this evening has some special meaning to all my friends on this sweet little planet. it is the night where they draw another line on the wall to mark the passage of their arbitrary concept of time. i usually take part in this event though it has no meaning for me and i sense a certain wrongness in this concept. i find it easier for me to adapt to their concept of time rather than converting them to the correct concept of time. this evening has always existed and it will always exist. it simply is. i and all those around me have no say in the matter, we cannot change it, it simply is.
my corporeal shell may have stopped working correctly and melted away in a moment that always is, yet it is splendidly preserved and able to perform wonderous things in another moment than thankfully never ends. the birth and death of the carcass assigned to me are events that always have and always will occur as is the journey it takes. i have but one regret, i can’t play ping pong for sour apples.
for those of you celebrating this evening, have a good one. it never ends.
i love you sons of bitches in all my moments. you will soon graduate from the linear existence wrongly assigned to you by a god who never has and never will care about you. care about each other, nobody else will.
now i'll bask in my favorite moment. please join me.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
the time has come....
2010 is almost over so it's time to reflect on the year past and look forward to the coming year.
all in all 2010 was decent year for me. i didn't spend a minute in jail and didn't commit any mortal sins. shit, it was a pretty lackluster year. i've thought long and hard about coming up with a few new year's resolutions but i don't have any vices that i want to give up. that doesn't me that i don't have any vices it just means i enjoy my vices and am going to keep them.
i've decided to spice things up by drinking more coffee. 2011 will be the year i try to find the second best cup of coffee in the world. the best cup of coffee contains grand marnier or scotch but that's off bounds for me. in the old days a good cup of coffee would always be accompanied with a cigarette but i've long since given that little pleasure too. fuck, i've given up all the good stuff.
that's it, i'm getting depressed thinking about all the good stuff that i can no longer enjoy. oh yeah, i'm going to seek the perfect cup of coffee. big whoop.
i love you sons of bitches so if you're having a drink or a smoke, have an extra one for me.
all in all 2010 was decent year for me. i didn't spend a minute in jail and didn't commit any mortal sins. shit, it was a pretty lackluster year. i've thought long and hard about coming up with a few new year's resolutions but i don't have any vices that i want to give up. that doesn't me that i don't have any vices it just means i enjoy my vices and am going to keep them.
i've decided to spice things up by drinking more coffee. 2011 will be the year i try to find the second best cup of coffee in the world. the best cup of coffee contains grand marnier or scotch but that's off bounds for me. in the old days a good cup of coffee would always be accompanied with a cigarette but i've long since given that little pleasure too. fuck, i've given up all the good stuff.
that's it, i'm getting depressed thinking about all the good stuff that i can no longer enjoy. oh yeah, i'm going to seek the perfect cup of coffee. big whoop.
i love you sons of bitches so if you're having a drink or a smoke, have an extra one for me.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
goodnight sweet prince
the red rocket has left the building.
after about 10 years of faithful service the red rocket has found a new home with a nice jewish family. one bike had to go and the red rocket drew the short stick. i advertised her on craigslist for $125 and got a few nibbles but no bites. i then reduced the price to $112.50. of course i was willing to take $100. a young man, about 30, came to see her and fell in love with her. he offered me $100 but since i could tell he was smitten i told him $110 was the lowest i'd go. i now have $110 in my pocket.
how do i know the red rocket is with a nice jewish family? because the young man told me several times that he was jewish. he was a very nice man but for the life of me i couldn't figure out why he kept telling me about his gimcrack religion.
the red rocket was a faithful friend. i must have collected well over $1000 in beer cans whilst riding her through the local parks. now the mantle has been passed to the iron maiden and the black adder. i haven't decided which one will be my main squeeze but i'm leaning towards the iron maiden. the black adder will probably be my sunday-go-to-meeting ride.
i love you sons of bitches.
after about 10 years of faithful service the red rocket has found a new home with a nice jewish family. one bike had to go and the red rocket drew the short stick. i advertised her on craigslist for $125 and got a few nibbles but no bites. i then reduced the price to $112.50. of course i was willing to take $100. a young man, about 30, came to see her and fell in love with her. he offered me $100 but since i could tell he was smitten i told him $110 was the lowest i'd go. i now have $110 in my pocket.
how do i know the red rocket is with a nice jewish family? because the young man told me several times that he was jewish. he was a very nice man but for the life of me i couldn't figure out why he kept telling me about his gimcrack religion.
the red rocket was a faithful friend. i must have collected well over $1000 in beer cans whilst riding her through the local parks. now the mantle has been passed to the iron maiden and the black adder. i haven't decided which one will be my main squeeze but i'm leaning towards the iron maiden. the black adder will probably be my sunday-go-to-meeting ride.
i love you sons of bitches.
Monday, December 20, 2010
coldest night of the year
tomorrow will be the longest night of the year but i like to think of it as the coldest night of the year.
this song has been number 1 with me for 5 years. since the first time sonny headed up north as an 18 year old. now he's an established engineer and i'm a depressed old man. so it goes.
the song speaks of loneliness and depression. i understand loneliness and depression is somewhat of an epidemic in our society. i'm lonely because sonny's gone and depressed because this friday is the last day to lock in your capital losses and gains for 2010 and i lack the motivation to give a shit about financial decisions these days. when it comes to stuff like this i tend to close my eyes and hope everything works out well. we are all the victims of a series of accidents and most of my financial successes have been nothing but a series fortunate accidents.
i love you sons of bitches and hope all your accidents are of the fortunate variety.
this song has been number 1 with me for 5 years. since the first time sonny headed up north as an 18 year old. now he's an established engineer and i'm a depressed old man. so it goes.
the song speaks of loneliness and depression. i understand loneliness and depression is somewhat of an epidemic in our society. i'm lonely because sonny's gone and depressed because this friday is the last day to lock in your capital losses and gains for 2010 and i lack the motivation to give a shit about financial decisions these days. when it comes to stuff like this i tend to close my eyes and hope everything works out well. we are all the victims of a series of accidents and most of my financial successes have been nothing but a series fortunate accidents.
i love you sons of bitches and hope all your accidents are of the fortunate variety.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
two turtledoves......
merry f'n xmas
(that's how i signed the xmas cards i sent out this year)
i heard this on the radio yesterday and fell in love with it.
it would be heaven on earth to wake up next to dame kiri te kanawa and have her whisper 2 turtledoves into my ear each morning.
i love you sons of bitches.
