Tuesday, July 2, 2013

donald

i don't know what has happened to donald. he seems to have quit growing and his bottom leaves are getting a touch discolored. the missus misses no opportunity to tell me that donald is nothing but a weed. he might be a weed but he's my weed. or a jay would say to silent bob, that's not a weed, that's the holy fucking weed.

we are currently having a wee heat wave that is proving to be just what the doctor ordered for the tomato plants. i have never had tomatoes this early, it's usually mid august before things start to take shape. the only problem is a dearth of bees. there are a shitload of bees in our front yard where all the colorful flowers are but very few in the back yard so i've been trying to pollinate them myself. so far, so good.

after my short stay in the loony bin i've decided to watch one flew over the cuckoos nest for my 15 minutes of bliss before retiring to bed. i've always thought that it was one of the top 5 films ever produced. i can start laughing by just looking at danny devito and christopher lloyd. at times it can be painful watching billy grasp for words but i guess the mixture of humor and human frailty are what sets it apart from most other films.

time to trim a little fat.

i love you sons of bitches.

62 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I always wondered why Jack Nicholson's character was in that place. He seemed more horny than nuts. Maybe he should have tried making a pass at Nurse Ratched to loosen her up. Glad to hear your tomatoes are doing well.

BBC said...

Been so long since I saw that movie that I don't recall it.

My tomato plant is also doing great, I hope the neighbor will keep it watered when I'm gone.

Anonymous said...

"......but very few(bees) in the back yard so i've been trying to pollinate them myself. so far, so good......"

Nature abhors incestuous propagation and prefers cross pollination. Are "bees" the preferred insect vector for the cross-pollination of tomato plants in vivo?

Sonication, or "buzz pollination", is the preferred means for the tomato cultivar. And as I am sure ALL your readers are aware, no one is as adept as you when it comes to "buzz" activities.

Innit?

Bob Harrison said...

One is also in my top five list.

texlahoma said...

Our weather has been freakin unbelievable! A low of 58 degrees Ferinheight, a high of 85 with low humidity. It's usually 100 this time of year.

I harvested my first tomato yesterday.

Donald is special whatever he is.

billy pilgrim said...

gb - like me, mcmurphy thought the nut house was really the fun house.

king - i'll be you could build an automatic watering gizmo.

aquarian - mother nature has been letting down a lot lately.

bob - how about top 3?

tex - i'm green with envy. i better go water and sing to the little angels right now.

Leslie said...

Perhaps Donald is depressed about his name?

BBC, who is taking care of Helen while you gallivant?

BBC said...

You stupid bitch, Helen has a lot of friends that will look after her while I'm gone. I'm just her main care taker is all. And she isn't completely fucking helpless.

BBC said...

We all get by with a little help from our friends, except maybe for Leslie, she doesn't seem to have any.

BBC said...

What the hell, if you don't need anyone else you don't need anyone else. Yes?

billy pilgrim said...

yes! long live the king.

Fabio Van Manly said...

Prigs, the whole lot of you.

billy pilgrim said...

g.r. - the king is no fucking prig. neither am i and i suspect farmer giles has a royal heritage.

Anonymous said...

"G.R." should be "G.E.R.", if the handsome devil wanted to be considered nominatively correct.
Then again, why would ze?

Anonymous said...

July 3, 2013 at 6:58 PM
BBC said...
We all get by with a little help from our friends, except maybe for Leslie, she doesn't seem to have any.

July 3, 2013 at 7:04 PM
BBC said...
What the hell, if you don't need anyone else you don't need anyone else. Yes?


WTF???????!?
Are you actually being nice to Leslie, not to mention accepting of her?

Leslie said...

BBC, I have a friend in Jesus.

Anonymous said...

BBC, I have a friend in need.

Farmer Giles said...

Well, Mr Billy, sir, seems like I have dropped by at a bad time, lots of arguing and bickering and the like. Reminds me of our annual snail racing event.

I hope to post a more personal comment, sir, especially one which touches on your remarkable sense of wit and sharp humour, squire.

