Monday, February 11, 2013

family day!

our benevolent premier declared that the second monday in february will be family day. a paid holiday honoring families in british columbia. another holiday; if that isn't nice, what is?

our beloved premier is very low in the public opinion polls and with an election just around the corner she's giving us another holiday. it might be called family day but being in a traditional family has fuck all to do with whether or not you get the day off. it all comes down to who you work for. all provincial civil servants get the day off but federal civil servants do not. all the service industry workers basically get fucked too. i needed some postage stamps and saw a mailman out on his route, federal civil servant, so i went to the local post office that is inside a 7-11. the post office was closed but the 7-11 clerk was happy to sell me some stamps. so the letter carriers were out on their routes but the workers in the post office had the day off. go figure.

as near as i can figure there are 3 things a politician must know:

1. familes - good.

2. middle class - good.

3. drunk drivers - bad.

it seems that every time a politician fucks up they either come out and say we must do more for our middle class and families or we must crack down on drunk drivers. in canada it seems like the provinces compete for the toughest drunk driving laws.

as a member of the middle class and a family guy to boot i can honestly say we don't need any fucking help or stupid holidays. the people that really need help are the working single mothers and crack whores. i know a few single mothers and they have it tough. i don't know any crack whores but it sounds like a really tough job.

and now, a moment of silence in memory of a fine man who will no longer visit this blog or consider me his friend.

i love you sons of bitches.


Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

".....i know a few single mothers and they have it tough...."

Well admit your paternity and help the children having children for fuck's sake!

And Ontario has had a February "Family Day" for at least two years now, I think.

And Drunk Driving is only bad if you are the one doing it and you get caught. If a loved one is killed by a Drunk Driver? Well, as your soon-to-be much lamented BBC would say, "Buck up Baby" - and he's right! It's just another cost of doing business.

billy pilgrim said...

yup, i reckon i'll never see that old photograph of helen's arse.

has your tutor seen the "kill list" by the passionate eye?

obama is creating terrorists faster than the military industrial complex can kill them.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Family day should be for women to get in the family way. You've got too much space in Canada and not enough people to fill it. If you had a bigger population, William Shatner might not have run away to Hollywood. Has William Shatner been honoured in his homeland?

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

"......obama is creating terrorists faster than the military industrial complex can kill them......."

That's hardly relevant. The singular purpose of the MIC is to make money. More people to kill, more money to be made.

The Tutor does not view ANYTHING produced in The Canadas or by Canadians. He's funny that way.

Leslie has BBC's entire blog history committed to memory. If he has posted a photograph of that poor woman's arse, Leslie will find it for you.
But do we all really want to know if we would make a carbuncle on the lady's buttocks? Personally, I would rather remain in blissful ignorance.

billy pilgrim said...

gb - good point, like all western countries we face a declining birth rate. maybe we could offer free shatner sperm on family day next year.

aquarian - as the administrator, i determine what is and what is not relevant.

if it comes from me, it's relevant.

your tutor is irrelevant.

harry said...

Some single mothers ARE crack whores.

Some crack whores are single mothers.

Cocaine; it's a hell of a drug !

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The Tutor would like you, pilgrim, to fuck off - relevantly, of course.

Willy Cook said...

The tutor and the Pilgrim can both go fuck off.

billy pilgrim said...

where is the love for your benevolent administrator?

i might have to start more actively moderating comments to bring back an old friend.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

I must be brutally honest, Herr Benevolent Administrator, but this place is nowt but banal without the King of Banal disgorging the minutiae of his exciting life hither and thither.
I fear "Moderating" is the only answer - the BBC just loves blogs that moderate.

Leslie said...

Pilgrim, I think you scared him off yourself by calling him a fucking pussy. He doesn't care what I say, I'm just a spoiled tit-adjusting ass pimple.

Hugh G Rekshonn said...

Moderate THIS ya fuckin' monkey!

peppylady (Dora) said...

It seem like you Canadian have it good with your place of employment. Must be majority of the people belongs to union of some type.
Must people in Idaho would consider them self if they got paid a buck above minimum wage which is $7.25 an hour.
Now for holiday pay..One would consider them self also lucky to have the day off (no pay) with out loosing there job.

I hear political circus here talking about family value..but it more like barking in the wind...Coffee is on.

billy pilgrim said...

the benevolent administrator likes you moniker of "king" for my former friend and hopefully future friend.

i request that he be referred to as "king" henceforth. this might bring him back.

hugh - i'm intimidated by your hugh g rekshonn.

peppy - sounds like the workers are well contained in idaho. our minimum wage is $10.25 but our cost of living is also sky high.

Galt-in-Da-Box said...

This thread's a riot, absolutely awesome.
Used to make $10.25/hr back in the good old days when Bill Clinton was President & minimum wage was $4.25 - best days of America. We're fucked now, of course, but it was a damn awesome ride while it lasted!

texlahoma said...

