Wednesday, February 27, 2013

i have a bone to pick...

yes, i have a bone to pick. three years ago, much to my surprise, i was diagnosed as having osteoporosis. i had taken my mother to a clinic specializing in osteoporosis because her previous bone density tests puzzled the family doctor. after i signed her in, she was asked to take part in some sort of osteoporosis study but she declined. i quickly volunteered thinking it wouldn't hurt to establish a relationship with these guys in case my mother needed some sort of special attention. before i knew what going on i was in a room answering the questions of a russian woman. after answering way too many questions i was quickly scheduled to get a bone scan. the guy doing the scan wasn't happy with having to fit me in. he was a great big guy with a shaved head and dressed totally in white. it was right out of a science fiction movie.

after getting the scan i was sent to another room and met with some sort of research scientist who informed me that i had bone loss and was very close to having osteoporosis in my lower spine. my hips were only mildly osteoporotic. lucky me. up until that time i had thought osteoporosis was something only women got. i was then sent back to the russian woman and had to answer more questions. she left and came back five minutes later only to tell me that i was ineligible for the study due to the medication i was taking for something else. so it goes.

i've been taking fosovance for three years and am finally able to get another bone scan. my first scan was paid for by the private company doing the study but now i'm in the regular health care system and was told i had to take the feckin fosovance for 3 years before the government health care would give me another scan. well the three years are up and on friday i get the scan! i've promised myself a real cool new toy if my bones have strengthened.

the moral to this story is men can get osteoporosis. surprisingly, cycling is a major cause of osteoporosis. it burns a lot of calories and there is little jarring of the bones. i must confess that i haven't taken the fosovance exactly as instructed but what the fuck, who does?

i love you sons of bitches.

109 comments:

Bob Harrison said...

First paragraph had me thinking "Soylent Green is people."

billy pilgrim said...

yup, i'm pretty sure some little nine iron will be scanning me come friday.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Good thing you found out about it. Being questioned by a Russian woman doesn't sound like fun, unless she was a beauty from a novel by Tolstoy or Dostoevsky, which I'm guessing she wasn't. I wonder if the big bald guy was an ex-con on a rehabilitation programme.

billy pilgrim said...

gb - i need to eat 100 bananas each day to reach the recommended daily intake of calcium. 99 more to go today.

JACKIESUE said...

well shit..your an old lady..take lots of calcium with vitamin d...

harry said...

pilgrim - that entire story has a real fishy smell to it.

thimscool said...

Fish?

Leslie said...

Come on, Thimscool, keep up.

Studies show smoking weed causes bone density loss.

Or, and I hope this isn't the case, he's crudely calling Pilgrim a menopausal fucking bitch.

thimscool said...

My attention is divided.

billy pilgrim said...

yeah, i'm an old lady with brittle bones at the moment but tomorrow it all might change.

good point harry, maybe something fishy is going on and it's all a plot by big pharma to sell more stuff.

i would imagine pot would help build strong bones by stimulating the appetite.

brittle bones like an old lady and getting ignored by frump.

can things get much worse?

texlahoma said...

Jackiesue is right, calcium and vitamin d.

Seems strange that bicycling would cause osteoporosis, first thing I learned all day.

harry said...

pilgrim - May you have a favorable scan and find the toy of

your dreams; on sale, half off.





billy pilgrim said...

yeah tex, i was hoping they'd tell me that eating green veggies caused bone loss but no such luck.

thanks harry, i just want to be as tough as the king. i'm aiming high.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

".....i've promised myself a real cool new toy if my bones have strengthened......"

And if they haven't?

billy pilgrim said...

if my bones haven't started to show signs of improvement i'll be devastated and hard decisions will have to be made.

i'll seek comfort in the arms of my wife and no doubt the tears will begin to flow down my cheeks with my dear wife gently wiping them off my face and lovingly dabbing the moisture of my greying beard.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

billy pilgrim frumped,

"......and lovingly dabbing the moisture of my greying beard......"

I hope with the lightest of touches.
The shattering of an grossly 'osteoporotic'(sic) Mental Protuberance and Tuberole will give you the 'look' of a nine iron.
How embarrassing!
Though that would be a rather ironically fitting end to you.

billy pilgrim said...

the end is near.

i'm going to bone kai.

thimscool said...

who is kai?

billy pilgrim said...

i don't know butchie.

see god thims.

harry said...