Thanking you from Dartmoor for your kind and restful hilarious comments.

May the force of manure be with you, fine sir.

Farmer Giles, always glad to help.

Anonymous said...

Tell us more about Dartmoor and the Aidensfield Arms.
We do so love the English bucolic.

billy pilgrim said...

you're a breath of fresh air farmer giles.

as for the bickering, i find it rather pleasant. much better than the insincere bullshit going on over at facebook. i believe that the ladies sincerely resent the many successes of the king, mr bbc. and conversely, i believe the king sincerely considers the 2 ladies to be a pair of cunts.

sincere r us.

BBC said...

Only because I can't think of a more derogatory word for them.

Mr. Shife said...

Well best of wishes to Donald as I hope he is able to make it through the season. I have not seen "One Who Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" in a long ass time but it is a good one. Need to put that on the list to watch again. Take care of yourself BP and have a great weekend.

Anonymous said...

billy pilgrim attested,

".......i believe the king sincerely considers the 2 ladies to be a pair of cunts......."

BBC grunted,

".....Only because I can't think of a more derogatory word for them......"

Dear oh dear.
This just goes to show the utter folly of teaching Caucasoids to read and write.

The term 'cunt' heretofore was a slur in almost every context. The erstwhile offensiveness of 'cunt' resided also in its plosive phonetics and its semantic reductionism, the word is an ugly sonic package; as compact as a stone!
Ha!
Sonic package of power!
This word, however, has been reclaimed by some confident women as an ironic self-identifier in the same way that other, older, terms of disparagement have been adopted by certain other people they describe – like the word, 'queer' in the Gay community.

We homogametic cuntbutlers, founding members of "The Strap-On Veterans For Truth", intend a full re-appropriation of this word – a counter-hegemonic re-purposing as it were - it is now ours!
You cunts can go fuck yourselves!
Reverse pejoration!
We own it!
We are it!
We live it!

Still, 'cunt' will remain an insult to men because it acts as a verbal castration, removing their masculinity by denying them their penis!

Ha!

Call us a cunt?
Firstly, "Thank you" and if you had malice, well, "Right back atcha girly-man!"


After all, we are nowt but lowly base animals of the troth when it comes down to it.

In other words, for the benefit of you idiots, 'cunt' is only injurious to those who are male and any females who have yet to see the light.

BBC?
Congratulations on you mastery of the pentasyllabic 'derogatory'.
Well done!
Cunt!

billy pilgrim said...

thanks mr shife, the weather is glorious and life is good.

aquarian - years and years ago men were very busy and didn't have time to tell their friends that the wife couldn't understand normal thinking so it was shortened to cunt but i've mentioned this before. perhaps you weren't paying attention or were unable to understand normal thinking.

BBC said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Did you just call me a cunt? Thank you so much!
Hopefully articulated with the abrasive phonetics of the harsh, unsibilant 'C', then the Neanderthalic grunt of the 'U' and that 'N', finished off with the contemptuous spit of the final 'T'?
This would please me.



Interesting etymology though.
I thought 'cunt' was short for 'country' not altogether unlike 'frat' is short for 'fraternity'?

You are right, I can't understand normal thinking.
I am glad, however, that sufficiently enough of you lot do - makes for a fine world populated as it is with the easily exploited.

Anonymous said...

billy pilgrim acronymed,

"......were unable to understand normal thinking......"

"UTUNT"

I don't get it.

UBUNTU maybe?

Leslie said...

I don't believe for one second that BBC even got Pilgrim's Couldn't Understand Normal Thinking joke. Nope, he just has his head up the ass of anyone who defends him.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Fidel Castro said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

BBC said...

Wouldn’t you just love to be in a survival situation with a cunt? They can’t understand normal thinking and won’t fall in line behind the leader and follow orders that are good for the good of all. But they have done all the cleaver things they can do with shelving paper so they have to fuck with the order of other things. There is no room in my life for cunts that won’t follow me.

Leslie said...

