let's make a deal

the national hockey league has locked out its players with the result being no hockey being played at this time. at the same time the republicans and democrats cannot come to terms on some phoney baloney budget deal that will allow them to continue spending much more money than they have coming into the country's coffers.

the question is, which dispute will be settled first? it's easy to say that settling a sports dispute is the easier task. after all, the amount of money involved is miniscule compared to the trillions being bandied about in the fiscal cliff debacle. but there is one big difference between the two disputes. the national hockey league dispute involves real money where as the fiscal cliff does not involve any real money belonging to the 2 parties acting like children.

i'm going to go out on a limb and predict that the hockey dispute will be settled first. by being settled i mean a hard deal that will stand for several years. i don't think it takes a genius to predict that the so called fiscal cliff will not be solved in any meaningful way, probably some band aid solution will be achieved that will allow both sides to continue posturing and proselytizing ad infinitum.

here's the problem facing the united states as i see it:

one party doesn't understand science and one party doesn't understand mathematics.

leave it up to lewis black to shed a little light on the budget dispute.

i love you sons of bitches and happy fucking new year.

xmas carol...

And the winner of ruby’s xmas carol extravaganza is:

Fairytale of new York featuring the one and only shane mcgowan.

Fairytale of new York was selected based on its unpretentious depiction of xmas showing both the noble aspirations of mankind and also showing the imperfections and frailties of the human condition. Of course i realize that 99.99% of people on this planet would not select shane’s honest and soulful vision of all things festive but as ruby’s ambassador to the human race it is my pleasure to thank shane for all the pleasure he has brought into my life.

Merry feckin xmas and please remember that a very flawed and fragile person loves you sons of bitches.

pre xmas extravaganza

the previous post highlighted two versions of a classic xmas carol. the results were an overwhelming defeat for the ravishing dame kiri te kawana. i'm not sure if her loss was due to her interpretation of the twelve days of xmas or her inability to drop a few pounds to meet the standards of physical beauty we currently expect. i have sent her an email detailing the devastating loss she suffered from my international audience. both ruby and rowdy roddy have expressed their gratitude for the support they received from the academy of voters.

i have narrowed down the list of 20th century xmas songs to two finalists. today i will present the runner-up and on xmas eve i will present the winner of my 20th century xmas song extravaganza. those faithful readers of my previous blogs will have a very good chance of predicting the winner. unfortunately, i may not have many long time readers. is it due to the infrequency of my posts, the lack of quality in the posts or could it be the current toxic atmosphere that prevents me from baring my soul and disclosing the highly interesting and intimate details of both mine and ruby's daily adventures?

without further adieu, here is the runner-up for top xmas song of the 20th century:

i apologize to anyone having to endure a commercial before the video started. there doesn't seem to be distinct pattern as to whether or not a you tube video witl play a commercial before getting to meat of the matter.

i love you sons of bitches for at least 9 more days

a tale of two carols

merry feckin xmas!

i happen to like christmas carols. it wouldn't bug me if they played them all year on radio stations or in elevators. it would supply a nice topic for conversation with strangers whilst ascending to stars. it would be a nice way to break the ice with any nice young things you might encounter.

so here are my two favorite christmas carols:

rowdy roddy!

and the lovely dame kiri te kanawa, she could whisper two turtledoves in my ear until the end of time and i wouldn't tire of it.

they're both so good i can't decide which is the better version so maybe you can help me decide

i love you sons of bitches!

tires

a few weeks ago i noticed the mighty sonata had a very low right rear tire, 8 psi. i drove to the gas station and brought the pressure up to 32 psi. for the next few days i was checking the pressure several times a day. it was losing about 2 psi per day. yesterday i finally took it to the tire store to get it repaired. they said to come back in 2 to 2.5 hours so began a long walk to the public library.

after a few hours of walking on my suspect knee i returned to the tire place and was given the bad news that the tire could not be repaired, a nail at the edge where the tread meets the sidewall. they had a sheet made up with several recommendations. first they recommended 4 new tires and of course i said no. then they recommended 2 new tires. my tread was at about 35-40% remaining. again i said no and asked if they had a cheap used tire to replace the damaged one. after checking they said no. i was just about to leave when i was called back and told they found 1 new discontinued tire that would fit the now not so mighty sonata. i snapped it up for $70. $109 after taxes, installation, balancing and enviromental levy.

the guy thought i was nuts but here's the plan. this summer when the weather is nice and my 1 new tire is worn a little i'm going to head to giant tire depot that sells used tires with up to 80% tread remaining. i'll buy 3 of those buggers and have a set tires with approximately the same tread. plus my old tires will be ready to replace. why the hell should i toss out tires with 35% tread remaining? i thought of going to the used tire place yesterday but the weather was the shits and it might take a while to find good tires. in the summer i can pack a picnic basket and a bring along a lawn chair in case i need to take a rest. it should be a nice little adventure.

buy used stuff to reduce your carbon footprint. (and save a few bucks)

at the library i picked up 10 cd's and a few were excellent, especially this one:

just a pilgrim!

i love you sons of bitches

pulp fiction

here's my review of pulp fiction.

if a movie catches my fancy i usually watch it twice within a week or two. the first time through i just sit back and take it as it comes and occasionally find myself daydreaming or thinking about tomorrow so i miss a lot of the fine details. the second time through i know what to look for in order to fill in the gaps. plus i can check wikipedia to identify all the actors. maybe a 20 year old can grasp everything the first time but it's long since passed me by.

pulp fiction was certainly worth a second viewing and my initial feelings about the movie were certainly confirmed if not magnified. there is way too much bruce willis! he is definitely the weak link in the movie. almost all the other actors had a certain aura about them where i was hanging on every word waiting for the next line. but with willis it was more like, i wish he would shut the fuck up.

the question i ask myself is, did tarantino use willis to make jackson and travolta look even better? if he did, it certainly worked. jules' soliloquy to ringo at the end was highlight of movie in my books. expertly written and expertly delivered. maybe vincent could have been a bit more ruthless with lance.