(that's how i signed the xmas cards i sent out this year)
i heard this on the radio yesterday and fell in love with it.
it would be heaven on earth to wake up next to dame kiri te kanawa and have her whisper 2 turtledoves into my ear each morning.
i love you sons of bitches.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
it's getting hot.
with all the posturing going on with budget deficits and unfunded entitlement liabilities no one seems to be focusing on the big picture. there was a CLIMATE CHANGE CONFERENCE in mexico that just wrapped up. this important conference was little more than a footnote in many newspapers compared to economic news and of course the perpetual state of war on our planet.
the conference restated the goal of limiting the rise in temperature to 2 degrees celsuis over the next 25 years. more likely is A 3.5 DEGREE INCREASE IN GLOBAL TEMPERATURES.
in my mind a 3.5 degree celsius increase in temperature over the next 25 years is beyond catastrophic. our ecosystem is in a balance that literally took billions of years to achieve and we're going to piss it down the drain in the name of greed and ignorance. we are so feckin greedy and short sighted that rather than slow down our destruction of the planet our politicians are promoting stimulus plans and urging consumers to spend their way out of a natural economic contraction.
growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell and our species has turned out to be a cancer on the planet.
you were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.
the conference restated the goal of limiting the rise in temperature to 2 degrees celsuis over the next 25 years. more likely is A 3.5 DEGREE INCREASE IN GLOBAL TEMPERATURES.
in my mind a 3.5 degree celsius increase in temperature over the next 25 years is beyond catastrophic. our ecosystem is in a balance that literally took billions of years to achieve and we're going to piss it down the drain in the name of greed and ignorance. we are so feckin greedy and short sighted that rather than slow down our destruction of the planet our politicians are promoting stimulus plans and urging consumers to spend their way out of a natural economic contraction.
growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell and our species has turned out to be a cancer on the planet.
you were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
feckin ju jubes
whilst eating old halloween ju jubes i noticed a very jagged edge to one of my molars. after a little investigation i discovered part of the tooth was missing. time to panic. i spit out the big black witches head and noticed a white chunk embedded in it. sure enough, it was a chunk of my tooth. just what i needed, a fucked up tooth.
this wasn't the first time i've been the victim of hard stale ju jubes. several years back i was eating stale santa ju jubes at the movie theatre and lost a chunk of a molar. my bargain ju jubes ended up causing me to get a gold crown. so when i lost the chunk of tooth to the witches head i had dreams of another crown. the dentist fit me yesterday afternoon. after ninety minutes of pain in the chair all was repaired. i didn't need a crown but it took a long time and the bill came to $571. So me buying cheap old halloween ju jubes cost the insurance company $571, so it goes.
i've now decided to give up ju jubes. if i can give up alcohol and quit watching pro rasslin then giving up ju jubes should be a piece of cake but i've got about 5 pounds of the offending halloween ju jubes left. it's fun wathing ruby chew ju jubes but the smart thing would be to toss them in the trash.
i love you sons of bitches.
this wasn't the first time i've been the victim of hard stale ju jubes. several years back i was eating stale santa ju jubes at the movie theatre and lost a chunk of a molar. my bargain ju jubes ended up causing me to get a gold crown. so when i lost the chunk of tooth to the witches head i had dreams of another crown. the dentist fit me yesterday afternoon. after ninety minutes of pain in the chair all was repaired. i didn't need a crown but it took a long time and the bill came to $571. So me buying cheap old halloween ju jubes cost the insurance company $571, so it goes.
i've now decided to give up ju jubes. if i can give up alcohol and quit watching pro rasslin then giving up ju jubes should be a piece of cake but i've got about 5 pounds of the offending halloween ju jubes left. it's fun wathing ruby chew ju jubes but the smart thing would be to toss them in the trash.
i love you sons of bitches.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
time to worry?
Can the United States go the way of Germany in the past—a great society undone by terrible social turmoil?
if you, like me, are too lazy to read a long article here are few of the highlights:
.....prediction that America would succumb to the fate of ancient Rome, or the hegemonies of 19th-century Britain and 16th-century Spain. Those empires allowed their upper classes to loot the treasury while they clung to power.
In 1970 the richest 1 percent made 9 percent of the nation’s income; now that top slice makes closer to 25 percent. CEOs who once made 50 times the average worker’s salary made more than 500 times as much in 2001.
broke or not, i love you sons of bitches.
if you, like me, are too lazy to read a long article here are few of the highlights:
.....prediction that America would succumb to the fate of ancient Rome, or the hegemonies of 19th-century Britain and 16th-century Spain. Those empires allowed their upper classes to loot the treasury while they clung to power.
In 1970 the richest 1 percent made 9 percent of the nation’s income; now that top slice makes closer to 25 percent. CEOs who once made 50 times the average worker’s salary made more than 500 times as much in 2001.
broke or not, i love you sons of bitches.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
five feckin years
It was five years ago today that I gave up alcohol. Oh how time flies, it seems like yesterday that I would wake up with pounding head and swear to never do it again. Of course I would do it again and again and again. I didn’t plan to quit drinking 5 years ago. it was my plan to quit for a few weeks so I’d be all rested up for the Christmas party season but one thing led to another and it’s now been 5 years.
