good bye 2014

it's the last day of 2014 and time to look forward to 2015. i haven't quite nailed down my new year's resolution but i'll come up with one for sure. maybe exercise a bit more and cut down on candy...... you know, the stuff that lasts a week or two.

2015 will be a year of transition for your's truly. i just put in what may well be my last day at the cracker factory. i'll still be on the payroll for several months and have let it be known that i'd be happy to come in and work but my immediate boss basically to me to fuck off. when i was a young man i dreamed of this day, retire and party every night like it's 1999. but a funny thing happened in the intervening 35 years, i got old! around about 50 the old body started telling that warranty was over and if i continued on with my merry ways, there would be huge repair bills and maybe even a one way ticket to the here after. so it goes.

like most people i have a goal in retirement. no, i'm not going to travel, educate myself, become a better person, make amends etc. my goal is find a really cool pitbull at a shelter and begin another long beautiful friendship.

so here's to better days! 2015 will be an excellent year if we give it a chance and choose to ignore all the bullshit from the eternally pessimistic fearmongers.

l'chaim!

i love you sons of bitches!

lunchbag letdown

well, another disappointing xmas on the gift front. it seems people don't take me seriously when i tell them what i want:

the first time i saw a hitler teapot i said to myself: if that isn't nice, what is?

oh well, maybe next year.

i love you sons of bitches.

merry xmas

it's xmas eve and my glass is half empty. my glass is still half full when it comes to luck and countless other things but without ruby, the whole xmas experience is going to be painful. i have a few family obligations that have the potential for conflict. ruby was a polarizing figure, some people loved her and others didn't have a kind word to say about her. if anyone insults the memory of ruby this xmas season, i won't soon forget it. after ruby left the surface of this lovely planet i was too verklempt to pen a fitting farewell. i'm still too verklempt to sing her praises.

so merry fucking xmas. this is the first xmas in my entire life that will be observed without a four legged soul mate. and to top off the misery, no alcohol. for those that haven't followed the whole boring saga; it was dec 1 2005, that i quit drinking. the irony is that i only intended on quitting for a few weeks to get in shape for the xmas drinking season. the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry....

i hope my lack of enthusiasm for xmas isn't putting a damper on anyone else's holiday spirit. in this vein, there has been a change in xmas tunes. rather than the upbeat tune i had selected, i've decided to go with a sad little ditty regarding xmas:

merry xmas to you sons of bitches whom i love so. (i have to begin preparing for a turkey dinner that i wish i wasn't hosting.)

lucky?

is your glass half empty or half full?

i'm a half full kind of a guy but it might be dangerous to my health. last week i was hit by a car whilst riding the iron maiden. it was a pretty good collision, i traveled several feet in the air and like my previous mishaps, several thoughts flashed through my head before hitting the ground. primarily: fuck me, i gotta start wearing a helmet one of these days. it was a busy street and i got knocked into the oncoming traffic but luckily the car coming towards me had enough time to stop.

the front derailleur was all bent out of shape but the rest of the bike was fine. this is the 3rd accident i've had on the iron maiden and she sure lives up to her name. that son of bitch is indestructible. for the life of me, i can't figure out how that derailleur got all bent of shape because it's about the most protected piece of equipment on the bike. later that afternoon i went shopping and when i pulled my glasses out of the breast pocket in my jacket, one of lenses had been knocked out. ouch!

so here's the question: am i the luckiest son of bitch in the world walking away from 3 bike accidents or am i the unluckiest son of a bitch for having all these accidents. (maybe i'm just the stupidest son of bitch on the planet but i don't want to go down that road.) i can't decide the luck question but it makes me feel young, crashing bikes and walking away is a young man's game.

like my good old friend unk (malachi constant) is so fond of saying; "i was the victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.

i've made my selection for xmas carol of the year and will post it xmas eve. (if i remember)

i love you sons of bitches.

down, down, down.....

alright, who sunk their retirement fund into the russian stock market? i'm quite enjoying the FREE FALL OF THE RUSSIAN ROUBLE. it seems like yesterday that vlad was the great statesman stopping obama from bombing syria into oblivion but now the russian rouble has fallen 57% against the american dollar year to date and that has to hurt vlad. but vlad is no idiot so he probably has a great deal of his personal fortune invested abroad. vlad's not going to miss any meals but his mighty russian pride will soon need a boost. i'm sure more russian hijinx is in the cards. so it goes.