a few months ago i watched pat garret and billy the kid and found myself comparing it to pulp fiction several times. all in all i would have to rate pat garret and billy the kid as the better movie. the main reason for this is, bruce fucking willis wasn't in it. i think slim pickens dying with knocking on heaven's door as a back drop outshines anything in pulp fiction. i admit to being biased when dylan is involved.

my review of pulp fiction ends with a clip from pat garret and billy the kid. how the fuck did that happen. lack of concentration i suppose.

i love you sons of bitches.

ouch

i'm happy to report a second straight visit to the dentist with no cavities but the scaling and cleaning hurt like crazy. there was a new hygienist and she was no ball of fire, neglected to floss my old teeth after the scaling but since i floss a few times a day i let it slide. i've been using a sonicare toothbrush for the past few months so maybe that had something to do with my lack of cavities.

after the dentist it was off to the doctor to have my knee examined. after a short discussion it was decided that i needed another series of injections to deal with the nasty fibrosis, scar tissue for us laymen. when i received the first series of injections i was told that i might need a second series of injections. after the second series of injections this past week i was told a third series of injections might be necessary. does anyone recognize a pattern here?

the knee is feeling much improved so i won't complain. it's hard to figure out if the improvement is due to the injections or the added exercise i've been giving it to increase the flow of synovial fluid. a month ago i had interest in synovial fluid, now i want more! in any case, i'm both pleased withe new doctor and a little peeved at the previous doctor for not giving me a proper examination.

last but not least, i just celebrated 7 years of alcohol free living. fuck me, time sure flies when you're not having any fun. it wasn't my intention to give up alcohol at the time, i merely wanted to rest up for the christmas drinking season but one thing led to another and here i am, sober as a judge. there are some excellent drinking stories i could detail but i'm a little reticent to bare my soul in the current toxic environment around here.

lastly i'd like to thank thimscool for reminding me that pulp fiction is an excellent movie worth revisiting. in case anyone is wondering, it was a legit copy that i watched last night. i enjoyed it so much i'll probably watch it again in the next few weeks.

some people are capable of apologizing, and others can't apologiSe (are you happy aquarian) for sour apples. maybe they need a little practice.

i love you sons of bitches.

i'm fucked

it would appear that the corporate elite are determined to MAKE PIRATES AND ENDANGERED SPECIES. freedom will soon be a distant memory.

sure they're putting an anti piracy spin on all this but it's just another step towards the eradication of our personal freedom. i'm pretty sure that in 50 years people will look back at the wild and woolly days of the internet when the proletariat were allowed to share their files without paying tribute the corporate elite.

there are programs out there that claim to HIDE YOUR IP ADDRESS. i'm lost at sea when it comes to figuring this stuff out. perhaps a good samaritan such as thimscool will be kind enough to provide a little advice on this subject. i'd be eternally grateful for his advice on this.

jesus christ, without a little file sharing i might end up watching shit like this:

i apologize if you clicked on the video and had to watch an ad.

why did i apologize?

because i love you sons of bitches.

buy nothing day!

i'm ashamed to admit that BUY NOTHING DAY slipped my mind until 6:43 pm yesterday. in the past BUY NOTHING DAY was in the forefront of my mind. perhaps i've been the victim of some brilliant corporate misdirection or subliminal advertising. of course it might be due to deterioration of my brain or maybe i just like buying stuff. in any case, this friday is BUY NOTHING DAY.

last month we in the great white north celebrated thanksgiving and i thought it was a pretty hypocritical event. most people i know complain about not getting enough stuff rather than giving thanks for what they do have. after watching the u.s. election campaign i have to conclude that my southern neighbors are similar, spending much more time complaining rather than being thankful for what they do have. but tomorrow most people will pretend to be thankful. shit, a certain old curmudgeon we all know and love will be thankful in a church for an hour or two. so it goes.

today i'm thankful for 2 things. 1. that sleazy hypocritical prick jesse jackson jr RESIGNED FROM CONGRESS. how often do big shot crooks suddenly have mental problems when they're faced with criminal charges? pretty fucking often. 2. christmas came early:

(it's an ad from a previous year so disregard the nov 26 reference.)

i love you sons of bitches

half time score 42-3

yes, the half time score is 42-3.

that's 42 dead palestinians and 3 dead jews. in the past i always bought into the poor little israel propaganda, mainly because i like so many jewish comedians. but i'm beginning to think that israel might not be a pure as the driven snow and frequently seeing that pig netanyahoo on tv has caused me to see things from a palestinian point of view. who knows, maybe israel STARTED THE WHOLE FUCKING THING

on a more pleasant note i found some coffee beans that are very pleasing to my palate. very nice indeed.

i love you sons of bitches

the fiscal cliff

it's official, obama has a plan to avoid the fiscal cliff:

now this is why i love you sons of bitches, you forgive me my sins. had i done this on facebook the politically correct lefties would never forgive me.

what the fuck, i'll do it again!

it's official, obama has a plan to avoid the fiscal cliff:

i love you sons of bitches and i hope you still love me.

deadwood be dead

it would seem that my official licensed deadwood discs are phoney crap. i've tried 4 discs and 2 were defective. both made the player seize up and i had to unplug the player to unseize it. i haven't been singing the praises of nine irons these past few weeks. in fact if they could read my lips whilst i peddle through the city there's a good chance some big young nine iron would beat the living daylights out of me. so it goes.

i still haven't received my digital jewelry scale yet. i ordered it september 27 so it's not like i'm complaining without giving it a reasonable amount of time. i'm told you have to complain to the resolution center within 45 days to officially log a complaint. i've tried twice and both times i couldn't get through. it churned away for hours before i said fuck it and moved on. i really want those scales, not for jewelry but to check the weight on some fish.

