Friday, February 1, 2013

big bang

it would appear that we are scheduled to HAVE A DATE WITH AN ASTEROID.

the big event should take place on feb 15 and the asteroid is about the size of a football field. large enough create a good sized crater but not large enough to plunge us into an ice age or pose a threat to israel. perhaps kim jong un will proclaim that he built, launched and set the guidance system to narrowly miss the united states just as a warning. he does seem to be flexing his muscles these days.

my question is why in the world is there no talk of blasting this rogue asteroid to smithereens. you would think we should test our equipment on a non planetary threatening asteroid just to be ready for the big one. it would make for tremendous theater. imagine sitting in your adirondack chair with a beer and a smoke with some nice music playing and getting ready to watch the explosion of a life time. at the very least there should be some serious discussion on whether or not to teach this feckin dirt ball from outer space a lesson as a deterrent to future nogoodnik pieces of space debris.

it's time like this that the world needs someone whom is not afraid to think big. who you gonna call? newt gringrich, that's who!

i love you sons of bitches.


Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

"......large enough create a good sized crater but not large enough to plunge us into an ice age or pose a threat to israel......."

Did you write this pilgrim?
It's fucking funny as shite!

If this is a case of serendipitous academic convergence, I'll understand - you know, you bein' a fecking thick Caucasoid and all.

Write more shite like this in the future will ya? It's about time there was a bit of reciprocity 'round here.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Are you trying to scare us into reading your links? That asteroid is going to miss the Earth by 20,000 miles. The time to worry is when the next Tunguska event is due. The Earth got lucky in 1908 when the asteroid hit Siberia.

Bob Harrison said...

I suspect no one wants to reveal their capabilities.

texlahoma said...

According to a very reliable source (a man from the future) WW3 will start that day too.

How "lucky" for the retailers that it's going to hit the day AFTER Valentine's!

billy pilgrim said...

aquarian - if you think this is clever, wait until you read the post i have planned for june 17.

gb - yeah but the margin of error is +/- 1.75% and it's coming from billions and billions of miles away.

bob - good point. or maybe their lack of capabilities.

tex - luckily obama won't have everybody's guns by then.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

I know how much you love our glorious Lord Black, so I thought I would draw your attention to an article in "Maclean's" penned by none other than Baroness Black of Crossharbour.

Access the comments section - yours truly has obviously been there.

I can't be arsed to code a live link so here it is for copypasta:

billy pilgrim said...

fook me, you're a star!

i don't know what conrad ever saw in that slut. i wonder if she's ever fooked peter mckay?

he'll fook anything ya know.

Kelly said...

Well, I, for one, think it's high times you use your super powers for good, for a change and deflect the asteroid by using your mind force.

You done it before. You can be our latest messiah. I will honor with creme-filled chocolates, when the task is complete.

Mr. Shife said...

I am pretty sure the Tea Party crew will take credit for this one as there prayer parties helped change the trajectory of the asteroid. Would be cool to see a ship or something up there blasting away at a few rocks traveling through space. Definitely could enjoy a few beers watching that in my backyard. Have a good one, BP.

BBC said...

This post and the comments are really fucking stupid, but it's what I've come to expect here.

Carry on....

Leslie said...

BBC~ last time I looked, your posts were about making a pot of coffee and wandering to the corner gas station at 6am to find someone to talk to.

Maybe you shouldn't be such a dick?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...



I went to look on BBC's blog - you know, to get coffee recipes, and what did I discover?

A Google Warning page!

I was shocked.

I could not click the "I understand and I wish to continue" button - I was too frightened!


Are you trying to copy me? Is not mimicry the ultimate compliment?

Leslie said...

Being awarded a blogger Content Warning Page is the equivalent of having PSYCHOPATH stamped on your forehead.

billy pilgrim said...

kelly - creme filled chocolates, count me in.

mr shife - i think bruce willis might be able to save us if he's kept himself in shape.

bill - i thought you had left and vowed never to return. is it me or the ladies that you draw you like a moth to the porch light?

leslie and aquarian - now that bbc is back, please don't scare him away again. he's a sensitive spirit.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Have I been insulted?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

By Leslie, I mean.
Nor you pilgrim, your are always polite.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Which content offence did BBC commit: incest, paedophilia, or bestiality?
Was it his post about hanging around gas stations in the pre-dawn hours?

My offence was profanity. It was a kinder and gentler time back in 2006. I am sure I would not get a 'Warning Page' now - pity!

billy pilgrim said...

i'm guessing old bill was drinking a little courage last night.

either that or he's an idiot.

Leslie said...

Will Thimscool be stopping by to intervene on behalf of his poor, picked on buddy?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

thimscool went BBYE

I, like, totally stole that by the way.
I was the toast comment sections of the Maclean's website articles on BlackBerry's launch.