I cry salty fucking tears trying to make heads or tails out of this here bog.



bog I says.

billy pilgrim said...

the king doesn't cry, i don't cry.

real men don't cry.

BBC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BBC said...

Hey, I cry. But not over people getting old and dying, unless they are very close to me. I cry during good romantic comedies, and because I don’t have a fine bucks cock on my trophy shelf so that when friends come by they can say, "That is indeed a fine bucks cock."

*poof*

Mr. Shife said...

Well I hope the verdict is a good one BP, and did the Russian woman look anything like the chick from "Dodgeball?" Her name wasFranand she was kind of scary.

Leslie said...

Hey, look who's back! Captain Flip Flop Man of His Word Always Checking Helen's Ass for Pimples.

billy pilgrim said...

excellent point king, i always keep away from romantic comedies for that very reason.

mr shife - i didn't get the results! the young lady told me the doctor had to give me the news.

leslie - please refer to bill as the king.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Jerburbbally booook blunkern.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

I thnik taht ya'll are fiooslh to go to The Frupmy P'oorrsfess place. BCB is cocnkig a sonok at yal'l.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

You wlil hreeofncth need to enggae a "rdnaom" nubmer geeontrar Word De-smrclbaer to decode my grsebbiih.
tsmhcoiol can hlep you out I rcekon.

billy pilgrim said...

harry is the master code decipherer. there hasn't been a code devised that can stump him.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

A sreect admierr lfet a NZAI Egimna Cndiog Mhcinae otdiuse Le'eslis door yeasrtedy mironng. She can cacrk any code now!

Hrray cna go fcuk hmleisf!

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Fcuk me!
I tihnk I'm loisng it!

BBC said...

It's not easy to talk when your mouth is full of the kings cock, said sock puppet #2 to sock puppet #1.

*poof*

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

It testas lkie fsih. Whree has teh noolde bene?

billy pilgrim said...

long live the king!!

Leslie said...

BBC = Boner Density Loss.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

I'm as tproid as a Boa that jsut ihnaled a fukicng water bfufalo!

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Leisle siad,

BCB = Boenr Dietnsy Loss.

Ha!

Fnnunnnnnunnny!

billy pilgrim said...

where the fuck is harry?

Leslie said...

He left for Big Hole.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Iv'e not been iintved to Big Hloe.
I am veyr upset aoubt this tvastrey.

Hrary is a cnut!

Leslie said...

You don't need an invitation, this is America! Just fyi, there is no acceptable lodging in that area. They should rename it Shit Hole, even before BBC fouls it.

Leslie said...

How many BBCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, if the hooker has a truckload of Cialis and a defibrillator.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Theh dllrebafitior is onaptiol. Jpmuer cabels to his pcik-up trcuk wlil do.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Oopoooos!
Mkae taht "Teh" not "Theh".

Tanhk you

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

The peedncirg cmmonets by yuor's trluy have bene made psisbole by a grnat from the Jhon D. and Ctenhraie T. MrcAhtaur Foutndaion- cotmimted to buldinig a mroe just, vrendat, and pefueacl world. And by redaers liek you.

Tahnk you.

Leslie said...

ALTF~ congrats on becoming even more obnoxious than anyone thought humanly possible.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

So jealz!

billy pilgrim said...

how many leslies does it take to change a light bulb?

who gives a shit.

Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Picking ain't exactly what I do with...oh forget it!
Hope you ace your exam & they can't find anything else wrong with you - here, the docs like to keep you coming back!

BBC said...

how many leslies does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one Leslie to play with a mans cock while he screws in a fucking light bulb.

Hey, it's just a fucking light bulb.

billy pilgrim said...

how many light bulbs does it take to screw leslie?

where the fuck is harry? i might be missing an important grammar lesson from the aquarian.

BBC said...

Nothing can screw Leslie, get the fuck over it.

Harry is still around, got a few emails from him today.

i might be missing an important grammar lesson from the aquarian.

If the universe is a fair place (and I'm not saying it is) she overdosed and is no longer with us.

Sadly, that may not be the fact.

billy pilgrim said...

good point king, i'm over it.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Smooene else is wriintg B'BCs cpoy for him. His cnmmetos of late hvae been far too liucd.

It apepars as his comemnts bcemoe more eirudte, mine boecme ultelnlnbiiige.

So it goes.

Leslie said...

BBC, please visit HERE and report back.