a few years ago i would have been posting like crazy about the recent presidential election. i have 2 thoughts on the election. number one, if i was romney or a republican mover and shaker i'd pay someone to kick the living shit out of that fat fuck chris christie. why in the fuck didn't he do a photo opportunity with romney instead of kissing obama's ass? 2016 maybe? and from observing the obama supporters you'd think the world's problems disappeared when their boy won. the problems didn't go away, they might have got worse. but it is nice that there is a president who believes in global warming and doesn't fawn over netanyahoo.

conrad black sums up the election very well, Conrad Black: The Obama Disaster: Part II. i always enjoy reading conrad's columns.

so that's it. my deadwood discs are shit, the jewelry scales and missing in action and chris christie disgusts me.

nora can always put a smile on my face.

i love you sons of bitches.

knees

i've had a sore right knee of years. at times it gets so painful that i can barely walk. i can't stand for long periods of time and if i walk very fast or heaven forbid run, i'm in a great deal of pain. i've had it looked at few times and was basically blown off by the doctors. they seem to be more sympathetic to the 300 pounders that need a knee replacement. well, i have a new doctor and he gave me a thorough examination and told me i have scar tissue/fibrosis but i should get an x-ray to see how the bones are doing. i had the x-ray and went saw the doctor yesterday for the results. the bones are fine.

since the bones are fine he gave me 3 injections that work some sort of magic on the scar tissue. then he gave me a long explanation on synovial fluid and how important it is. if you have a sore joint and don't exercise enough then it doesn't get enough synovial fluid and things get worse. i always wondered why my sore knee felt better while is was into karate, this explains it. all the karate exercise helped me get lots of synovial fluid to the knee.

do you have any electronic gadgets that require a round flat battery? i have a few and always paid about $5.00 for an eveready battery but the sons of bitches never lasted very long. my remote to my garage door opener croaked so i needed a new battery. i got lucky and found a package of 3 at the dollar store and so far they work. god bless the dollar store.

a knee that almost works and 3 cheap batteries, if that isn't nice, what is?

i love you sons of bitches

the great social experiment

i understand there is an important election currently taking place in the united states. there is a ton of rhetoric coming from both major parties about which party has a better plan for the country and the both sides are playing fast and loose with the truth so i'm going to tell you what is really going on.

at this moment there are about 7 BILLION PEOPLE currently sucking the life out of the planet. the question facing our political leaders is how to feed, clothe, nourish and entertain the masses. there is a huge surplus of people on the planet at the present time so it's not as if every human is special and will have unlimited resources spent on maintaining their existence. in fact, most are nothing more than cannon fodder capable of repeating the opinions of their political heroes or worse, some dickhead celebrity.

the ruling elite, those who control the purse strings, have been conducting a very interesting and controversial experiment. what is the optimal amount of money to spend on maintaining the cannon fodder and at what point do they say to hell with it and let the masses fend for themselves. the elite have been kicking that can down the road for the past 20 years or so. all the while, the masses have been breeding like rats and demanding that they be fed, clothed, housed and entertained. the managers, scientists and engineers controlling the experiment have concocted all sorts of electronic surveillance techniques to monitor their subjects. governments all over the planet tinker with social programs to find the most economic and productive ways to use their limited resources. the experiment is ongoing. countless different approaches to the problem are taking place all over the globe. the experiments are not self contained. a failed experiment in one location can wreak havoc on other seemingly independent experiments. the wall street collapse pretty much destroyed several other experiments and eurozone is currently jeopardizing half the planet.

the best part, most of the fucking idiots think there is some omnipotent deity looking after them if they keep in line and pay tribute on sundays.

we are bugs in a jar and pretty soon the elite will tire of caring for their bugs and shake the shit out of the jar. my only hope is that there is another ruling elite somewhere else in the universe, monitoring our masters and that they might shake the shit out of the jar containing our ruling elite.

i love you sons of bitches, cannon fodder or not.

feckin nine irons!

last week i began watching deadwood for the 6th time. this time around i was happy to be using the new official deadwood discs i purchased from ebay last year. when i ordered the discs the location was stated as being the united states but when they arrived, they were from china.

i watched the first 2 episodes on disc one and all was well with the world. when the episode 2 was over i grabbed disc number 2 and put it into the dvd player but nothing happened so i decided to eject the disc and take a look at it. the disc would not eject so i decided to turn the player off and on to see what would happen. the feckin player would not turn off! i tried using the remote and pushing the button on the player but it would not turn off or open the tray. the machine had seized up!

this really bugged me because i was well medicated from some excellent fish and wasn't up to the challenge of figuring out what was going on. i decided to pull the plug and really teach the fecker who was the boss but there were a million wires behind the entertainment center. if i pulled the wrong wire i might lose a bunch of settings or have to reset a clock so woe was fecking me!

after a few minutes i figured it out and pulled the plug. the machine went dead so i was happy. i turned it back on and was able to eject the disc. i decided to give it another try and lucky me, it worked.

the lovely mrs myshkin was not impressed when she heard me yelling, "those motherfucking nine irons! those motherfucking nine irons"

does anyone know what i meant by saying "those motherfucking nine irons?"

i love you sons of bitches

they're here!

i enjoyed reading these books so much the first time and the second time that i decided to purchase hardback copies. when sonny made his first trip north i bought paperback copies for him but this is such an excellent scifi, fantasy, alternate history that i decided to go first class.

the first book in the series,in the balance, cost about $20 from abebooks but the price declined with subsequent editions. the last book, striking the balance, only cost $1. shipping charges, however, were pretty steep on the striking the balance.

fuck me, after an incredibly beautiful and dry august-september the weather has taken a nasty turn. me and the roo got drenched going for her morning walk. an old man would have to be pretty fucking tough to go camping in this weather. or not be the sharpest knife in the drawer.

i love you sons of bitches

economic warfare!

poor old iran. or should i say stupid old iran.

the economic sanctions on iran seem to be working very well. iran is quite nicely on its WAY TO HYPERINFLATION! as the article states, the iranian rial has plunged 65% in a week. that's a pretty fair sized drop. if you happened to be an iranian citizen with no international investments, your net worth declined by 65% almost overnight. and it ain't over. inflation is soaring at a rate of 69% per month. in other words, the fucking place is falling apart.