So what did being sober for five years give me? Firstly, it gave me a lot more money in my pocket. Drinking too many single malt scotches ain’t cheap. Secondly, my health is probably better now than it was five years ago. Thirdly, ah shit there is no thirdly. Money and health are about it. One thing I miss is the comraderie I shared with my fellow drunks. Most of my drinking pals quit coming around after I gave up liquor. I miss those sons of bitches.
I’m not one of those reformed drinkers that swears he’ll never drink again and thinks sobriety is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I enjoyed drinking and I’m not ruling out returning to my old ways. If I only had one hour to live I’d like to spend it with a glass of single malt and something good to smoke.
So that’s it. 5 years of sobriety.
So what did being sober for five years give me? Firstly, it gave me a lot more money in my pocket. Drinking too many single malt scotches ain’t cheap. Secondly, my health is probably better now than it was five years ago. Thirdly, ah shit there is no thirdly. Money and health are about it. One thing I miss is the comraderie I shared with my fellow drunks. Most of my drinking pals quit coming around after I gave up liquor. I miss those sons of bitches.
I’m not one of those reformed drinkers that swears he’ll never drink again and thinks sobriety is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I enjoyed drinking and I’m not ruling out returning to my old ways. If I only had one hour to live I’d like to spend it with a glass of single malt and something good to smoke.
So that’s it. 5 years of sobriety.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
gimme air
does anyone remember the old shell with platformate ads from the 60's?
i'm not sure if these commercials were on the up and up. they probably weren't. but i can tell you that air pressure in your tires has a 100% effect on gas mileage.
the air pressure in my bicycle will very slowly go down as i happily pedal my way around the city. it goes down so slowly that you don't notice anything from day to day until one day a light goes on your head that things ain't right. time to squeeze the tires. sure enough they've lost a little air. after filling them up the difference is like night and day. i have a few little hills that i'll coast down and see how far the black addder will roll. the rolling distance with hard vs soft tires is substantially greater.
hard is good ;)
i love you properly inflated sons of bitches.
i'm not sure if these commercials were on the up and up. they probably weren't. but i can tell you that air pressure in your tires has a 100% effect on gas mileage.
the air pressure in my bicycle will very slowly go down as i happily pedal my way around the city. it goes down so slowly that you don't notice anything from day to day until one day a light goes on your head that things ain't right. time to squeeze the tires. sure enough they've lost a little air. after filling them up the difference is like night and day. i have a few little hills that i'll coast down and see how far the black addder will roll. the rolling distance with hard vs soft tires is substantially greater.
hard is good ;)
i love you properly inflated sons of bitches.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
buy nothing day
did you think i forgot?
november 26 is BUY NOTHING DAY!!!!!!
for all my international readers, november 27 is buy nothing day.
look around your house. how much useless crap have you bought on an impulse or been brainwashed by some fancy advertising campaign to buy. i've got tons of clothes i rarely wear but in my own defense most of them were purchased second hand at value village. after years of being a value village shopper i've finally learned to stop buying stuff just because it looks cool.
on another note, the canadian jewish congress has FORCED CANADA'S LARGEST DRUG STORE CHAIN TO PULL ADBUSTERS OFF THE SHELF!
what did adbusters do you ask?
they had the temerity to note some striking similarities between the Warsaw ghetto in Nazi-occupied Poland during World War II and the open air prison of Gaza in Israeli-occupied Palestine today.
adbusters might be my favorite magazine but in my new found maturity i'll forgo any anti semitic comments.
i love all you non shopping sons of bitches on the 26th and 27th.
november 26 is BUY NOTHING DAY!!!!!!
for all my international readers, november 27 is buy nothing day.
look around your house. how much useless crap have you bought on an impulse or been brainwashed by some fancy advertising campaign to buy. i've got tons of clothes i rarely wear but in my own defense most of them were purchased second hand at value village. after years of being a value village shopper i've finally learned to stop buying stuff just because it looks cool.
on another note, the canadian jewish congress has FORCED CANADA'S LARGEST DRUG STORE CHAIN TO PULL ADBUSTERS OFF THE SHELF!
what did adbusters do you ask?
they had the temerity to note some striking similarities between the Warsaw ghetto in Nazi-occupied Poland during World War II and the open air prison of Gaza in Israeli-occupied Palestine today.
adbusters might be my favorite magazine but in my new found maturity i'll forgo any anti semitic comments.
i love all you non shopping sons of bitches on the 26th and 27th.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
arse don't fail me now....
i was a very brave little soldier today. it was time to take one up the arse, the old prostate check.
about a year ago my long time family doctor flew the coop and i had to find a new doctor. the old doctor was a woman and the new doctor is a man. for some funny reason i feel more comfortable having a woman poke me in the arse than a man. so it goes.
i'm happy to say the old prostate is in good shape and i now feel as though i know the new doctor a little better. all the blood work came back fine too. i laid off the candy and ice cream for a day before getting my blood taken and since there was cholesterol test involved i had to fast for 12 hours. i had a big bag of ju jubes waiting for me in the car. i skipped breakfast before today's ordeal and had a pair of giant chocolate chip cookies from my favorite bakery waiting for me in the car.
arse be fine, blood be fine, urine be fine........
so i got all that going for me too, which is nice.
i love you sons of bitches.
about a year ago my long time family doctor flew the coop and i had to find a new doctor. the old doctor was a woman and the new doctor is a man. for some funny reason i feel more comfortable having a woman poke me in the arse than a man. so it goes.
i'm happy to say the old prostate is in good shape and i now feel as though i know the new doctor a little better. all the blood work came back fine too. i laid off the candy and ice cream for a day before getting my blood taken and since there was cholesterol test involved i had to fast for 12 hours. i had a big bag of ju jubes waiting for me in the car. i skipped breakfast before today's ordeal and had a pair of giant chocolate chip cookies from my favorite bakery waiting for me in the car.
arse be fine, blood be fine, urine be fine........
so i got all that going for me too, which is nice.
i love you sons of bitches.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
lest we forget
today is remembrance day in canada. it commemorates the end of the first world war. my dad was in the second world war but he uses the occasion to put on his medals and my mother uses the occasion to call him an asshole and tell him to take the medals off.
it seems i made the same marriage mistake as dear old dad.
thinking of the war makes me think of this.
