who be blue?
i be blue, let me count the ways:
i just found out my best friend from high school died.
another good friend has a neurological muscular disease that has now fucked up his breathing.
my current best friend has been in a deep depression and every conversation turns into his wanting to commit suicide.
randy travis is in critical condition and i love that son of a bitch.
half a fucking tooth fell off today, major dental work.
so cry me a fucking river or tell me fuck off and quit complaining.
on the positive side an ORPHANED KILLER WHALE IS THRIVING IN THE WILD. i'd still like to go blow up a few nine iron whaling vessels.
and finally, this MADE ME LAUGH.
this song cheered me up a little and may have prevented me from going back to the nut house.
i love you sons of bitches. shit i feel better already!
and for reading all the way through my nauseating self pity, let me pass along something clever i heard on OZ last night:
television is a medium, rarely well done.
67 comments:
Three words: Berry Pomegranate Mio.
will that cure my tooth ache or sink a whaling ship?
Who be blue...oh not me. So sorry to hear about saddness in your life.
Coffee is on
What a shit storm. I hope you have a bolt of good news today.
I'll attack the next TV set I see with a steak knife. I hope your current best friend gets through it without harming himself. The fact that he's still talking to you is some cause for hope.
Omar, I thought you were the healthy type. Why would you use that fake sweetener food dye lab rat killer chemical swirl? Do you just like the pretty colors?
The pretty colors[sic] notwithstanding, I don't consume BPM q.2.h. Besides, I really don't consider my body a temple, more a well run falafel joint.
glad you're not blue peppy, it must be the coffee
thims - my shit storm would just be a light summer shower for some people so maybe i should count my blessings.
1,2,3.....
gb - it was the first time i heard that expression but i guess it's been around for a while.
omar - i was behind a guy at the grocery check out who was buying that stuff, surprisingly he didn't buy any lottery tickets or cigarettes.
i have a temporary crown and will wait for the dentist to call in a few weeks after she gets approval from the dental plans. i wasn't really paying attention to what she said had to be done.
Having gotten rid of the teeth that were trying to kill me I can't much feel sorry for your plight just because you have fucking dental care there to keep dentists employed.
At the rate you half wits are going I'm going to outlive all of you and will have to go find new friends.
May you live lone and phosphor, hahahahaha
Phosphor: A synthetic substance that is fluorescent or phosphorescent; used to coat the screens of cathode ray tubes. Hahahahaha
If there is one thing I have learned in my seventy years of life on this rock it's that 99.9 percent of your friends are temporary.
excellent observation on the temporary friends. mine are all dying.
long live the king!
Mr Pilgrim, sir, it is with great pleasure (and a sense of sadness, after reading about the recent misfortunes of some of your friends and associates) that I drop by again to see how your life is progressing.
It appears that even in the face of adversity, you have the strength and resolution to overcome such hard times. My problems now seem to pale themselves into insignificance after the heartbreak that I have just read, squire.
I guess things could be worse, sir, but in reality, I think I am just trying to pacify you when I say this. Please be positive in mind and action, sir. I would be devastated if you ended up back in that 'barmy' house again. You are a card, squire, and thank you for the hilarious comments on my bog, and may the Dartmoor sun shine on you.
On a more serious note, I sincerely hope that the misfortunes of your friends soon pass.
And on an even more serious note, I am just trying to work out how the Dartmoor sun will reach you in Canada. Perhaps I will have to refer to some f my old farming astrology charts and the likes.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Seems like the bad stuff runs in triplets, or sixlets, or sometimes twelvelets (yes, Aquarian, I know the correct terms for these...) without a break. Been there myself - kinda there right now and have been for a bit. They tell me that it'll get better - so I'll tell you the same thing. I'm sending you a slew of positive energy...if it can make it across the Canadian border...
farmer giles - i have a temporary crown and don't have to see the dentist for a few weeks so all is well with my world. would you think less of me if i told you that my teeth are more important to me than my friends battle with depression?
i'm happy as a clam and fit as a fiddle, the nut house can work wonders if you go in with the right attitude. you gotta remember that everyone in there is nuts including the staff so just sit back and enjoy the show and the drugs. they gave me a coupon for 50% off my next visit.
doc - fuck yeah, it always gets better. it's like shitty winter weather. it'll turn in the summer and going through the winter shit makes you appreciate summer all the more.
of course anyone who dreams of being a polish professor might be beyond help.