oh how warfare has evolved. unmanned remote controlled drones dropping death and mayhem from above, cyber warfare disrupting nuclear facilities and now economic warfare crippling their economy and probably bankrupting a lot of innocent bystanders. this article GIVES A MORE CYNICAL ACCOUNT of the economic sanctions. things like this point out the value of gold. currency is nothing but a promise and faith that the promise will be kept. as we see, keeping the promise can be out a sovereign nations control when more powerful nations decide to teach them a lesson.

the thing i find most curious and possibly most disturbing about iran's difficulties is that it's not front page news. if iran threatens israel it's front page news and the world hears about it but when economic sanctions are really working well it seems to be buried. it's almost like israel and the military industrial complex want to keep the option of a military strike as the top option for dealing with iran.

on a more pleasant note i was lucky enough to catch the clerks 2 donkey scene last night and laughed myself silly.

i love you sons of bitches.

things are heating up.

it seems our lovely planet is getting a wee bit warmer these days. in fact, you might say it's getting real fecking hot!

the ice caps are ARE FALLING APART FASTER THAN A DODGE MINIVAN! it wasn't that long ago that i thought i would croak before things got real interesting. but with the melting of the ice caps proceeding at a break neck pace, i might live long enough to see the oceans reclaim a huge chunks of land. i was already confident i'd live to see extreme droughts and famine but the speed of the ice caps melting has caught me by surprise, from 2100 to 2050 to 2020.

i worked in the artic in 1975 and my most vivid memory was seeing the frozen arctic for the first time. it wasn't pristine, it was dirty in southern areas. i didn't make it to the inner part of the ice caps where the ice was supposedly clean. it was a dirty world 37 years ago and it's a dirtier world today. of course the oil companies deny this and play upon people's fear of higher energy prices if pollution is taxed. the simpletons buying into this don't seem to realize that their grocery bills are going to go through the roof as the food supply shrinks. i'd rather live in a world with higher energy prices than exorbitant food prices.

so there it is, while most people are focused on unemployment and deficits the earth's air conditioner is on it's last legs. since obama supports initiatives to curb carbon emissions and romney won't address the problem, only saying that jobs are his priority, i smile everytime mitt sticks his foot in his mouth. i do wonder if mitt is a believer in global warming but is being forced to agree with the tea baggers and conspiracy nuts that global warming is a hoax.

i love you sons of bitches

church tax

i feel as though i just fell off the turnip truck. it seems the pope and all his cronies have a much steadier cash flow than i was aware of. in many parts of europe there is a CHURCH TAX!

that's right, a feckin church tax and it's not chump change. the state tacks on an additional 10% tax to registered catholics and gives it to the church. talk about a sweet deal for the church. and there are about 25 million registered catholics in germany paying this tax. the jews and protestants also pay the fucking tax!

now the big shot german catholics are instituting a PAY TO PRAY policy. if you don't pay the tax, you don't get the mighty catholic mumbo jumbo bullshit. what has me in a real lather is my beloved iceland also has a church tax. they call it a congregation tax and even if you don't belong to any church you still have to pay it. the state keeps the tax in that case.

fucking churches. these douchebags are worse than l ron hubbard and his merry band of shysters. so it goes.

fuck me, even jay and silent bob briefly bought into it:

i love you sons of bitches.

fuck me, what a pain in the neck to make paragraphs on this new blogger bullshit. i actually went to help and read the instructions. i don't heppy with this.

ruby strikes

a certain person who likes to make my life difficult picked the wrong creature to annoy. it seems she and ruby got into a disagreement as to who is in charge of casa myshkin. i'm very happy to report that ruby was the victor. of course i had to feign anger at the roo but the next morning she got an extra long walk along with some very nice meatballs.

the tomatoes have done very well this year. we've had an absolutely fabulous september weather wise and the tomatoes have responded nicely. i'm not sure if the crushed eggshells were the secret ingredient or if it was the variety of plant i selected. if it's the variety of plant that was the difference maker, i'm fucked. there were tons of different plant varieties at the nursery and for the life of me i can't remember what i bought. so it goes.

it seems that blogger has changed things up again. oh well, it's free so i can't complain. i've recently purchased a few google shares so i hope they make lots of money with this new format. time to go fishing. i love you sons of bitches.

knock, knock.....

have you ever done something and then said to yourself, why in the feck didn't i do this a long time ago??

a few days ago i decided to watch pat garret and billy the kid for my 15 minutes of pleasure before retiring for the evening. after a few minutes i was wondering why i hadn't done this a long time ago. this was the first time i was watching it with the old home theater.

as i was lying on the couch some music began to waft through the air and i said to myself, i can name that tune in 3 notes. of course i'm talking about knockin' on heaven's door. and adding to the pleasure was the fact that slim pickens was the man knockin' on heaven's door. if there was ever a better actor on this planet i've yet to see him or her. anyone remember slim getting hit over the head with a shovel in blazing saddles and his line to harvey korman, "why if it ain't that uppity nigger that went and hit me over the head with a shovel."



after i finish watching it in a few days i'm going to watch it again. the first time i watch a movie i miss a lot of the dialogue just immersing myself in the experience. the second time i'll pay more attention to the dialogue. and after i finish the second viewing of pat garret and billy the kid it will be time to watch the greatest television series ever made. can you guess what series i'm talking about?

the version of knockin' on heaven's door from i'm not there is pretty good too.



i love you sons of bitches.

the new ride

i sold the black adder (kona mountain bike) about a week ago and began the search for a road bike. at my age i should have just walked into a bike shop and grabbed whatever caught my eye but old habits die hard. i scoured craigslist and contacted a lot of sellers and asked a lot of questions. i looked at a few that were a piece of crap described as being in excellent condition. don't call me a racist but recent immigrants tend to be the biggest liars out there.