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me -
and by then there was no one left to speak out for me.
more importantly it give me an excuse to post this...
i love you sons of bitches
it seems i made the same marriage mistake as dear old dad.
thinking of the war makes me think of this.
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me -
and by then there was no one left to speak out for me.
more importantly it give me an excuse to post this...
i love you sons of bitches
Sunday, November 7, 2010
the flu shot
my corporeal shell has been on the fritz lately. first i got this motherfeckin rash on my back that's taking it's sweet time to go away. i'd been falling down a little more than usual in the past month so i was told to take more drugs. i like drugs so that wasn't a problem but a rash appeared and that was a problem. i was told it was fungul rash and told to put some $35 cream on it. the lovely mrs myshkin told me to piss off when i asked her to apply the cream so i've been paying the fast food princess to put it on. the rash didn't go away so i sought another opinion and was told it was eczema. of course i've been prescribed some steroidal cream so i'm back to paying the fast food princess to put it on. so it goes.
i got a flu shot on my last appointment. i asked my new doctor if flu shots were any good. he smiled and told me they might or might not work. i then asked him if he had a flu shot. he said no. i then asked him if they were free. he said yes and i said give me 2 of them. he only gave me one shot and explained that even though they might not be any good he gives them to patients who ask for them because they do no harm. he then sent me to the lab for a shit load of tests and told me to come back in 2 weeks. so it goes.
i'm falling apart faster than a dodge mini van.
i got a flu shot on my last appointment. i asked my new doctor if flu shots were any good. he smiled and told me they might or might not work. i then asked him if he had a flu shot. he said no. i then asked him if they were free. he said yes and i said give me 2 of them. he only gave me one shot and explained that even though they might not be any good he gives them to patients who ask for them because they do no harm. he then sent me to the lab for a shit load of tests and told me to come back in 2 weeks. so it goes.
i'm falling apart faster than a dodge mini van.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
feckin cops
COPS BEAT UP INNOCENT MAN
earlier this year 2 of vancouver's answered a complaint of a woman being beaten by her drunk husband. they knocked on the wrong door in the middle of night and not wanting to call it a complete waste of time they decided to beat the shit out of the guy that answered the door.
dIn the early hours of Jan. 21, Wu was allegedly dragged out of his house on Lanark Street and beaten by two police officers in plain clothes.
Wu suffered fractures to his face and injuries to his legs and back. His eyes were swollen shut.
after the incident was reported in the news the chief constable of vancouver called a news conference and apologized calling the incident unfortunate. so they called in a neighboring police department to investigate. the investigation concluded that the police acted in a reasonable manner.
to sum up:
- 2 cops knock on the door of the wrong house in the middle of the night.
- a skinny asian guy answers the door and tells them they have the wrong address.
- the cops don't like the attitude of the skinny asian guy they woke up in the middle of the night and beat the shit out of him.
- after a public outcry the chief cop apologizes and calls for an investigation.
- neighboring police force investigate and find no wrong doing.
have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?
earlier this year 2 of vancouver's answered a complaint of a woman being beaten by her drunk husband. they knocked on the wrong door in the middle of night and not wanting to call it a complete waste of time they decided to beat the shit out of the guy that answered the door.
dIn the early hours of Jan. 21, Wu was allegedly dragged out of his house on Lanark Street and beaten by two police officers in plain clothes.
Wu suffered fractures to his face and injuries to his legs and back. His eyes were swollen shut.
after the incident was reported in the news the chief constable of vancouver called a news conference and apologized calling the incident unfortunate. so they called in a neighboring police department to investigate. the investigation concluded that the police acted in a reasonable manner.
to sum up:
- 2 cops knock on the door of the wrong house in the middle of the night.
- a skinny asian guy answers the door and tells them they have the wrong address.
- the cops don't like the attitude of the skinny asian guy they woke up in the middle of the night and beat the shit out of him.
- after a public outcry the chief cop apologizes and calls for an investigation.
- neighboring police force investigate and find no wrong doing.
have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
feckin firecrackers
poor little, poor little, poor little roo...
it's that time of year that ruby hates and i have mixed emotions about. ruby is truly terrorized by firecrackers. when she hears a firecracker something short circuits in her brain and she turns into a panic stricken beast. she'll try and squeeze behind our fridge, behind the washing machine, behind the hot water tank, behind the furnace etc. of course she can do damage behind all this stuff so i have to catch her and lock her up in a safe place. she's not a happy beast when locked up.
i don't know who to curse more, chinese merchants or indians. firecrackers are supposedly illegal here but the utes have no trouble buying them from chinese stores or one of the nearby indian reservations.
i just have to tell ruby to think of basking in the summer sun.
on the bright side i'll be buying a shit load of half price candy come monday morning.
i love you spooky sons of bitches.
it's that time of year that ruby hates and i have mixed emotions about. ruby is truly terrorized by firecrackers. when she hears a firecracker something short circuits in her brain and she turns into a panic stricken beast. she'll try and squeeze behind our fridge, behind the washing machine, behind the hot water tank, behind the furnace etc. of course she can do damage behind all this stuff so i have to catch her and lock her up in a safe place. she's not a happy beast when locked up.