I would never follow a self-proclaimed leader with no teeth. It's an indication of your inability to take care of things. There is no room in my life for a scrawny prick with a god complex.

Shelving paper? You do realize it's no longer 1957, right?

billy pilgrim said...

the king makes and excellent point.

Omar said...

"There is no room in my life for cunts that won’t follow me."

HAHAHAHAHAHA



billy pilgrim said...

there's no room in my life for a cunt that follows me everywhere.

Omar said...

Dearest Cunt Leslie,

I will be travelling to Spain this coming November. Meet me in Seville?

xoxoxox

PS..ima scrawny prick with a god complex, but I'm sure we can come to some sort of comfortable travel arrangement.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Leslie,

In early August, The Tutor and I will spend a few days in YOW directly followed by two weeks in DCA. Then, again, directly followed by some time in whatever/wherever the IATA code is for the place Mr. Snowden would be found at that time.
This ought to pique the interests of the Intelligence Agencies of various Western Democracies.

Don't fecking come anywhere near us Leslie!

Leslie said...

Five Canadians confirmed dead in that Quebec train explosion. No word on how many humans perished.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Notice I have added 16.66 repeater percent more "HA" in my cachinnation than appears to be customary for such things here.
This was done to express my approval of Leslie's ironically ironic irony.

Leslie said...

There's a nine iron/plane crash version available if you're interested.

Does no one else here find my "take no prisoners" wit refreshing?

Grumpy old bastards.



I do love Spain, though. Would there be birthday presents involved?

BBC said...

Sadly….

Their continued presence here confirms that a couple of cunts did not die there.

Sigh....

Anonymous said...

Leslie grasped,

".....I do love Spain, though. Would there be birthday presents involved?....."

I too enjoy the Iberian peninsula, but Seville?
In November?
Perhaps one of your presents could be return passage to Málaga or Ibiza?

Omar said...

Would there be birthday presents involved? You mean other than finally meeting and spending time with me? No. Well, maybe. November too is my astrological birthday; maybe we could get each other a little something? Or do something together. Tattoos maybe? I know a spot. We would become mysteriously and somewhat strangely connected for life through our Spanish birthday skin art!


ALTF gasped,

...."I too enjoy the Iberian peninsula, but Seville? In November? Perhaps one of your presents could be return passage to Málaga or Ibiza?...

Seville November days a little chilly for ya there, sags?

Anonymous said...

Not the cold, per se, the rain.
The horrible incessant rain.
And then there's the smell of the Atlantic - the snot green and scrotum tightening Atlantic! Awash in waves of despair buffeted by the flotsam of despondency
If by 'sags' you mean 'sagacious', you're right!

Promise the fay Leslie an idyllic frolic on China Beach (Danang, Vietnam) and she show you how she can walk in beach sand with 4 inch stilettos.

Anonymous said...

The real "Leslie" exposed.
Not exactly a frumpy Polish professor, but still, nice enough.


http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1552136/resume

Anonymous said...

Or better yet, Mr. Omar, if you've the stomach for it, 'cause were talking a blinding albedo here, take Ms. Stuckey to a certain cemetery in a certain town in a certain Emerald Isle - see what she can do there!

Cast a cold Eye
On Life, on Death,
On pebbled Cunt.
Horseman, pass by!

Anonymous said...

Oh wait.......
That was/is me.
Never mind.

http://aquarianslovetofuck.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-wanderings-of-alt-f.html

Leslie said...

Oh wait...

There's a difference?? Have you not absorbed/stolen every colorful detail of my well-lived and allegedly fabricated existence and made them your own?

Now hyperlink or fuck off, Sags!

Omar- for reasons I can't share, tattoos are not for me. What else ya got? And did you think I'd forgotten you're a member of the Scorpio Elite?

Leslie said...

Oh wait...

There's a difference?? Have you not absorbed/stolen every colorful detail of my well-lived and allegedly fabricated existence and made them your own?

Now hyperlink or fuck off, Sags!

Omar- for reasons I can't share, tattoos are not for me. What else ya got? And did you think I'd forgotten you're a member of the Scorpio Elite?