if anyone is having a hard time selecting a gift for vlad, may i suggest giving the king of russia A DOLLOP OR TWO OF BULLSHIT. the perfect give for the certain someone on everyone's list who's just so darned difficult to buy for. of course any russian giving this gift to vlad would be wise to give it anonymously. siberia is very cold this time of year.

merry fucking xmas vlad!

i love you sons of bitches.

the question

our public transportation system, like most other public transportation systems, is chronically underfunded. years ago the politicians realized that it was a no-win situation and washed their hands of the whole thing and created an new entity called translink. translink is a non-elected entity that spends money like crazy and doesn't answer to anyone. over a year ago translink announced that they needed a shit load of new money to pay for new transit initiatives and of course no one could come up with any ideas how to fund their grand dreams so they decided it to have a referendum and let the people decide how they were going to be fucked.

it took translink over a year to come up with the THE QUESTION TO BE VOTED UPON. well the question was revealed today: Do you support a 0.5 per cent increase in Provincial Sales Tax in Metro Vancouver?

no shit, it took them over a year to come up with that question. i'm sure they did a lot of polling to find the least objectionable tax that would have the greatest chance of being accepted by the voting public. we're already having the living shit taxed out of us for public transportation:

"TransLink already takes 17 cents per litre on gas, five cents per litre of the federal government’s gas tax, ever-increasing property taxes, a 21 per cent parking tax and a levy on BC Hydro bills

it ain't cheap living in the big city.

oh well, maybe a little xmas music will cheer me up. here's the second best xmas carol in the whole world.

i love you sons of bitches.

al capone's snake

i was all excited about some lunatic getting eaten by a snake but somehow i forgot all about it until (spoiler alert) I READ THIS.

"When I went up to the snake, it didn't try to eat me right away," Rosolie recounted. "It tried to escape. And when I provoked it a little bit, and acted a little more like a predator, that's when it turned around and defended itself." In the end, Rosolie wasn't swallowed whole by the giant serpent, but instead wrestled with the beast as she coiled around him before he aborted the mission.

AND IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE 4.1 MILLION PEOPLE DUMBER THAN ME.

well, you gotta give the guy credit, not many people could convince a tv network to schedule a prime time event showing a crazy man being eaten alive by a great big snake. i guess all us fools should have read the fine print before getting excited. who knew he was going to have to catch a snake then convince it to eat him. i was thinking they had caught a giant snake a few months ago and were depriving it of food so it would be real hungry and gobble up our intrepid daredevil. so it goes.

last year my xmas gimmick was naming the best christmas carol and if i remember correctly the winner was:

is it kosher to have the same gimmick 2 years in a row?

on or about dec 25, i'll name the 4th best xmas carol.

there are few songs that never fail to pick up my spirits. this might be at the top of the list:

i love you sons of bitches.

farewell sweet princess

ruby left her corporeal shell a few weeks ago and took her rightful place in valhalla. she had a very good run on this planet and i have been very verklempt since she left.

she was a true beast in her prime and a magnificent beast at that.

farewell sweet princess, you protected us for over 12 years and for that i'm very thankful.

i love you sons of bitches.

crackers

after 6 months on the shelf for medical reasons, i returned to the cracker factory this week and it was such an auspicious occasion, management decided to film it for training purposes:

THE RETURN OF A LOST AND CONFUSED PILGRIM

the sons of bitches disabled embedding. but as i said several times this week, who gives a shit.

i love you sons of bitches and thank you for your support.

health

dad is 93 while i'm closing in on 60 so it was time for a little blood work. we both came through with flying colors. the doctor said dad's blood work was very good and mine was "fantastic". so i got that going for me too. it proves that a crappy diet of candy and donuts can be counteracted by large amounts of exercise.

speaking of candy, i'm happy to say jesus still loves me. i was meaning to pick up some small tootsie roll pops after halloween but the price held steady at 98 cents per 100 grams and that seemed a little steep to me so i kept checking on it each time i went to the supermarket. the other day when checked it was down to 20 cents per 100 grams so i loaded up 2 bags, just a little over 2.5 kilograms and headed to the self serve check out. they came up at 54 cents per hundred grams. i hit the goddamned jackpot! since they were priced incorrectly in the computer i got the sons of bitches for free! of course i had to call in the clerk who in turn had to check the price and then call in the manager but i got them for free and not just one bag but both bags. thank you jesus, but don't rest on your laurels. remember all the other stuff i want you to do for me.

i eat one of those little beauties each day when i'm 70% through my morning work out routine. it's a fabulous routine that i would be prepared to share for 3 easy payments of $19.99. and if you order within the next 2 hours i'll throw in the secret to financial success and happiness. just pay additional postage and handling.