I'm gonna try Big Hole first. If that doesn't work...maybe I'll give the nut house a go.
good idea doc, the king is probably smarter than all those drug pushers in lab coats at the nut house. although the apple pie on tuesdays was quite delicious at the nut house.
it looks like frump is back in the game and hasn't learned a goddamned thing.
i don't think he'd be very popular in the nut house. he lacks my je nais se quois.
it looks like frump is back in the game and hasn't learned a goddamned thing.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fuck off and quit complaining.
You should have chosen your friends with greater care.
Doc Teri admitted,
".......Seems like the bad stuff runs in triplets, or sixlets, or sometimes twelvelets (yes, Aquarian, I know the correct terms for these...) without a break......."
You could have used them anyway and then just added a list of definitions like the ever illuminating and considerate BBC did for "phosphor"?
I can't decide which of us is the more condescending of this incestuous wank-circle.
BBC?
Not all phosphors are synthetic.
I’d rather have a fucked up Frump for a friend than have a mean bitch for a friend.
I wonder if this 'Frump' person would want you for a friend, especially after you call him 'fucked up Frump'?
I feel very sorry for you BBC. You are nowhere near bright enough to conceive of, much less use, truly effective derogational epithets. So you must use clichéd, boring and pedestrian characterisations or expressions invectively as terms of abuse or contempt.
Bitch?
Fucking idiot?
Cunt?
Oh dear.
Yawny yawny cunt cunt!
Loser!
thanks aquarian, i needed someone to kick me in the ass and yes i should choose my friends more carefully.
i just tossed you a little batting practice.
The "real" lyrics to that Eurythmics' pop classic are:
"Sweet Dreams are made of cheese;
Who am I to diss a brie;
I travel the world and the Cheddar Cheese;
Everybody's looking for Stilton."
Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking pop history revisionist.
And Rihanna sings, "We found Dove in a soapless place".
A mental patient once told me HEMP stands for
Helps
Every
Mental
Patient
wow tex, that's way better than can't understand normal thinking. if i was already cured, that would have cured me. you've made my day!
Smith & Wesson stock has appreciated over 20% since the onset of the Martin-Zimmerman trial.
If the Jew is not found Guilty, I reckon the German brethren of Tray Von Martin will make their displeasure known.
The Market seems to know the result already.
Butchie advised me to hunker down with Spam and a shotgun. I trust Butchie.
Well shit BP that stinks about your friends, Randy Travis, and your tooth. Hopefully you get some better news after your crap storm. I think you, me, Tank and Ruby need to get us a ship and show those whaling pricks a thing or two. Take care of yourself buddy.
Seriously? Spam and shotguns over the result of yet another American race trial? lol, Zzzz...
So who isn't depressed? Life sucks and then you die. It's a given.
Here's a whale for you, Pilgrim.
Awesome nine-iron humor (sic), courtesy of America.
Questions not meant to be answered
How many whales would you kill to save yourself?
How many to save someone a little less loved - your child/spouse(s)/parent(s) for instance?
Would you kill BBC to save a whale if:
It was a cute Beluga?
It was an ugly Right?
Or would you terminate BBC whether a whale was at risk or not.
Besides the Japanese, the Nordic countries (the place from whence your ancestors hailed, yes pilgrim?) are also 'Whalers'. Norway and the Faroe Islands (or 'Pharaoh' Islands as a Yankee friend once called them) being the most notorious.
Nothing's cuter than a baby Beluga!! BBC wouldn't make a pimple on a baby Beluga's ass!
I would terminate those bitches just to get them off the internut. The babbling bitch’s are just fucking bitch’s with a big vocabulary’s that impresses no one.
Baby Belugas are indeed cute, but a baby Manatee is even cuter! BBC wouldn't make a pimple on a pimple on a baby Manatee's bum.
"So BBC-ologists observe, a pimple
Hath smaller pimples that on it lay;
And these have smaller pimples to smite 'em.
And so proceeds Ad infinitum."
Next week we’ll be in the Big Hole enjoying ourselves and those bitches won’t be there so it’ll be a great time cuz they wouldn’t make a pimple on our asses.
BBC?
If big vocabulary's don't impresses you, what does?
Where's thimscool to appreciate my Swiftian adulteration?
BBC threatened,
"......I would terminate those bitches just to get them off the internut....."
From what I have seen in the last year or so, these 'babbling bitches' have succeeded in not only getting Google to append a Warning Page to your blog, but have also forced you to take it 'Private'.
It seems to me these ladies are "getting you off the Internut" - slowly, but surely.
They become stronger with each passing week while you become weaker and more obscure. You are now beginning your 71st year on this rock and I predict you will not be "on" the Internet to see in your 72nd.
nice whale leslie, i just finished reading leviathan by westerfeld. decent.
well ladies, the king's private blog is thriving and there's no warning. invited guest just breeze right in and are royally entertained.