Anonymous said...

Sophie, re-doubled her efforts with,

"......There's a difference?? Have you not absorbed/stolen every colorful(sic) detail of my well-lived and allegedly fabricated existence and made them your own?......"

Ermmmmmmmm.......
Well, all except your Scorpion Elite proclivity for redundancy that is.

Query?
"....my well lived life...."
Why the past tense?

Anonymous said...

I feel badly for BBC.
Relegated to the periphery because there are no peers around with whom he might play today.

There is no room in his life for cunts who won’t follow him. Presumably, there is room in his life for cunts who will follow him. Where are they though?
Sadly, there are none.

Sigh...

BBC said...

No, there is no room in my life for cunts that will follow me either. I just don't like cunts....

Anonymous said...

Do you prefer cocks then?
Are you a Gaybo BBC?

BBC said...

Sterculian Rhetoric.....

You are a fucking idiot, there's plenty of good women in my life, just no cunts.

Got more money than I spend and have assets you don't fucking know about cuz you're a fucking idiot.

Anonymous said...

Plenty of good women in your life, just no cunts?

Chicks with dicks then?
How outrageously progressive of you BBC.

Sterculian Rhetoric knows ALL about you BBC. We've gone over this before. Email The Tutor:

gerbsc@gmail.com

He'll tell you what everyone knows about you.
You'll be very surprised. We know things about you that you don't even know!
Forgotten bank accounts for instance.

BBC said...

I don't email cunts and idiots, or look at their links.

And I have no more time today to remind cunts and idiots that they are fucking cunts and idiots.

*poof*

Anonymous said...

Chicks with dicks it is!
You're badass BBC!
I'll give you that!

billy pilgrim said...

yes, the king is a badass and i think he deserves a little respect.

billy pilgrim said...

leslie - the railroad victims were all humans, unlike you.

thimscool said...

There are some mighty testy testes up in here.

Omar said...

Squirt squirt squirt squirt.

Farmer Giles said...

Mr Pilgrim, sir, it is with great pleasure that I once again drop on by to read the goings on on your bog.

You are indeed the sort of man whom I have met so many times over during the course of my life; always sharp-witted, intelligent in thought as well as in comment, honourable and most of all, damn right funny - you make my day after I have read that which you have written.

Much talk of cunts and dicks, I have observed. I have to admit that, in your sense and usage of these words, I have met and know many of this ilk. Please do not be too shocked, but when I lived the life (before meeting the late Mrs Giles), I was always heading to farmers balls, far and wide, and have to confess to enjoying penetrating as many cunts of those lovely consenting lady folk who wished to accommodate my dick as possible. Memories, memories, and mighty fine ones too.

It would appear that we use the 'C' word in different terms, or as a form of differing expressiveness. We use the 'C' word to describe vaginas, or to refer to someone who is behaving stupidly as a daft 'C'. To call someone a stupid 'C' would be to say that they are nothing more than just that.

A Mr BBC commented on my blog, "That may explain why Billy Pilgrim likes you, he is a Deadwood fan and back then we tossed cunts to the pigs to eat." I tried to thank him on his bog but am unsure as how to do so. I keep being told that I do not have permission. Still, I am still learning a lot of things about pen-palling.

Your own comment, sir, raised my laughter to the roof. You are a card, squire. I assume that you are referring to an old favourite, Reggie Perrin, sir. Actually, the horse was a huge Irish Shire, and the last thing you need is a kick in the balls from one of those animals.

Us Dartmoor farmers have no qualms about homosexuality, but sometimes when you go to the aid of an associate or friend who has received a kick to the balls, then assessment, and often massage, are the only cure. However, not many of our folk take pleasure from this, although there are, and have been, a couple who have been quite keen to go through this treatment. Perhaps shocking, but true. Yet, we are all open-minded as well as broad-minded, here. Live and let live we say.

To you sir, thank you and thank you mostly for the laughs, Mr Pilgrim. May the sun shine for you.


Farmer Giles, always glad to help.