I feel guilty though. I didn't footnote you thimscool.
Leslie's accountant will cut you a cheque(check?), how much do you need?

billy pilgrim said...

well, bb10 was delayed several times and hasn't excited anyone so it's time to start thinking about bb11. it's hard to believe that bb11 will be handled any better than bb10 so i don't need my magic 8 ball to predict a bleak future for rim.

Willy Cook said...

Stupid fucking monkeys.

billy pilgrim said...

willy, i expect an apology.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Yo when the lights (Yo when the lights)
Go fucking out (go fucking out)
Yo when the lights go fucking out.
You can bet dem Who Dats is guilty
Yo when the lights go fucking out!

Don't tell Leslie, but I've grown to love the Who Dat Nation.
"Goodell pulled the plug on the Saints, New Orleans pulled the plug on Goodell's big show".

Leslie said...

Yeah you right!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Don't get too excited Leslie, Brees is still a twerp.
I may be a figurative nine iron, but he's a veraciously literal "9" iron.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

"Exotic dancer 'Ruby' doesn't testify at Berlusconi under-age sex trial"

A headline on

What's going on pilgrim? Sending the poor thing out to earn her kibble?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Is it just me, or does "Freedom Fighter" Jimmy Lee Dykes look just like a beardy version of our own BBC?

billy pilgrim said...

i'd like to know if mr dykes has any teeth. if he's toothless, there might be a connection.

Leslie said...

Beardy, plus he has a bunker. BBC just has a poop hole.

Drew Brees is not a twerp.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

"....Drew Brees is not a twerp......"

Nomina stultorum parietibus haerent.
Drewsus Breesus
Failed Roman Gladiator ca. 40 AD

The names of foolish persons adhere to walls.


Fools names and fools faces are often seen in public places.

thimscool said...

What is worse? A country that shelters it’s suburban middle class and it’s ultrurban upper class from seeing any casualties of the bullshit wars and environmental devastation that they promote, finance and consume? OR… An empire that placated the masses with bloodsport to entertain them enough to produce the grain, and smelt the ore, and sacrifice their sons to civilization? As long as they got to see slaves in mortal combat.

Because the former has no moral feedback… they literally believe in Santa Claus.

thimscool said...

Uncle Samta Claus.

thimscool said...

You know what I believe in?
I believe in you.

Leslie said...

Would that be the general "you", or just Pilgrim?

Because if it's the hug?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutor should be excluded from this 'group hug' - he always gets a boner when his hugs are crowd sourced.

To answer your question, thimscool, your question is invalid. Both 'countries' are populated with deeply, deeply stupid people.

Leslie said...

You are so rude. That doesn't make his question "invalid", it just makes it pointless.

The word "ultrurban", however, is invalid.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutor's uncontrollable autonomic responses might be rude to you Leslie, but he is the very envy of BBC.

billy pilgrim said...

i can't figure out society or country thims is talking about but i'm pretty sure it's me he believes in. i bought more dimes yesterday.

Leslie said...

Thimscool drunk-texted me all night.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Did you drunk-text him back?

Leslie said...

No, I sexted him.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutor has been so inspired by those Richard III archaeologists o'er in Angleterre that he is going to spend tonight digging up Leslie's backyard flag-stone patio even though he already knows who's buried there.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

You sexted poor thimscool?
No wonder the poor guy is MIA today.
Having to view photographs of you "In Flagrante Delicto" with a Durian must have had a deleterious effect on his delicate constitution. I'm not sure even The Tutor could have dealt with the trauma of it all - and he's seen Mother Teresa naked!

Saeed Zia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
thimscool said...

Fuck off, Saeed!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Canucks are getting quite the reputation for 'creating' Anti-Western Hegemony Terrorists these days. Perhaps, with this 'Strategic Advantage' we could duplicate the success of the people in Afghanistan? Those folks destroyed a cultural icon - the Buddhas of Bamyam - and then 'allowed' other folks to perpetrate the events of 9/11. Then? The Yankee invaded the hapless country and brought the people Democracy and Prosperity!

I reckon if Canada were to destroy one of its cultural icons - the Sudbury Nickel perhaps - and convince the Yankee that sending them Celine Dion was tantamount, in tragedy, to the events of 9/11, perhaps we too could be invaded and provided with true Democracy and endless Prosperity!

Just a thought.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Headline of the Decade!
All that's missing is guns:

"Driver Arrested for DUI at Spearmint Rhino, Dallas."

billy pilgrim said...

i tried to buy some pennies at the bank today and was given the bum's rush. it might have been because i was the only white person in the place. all the employees were asian and most of the signage was some sort of foreign shit.

the whole fucking world has gone to hell in a hand basket.