd assume that you had already called AAA and drive right on by.
Like I would know anything about a fucking Prius.
Don't take me wrong, I think a Prius is a fine automobile, it's just that I know too many smug cunts that own them.
I no longer have a Prius. Ok, so we've eliminated the tricky car and your ability to profile me based on other Prius owners. I'm just a crooked-banged ginger on the side of the road and you don't know if I have AAA.
WOULD
YOU
HELP
ME?
Give me one good fucking reason why I should, can't you fucking help yourself?
I'm retired master mechanic, not a current one, anyone with a vehicle newer than 98 or so can't expect much help from me other than if they have a flat tire or some other simple thing I can fix with grizzly tape or a little wire.
All I can do is offer them a ride to help. Or a tow to help, I do pack a tow strap at all times.
But yeah, I'd help her in anyway I could, then I'd do a post about what a fucking idiot she is.
For the record, the King is right. He didn't even blink an eye at the blow out. Tim jumped out of the car to help with a standard tire iron. Billy had a super-duper tire iron and did most of the heavy lifting. I snapped one picture, which I realize now looks like Billy was just an onlooker. He wasn't. I was VERY impressed!!!
Said someone that was actually there.
Doc Teri is one hell of a woman, I may have finely ran into a psychologist that I can respect.
Except I'm not a psychologist:)
He meant "paleontologist".
king - you'd have to be crazy to stop and help her, it has ambush written all over it.
If she has a phd in her field she’s a psychologist alright, even though she has a different title, and a hell of a lot better one than Leslie. Leslie is just a bitch, it doesn’t make any difference what pictures Doc Teri posts, if I’m in them Leslie will find a way to make me look bad.
I’m pretty sure that Leslie doesn’t have any friends here, or anywhere else that would help her.
Wow am I screwed! Should I join AAA or just kill myself?
I’ve watched her being a real bitch to a lot of people on blogs over the years and I’m pretty sure that every one of them will be happy when she dies or gets off the internet.
BBC...?
Mr Pilgrim, sir, I find myself yet again humbly asking you for the use of your bog to answer two comments on my own bog, sir. One, fine sir, is from your good self. I do hope that I am not being seen to be taking advantage of your good nature, sir, as that is something that I would never do, squire.
To Lady Leslie, who commented: 'BBC, please stop sending me ivitations to your private blog. I've said "no thank you" ten times already. PLEASE.'
The above comment was posted on my 'Blogger Stats' bog. Lady Leslie, Missy, I am at a loss as to why you posted this comment, young lady. Perhaps you made a mistake, and should have posted it on the The King/Mr BBC's bog.
To add comment to that which you so kindly and humorously placed on my bog, sir Billy 'your humour is a gift' Pilgrim, 'have there been any crop circles nearby? i've learned that very nasty things accompany crop circles and it might be wise to vacate the area if in fact things have deteriorated to lawlessness and civil discontent.
there is another possibility that seems to escape most people. have your local police been complaining about lack of overtime or any shortage of pay? they might be behind this in order to make a few extra pounds.'
Again, sir, I laughed good and heartily at your jestful assumptions, squire. No, sir, no crop circles have been reported to my knowledge. I, and numerous other local folk, usually associate such matters [crop circles] with other life forms, perhaps from outer space, such as ET's/aliens. I question there symmetry, which I believe has far extended the original human hoaxes of old.
You could indeed be correct, sir, with regard to the local police being short on over-time. However, resorting to such barbaric extremities, sir Billy, is, I know for sure, something that they most definitely would not do. Our police are fine folk, and have always had my utmost respect, sir.
I have been researching matters relating to animal mutilation and extra terrestrial life forms and found the following website:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/2009/11/26/ufo-chaser-aliens-involved-in-mysterious-calf-mutilations/?test=latestnews This dates back to 2009. Despite being open-minded, sir, I believe that no such thing happened recently on Dartmoor, squire.
As always, sir, I wish you and your friends and associates well.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
excellent point king.
farmer giles - what can i say, leslie is obsessed with the king. the aquarian is also obsessed with the king. i guess it's as close as either one of them will ever get to royalty.
billy pilgrim slightly misdirected,
".......oh yeah, some fat asshole threatened to beat the shit out me after i told him it wasn't nice to make his dog run in the heat while he rode a bike......."
The next time this scenario presents itself, try addressing the dog instead.
To wit:
"Dog? It's not nice to make your fat asshole Master ride a bike in this heat."
excellent idea aquarian.
Fucking Aquarian, always glad to help.
thanks aqaurian, i'm like the cisco kid in blazing saddles. i can use all the help i can get.
Your tomato plants are looking good, mine are winding down, too hot I guess.
Maybe some fall tomatoes this year.
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