i don't know who to curse more, chinese merchants or indians. firecrackers are supposedly illegal here but the utes have no trouble buying them from chinese stores or one of the nearby indian reservations.
i just have to tell ruby to think of basking in the summer sun.
on the bright side i'll be buying a shit load of half price candy come monday morning.
i love you spooky sons of bitches.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
we got cousin eddie!
yesterday was a red letter day for canada.
randy quaid has sought REFUGEE STATUS IN CANADA!
i'm going to be mighty upset if his claim is rejected. i'm not an immigration attorney but i don't think his chances are very good for one main reason, he's white. but even if his claim is rejected he can do what all the african, latino, muslim, etc claimants do, get free legal aid and spend 10 years appealing every decision. then after all the appeals are exhausted he can seek refuge in a church basement.
i've always wanted to start up a new gimcrack religion, now i have a reason. give randy quaid santuary!
god bless randy!
randy quaid has sought REFUGEE STATUS IN CANADA!
i'm going to be mighty upset if his claim is rejected. i'm not an immigration attorney but i don't think his chances are very good for one main reason, he's white. but even if his claim is rejected he can do what all the african, latino, muslim, etc claimants do, get free legal aid and spend 10 years appealing every decision. then after all the appeals are exhausted he can seek refuge in a church basement.
i've always wanted to start up a new gimcrack religion, now i have a reason. give randy quaid santuary!
god bless randy!
Friday, October 22, 2010
ouch
yesterday was cleaning and scaling day at the dentist and it did not go well.
i called to confirm my appointment for 8:45 on monday and the receptionist asked if i could do 9:00. i said no, i have a 10:00 appointment elsewhere so i need to start the cleaning at 8:45 so i showed up at 8:40 ready for action. they didn't take me until 9:02. the f-bombs started flying around 8:55.
on the plus side the sensodyne toothpaste i've been using substantially reduced the temperature sensitivity. or it might have been my foul mood in the chair that caused the hygenist to take it easy on me. in any case it's over and i might have to find a new dentist but i have no regret in dropping the f-bombs. the deal was 8:45 and it was obvious to me that the kunt receptionist had no intention of having me in the chair at that time.
this makes me mad too.
i love you sons of bitches.
i called to confirm my appointment for 8:45 on monday and the receptionist asked if i could do 9:00. i said no, i have a 10:00 appointment elsewhere so i need to start the cleaning at 8:45 so i showed up at 8:40 ready for action. they didn't take me until 9:02. the f-bombs started flying around 8:55.
on the plus side the sensodyne toothpaste i've been using substantially reduced the temperature sensitivity. or it might have been my foul mood in the chair that caused the hygenist to take it easy on me. in any case it's over and i might have to find a new dentist but i have no regret in dropping the f-bombs. the deal was 8:45 and it was obvious to me that the kunt receptionist had no intention of having me in the chair at that time.
this makes me mad too.
i love you sons of bitches.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
a touch of sanity
drug addicts are getting STERILIZED FOR CASH.
it makes a lot of sense to sterilize drug addicts. drug addicts are not going to have healthy children. chances are the fruit of their loins will have many problems that are going to cost society a fortune. one kid with fetal alcohol syndrome can literally cost society millions of dollars. in canada it costs $103,000.00 per year to keep a person in prison. i've long advocated giving long term welfare recipients a cash incentive to stop reproducing.
face it, there is an infestation of malfunctioning humans on this planet.
an incentive to sterilize inbred global warming deniers would also be nice but it might be difficult explaining the rudimentary mathematics to them.
i love all you sons of bitches that agree with me.
it makes a lot of sense to sterilize drug addicts. drug addicts are not going to have healthy children. chances are the fruit of their loins will have many problems that are going to cost society a fortune. one kid with fetal alcohol syndrome can literally cost society millions of dollars. in canada it costs $103,000.00 per year to keep a person in prison. i've long advocated giving long term welfare recipients a cash incentive to stop reproducing.
face it, there is an infestation of malfunctioning humans on this planet.
an incentive to sterilize inbred global warming deniers would also be nice but it might be difficult explaining the rudimentary mathematics to them.
i love all you sons of bitches that agree with me.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
god bless bacon
every once and a while i read a story that makes me smile.
THIS HAS ME SMILING LONG TIME
i certainly don't consider this to be a hate crime although i must confess, i hate bacon. i'm the only person in our family who hates bacon so maybe i'm really a jew or muslim who was kidnapped at birth and raised by infidels. or maybe not.
back to business. i never read the christian science monitor until recently. the name put me off. i considered it to be some sort of gimcrack religious propaganda. then a few months ago a google search landed me on a christian science article and it's been one of my favorite sources of news ever since. go figure.
i love you sons of bitches.