then i saw an ad for a trek utopia. i was hooked before even looking at the bike, how many chances does a guy get at utopia? i called around 10:00 am saturday and woke up a young man who was sleeping off a wild night. he was eager to sell the bike and offered to meet me at a skytrain station so off i went. he advertised the bike as being practically new. well, it was practically new but it was in quite the state of disrepair. but it rode like a dream. he was asking $450 and we settled on $300. i rode it straight to the bike shop and dropped it off for service.

i picked it up this afternoon and the bill was $63. there was a corroded cable going to the rear derailleur and a few other adjustments were made and it now rides like new. total investment $363 for a bike that retails here for $799. not a great deal but i amused myself for a week.



i love you sons of bitches.

crazy anglos

big news out of canada!

the party quebecois won a minority government in the quebec provincial election yesterday. the party quebecois has been a separatist party with one of their main goals being the separation of quebec from canada. they don't like anglos and are quite militant about maintaining the french culture. there are laws restricting the use of english in quebec, or chinese for that matter.

last night a looney anglo man ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE THE FUTURE PARTY QUEBECOIS PREMIER OF QUEBEC.

that's right, canada has joined the 21st century with a crazy man running amok armed with a rifle and a handgun. he was wearing a bathrobe and a balaclava when he did the dirty deed. you would think a crazy man walking around in a bathrobe and balaclava carrying a rifle would have attracted a bit of attention.

i doubt if quebec will ever leave canada. they receive over OVER 7 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR in equalization payments from ottawa. we anglos like the french about as much as they like us, not very much.



i love you sons of bitches.

slick willy

every once in a while i stick head out of my shell and wish i had just kept myself in the dark. i read this article about CHINESE GANGSTERS IN ANGOLA.

i had to ask myself, what in the feck are 260,000 chinamen doing in angola? the article mentions the chinese government building a city for their businessmen and but it stands mostly empty. so not only are they buying and re-populating canada, they're establishing a beachhead in africa.

then i remembered the stories about SLICK WILLY AND CHINA. holy shit, i might have to start taking this chinese stuff a little more seriously. or not.

last week marked the 10th anniversary of ruby's escape from the vancouver animal control shelter.



my heart's in the highlands.

harvest time

yes, i grew that beautiful tomato below, it's just the first in what will be a bumper crop. last time i counted there were about 30 tomatoes on my 2 good plants.



rather than basking in the glory of growing that exquisite tomato above i'm dying of embarrassment. i can't believe how dusty and dirty my keyboard was. it was a job for the shop vac. i vacuumed the shit out of my keyboard but it might be easier find the new keyboard that came with the computer than to give it a really good scrubbing.

can you guess the ethnicity of the woman looking into the microscope below?



apparently a focus group or two decided that the woman was a chinaman and insulin was discovered by 2 canandian white men; fred banting and charley best. the presumably white people in the focus group complained to the bank of canada and it was decided to remove the offending photo in favor of a more white image. it wasn't handled with a great deal of tact and now the chinamen are madder than old rat shit and the congress of canadian chinamen is screaming racism. and don't forget an earlier post i did about these $100 bills melting in the heat.

in case you think i'm making this lunacy up, READ THIS!

i don't know about you, but i can't see much chinese in the photo.

i love you sons of bitches.

the election

i'm fascinated with the upcoming showdown between barrack and mitt and i have a really cool theory.

as far as i can tell barrack is a much better politician and street fighter than mitt. mitt always seems to look like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar whereas obama can probably lie as well as slick willy. in a fair fight i'm sure barrack would make mincemeat out of mitt but it might not be a fair fight. barrack was able to outwit and outflank hillary so outwitting mitt should be a piece of cake for barrack.

barrack hasn't made a trip to israel and has been openly critical of the expansion of the westbank settlements while on the other hand mitt has been kissing israel's arse like there's no tomorrow. my best friend is a very ardent anti-semite who continually tells me that "the tribe" controls washington as well and most commerce on the planet.
i've told him that if mitt wins the election then i might start listening to him about israel controlling washington.

so that's my theory. it's not really a contest between mitt and barrack but a test of israel's power over washington. if mitt wins, then the jews really do pull the strings in washington. i might be nuts but that's how i see the whole fucking thing playing out.

here's a preview of what's going to happen:



i love you sons of bitches.

take me to russia

i've loved russian novels for as long as i can remember. i think it all started when i read crime and punishment as a teenager. what struck me with crime and punishment was the description of russian society. i grew up during the cold war and we were bombarded with government propaganda about russians being backward, illiterate neanderthals. after reading crime and punishment i realized that russians were pretty similar to us westerners and all the stuff we were being fed by our leaders was total bullshit designed to feed the military establishment. so it goes.

one good thing about russia is the respect with which they treat their veterans. in order to protect their veterans local governments DRAIN FOUNTAINS FOR DRUNKEN PARATROOPERS.

our asshole leaders would make a big deal out of rehabilitating the soldiers and providing counseling. and of course they'd be at the ready with grief counselors if some poor sod drowned in a fountain. drain the fountains and send fair maidens with pillows and aspirins for the soldiers!

i had another moment of bliss last night. whilst watching coneheads after properly medicating myself this song came on and i was in seventh heaven:



drunken russian paratroopers, coneheads, dropping cool stuff on mars, nubile gymnasts on tv and a loving farting pitbull by my side. life is good.

i love you sons of bitches.

goodbye shithole

those paying attention to this fine blog might recall that i was evicted from my corner office at the cracker factory and relocated to a fucking cubicle about a year ago. well, my purgatory is over and i can now amuse myself in a private office.

the old cracker factory is a hard place to figure out these days, one day we're downsizing and the next day we're expanding. fortunately some schmuck was downsized and i was the victim a excellent accident. i was seriously considering retirement in the next few months but now that i've lucked into a lovely sanctuary i might just hang on a little longer.

the best thing about my new office is the excellent radio reception i now enjoy. whilst listening to the cbc morning show today i heard this song and the announcer said he was a swedish bob dylan, locking himself in a room for 3 weeks and listening to nothing but dylan's blonde on blonde.