I need something to look forward to.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Aroccding to that wibeste, I am aaerldy dead.

So it geos.

BBC said...

Death is just a concept.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

See waht I mean? The BCB cnut is getting all ettsiianxel and shit!

I'ts "Fleowrs For fuickng Alrongen" I tell ya!

billy pilgrim said...

i've got about 26 years if the death clock is accurate but it didn't ask about family history so i'm skeptical.

i death is more than a concept.

BBC said...

The queens thrones appear to be only a computer chair and a toilet, it must suck to not have a life past being the queen bitch on the internut with sock puppets.

Tests like that are bullshit, anyone of us could die later today because of some random event. It’s why I eat dessert the first thing every morning.

Now Helen and I are going into Monkeyville for a meal, I was too busy fucking around with other things yesterday to get the pork roast in the crock pot.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

BCB siad,

".....I was too busy fucking around with other things yesterday to get the pork roast in the crock pot......."

Fcuk me! H'es channeling Søren Kierkegaard now!
Tihs is teh radnom evnet taht is sure to klil me tdoay!
I swaer it!

Smelly said...

That's a good name for your new blog, BBC - "Crock Pot".

Only because "Spirit's Crock" seems to already be taken.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Wihch, if any, radnom evnet will klil you Smlely?

Leslie said...

BBC is a liar! He did not go to Monkeyville! He is at P-Frump's kissing professorial butt.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Teh BCB is at Hrer Prosefsors levaing "Pre-approved for deletion comments".

Lucnh wiht Heeln was trhee huors ago, Lelsie, do keep up.

BBC said...

Leslie is a fucking idiot, it doesn't take us all day to go to Monkeyville for something to eat.

I had a coupon for two hamburgers for two bucks, and one for a free cup of coffee, wadda fucking deal.

I predict that the queen will die on one of her thrones, we should start a pool as to whether it’s the computer chair or the toilet.

billy pilgrim said...

leslie/aquarian - please remember to call bill the king, not bbc.

2 hamburgers for 2 bucks! if that isn't nice, what is?

thimscool said...

A dozen oysters on the half shell with horse radish and crackers?

thimscool said...

Did the king really offer to penetrate the queen's brown hole with a cannon?

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Fuck off pilgrim!
I named him the "King of Banal". You stole, and then shamelessly truncated, my perfectly good epithet.

But he's not so banal any more. I know nowt what to do.

thimscool said...

I've been so scarce that I've missed the plot. Why is ALTF malfunctioning? And where the fuck is Harry?

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Acid, thimscool.
Acid.

thimscool said...

Make sure to bring some to the Big Hole soiree.

BBC said...

Believe me, that bitch won't be at the Big Hole.

I would love some good oysters but most oysters in this area are crap.

billy pilgrim said...

aquarian - i'm competing with frump for the king's business and frump has a lot of cheap gimmicks so please help me out and be nice to the king.

if frump isn't crying for sympathy, he's handing out hamburger coupons.

BBC said...

Frump has his own problems and thinks what is going on is bullshit, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts using comment moderation.

The injun fish market closed so I can't get good oysters there anymore.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Will Doc Teri be at teh Big Hloe BCB?

Rmuour has it seh is vacillating now. Is it posisble she has leraned somtehing about you she dosen't like?

Leslie said...

OOOOOooooooh! Comment Moderation! That'll learn us!

The mobile pet spa van came by and coiffed up my hounds. Jasper now fits into his Drew Brees jersey and is ready for his flight to new Olreans.

Football mention FTW!

Leslie said...

I heard Doc Teri IS the big hole!


HAHAHAHAHAHahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

BBC said...

It's obvious why Leslie and her sock puppets are not welcome at so many blogs, she just fucking won't go away from places she isn't welcome because she just doesn't give a fuck.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie said,

"......The mobile pet spa van came by and coiffed up my hounds. Jasper now fits into his Drew Brees jersey and is ready for his flight to new Olreans(sic)....."

What about Obi(e)? Did he not make it out alive?.
Was it a Pet Spa Sink-hole Van?

BBC said...

Doc Teri and I get along just fine, bitch.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BBC said...

Yeah, right, everyone believes a lying bitch. I only visit three women's blogs that I also do emails with and I know them very well.

billy pilgrim said...

there are children starving in india yet westerners spend money on mobile pet spas.

a good title for leslie might be MMTB.

i'm off change the dressings on an old man that fell and scraped off a lot of skin.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BBC said...