THIS HAS ME SMILING LONG TIME
i certainly don't consider this to be a hate crime although i must confess, i hate bacon. i'm the only person in our family who hates bacon so maybe i'm really a jew or muslim who was kidnapped at birth and raised by infidels. or maybe not.
back to business. i never read the christian science monitor until recently. the name put me off. i considered it to be some sort of gimcrack religious propaganda. then a few months ago a google search landed me on a christian science article and it's been one of my favorite sources of news ever since. go figure.
i love you sons of bitches.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
canada strikes out
chicken little lives!
the sky is falling, the sky is falling.......
canada lost out in its bid to get a seat on the united nations security council. according to our media it is A DEEP EMBARRASSMENT FOR CANADA.
our newspapers have been full of stories laying blame for this major embarrassment. the party in power blames the opposition party for saying negative stuff about the bid and the opposition party blames the government for being feckin idiots and blowing the bid.
no one is stating the obvious:
THE UNITED NATIONS IS A CESSPOOL OF CORRUPTION WITH THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIONS PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN FEATHERING THEIR OWN NEST.
canada lost out to germany and portugal. portugal is a bankrupt nation that basically contributes nothing to the world at this point in time and i believe germany has started a few wars in her past. would you give your national security information to germany?
i think the correct headline should be:
THANK CHRIST, WE'RE NOT STUCK WITH BEING ON THE SECURITY COUNCIL!
earlier this year we hosted a G20 summit, it cost over a billion bucks for provide security for all the international professional parasites. of course our cops made a fortune in overtime. (have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?)
fuck the united nations, lets give our money to green peace, the sea shepherd society and the world wildlife fund.
i love you sons of bitches.
the sky is falling, the sky is falling.......
canada lost out in its bid to get a seat on the united nations security council. according to our media it is A DEEP EMBARRASSMENT FOR CANADA.
our newspapers have been full of stories laying blame for this major embarrassment. the party in power blames the opposition party for saying negative stuff about the bid and the opposition party blames the government for being feckin idiots and blowing the bid.
no one is stating the obvious:
THE UNITED NATIONS IS A CESSPOOL OF CORRUPTION WITH THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIONS PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN FEATHERING THEIR OWN NEST.
canada lost out to germany and portugal. portugal is a bankrupt nation that basically contributes nothing to the world at this point in time and i believe germany has started a few wars in her past. would you give your national security information to germany?
i think the correct headline should be:
THANK CHRIST, WE'RE NOT STUCK WITH BEING ON THE SECURITY COUNCIL!
earlier this year we hosted a G20 summit, it cost over a billion bucks for provide security for all the international professional parasites. of course our cops made a fortune in overtime. (have i ever mentioned that i don't like cops?)
fuck the united nations, lets give our money to green peace, the sea shepherd society and the world wildlife fund.
i love you sons of bitches.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
throw stephen hawking in jail
500 years ago stephen hawking would have been tossed in jail for saying SOME GOD MAY NOT HAVE CREATED THE UNIVERSE
i have a question.
how many mulligans does organized religion get?
these are the guys who made galileo's life a living hell for having the temerity to say that the earth revolves around the sun. it took about 350 years but THE VATICAN ADMITS GALILEO WAS RIGHT.
when i was a kid we were told that god, heaven and the whole shebang lived on the clouds floating overhead. guess what, he's not there.
why am i rehashing all this stuff? because i'm bitter. no, i'm not bitter over priestly pedophilia or any other misdeeds of the church. i'm bitter because the church has set science back a few thousand years. if not for the feckin church and all their lovely inquisitions my medical issues would be treatable and a friend i just lost to cancer would most likely be alive right now. oh yeah, i'd probably have a space ship and be having lunch at a nice little cafe at the edge of universe.
i'm also bitter over tax subsidized religious bigotry and the like.
for personal reasons there is one man of god i have the utmost respect for:
i love you infidel sons of bitches
i have a question.
how many mulligans does organized religion get?
these are the guys who made galileo's life a living hell for having the temerity to say that the earth revolves around the sun. it took about 350 years but THE VATICAN ADMITS GALILEO WAS RIGHT.
when i was a kid we were told that god, heaven and the whole shebang lived on the clouds floating overhead. guess what, he's not there.
why am i rehashing all this stuff? because i'm bitter. no, i'm not bitter over priestly pedophilia or any other misdeeds of the church. i'm bitter because the church has set science back a few thousand years. if not for the feckin church and all their lovely inquisitions my medical issues would be treatable and a friend i just lost to cancer would most likely be alive right now. oh yeah, i'd probably have a space ship and be having lunch at a nice little cafe at the edge of universe.
i'm also bitter over tax subsidized religious bigotry and the like.
for personal reasons there is one man of god i have the utmost respect for:
i love you infidel sons of bitches
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
stuff that doesn't work
my harman kardon avr 525 actually works very well, i just doesn't work all that well for me.
i had a harman kardon avr 5 and i really liked it so after a few years i upgraded to an avr 45. i liked the avr 45 so much i upgraded to an avr 525. these upgrades took place in the days when i was drinking a little too much. alcohol and music just seem to go together. the avr 525 works really well when it's set up correctly but it can be a real pain in the arse when the wrong button is pressed.
after i had it for a while it developed a nasty humming sound. after finally reading the manual i learned that static builds up around the high current amp and you have to unplug it for a while to let things settle down. fair enough, but somehow i often lost the settings i liked when pulling the plug and there must be hundreds if not thousands of different combinations of sound, equipment etc. this was fine when sonny was around to fix things. alas, he's gone.
a few days ago i noticed the static building up so i decided to pull the plug to let things settle down. it's not easy to pull the plug, there are tons of wires and there's not much room between the unit and the wall. also, i have this feckin dvd recorder plugged into the avr 525 that i never use, i just like the clock. every time i unplug the avr 525 the clock on the dvd recorder has to be reset and that isn't easy for me. so after getting rid of the annoying humming noise i sat down to watch a movie. the sound was terrible so i spent an eternity trying to get the right setting. i just couldn't get it to sound right. after a few days of aggravation i figured it out. i stepped on a feckin speaker wire while unplugging it and one speaker became disconnected. somehow having one speaker disconnected threw everything else out of kilter rather than just losing sound in the one speaker. the feckin thing is driving me nuts!!
the end of this clip is what i feel like doing.
of course the kirby would clean up the mess.