i love you sons of bitches

pipelines

it seems like just yesterday that the keystone pipeline was a big story and everyone was throwing in their 2 cents worth on either its merits or its potential for disaster. obumble took the coward's way out and put off a decision until after the election. so it goes.

now we in the great white north have become embroiled in our own pipeline war. some political and oil industry bigshots want to build a pipeline from the oil sands to the west coast in order to ship the stuff to asia and the provinces are fighting over the money. there are plenty of enviromentalists against the pipeline and of course our indians are screaming bloody murder until they get their share of the money being tossed around.

we in british columbia have a premier, christy clark, who is very unpopular. in the past i've called her a bloodless cunt and other nasty names. but now the the fair christy has PICKED A FIGHT WITH ALBERTA AND OTTAWA over the pipeline money.

christy clark is a real loudmouthed aggressive woman. i would always curse and turn off the tv or radio when i heard her voice but now that she's picking a fight with alberta and telling ottawa to go fuck themselves i'm suddenly smitten with the fair christy. i might even forgive her for not answering my emails about the turtle genocide that took place a few months ago.

we in british columbia aren't so much worried about the pipeline but we're very concerned about the 600 super tankers that would be sailing up and down our rugged coastline each year. 600 super tankers a year X 20 years = 12,000 ships full of oil. i think there's a very strong possibility that one of the ships will spill it's cargo onto our coastline.

here's a left wing view on christy's oil tanker position before she took a stand.



i might just fall in love with the bitch.

busted!

just when you thought law enforcement couldn't get any more bizarre the american border guards busted 2 of their citizens for SMUGGLING KINDER SURPRISE EGGS!

that's right, 2 men were popped for smuggling 6 pieces of candy deemed to be safety hazards to children. it seems the american government decided that their children were too fucking stupid to be trusted with a small chocolate egg containing a plastic toy. of course i'm too mature to make reference to their culture of turning children into obese drug addicts. i'm also too mature to comment on the fact their society will empower almost any nitwit to possess automatic firearms whilst banning kinder surprises.

one of my favorite heinlein quotes is: "don't handicap your children by making their lives easy". when my kids were about 6 years old i'd take them to the local building supply store and let them pick out anything they wanted from the scrap pieces of wood being sold for a pittance. then i'd turn them lose in the workshop with hammers and nails. they also had unfettered access to power tools.

that's the problem today, we refuse to cull the herd. instead, we pamper and protect the little monsters. so it goes.

on a more pleasant note, the brothers karamazov arrived yesterday and i'm tickled pink with what i received.




i love you sons of bitches.

funny money.

earlier this year our federal government decided it was time to put the lowly penny out of it's misery. the penny will die a slow death. they haven't been taken out of circulation. they have stopped being produced and will gradually disappear as they end up under seat cushions and in raspberry jam jars in many people's homes.

now the federal government has replaced our paper $50 and $100 bills with plastic bills. i don't like the new plastic bills. they're really thin and slippery and they don't fold worth a shit but we're told they are very difficult to counterfeit.

now with the hot summer weather we have a problem with our new plastic bills.

THE FUCKING THINGS MELT IN THE SUN!

several years ago we replaced the one and two dollar bills with coins. the loonie, one dollar coin, had no initial problems but the new loonie doesn't work in vending machines. some machines take them and some don't. i was paying cash in a self serve check out and pumped in 3 loonies but was only credited with paying $1.50. i put in one old loonie and 2 new loonies. the new loonies somehow registered 25 cents rather than a dollar. i had to explain my problem to a recent dark skinned immigrant in customer service.

when the toonie came out there was a design problem. in their infinite wisdom, the royal canadian mint made the toonie and 2 piece coin and the center piece would fall out if it got real cold. for a while it was national pastime tossing the toonie in the freezer to see what would happen.



i love you sons of bitches.

one out of two ain't bad

i've recently fallen in love with abebooks. if you like buying books this is the place for you. it's got more stuff than alice's restaurant and the prices are excellent. after careful perusing and thoughtful pondering i made my decision and ordered 2 books. they arrived this week and one was a pleasant surprise but the other was a lunch bag let down.



slaugherhouse 5 is the real deal, first edition 3rd printing but the sirens of titan is a fucking book club edition. both are in excellent condition but i feel a little deceived with the sirens of titan. so it goes.

now i'm waiting for a real cool copy of the brothers karamazov. old fyodor karamazov has always been one of my favorite literary characters.

i hope you have a nice set of speakers hooked up to your computer:



i love you sons of bitches.

rosewater.....

the rosewater foundation just keeps growing. a package arrived at my doorstep with a fresh supply of rosewater foundation supplies. sonny noticed how much dear old dad was smitten with his original trinkets so he ordered me some more stuff. it was a pleasant surprise.









i generally hate bumper stickers and would never consider putting one on the mighty sonata but i'm giving the volunteer fire department sticker serious thought. i took the welcome to earth banner to the cracker factory but haven't decided where to hang it. i'm pretty sure i'll be asked to take it down but what the fuck, i might as well have a little fun and annoy my boss.

on a different note, i have a new favorite show. john from cincinnati. i was reading david milch's list of projects and decided to give it a try and was very pleasantly surprised. it has a lot of deadwood actors in it and is very quirky. i heartily recommend it. a 5 star series in my book. too bad it got cancelled after one season.



i love you sons of bitches.

slicks

i invested $50 in a set of slick tires for the iron maiden and finally got around to intstalling them. changing tires on a bike can be a pain in the arse so decided to take a few pictures to show sonny that i can actually do a few things myself.



these little clips are the secret to the whole operation. in the past i used screwdrivers or spoons to pry the tire out. these little beauties hook around the spoke to keep it in place while moving on to a different spot.






and here's the real secret to the whole operation, latex gloves. the chain can be real greasy and i don't like greasy fingers so latex gloves are a must.