i love you sons of bitches.

snakes

i don't like snakes. never have, never will.

i don't know if THIS IS ON THE UP AND UP. but i don't plan on watching it. all i can say is that must be one big motherfucking snake and one stupid motherfucking human. if i ever decide to allow myself to be eaten by a snake, call the cops! it's a fucking set up, i'd never do it.

that is one big snake!

but i like this:

i love you sons of bitches.

happy halloween

i went to the supermarket this morning with the intention of buying a little flax and some fruit. i had no plans on buying half priced candy. years ago i enjoyed the fight for cheap candy but the thrill has gone and i actually get disgusted with the asians walking around with shopping carts full of candy. when i walked past the candy section, predictably all the good stuff was gone. just the twizzlers, rockets, and gum-type shit was left. when i was at the checkout i noticed a mountain of the good stuff. apparently there was a limit on how much you could buy so the greedy people had a few items removed from their baskets. although i had no intention of buying candy the sugar devil on my shoulder whispered in my ear, "buy some of the hershey stuff." so i did. lucky me.

in other news, CANADA STOPS ISSUING VISAS IN EBOLA HOT SPOTS. makes sense to me.

i love you sons of bitches.

the big switch

after years of threatening to cancel our cable/internet connection, it finally happened yesterday. the cost of cable/internet is pretty high these days but i had been getting a sweet deal for years. years ago sonny found out about a special for students that was about half price so i put the service in his name for a few years and then after he graduated i put the service in my daughters name and that lasted a little over a year. when the student program was canceled i kept threatening to quit the service and they kept giving me 6 month promotions. the last promotion they gave me was $40 month for cable/internet which was a real sweet deal. after that promotion expired the bill skyrocketed to $137 month. quite the increase.

my sweetheart has been negotiating with the competing phone/cable/internet company for a few months and she was anxious to make the switch so yesterday it happened. the rep booked a 2 hour installation that turned into 7 hours of hell. ruby had to be locked in her crate for the whole 7 hours so she was probably suffered the greatest but i sure got a headache too. they ended up having to run a new line into the house. it took the guy 4 hours to figure out we needed the new line and then he had to call his manager to come out and approve the new line as well as assist in the installation. after 7 hours they got me connected and guess what, they fucked up the order and i didn't get any of the channels i wanted. it took a call to customer service in montreal to order the changes that couldn't take effect until the next day. after that call was made i decided to make another change and spoke to a different rep who said she would put in the order for me. when i got up this morning there had been no changes made so i called back. finally, i now have my fucking channels. we got a pretty good deal, $65 month for cable/internet/land line for 1 year then it goes way up for 2 years. my sweetheart signed up for a 3 year contract.

i wouldn't have signed up for the 3 year contract but it's in her name and she's paying so as i'm fond of saying, jimmy crack corn.

to celebrate i went and bought this sweet little table to hold the remote controls.

R.I.P. jack bruce

i love you sons of bitches.

chainification.

a few months back i decided life was too short to put up with the frustration of turning lamps on and off with cheap sub par switches and decided that chains were the way to go. i'm happy to report that chainification has been achieved in the bat nest:

i don't know how i was able to function at such a high level in the past when i was wasting so much time feeling around for knobs to twist that might have been on the right side of the lamp, on the left side of the lamp, at the front of the lamp or at the rear of the lamp. now i just pull the fucking chain and through the magic of renewable hydro electricity, my world is illuminated. i feel right at home in the illuminati. they're a bunch of real swell guys.

now that i'm illuminated, i decided that i needed some illustrations of dune so i ordered a hardback copy of house atreides to get some maps and illustrations. i plan to read sisterhood of dune and mentats of dune in the very near future and e-readers can't do maps for sour apples. the screen is too small and it's a pain in the neck changing screens. whilst looking for the the cheap copy of house atreides i came across a few first editions of the original "dune." i've been wondering what to buy myself for a retirement gift and a first edition of dune might just fit the bill. a very large fucking bill for a pristine copy.

i love you sons of bitches.

mexicans

those darned mexicans are up to their old tricks. back in december 2013 a mexican woman was picked up for riding public transit without paying. when the transit cops checked her identity it was discovered that she was in the country illegally and had been ordered deported twice. while in custody she killed herself. so it goes.

all of the politically correct special interest groups jumped on the case and somehow or other it became our fault that she was in the country illegally and decided to kill herself. there were lots of protests by other mexicans and statements from the government of mexico condemning our actions. imagine a lowly country like canada having the temerity to try and enforce their immigration laws. there was such a hue and cry over our actions that an INQUEST WAS CALLED FOR TO LOOK INTO HER DEATH. these public inquests are not cheap and it's almost a foregone conclusion that the government will be condemned for doing its duty:

"This coroner's jury listened to six days of evidence and it is absolutely crystal clear that they understood that Canada Border Services had made just so many mistakes, had so many problems that contributed to the death of Lucia Vega Jimenez."

what really bugs me is not one politician has the guts to stand up and say, "oh fuck off, she killed herself. blame mexico for having a shithole of a country she was trying to escape."

but who gives a shit. hockey season has started and our mighty 'nucks are undefeated at the moment. 3 wins, zero losses! and hockey is a very classy sport!

if mexicans and hockey aren't your cup of tea, how about HITLER'S SEX LIFE??? i kinda believe the bit about hitler having his niece crap and piss on him.

i love you sons of bitches.

legitimate threat or hysteria?

the ebola adventure is getting quite interesting. disputes over funding, disputes over quarantines, disputes over transmission, disputes over vaccine etc etc etc. what's a poor boy to believe? here in the great white north we've been immune from most of the world's problems. someone mentioned an economic meltdown a few years ago but from what i've experienced, there was no economic crisis. just more hysteria. here is the photo that has caught my attention regarding the ebola situation:

the above is a photo taken from the christian science monitor so i tend to believe it's authenticity. it's a convoy transporting one nurse suspected of carrying the ebola virus in spain. several ambulances with an escort of police in cars and on motorcycles. why the heavily protected convoy to transport one suspected person with the virus to an isolation facility? do they think the nurse might escape captivity and roam the countryside infecting innocent people helter skelter? do they suspect some terrorist group might kidnap her and drop her onto the world trade center? or are the spanish authorities a bunch of nervous nellies?

i don't know the answers to these questions but i thought it was a real cool photo.

on a more pleasant note, a gaggle of indonesians got together and rescued a bale of sea turtles:

indonesia is infested with muslims so i'm guessing they were in on the good deed. imagine if those ISIS renegades were to lay down their weapons for a day and launch an effort to save a few loggerhead turtles in the mediterannean. does anyone have the email address of the guy in charge of ISIS so i can put forth my suggestion? i smell a nobel peace prize for your favorite pilgrim. my mentor, eliot rosewater, will be pleased as punch.

so take a deep breath, forget about ebola, imprint the picture of sea turtles on your brain and enjoy the moment. the world is a beautiful place.

i love you sons of bitches.

deadwood

it's getting to that time of year when the annual deadwood marathon begins anew. i think this will be the 8th time i'll have watched the series and every time i marvel at the wisdom of al swearengen and hang on his every word. does anyone remember me crying the blues over the faulty discs i bought on ebay that damaged my blu ray player? and last year i bought new blu ray discs from amazon that presented another problem, the LG blu ray player had a memory like a sieve and could never remember where i left off the previous evening. when you only watch about 20 minutes each night and are often medicated, this can be a real problem. of course one man's problem is another man's opportunity.

yesterday while the world was enthralled with baseball playoffs and the marketing genius of the nfl, i was adding another dvd player to the mix. i dug up an old harmon kardon dvd player that sonny had bought years ago and never used. it didn't have a remote but that was no problem since i have an ample supply of harmony programmable remotes. i also have a huge box of wires, cables, cords etc so all systems were a go. after a few trials and tribulations everything came together and i now have 3 dvd players connected to the tv.

it's a HARMON KARDON 31. when we last moved and i was clearing out junk i posted it on craigslist for $20 and didn't get one response and now i'm very happy to have hung onto it. the picture quality is about average but the sound is excellent and best of all it's really well built. the discs fit snugly in the tray and the mechanism for sliding in and out is top notch, much better than my sony or lg. and best of all, i've programmed the remote so all my favorite buttons are right where i want them. i can lay in the dark and let my fingers do the walking.

once again, the al swearengen take on life that is my guiding light:

AL SWEARENGEN'S TAKE ON MISFORTUNE. (some son of a bitch disabled embedding, hence the link)

i love you sons of bitches.

black is the new white

it seems there was a small mix up at a sperm bank resulting in a WHITE WOMAN DELIVERING A BLACK BABY. at first glance i found this quite funny, and as a matter of fact i continue to see the humor in this although i can understand that the mother is a wee bit peeved. i first learned of this mix up on facebook where every single person in my small circle of friends was outraged that the mother would sue, she was called all sorts of nasty things. in fact, i lacked the courage to stand up for the aggrieved mother.