i had a harman kardon avr 5 and i really liked it so after a few years i upgraded to an avr 45. i liked the avr 45 so much i upgraded to an avr 525. these upgrades took place in the days when i was drinking a little too much. alcohol and music just seem to go together. the avr 525 works really well when it's set up correctly but it can be a real pain in the arse when the wrong button is pressed.
after i had it for a while it developed a nasty humming sound. after finally reading the manual i learned that static builds up around the high current amp and you have to unplug it for a while to let things settle down. fair enough, but somehow i often lost the settings i liked when pulling the plug and there must be hundreds if not thousands of different combinations of sound, equipment etc. this was fine when sonny was around to fix things. alas, he's gone.
a few days ago i noticed the static building up so i decided to pull the plug to let things settle down. it's not easy to pull the plug, there are tons of wires and there's not much room between the unit and the wall. also, i have this feckin dvd recorder plugged into the avr 525 that i never use, i just like the clock. every time i unplug the avr 525 the clock on the dvd recorder has to be reset and that isn't easy for me. so after getting rid of the annoying humming noise i sat down to watch a movie. the sound was terrible so i spent an eternity trying to get the right setting. i just couldn't get it to sound right. after a few days of aggravation i figured it out. i stepped on a feckin speaker wire while unplugging it and one speaker became disconnected. somehow having one speaker disconnected threw everything else out of kilter rather than just losing sound in the one speaker. the feckin thing is driving me nuts!!
the end of this clip is what i feel like doing.
of course the kirby would clean up the mess.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
stuff that works
firstly, it is with great pleasure that i can declare deadwood the winner of best television series poll. the results are accurate within 3% 19 times out of 20.
i've been battling with my harman kardon receiver the past few days. the feckin thing has a mind of its own and it's driving me to distraction. whilst taking a break from trying to figure out how to work that overpriced chinese torture machine my eyes fell upon an old friend that has never let me down. the good old kirby vacuum cleaner.
i got it 23 years ago and it was well used, at least 10 years old at the time. sonny had just been born and all our carpets were covered in a nice layer of dog hair. you can help an old lady across the street 1000 times but let your baby crawl around on a dirty floor and that's what you'll be remember for. i became aware of kirby vacuum cleaners after a nice young lady called and told me if i consented to a home demonstration i'd get a free set of steak knives. the demonstration went well and i was sold on the kirby but not at the new price of about $1500. so here i sit with an ancient american made vacuum cleaner that will probably be going strong long after i'm dead and a chinese receiver that might not make it through the week.
the kirby cost me $100. it was second best $100 i ever spent ;)
for those of you that didn't vote for deadwood, you might want to re-consider your vote after watching this:
i love you sons of bitches.
i've been battling with my harman kardon receiver the past few days. the feckin thing has a mind of its own and it's driving me to distraction. whilst taking a break from trying to figure out how to work that overpriced chinese torture machine my eyes fell upon an old friend that has never let me down. the good old kirby vacuum cleaner.
i got it 23 years ago and it was well used, at least 10 years old at the time. sonny had just been born and all our carpets were covered in a nice layer of dog hair. you can help an old lady across the street 1000 times but let your baby crawl around on a dirty floor and that's what you'll be remember for. i became aware of kirby vacuum cleaners after a nice young lady called and told me if i consented to a home demonstration i'd get a free set of steak knives. the demonstration went well and i was sold on the kirby but not at the new price of about $1500. so here i sit with an ancient american made vacuum cleaner that will probably be going strong long after i'm dead and a chinese receiver that might not make it through the week.
the kirby cost me $100. it was second best $100 i ever spent ;)
for those of you that didn't vote for deadwood, you might want to re-consider your vote after watching this:
i love you sons of bitches.
Friday, September 24, 2010
research
whilst others spent the summer repairing houses and vacationing with the family i spent countless hours conducting exhaustive research into one of mankind's oldest and most intriguing questions; what is the best television series. since i have a few holes in my memory i had to concentrate on the last 10 years.
first i came up with a short list; the sopranos, the sons of anarchy and deadwood. not wanting to make a half arsed job of it i decided to watch them all one more time. all three had excellent violence and profanity and all three had some nauseating love/family subplots. it's a tough decision and i could use a little help.
thanks for the help, i love you sons of bitches.
first i came up with a short list; the sopranos, the sons of anarchy and deadwood. not wanting to make a half arsed job of it i decided to watch them all one more time. all three had excellent violence and profanity and all three had some nauseating love/family subplots. it's a tough decision and i could use a little help.
thanks for the help, i love you sons of bitches.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
so the recession is over
it's official, THE RECESSION IS OVER.
would anyone beg to differ?
this is right up there with another favorite expression of the economists, JOBLESS RECOVERY.
how in the wide world of sports can you have a recovery if there aren't any jobs for the unemployed people who want to work?
as bob dylan said a long time ago, You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. the recession weatherman most certainly hasn't opened his window see what is really going on out there.
now where is this all leading you say? whilst listening to dylan's theme time radio i fell in love with this song that seems to speak of hard times:
if you have an extra 3 minutes, it's a cool song.
i love you sons of bitches with or without a recession.
would anyone beg to differ?
this is right up there with another favorite expression of the economists, JOBLESS RECOVERY.
how in the wide world of sports can you have a recovery if there aren't any jobs for the unemployed people who want to work?
as bob dylan said a long time ago, You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. the recession weatherman most certainly hasn't opened his window see what is really going on out there.
now where is this all leading you say? whilst listening to dylan's theme time radio i fell in love with this song that seems to speak of hard times:
if you have an extra 3 minutes, it's a cool song.
i love you sons of bitches with or without a recession.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
the last census
whilst the marketing people, data re-packagers and special interest groups are bitching and moaning about the national census i quietly conducted my last turtle census of the season this afternoon. i counted 9 of the little baskers enjoying the late summer sun. the highest count i got this summer was 17. i have to go see my radio repairman (doctor) tomorrow so i was feeling a little down. nothing picks up my spirits like gazing upon a group of turtles piling on top of each other on an old log. the world needs more turtles.