Nothing is cuter than a baby Beluga! BBC wouldn't make a pimple on a baby Beluga's ass!
pilgrim revealed,
"......i just finished reading leviathan by westerfeld......"
I thought "Leviathan" was written by Thomas Hobbes?
I guess the two of us frequent different sections of the library in search of reading material.
Baby Belugas are indeed cute, but a baby Manatee is even cuter! BBC wouldn't make a pimple on a pimple on a baby Manatee's bum.
pilgrim?
I couldn't help but notice you have become a "moaning Minnie" of late. Ever increasing mentions of misfortune, yours and those of your acquaintances.
You must be becoming a terrible burden on your loved ones.
You would be wise to adopt more of your sovereign's attitudes. I mean, you don't see BBC complaining, now do you? No you do not! And he's 70 fucking years old and has to cross State lines to find people who don't yet know he's an asshole.
AND is impotent!
AND has no teeth!
In fact he has taken what most people would consider grave misfortune and turned it into a virtue! He's proud that he is toothless!
I think we can all learn something from this long-past-his-due-date bully.
Don't you?
Wtf? Why did my comment post twice, so far apart?? Pilgrim's blog must be built on Native American burial grounds.
Ha!
Leslie!
Your set up for that sucked!
First post at 8:11 AM: "Nothing's cuter than....."
Second post at 10:09 AM: "Nothing is cuter than...."
Attention to detail, babbling bitch, attention to detail!
Wtf? Why did my comment post twice, so far apart?? Pilgrim's blog must be built on Native American burial grounds.
A Modest Proposal for preventing the child of poor people in Canada, from being a burden on their florists or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick:
Fuck off and die ALT-F
The poor Leslie has just discovered how expensive it is keeping a posh car on the road in the great US of A, have some compassion!
Actually, now that I think about it, the fact that Leslie's posts of 8:11 AM and 10:09 AM are not exactly identical makes her "money shot" line, regarding the Native American burial grounds, funnier.
I take it back Leslie. You're the King!
If only thimscool and/or Omar were here, our clever references to Hobbes and Swift would not have fallen on deaf ears Bilious.
We toil as outcasts in ratified air my friend.
LOL! This place is a hot mess.
I can vouch for the easy in and out of BBC's gated community blog. And I figger he'll never figger out who I am, because he's one helluva fucking dumbass.
Does BBC's gated community blog have a Zimmerman-like Neighbourhood Watch volunteer?
Yes! Liberal Supporter!
Liberal Supporter?
THE Liberal Supporter who was a psycho-stalker of Bilious C. Pudenda back in 2008/9?
Yes. He loves BBC.
Have you seen his "about me"?
Some cretin impersonated me a while back, so now I have the drudgery of maintaining my own blog.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Best blog ever.
Perhaps he reinvented himself as P-Frump? That would explain a lot.
It's pimples all the way down...
You need your hair did, Leslie.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, again, the pleasure of your bog to read is entirely mine.
Thank you, squire for your concern with regards to Gizmo's teats. You are indeed a man of true compassion, sir and no doubt one who suckled well himself as a baby.
I understand the love that you mentioned, ahem (coughs rather gruffly, whilst beating chest in stereotypical Dartmoor farmer-like macho manner), Mr Pilgrim, sir, in a manly sort of way, of course.
On a side note, in case of any uncontrollable situations/occurrences, please remember squire, my Tammies are always available to be at your disposal, and perhaps a good, hard, sharp bite on the arses of those who are such a pain in such an anatomical region will be quick to learn their lesson, sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Mr Pilgrim, sir, I apologise most gracefully for using your bog to comment to your friend Mr BBC, sir. However, my reason(s) are both genuinely genuine and sincerely sincere, squire.
Mr/Sir BBC did thus comment,'When I lived in Utah we had to transport all our water to our sixty acres. It was a way of life there for many of us but the city had a great water delivery station for us, it would fill the three hundred tank in the bed of my truck in less than a minute. We do what we have to do, hang in there.'
Unfortunately, I can not find the route or path upon which to take to respond to Mr BBC. Hopefully, you will therefore be so understanding and kind as to let me reply to him here. I am indeed most grateful and indebted, Mr Pilgrim, sir.
Mr BBC, we too, sir are indeed fortunate to have reasonable facilities at our disposal. Currently, several Dartmoor farmers are trying to locate the source of our natural spring's blockage. I thank you most kindly, sir for your concern and wish you well. May the sun shine on you, good sir.
Farmer Giles, always glad to help.
Can you help a bitch with a dated hairstyle?
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