i don't see the problem with a woman being pissed off after paying for a white baby and then surprise, surprise; out pops a black baby. she paid for the service and had a contract stating that she would end up with a white baby. there is no grey area here, she paid for white and got black. pretty fucking straight forward. it just seems that there are a lot of people who are more interested in preserving their self-image of being some fabulous fair minded liberal person than sympathizing some woman whose world has been turned upside down. the self proclaimed liberal thought police always claim the moral high ground and will take extreme umbrage if anyone points out that their shit does in fact stink.

the woman who was the victim of the mix up happens to be a lesbian so this must have been a real tough decision for all her critics since part of their mission statement is to champion the cause of all members of the gay/lesbian/transgender community. who the fuck knew that a lesbian could possibly be a racist! jesus fuck me christ, i hope someone has updated wikipedia.

on another note, i was quite verklempt upon learning that MALCOM YOUNG HAS DEMENTIA. as a young man i was one of those music snobs who considered ac/dc to be a crappy band that relied on theatrics more than substance but in the past few years i've come to enjoy a few of their tunes.

i love you sons of bitches.

things are looking up

take a look into the sky and you might just see the future:

Image 11 / 25 : German test pilot Markus Scherdel steers the solar-powered Solar Impulse 2 aircraft during a training flight at its base in Payerne Switzerland, Saturday. The aircraft weighs 2.4 tons with a wingspan of 236 ft. and has more than 17,000 solar cells. The attempt to fly around the world in stages using only solar energy will be made from March 2015 starting from Abu Dhabi.

that's right, this solar powered son of a bitch is going to fly around the world and it ain't no lightweight girly boy aircraft, the sun is going to propel a 2.4 ton piece of brilliant engineering all that distance. the future looks bright and yes virginia, we do live in interesting times. lucky us.

as the world moves forward, toronto continues to reach new levels of ineptitude. we all know about their political gift to the world, rob ford. now the good folks of toronto will give you A FREE CASE OF HEPATITIS C with every colonoscopy at their boutique arse reaming clinics and if that isn't nice, what is?

i love you sons of bitches.

a disconnect

a certain female relative of mine likes to call me and drone on and on about all her problems and how the big bad world is so mean and unjust to her. this has been going on for years and i've been a real trooper listening to all the bullshit and pretending to care. i've often told the missus that if "l" calls, tell her i'm not home. last week "l" got me on the phone and proceeded to drone on and on... after about 45 minutes i said goodbye and hung up without waiting for a response. well jesus fuck me christ, she went nuts and jumped in her car to come and confront me. she was in an extremely foul mood when i opened the door and one thing led to another and before and you knew it, we were screaming at each other. she hurled every personal insult imaginable at me and every time i responded by calling her a stupid fucking cunt, go fuck yourself, you stupid bitter old bitch.....etc etc. on the one hand i absorbed some very personal insults which caused me to reflect on my shortcomings for about a day but on the other hand, i'm pretty sure no one has ever swore at her in the way i did.

the more i thought about it, the more righteous i became in my mind. i've been wanting to tell her to fuck off for years and i'm sure she's been bitter towards me for years. i'll be happy to never see or hear from her again but i'm sure our paths will cross at family gatherings which is fine with me. i'll propose we change roles, i'll hurl the personal insults and she can respond by telling me to go fuck myself etc.

as a token of my appreciation for reading my tale of woe and giving me your unconditional positive regard i have a tv series to recommend. "the kingdom" out of denmark. it's about a hospital full of eccentric doctors and a crazy old spiritual patient. it's in danish with english subtitles but it's so good you won't even realize it's in a foreign language as you immerse yourself in the scandinavian humor.

i love you sons of bitches.

i found it!

does anyone remember the old "i found it" movement of about 35 years ago? lots of nitwits had "i found it" bumper stickers etc. by "it", they meant jesus or some other gimcrack religion. well, i found something better than religion a few days ago.

several months ago a small hand spade that we used to pick up ruby's easter eggs and do a little gardening with went missing and i was the prime suspect for having lost it. i probably did lose it so i didn't protest too much when the blame was placed squarely on my shoulders. it order to escape the wrath of the missus i went out and bought a replacement. not a dollar store plastic model but a good sturdy metal model. was i thanked for purchasing the replacement? fuck no, i was ordered to leave the tag attached to the handle so it would be more difficult to lose.:

beauty eh!