after putting them on i took a test ride and everything was right with the world. it seemed like i could go faster with less effort from my tired old legs. the next day i gave them the real test. i went to the top of a hill in our local cemetery and started coasting down the winding roads. this is something i do often just for the hell of it challenging myself not to use the brakes going around the corners. i always keep track of how far i end up coasting along the lower road that actually is a bit of an incline. the new tires took me about the exact same distance and the old knobby mountain bike tires. fuck me!

it would appear that i fell victim to the hawthorne effect when i first tried the new tires. the fact that the tires were new and different made me sense that they were faster. so it goes.



i love you sons of bitches.

the big depression

there's been much discussion as to whether or not we are in a depression. i suppose it depends on your individual circumstances as to whether or not you think we are in a depression. people say that it's not as bad as the 30's where there were lineups for for hand outs. this article, MODERN DAY DEPRESSION, makes an interesting point. in our current state of affairs most handouts from the government are electronic funds transfers or cheques in the mail.

the thing about the article that really caught my eye was the level of income the average household receives from the government:



one of my pet peeves are the totally misleading deficit charts that obumble supporters continually post fraudulently showing that obumble has increased the deficit much less than previous presidents. they usually show percentage increases in the debt under each president. they don't bother to mention that the base obumble started with is much much higher but the incredibly misleading thing is most show about 2 years of obumble debt compared to 8 years of previous presidents.

the above chart shows the increase in wealth redistribution under obumble in no uncertain terms. once the tap is turned on for recipients of government largess it is incredibly difficult to turn off.

is the economic situation going to get worse before it gets better?

who the fuck knows. anyone pretending to know is full of shit.

maybe being white isn't such a bad thing after all:




have i ever mentioned i love you sons of bitches?

i can help

i couldn't help but notice that many people i come into contact with are struggling to get by in this tough economy, both financially and spiritually. as i've become older and more compassionate the level of suffering has really started to bother me. it got so bad that even montana couldn't distract me from these woes and she has the tools to distract me from most anything.

i decided to call my dear friend eliot and offer my help. as usual he was very compassionate to my problems and suggested that i open a branch office of his foundation in vancouver. it sounded like a good idea and i jumped at the chance.

if you need help, give me a call. (but don't call me on the red telephone)

behold the tools of my new endeavor:

i like to give my client a cup of tea to soothe their nerves.



i keep a meager data base on my clients so i needed mouse pads.


i'd be lost without post-it notes.



i like to give my clients a pen.



and of course i needed business cards.



it's always nice to have a eco friendly bag to carry your stuff in.



a rubber stamp can always come in handy.



and kids always like a t-shirt




if you need spiritual guidance or just a shoulder to cry on, i'm here for you and dont forget, i love you sons of bitches.

(the lovely mrs myshkin wasn't impressed when my stuff arrived but the kids are proud as punch of their old dad)

the great turtle adventure,

the hunt for the elusive snakehead fish is over and the chinese DEVIL FISH IS DEADER THAN A DOORNAIL.

friday morning i rode my bike to the supermarket and bought a few bags of groceries then headed to the park to check out the hunt for the snakehead fish and the genocide of about 20 peace loving turtles. there were lots of government employees at the park getting ready for the big moment and a few people concerned about the turtles and koi. there were also about 30 spectators. i think there were 2 turtle rescue groups there but they weren't getting much cooperation from the deadly reptile hunters.

i rode my bike over the staging area and went down the hill behind the yellow protective tape and parked myself at water's edge. a few minutes later a female parks board employee came and asked me to move. i asked her for identification and under what law was i required to move. she very nicely asked me to move again and i said no. a few minutes later a male parks board employee came over and asked me to move. again i asked for identification and what law i was breaking. he was very nice but i refused to move. i told him that i would move if the official conservation officer came over and had a chat with me. the conservation officer came over and the son of a bitch had a gun. he was polite and again i asked for identification and under what law was i required to move from a public park. he gave me a nasty look and told me to move at which point i took out my camera and took a few pictures of his gun. this did not make him any friendlier.

he left and came back with his boss. the boss was a young guy and after a few minutes i asked to be arrested. he was surprised and asked me why. i told him it would be an honor to BE arrested for trying to save a few turtles. he said i was not going to get arrested unless i did something real stupid like jump in the water and endanger the guys looking for the snakehead. if it had been a hot sunny day i might have jumped in the water but it was cold and wet plus i had 2 bags of groceries hanging from my handlebars. he told me that there were ongoing discussions about saving the turtles and again asked me to leave. then it started to rain. the rain got very heavy and i decided to leave.

what disappointed me the most was the other turtle advocates didn't come to my aid or join me in my little protest. i guess most turtle lovers are peaceful and have too much respect for authority. as i rode away i yelled "five bucks on the fish" as if to say the frankenfish was smarter than the government stooges.

here's the dork with the gun:



and here's the fish and turtle catchers:







there are a lot more details to my little adventure but i don't anyone is interested enough to read anymore on this subject.

i love you sons of bitches.

genocide

an atrocity of biblical proportions is set to take place tomorrow.

the gentle and noble turtles of central park are slated to be MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD!

that's right, the turtles are going to be killed!

here's the key sentence in the above story if you can't be bothered reading the whole thing:

The pond's red-eared slider turtles will also be removed and euthanized by a veterinarian

the turtles and koi are being removed and killed because some useless underworked and overpaid civil servants decided that they are an invasive species that are "outcompeting" the species that are native to the lake. here's the insanity to the whole thing, IT'S A FUCKING MAN MADE LAKE! it's like telling someone who builds a pond in their back yard that they can only put in creatures that have been certified by some asshole civil servant.

i plan on going to the park tomorrow and making a major nuisance of myself. shit, i might even get arrested.



i love you sons of bitches.

frankenfish

it seems our little slice of heaven has been INVADED BY FRANKENFISH!

this is the park i ride my bike through most days and have been doing so for about 50 years. about 15 years ago i released a turtle into the lake where the frankenfish was spotted. when i released "jack" into the lake i was always worried that some chinaman would catch him and eat him. when i rode through the park this morning there were floating nets blocking off the inflow and outflow of water into and out of the lake. the fools are penning the fish into the area where the turtle spend countless idyllic hours basking away. maybe they should bring some of those swamp people from tv or billy the exterminator if they can afford his rates.