Our lieutenant governor (married with children) got caught having an affair with her body guard (an Oklahoma Highway Patrol officer) then she ran for governor on a family values platform, and won!

Leslie said...

Family Day in America.

You're welcome!

billy pilgrim said...

galt - what a long strange trip it's been. i'm not cashing my chips in yet. there's still lots left on the table.

tex - you certainly do have interesting politicians. and i suspect a good deal of your religious leaders have skeletons in their family values closet.

leslie - i don't remember thanking you.

billy pilgrim said...

happy valentines day.

of course you sons of bitches already know that i love you.

i hope helen gets something good from the king.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The folks who give a shite about these things tell me that Sweet Williams Floral and Gift Shoppe has NOT received any wire orders from you cheap bastards.


It won't coat you a King's ransom! We've a dozen tulips for 12 bucks - (plus HST at 450%)! How inexpensive is that?
And many different colours!

billy pilgrim said...

i just paid $27.99 (plus hst) for a dozen roses.

a young pimply faced zipper head ahead of me paid $76 for a mixed bouquet.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Your roses, pilgrim, are the low-grade quality from low-grade farms. They are awash in nasty pesticides which are legal in Colombia/Ecuador from whence they no doubt originated.

Wash then in a bucket of table vinegar - if you would like the recipient to live a long life free of immediate disfiguring cancer.

Dispose of the bucket of violated vinegar the next time you traverse the border on your way to your monthly hootenanny with The King.

Leslie said...

I hope BBC got Helen some Clearasil. I hear they have a new reach-around dab-on stick that's perfect for ass pimples.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...



That's so 1970s American Bandstand Jan and Marcia Brady!
How old are you again?

Try "Proactiv".

Leslie said...

Proactiv is better for you because it works on inner thigh carbuncles. Ass pimples? Definitely Clearasil.

So 1970's? You mean like ABBA?

billy pilgrim said...

i didn't get to where i am today by washing roses in vinegar but i thank you for referring to bbc as the king.

bbc = king

king = bbc

billy pilgrim said...

i'm pretty sure the king uses wd-40 to treat skin blemishes.

i think our first disagreement was over the uses for wd-40.

Leslie said...

I remember that. He told you it made for great lube when he was having sexytime with his then-girlfriend, the plastic vagina, and you told him to watch his language. Then he threatened to sodomize your garden gnome and called you a no good tit-licker. The bond you share is profound.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

If you don't like ABBA, you're a fag!

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Leslie knowledgeably intoned,

".....Ass pimples? Definitely Clearasil....."

And you know this because?

You're right about the carbuncle and Proactiv. Though 75% Hydrogen Peroxide is cheaper and can double as a rocket fuel AND as a cocktail for misbehavin' crack ho's when they need a little discipline.

Leslie said...

I think I have a crush on Frumpy Professor.

Leslie said...

(Not Frump 2.0. She still sucks).

thimscool said...

Not the first time you've crushed a machine, is it?

Galt, what's the story with the resignation of Pope Benedict?

thimscool said...

Not the first time you've crushed a machine, is it?

Galt, what's the story with the resignation of Pope Benedict?

Leslie said...

Why no it isn't, Thimscool. Thank you for keeping tabs. In fact I killed another laptop, just this morning. Luckily I found a new one in my empire-building closet -some leftover swag from a nine-iron corporate-sponsored event at which I pretended to work.

thimscool said...

I think the proprietor's new term of art is zipper head.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Did the new laptop come pre-loaded with "Manga" and "Hello Kitty" content?

Leslie said...

And you can fuck right off, ALTF! There is nothing wrong with a garnet-colored laptop!

billy pilgrim said...

i think i made a mistake.

it should be sipper head.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Leslie insisted,

"......And you can fuck right off, ALTF! There is nothing wrong with a garnet-colored(sic) laptop!......"

Agreed, the perversity lay with the owner. The sad, colour-appreciationally-challenged owner.

harry said...

thimscool - what is your take on this Papal house arrest ?

Just in a snit over the Spring fashions or what?

I hope Galt pipes back in with his view.

pilgrim ?

Leslie said...

What about me, Harry? I have some dope Pope insight. Or is this fucking bitch's viewpoint invalid as long as I wouldn't make a pimple on Helen's ass? Or do you simply not want to risk the wrath of BBcKing by addressing me?

thimscool said...

Yeah, Harry! Sister Leslie will now bring the dope Pope insight...

billy pilgrim said...

want to know what happened to the pope? think pro rasslin.

being the champ in pro rasslin has nothing to do with rasslin ability. it all has to do with putting arses in the seats and selling t-shirts etc.

the catholic church under ratzinger wasn't putting arses in the pews or selling trinkets so they took the championship belt off him. remember those catholic come home ads? not enough came home so the ratzinger is gone.

or maybe they found out he had a jewish grandmother.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

billy pilgrim said,

".....or maybe they found out he had a jewish grandmother......"