a few days ago i decided to trim some laurel hedges that were dropping some sort of berries onto the driveway. whilst trimming the offending bush i noticed something spooky in the undergrowth. my first urge was to go get a good stick and kill it but i got brave and took a closer look and jesus fuck me christ, there was the hand spade that had been lost:

it must be over 20 years old and it's still in great shape. notice the sleek pointed shape for easy digging and the nice deep groove for holding ruby's easter eggs. yes, life is good in my world.

maybe i'll take the tag off the new spade and attach it to old faithful.

i love you sons of bitches.

the middle east

so tell me, what's wrong with this photo?

here's what's wrong with in my opinion, kerry's body language! he's sitting there like a school boy in with his hands clasped on his lap sitting absolutely straight on the edge of his chair whilst the saudi is relaxed in a semi reclining position. here's kerry, the secretary of state of the most powerful nation in the world absolutely kowtowing to some fucknut in a dress who has a need to display giant portraits of himself in the background. remember 9/11? what was the administrations first act? safely evacuate the saudi royal family!

and who funded the 9/11 attacks? GUESS FUCKING WHO!!

i love you sons of bitches

god's creatures

i ran across this photo in the christian science monitor daily photos. for some funny reason i love that publication, must be the latent christian in me. but back to the photo:

Image 5 / 18 : Resident Chris Roland walks his pet turtles Cindy and Kuka up Madison Avenue in the Upper East Side of the Manhattan borough of New York. Roland has had the turtles for years and walks them daily he said.

at first i thought, what a nice guy. but after thinking about it i thought, what a prick. if he wants to take his turtles for a walk, why not take them to the park so they can walk on the nice cool grass or maybe take a dip in the lake. in addition to the sidewalk being very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter, the birds are shitting on it and the nine irons are spitting on it. i'm sure those turtles are real chick magnets and i'm not trying to be funny. i'll bet a day doesn't go by that some lovely young lady doesn't ask him about his gorgeous turtles. great gimmick.

summer's almost over and the kids around our neck of the woods are getting an extra long holiday. the teachers are OUT ON STRIKE! this thing started last spring so the kids got an early start on summer holidays and now they're getting a extra break at the end of the summer. lucky them. i don't know the exact figures but it seems half the general population love the teachers while the other half of the population think they're a bunch of over paid slackers. the only thing i know is i wouldn't want to be a teacher for all the tea in china. half the kids can't speak english for sour apples due to immigration, they've integrated "special needs children" into the classroom and every single fucking parent thinks their kid is special. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

perfect ice bucket challenge

i don't know if this is on the up and up but i laughed so hard i could have passed a grilled cheese sandwich through my nose.

i love you sons of bitches.

motherfucking snakes!

some stories seem to be just too good to be true and THIS IS CERTAINLY ONE OF THEM! in this age of electronic gizmos and cell phones it seems a shame that no one was able to make a video of the incident. who knew a snake that's been dead for 20 minutes could still kill the prick who killed it!

a few posts ago i was raving about the fabulous x files episode titled "the unnatural". after watching several great episodes i must say that i was slightly disappointed in the episodes titled "biogenisis / the sixth extinction." what should have been a totally excellent story was ruined by the way it was wrapped up in a few minutes. it had some great moments and the premise behind the story was very strong but the ending let me down. luckily in the age of wikipedia i was able to read a few synopses (i had to look up that plural) to connect the dots. i was thinking, shit i must have been too medicated and missed some important aspects of the plot but no, i was lucid and the plot had more holes than swiss cheese at the end. there were some excellent scenes with mulder in christ-like positions of crucifixion. i had planned on watching all of season 7 but it might be time to give it a rest.

i love you sons of bitches.

bic lighters

have i ever mentioned how much i hate the bic lighter child proof ring? last night i decided to get a new lighter ready for action and of course this meant removing the child resistant metal band. in the past i've had difficulty with this so i first went to you tube for directions. i watched a few of them just to make sure i was on the right track and sure enough, i fucked up the first lighter i tried to activate. there was one more left in the package so it took a lot of courage to try and remove the ring on the last little soldier. it took several tries but i was able to do it. lucky me. out of the package of 6 lighters, i'll bet i fucked up 3 of them. i made a vow last night to never again buy a bic lighter. (or swallow my pride and get sonny to deal with the safety ring.) how pathetic is that, asking your kid to deal with a child safety device.

on the plus side, i repaired a toilet. a certain member of our household broke the flush lever so it was off the hardware store. there was a large assortment of flush levers and i opted for the more expensive model with a chrome handle and metal bar thinking i'd win the respect of everyone involved but the son of a bitch wasn't a snug fit in the tank hole so i had to drive back to hardware store and exchange it. the dumb fuck who had the house before us had a crappy string attaching the old lever to valve on the bottom of the tank so i also bought a chain. after several adjustments to get the chain the proper length, the dirty job was done. a new flush lever; if that isn't nice, what is?

i love you sons of bitches.

the future or a case for mulder and scully

i was all set to drone on and on about riots, looting, dead negroes, dead palestinians (tunnel dwelling ferrets), dead comedians or benevolent corporations when a story about BIRDS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING caught my eye. this seems to be right out of the x files and as even a casual reader can tell you, i want to believe.