the turtles lifted my spirits so much that i decided to ride the old bike into a gaggle of canada geese at full speed. i was expecting a bit of a fight from them but they folded like a house of cards. i was feeling pretty tough until i noticed a bunch of goose shit on my tires. so it goes.
i picked up robert plants new album this morning and am happy to say i love it. it truly is a band of joy. plant and dylan seem to be aging like fine wine while jagger and tyler are living on botox and surgery trying to cheat father time.
this doesn't do the album justice but you'll get the idea.
i love you sons of bitches.
the turtles lifted my spirits so much that i decided to ride the old bike into a gaggle of canada geese at full speed. i was expecting a bit of a fight from them but they folded like a house of cards. i was feeling pretty tough until i noticed a bunch of goose shit on my tires. so it goes.
i picked up robert plants new album this morning and am happy to say i love it. it truly is a band of joy. plant and dylan seem to be aging like fine wine while jagger and tyler are living on botox and surgery trying to cheat father time.
this doesn't do the album justice but you'll get the idea.
i love you sons of bitches.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
the prince is busted
canada's prince of pot gets 5 YEARS IN THE SLAMMER.
marc emery got 5 years in the slammer for selling marijuana seeds over the internet. the whole situation seems like a marx brothers movie. marc has been promoting marijuana in vancouver for as long as i can remember. i always considered marc to be an opportunistic media whore but i don't think he deserved 5 years in jail.
has the crown prince obama put an end to marijuana seeds being sold over the internet? I DON'T THINK SO.
i, along with all rational people, have always considered the american war on drugs to be a piece of shit so the persecution of marc and the 5 year sentence are not a surprise. what is a surprise is our fecking arsehole piece of shit prime minister allowing marc to be extradited by a lunatic regime that is currently trying to destroy the planet.
i'm pretty sure any progressive european government would tell obama to go fuck himself if he tried to extradite one of their citizens for selling marijuana seeds.
marc emery got 5 years in the slammer for selling marijuana seeds over the internet. the whole situation seems like a marx brothers movie. marc has been promoting marijuana in vancouver for as long as i can remember. i always considered marc to be an opportunistic media whore but i don't think he deserved 5 years in jail.
has the crown prince obama put an end to marijuana seeds being sold over the internet? I DON'T THINK SO.
i, along with all rational people, have always considered the american war on drugs to be a piece of shit so the persecution of marc and the 5 year sentence are not a surprise. what is a surprise is our fecking arsehole piece of shit prime minister allowing marc to be extradited by a lunatic regime that is currently trying to destroy the planet.
i'm pretty sure any progressive european government would tell obama to go fuck himself if he tried to extradite one of their citizens for selling marijuana seeds.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
blow me
i procrastinated all summer about fixing a chimney. the mortar has been crumbling away and i noticed some big chunks on the roof. it's nice day, sunny with the odd cloud keeping the temperature down. i figured the cement might crack if i did it in the blazing sun of the last few months. i went onto the roof with a few screwdrivers and a brush. after chipping lots of loose cracked mortar from around the chimney i got the trusty leaf blower to blow all the loose crap off the roof. after cleaning off the roof i decided to give the chimney a blow to get rid of any dust and dirt. holy shit, chunks of mortar came off. i was so pleased with the blower i went around the roof cleaning out the eaves. of course i blew tons of shit onto my neighbors sundeck. so it goes.
2 buckets of cement later and the job was done. for years i considered leaf blowers to be useless pieces of junk but now i love that son of bitch blowing machine.
blow me!
2 buckets of cement later and the job was done. for years i considered leaf blowers to be useless pieces of junk but now i love that son of bitch blowing machine.
blow me!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
art
gene gene built a machine
joe joe made it go
art art blew a fart
and blew the fecking thing apart.
speaking of art, the fast food princess painted a little picture for my birthday. somewhere along the line she noticed that i like turtles.
when i was a teenager my goal was to retire at 35. that didn't happen. then i dreamed of retiring at 50. that didn't happen. then i dreamed of retiring at 55. i've now reached 55 and the time has come to shit or get off the pot.
i might shit this spring.
in honor of the fast food princess and her art.
joe joe made it go
art art blew a fart
and blew the fecking thing apart.
speaking of art, the fast food princess painted a little picture for my birthday. somewhere along the line she noticed that i like turtles.
when i was a teenager my goal was to retire at 35. that didn't happen. then i dreamed of retiring at 50. that didn't happen. then i dreamed of retiring at 55. i've now reached 55 and the time has come to shit or get off the pot.
i might shit this spring.
in honor of the fast food princess and her art.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
the can racket
it's been a good few days for cans recently. i've collected $11.75 and now have $231.30 in my raspberry jam jar. earlier this year i spent $335.99 on a netbook and used cash in the raspberry jam jar for the purchase. all in all it's been a pretty good year can wise.
you may notice that i've deleted almost all my old posts. i've been getting lots of anonymous comments on old posts recently and whomever is responsible seems to know a fair bit about me.
friend or foe? i don't know.
of course the old posts seemed brilliant to me when i wrote them but in the light of day many of them seemed idiotic so into the trash bin they went just in case.
the new classy me:
i love you sons of bitches
you may notice that i've deleted almost all my old posts. i've been getting lots of anonymous comments on old posts recently and whomever is responsible seems to know a fair bit about me.
friend or foe? i don't know.
of course the old posts seemed brilliant to me when i wrote them but in the light of day many of them seemed idiotic so into the trash bin they went just in case.
the new classy me:
i love you sons of bitches
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