speaking of frankenfish, my little frankenbride will be returning from asia in a few days. i think she's in thailand at the moment. lucky thailand. i've always said that i couldn't live alone but these past 6 weeks have been bliss, i'm happy as a clam having the house to myself. i might just pull up stakes and move to the island when i retire. the thought of living in a trailer beside the ocean has always appealed to me. i'm a jim rockford wannabe.

on a different note, i picked up "the lost notebooks of hank williams." i picked it up because bob dylan put it together but fell in love with it because norah jones lends her beauty and brilliance to the project.



i love you sons of bitches.

pitbulls

a friend sent this to me and it almost brought a tear to my eye.


the last few days of this life i have led

were not happy and joyful, yet filled with sorrow and dread

you left me alone , as you walked out the door

do you know how it feels to be loved no more?

as i sat in this cold cell, confused and alone

the question inside, would i get a new home

day after day, the people walked by

i ran to the front, with the tears in my eye

but no one did see me,they all walked right passed

this cant happen to me, i dont wanna be gassed

thoughts of a life, far from this strange place

they're all i have left, my pain inside takes over my face

i wish that i knew, what i did that was wrong

i soon will be dead, my life will be gone

i hope you remember, all the times that we shared

i know that i will remember, when you once cared

then that final day came, when i was to be led

down the hall of despair, to the chamber of death

i tried to be brave, as i walked oh so slow

if you think that i dont, your wrong i do know

as you look into the sky, on a warm summers night

remember me, your dog, can you see that bright light

i'll always be watching, from way up above

do not forget me, it was me you once loved

i look down upon you, and i hope that you see

was it really that fair, what you did to me ?

i do not hate you, cuz thats not my style

after all, i am pit bull, and there's no denial


on a more cheerful note, those sons of bitches tomato plants are growing like weeds. that reminds me, time to go fishing.



i love you sons of bitches.

happy victoria day!

it's VICTORIA DAYin canada today. we get a national holiday to celebrate queen victoria's birthday. the old girl has been deader than a doornail for a long time but we get a day off and it pisses off the frenchmen so it must be a good thing. it's also considered to be the unofficial beginning of summer.

on this fine day our prime minister has reaffirmed that our troops will be out of afghanistan by 2014 and we'll be FORKING OVER 110 MILLIONS BUCKS A YEAR FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS to that little rat bastard karzai. we're paying 110 million but britain is only forking over 100 million. shit, britain's GDP is almost 50% larger than our so why aren't those rat bastards paying more than us? france is still pondering how much they'll give.

last night i finally got around to watching lewis black's "in god we rust". it started off slow but when old lewis got around to valentine's day i laughed my brains out. it was one of those magic moments where the best spot in his act coincided with the peak of my fishing. here's a sample, the best stuff is missing but you'll get the point:



i love you sons of bitches.

oh yeah, fuck facebook and their data miners.

are you thirsty?

if you're thirsty and like beer then vancouver might be the city for you.

FREE BOOZE FOR ALCHOLICS IN VANCOUVER!

that's right, the enlightened city of vancouver now gives free beer to chronic alcholics! a few years ago vancouver started a program called safe injection sites where junkies got free syringes and a safe place to inject their heroin, cocaine or mixture of the two. there are also nurses on duty just in case something goes wrong. the safe injection site for junkies got the crack heads jealous and their association demanded free crack pipes. guess what, free crack pipes for crack heads. yes, vancouver is a very enlightened city. our federal government tried to shut the safe injection sites down but lost the case in court so the sites remain open.

don't even get me started about social housing in vancouver.

on a more positive note the turtle and gnome are enjoying the sunshine and galloping around the yard.



the tomatoes are also doing well.



i love you sons of bitches.

home grown tomatoes

the tomaters are in the ground! the rule of thumb around here is not to plant tomatoes outside until after the may long weekend. last year it was mid june before i could plant them outside due to the shitty cold wet weather. i was planning on waiting until late may but i noticed my neighbor had planted his and last year he had a beautiful crop of tomatoes by mid august. my tomatoes didn't start ripening until early september and depending on the weather, blight could set as early as the 1st of september. hopefully getting an early start will eliminate the threat of blight setting in. it's hard to concentrate at the cracker factory with tomatoes on the mind.

this little bugger has been in the ground for 10 days covered with a clear plastic garbage bag.



as you can see i've assigned one of my favorite ivy plants the task of guarding the wee tomato plants.



and here's the incubator. kinda like the resurrection ship on battlestar galactica.






i love you sons of bitches.

25 feckin years!

Holy Christ, i woke up today and suddenly i’ve been married for 25 feckin years! I don’t think i could have lasted 25 years without the support of the exquisite ms wildhack. Thank you Montana.

The lovely mrs myshkin is in asia at the moment and won’t be returning until the first week in june. Lucky me. Before she left i gave her a stack of silver turtles, pandas and maple leafs as well as a lovely card from the dollar store. What did she give me? Squat, dick, zip, nada...... if fact she didn’t even thank me for the all the silver. If we make to 50 years she sure as fuck isn’t going to get a stack of gold maple leafs.

Tomorrow morning i have a date with a man who (correct usage ?) will be sticking his fingers up my arse. It’s time like this that getting old isn’t such a sweet deal. Last week when i went for all the blood tests i was pleasantly surprised when they gave a stool sample kit to take home and have fun with. This is getting to be more fun every day.

Maybe i’ll get a toy and a piece of candy if everything checks out and there won’t be any extra charges to our over burdened health care system. it turns out that all the full figured women and stocky men are GOING TO COST A FORTUNE TO MAINTAIN. did you know that obesity INCREASES 10.5% WHEN A WALMART OPENS NEARBY. i guess it's everyone's god given right to pig out on cheap potato chips and giant bottles of cheap soda pop. so it goes. happy feckin anniversary to me.



i love you sons of bitches.