Ivanpah’s Land Footprint is a real cool article giving a cursory look at the promising future of solar energy and the potential side effects such as birds flaming out in mid air. it made me smile when i read that the solar energy boys spent $56,000,000.00 relocating desert tortoises. i wouldn't expect anything less from the google boys. when google decides to do something, they do it right!

we humans seem to be at our best when the pressure is on. or to put it another way, we do fuck all until the crisis hits. the herd may get culled and the passengers on the bus may get kicked off but in the long run we'll be just fine despite the fact that most of us are fucking morons without a fucking clue how to separate the wheat from the chaff. if you don't believe me, go to facebook and observe all the lemmings tossing their privacy off a cliff. half the people on facebook will curse obama for incinerating the birds while the other half will credit obama for inventing solar power and saving the planet.

in summation: solar power good, relocating tortoises good, facebook bad. as for humans, we'll survive in spite of ourselves.

i love you sons of bitches.

technology

our internet connection went on the fritz last week and panic quickly set in. the techie on the phone said we needed a personal visit but they were backed up so it wouldn't be until the following monday, today! a few hours after calling technical support things started working so i forgot all about the personal visit. well, the service technician showed up today and installed lots of new crap. i really didn't want the new crap but was told i needed it and i really should go for a total re-wire. somehow or other i ended up with 2 new passwords to remember. fuck me, life can get difficult.

on the positive side of the equation, i had a moment of true bliss a few nights ago whilst watching the x files. as any x files fan will tell you, all x files episodes are not created equal. let me heartily recommend THE UNNATURAL, season 6, episode 19. it's all about baseball and aliens and if that isn't nice, what is? there's some great music and it's set in the 1940's so there's also a nice nostalgic feel to it. i'll be watching it again real soon.

i couldn't find a good clip of the episode but here's a song from the episode and the black guy is an alien baseball player.

i love you sons of bitches.

the crop

i'm very pleased to announce that i now have more goddamned tomatoes than i can count. and i'm sure any of the little buggers that decide to come out of their beautiful little yellow flowers at this late date will not have enough time to ripen and find their way into one of the delicious burgers i will soon be able to eat. my happiest moment of the summer might well have been the morning when i spotted my first tomato.

the old camera is still dead. in the name of science, i drop it on the carpet every morning from a height of 1 inch higher than the previous day so in case i have similar problem, i'll know the exact height from which to drop the son of a bitch. so far i'm up to 31 inches. a lovely lady i know took pity on me and gave me her old sony camera. the old broken camera was very simple to use, just plop it into the docking bay and click on an icon or two and that was it. now i have to drag out some fucking cables and click on several icons. i was offered an old iphone to use as a camera but i turned it down. it looked too complicated.

it's been super hot here for the past week or so but it's a little cooler today. it seems like just yesterday that winter was ending and i was happier than a pig in shit when i saw the first daffodils popping up from the dirt. now all the summer flowers have more days behind them than in front of them. just like me. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

smokin hot

yes, the temperature is pretty high at the moment but that's not what i'm talking about. HELEN MIRREN IS SMOKIN HOT! i watched THE LAST STATION a while back and was totally smitten with the fair ms mirren. fast forward to a few weeks ago and i was watching 2010 THE YEAR WE MAKE CONTACT. i kept thinking the russian captain looked familiar, then realized it was ms mirren! yes, ms mirren is a true renaissance woman. in the past i thought jodie foster the hottest old babe around but i finally realized that my endearing roguish charm wouldn't be able to cure her sexual deviance so i accepted helen mirren as the one true goddess of the universe.

now that i've deceived the global zionist police force into thinking this post is all about a school boy crush on a movie star, let's get down to business. i've ragged on israel in the past for their crimes against humanity in palestine but it's always been a tongue in cheek sort of a deal. a few days ago i came across a site that seems to spell it all out clearly; IF AMERICANS KNEW. i encourage anyone with a bit of time on their hands to explore the site and click on a few of the tabs. the interesting thing about this site that is critical of israel is it's supported by jews. the group is called JEWS FOR JUSTICE.