Herr Ratzinger was in the Hitler-Jugend, Bund deutscher Arbeiterjugend. I suspect he may have already been vetted for that possibility.

harry said...

Dear Sister Leslie, wrath of the BBC be damned; besides, I have it on good authority that he'll not stoop to pilgrims low level here any longer, ahem.

You have always had the most valid of comments and I am always interested in your perspective; especially so as you live in that most catholick of American cities, The Big Easy.

Have you ever read Robert Ruarks Grenadine Etching?

Carmelita said...

Happy Valentines day sweetie.

I wish you would return my emails.

harry said...

pilgrim- Indeed, it's all aboot keeping the stands full of supple young sinners hungry for....korn dogs und beer.

I think that once he got the Pedi-files all tidied up at the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith, AKA, the Holy Inquisition, it was a case of assassinating the assassin.

Ah, good times.

harry said...

You talk in' to ME you devil eyed woman?

If that ain't the Mayan Eye Of Coitus I'll be a monkeys fucking uncle.

Meet me after the show.

billy pilgrim said...

for you mr thims.


billy pilgrim said...

well harry, she sure as hell isn't talking to the king since he's forsaken me.

(until he opens a bottle of schnapps and regains his courage)

harry said...

pilgrim- much as I hate to say it, I think Carmelita was actually addressing her question to you.

You lucky fuckin' monkey.

Mr. Shife said...

Sorry you lost a friend. I had to say goodbye to him a long time ago as he crossed the line on my blog. Good to know politicians across the border are like the ones in the US and they only care about getting re-elected. Have a good weekend, BP.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

harry said,

"......Mayan Eye Of Coitus......"

The Tutor is an expert, without Academic standing mind, in all things Classic Mayan and he knows nowt about this.

Please to expound on the concept?

billy pilgrim said...

harry - you might be right but i'm playing hard to get.

mr shife - calling bbc a friend may be a bit of a stretch. a social experiment might be a more apt description.

the experiment is progressing nicely.

aquarian - that confirms the tutor is losing his relevance. i'll get all my grammar advice from harry in the future.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The relevance of The Tutor is relative. And as far as I can determine, he has never been relevant here - he is, however, undiscriminating in his largesse.

Speaking of Discriminants.........

One might think of The Tutor's actions herein in terms of the 'relevance' of the Quadratic Equation, a univariate polynomial equation of the second degree, to a room full of second graders.

Yawny yawny cunt cunt?


Leslie said...

Are the relatives of the tutor relevant? Cuz that would kickstart this party fo sho!

Harry, I haven't read it but I like the title. Why do you ask? Is it about redheaded tit-adjusters like me?

Btw, y'all, I got a speeding ticket this morning in NYC! Top that for WTF and my hands were nowhere near my boobs or my phone, I was just fuckin gunning it like a champ cuz that's how I roll.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

I reckon our erstwhile friend, BBC, would tell us the "H" in the oft' heard expletive, "Jesus H. Christ" represented the word "Hucking". Especially when his cheap 'adhesive' compound is revealing its 'cheapness'.
Avoid having him face you when he is articulating this phrase.

harry said...

Sister Leslie - I asked because you are obviously so well versed; it's an amusing little tale of old New Orleans.

I believe Grenadine to be silver blond; believe the tits are perfect, never in need of adjusting.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Caucasoid males(1) over the age of 18 months who have a fascination with teats as something other than a source of nutrition are fuct up - they are no longer a source of true nutrition for them. Any male, regardless of age, who has a fascination with teats as something other than a source of questionable nutrition is equally fuct up.

(1) I say Caucasoid because Aboriginals can digest lactose until at least the age of 6 years. Caucasoids lose that ability by the age of 1 and 1/2 years.

Leslie said...

Who doesn't like boobs you fucking weirdo.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Only those infected with the Judeo-Christian cultural disease sexualise teats. And, so far at least, they comprise a minority segment of the 7 billion on this, BBC's rock.

Majority rules!

thimscool said...



billy pilgrim said...

this is where i need the king. when it comes to tits, he is the king.

maybe if i updated my profile and became a professor the king would return.

harry said...

Sister Leslie - Congratulations of the NYC speeding ticket.

Fight it if you have a clean record or even if you don't; if you have the resources.


Professor pilgrim?

Leslie said...

Yeah, I don't have any points on my license. The cop told me if I just show up to the cattle call court date they will automaticaly reduce the fine (currently $200) and 86 the points if I'm polite and don't throw some convoluted "my baby was choking on a Dorito and the babysitter she had to go home cuz her mama was having a seizure I had to speed I ain't want my baby to die" story on them.

I have two weeks to work on polite.

harry said...

Beware NYPD bearing gifts, insurance co doesn't care.

Besides, two weeks? Hahahahaha!