Look, another of her sock puppets just showed up.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

billy pilgrim Samaritanised,

"......i'm off change the dressings on an old man that fell and scraped off a lot of skin......"

Is that not what the Health Care system is for?
Does this old man have property over which you can claim usufruct privileges?
You know, like BBC and Helen?

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

billy pilgrim lamented,

"......there are children starving in india yet westerners spend money on mobile pet spas......."

AND there are Indians in India who spend money on mobile pet spas - and gold jewellery for little Frou Frou too!

BBC said...

Billy P, do you enjoy these fucking idiots?

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

pilgrim declared,

".....a good title for leslie might be MMTB......"

MMTB?

Leslie said...

Children starving in India is a lack of contraception problem, not my problem.

PS, there are children starving in America and Canada, too.

I have 2 shelter dogs. They are traumatized by being in cages with blowers on them, and that's what normal dog grooming places do.

If you find it elitist fuckist that I have my dogs professionally groomed once a year, that's your problem.

Why don't you send to India the money you spend on weed?

Leslie said...

BBC claims usofuct privileges.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

The Tutor has me professionally groomed four times a year!
I sit naked on a stool above a smouldering pile of Acacia wood. Makes me smell real nice and the astringent quality of the smoke constricts my vaginal walls. The Tutor says it makes me 'feel' like I'm 12 again.
I've no idea what he's on about.

billy pilgrim said...

gosh leslie, you sure are sensitive and cranky. let me apologize for hitting such a raw nerve. i'll try not to do it again.

i think the social safety net is a little better in north america than in india.

on the plus side, i am very happy to see that the aquarian is back to her usual high standard of wit and flawless grammar. i hope she doesn't try that cheap acid again.

harry, your decoding skills are no longer required and i'll seek a new decoding resource since i can't depend on you.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

".....i think the social safety net is a little better in north america than in india......"

Are you mad pilgrim?
It's a floating fucking pool chair in Canada, not a safety net.
I, and The Tutor, have both been to India. The place is just like Canada was 100 years ago, but better, no snow and no Caucasoids.

Leslie said...

My nerves aren't raw, you and your stupid friend are just hyper-sensitive to money spending and I don't understand it.

There are endless "come to you" services in Manhattan, because many people don't keep cars here and because parking sucks for those who do. Why is a mobile groomer automatically translated into spoiled bitch/starving foreigners?

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

BBC gets email follow-up comments when ever he posts comments on a blog. Presumably he is very interested to know how much people love him and respond to his well written entreaties.
Accordingly, a copy of every comment posted here, or a Herr Professor's, by any of us is being emailed to BBC.
He is keeping an archive of all our love for him!
Isn't that just precious and adorable of him?

Leslie said...

Between that and trips to Monkeyville, his days must be so full!

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie protested,

"......There are endless "come to you" services in Manhattan......"

The Tutor ran an "In Vivo" fertilisation service when he was a grad student. "Pregnancy or your money cheerfully refunded" was his tag-line. For the poorer students, the ones from India, he did a "come on you" service and gave them a squeegy, a test tube and a syringe.
He was, if anything egalitarian.

Leslie said...

Usofuct!

billy pilgrim said...

leslie - you're going to feel pretty foolish when you cool off and realize i meant no harm.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

What I love about our dear King of Banal is that he knows I must be chiding and disparaging him in any comment I write that includes the initialism, "BBC", he just hasn't a clue as to how I am actually accomplishing the slandering.

If the comment comes from me and it contains "BBC", it must be directed at him AND must contain something nasty about him.

This was my purpose in writing with very poor spelling. I was trying to give others an idea of exactly what BBC 'sees' when he tries to read my comments.

To wit:

"Blah blah blah blah, BBC, blah blah.
Blah......fucking......blah. More blahs...BBC."

Innit?

billy pilgrim said...

excellent point aquarian and very clever. it went right over my head.

but in my defense, i'm keeping my head down due to leslie's venom.

Aiqruanas Leov To Fkuc said...

Leslie's venom has an easily obtained antidote and more importantly, it also doubles as a powerful prophylaxis to mitigate any future 'strike of the fangs', her preferred method of delivery.

To wit:

Videos of a certain artist crooning a certain song. I'd spill the beans but then the BBC cunt would discover it, and, as you can well imagine, we can't have that. At least not until The Big Hole Fiasco materialises.