as a reward for clicking on the "if americans knew" i will supply a link that might be a funny as the big lebowski: JEWS AGAINST OBAMA.

if you don't hear from me in the next few days, i'll probably be in some zionist prison or i might have been crushed when my house was bulldozed.

i love you sons of bitches.

everything is broken

the tomatoes are coming along like gangbusters. i counted 17 this morning and those were just the ones out in the open. i'm sure there are lots of bashful little fruits hiding behind the leaves. i was all set to take a few photos when disaster struck. the camera seems to be dead. i pressed the "on" button and nothing happened. i changed the battery and again nothing happened. i then whacked it and nothing happened so i then whacked the son of a bitch a lot harder and it almost came to life. when i press the on/off button, i get a few seconds of light. maybe i'll dunk the son of bitch in a pail of water and see what happens. a new camera would be nice but i don't relish the thought of reading the instruction manual. life was so much easier when sonny was around.

i'm a little peeved with our bullshit media. the top story has been the shooting down of the malaysian jet. didn't those dumb sons of bitches lose a jet earlier this year???

the israeli bombardment of gaza continues unabated while we point fingers at putin and his merry band of rebels in the ukraine. we sneer at the russian media when putin denies any involvement but at the same time we lap up the bullshit israeli propaganda regarding gaza. i'd truly like to shoot the next prick who says or writes that palestinians rush to roof tops when they hear a building has been targeted by israel. i have some stronger opinions on the bombardment but i'm scared shitless of big brother monitoring me. let's just put it this way, my neutrality is waning and i'm beginning the question the righteousness of israel.

i love you sons of bitches.

life is tough

some nitwit was complaining about my lack of new posts and questioning my creativity. well, it's got nothing to do with creativity and everything to do with the difficulty i'm facing with the disappearance of the blogger dashboard. my life is very hectic and and i face many challenges these days. i've lost my temper a few times when i was unable to navigate the blogger minefield and i just hope that god is willing to forgive me for losing my temper needlessly. i will try to persevere through these difficult times and keep praying that god finds it in his heart to forgive me.

god might forgive me but i'm certainly won't forgive the 2 fucking cunts who SET A TORTOISE ON FIRE AND STOMPED IT TO DEATH. i hope those 2 rat bastard illiterate cunts burn in hell for their crime. fucking ignorant cunts. totally fucking despicable. stupid cunts should have their water turned off.

and god can go fuck himself if he thinks i'm going to ask forgiveness for this little temper tantrum.

i love you sons of bitches.

the missing dashboard

for the past month or so my dashboard has disappeared from the top right hand corner of the blogger page. i figured it was just some change that would require a new template and all would be right with the world and i really didn't give a shit so i left it alone. around the same time i was having problems with a website where i do some banking and again i didn't follow up because it was a techie sort of a problem and like i just said, who gives a shit. but then i got pissed with the bank over something else and gave them a call. they transferred me to their techie who treated me like a child and had me navigate through a few things until the problem was found.

it turns out that when i signed up for some free "do not track me" stuff, numerous sites that like to give me cookies etc, got pissed and wouldn't co-operate with my needs until i got rid of the do not track me. it turns out that blogger is one of those sites that likes to track me and took away my dashboard as punishment for not wanting to be tracked. the bank techie suggested that i get rid of the "do not track me" stuff but i didn't get to where i am today by doing what a bank tells me. so i left the "do not track me" stuff on chrome and now use firefox when i want to get the bank stuff. same thing with blogger. my dashboard magically re-appeared when i logged in with firefox. oh well, fuck it. the whole world is one big "cause and effect" fishbowl.

i just finished watching the big lebowski for my 15 minutes of bliss before retiring and laughed my guts out several times. this made me laugh the hardest:

i love you sons of bitches.

who pulled your chain?

from now on i vow to only buy lamps with chains for the on/off switch. after years of frustration reaching into lamp shades and searching for the knob to turn and then occasionally turning the son of a bitch in the wrong direction i finally said enough of this bullshit. when i lie on the couch and watch a movie in the dark the need often arises to make a few adjustments. things get difficult in the dark with all those buttons on the remote and the consequences can be catastrophic if the wrong button is pushed. cable companies prey on medicated fools pressing the wrong button.

now i merely have to reach behind me and pull the chain. and as an added bonus there's a chain on each side so i have a decent margin for error when reaching behind. yes, life is good in the year 2014.

if this isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen, you must have seen some incredibly cute stuff!

i love you sons of bitches.

hello harry

it's june 30 and 2014 is at the half way milestone and i'm happy as a clam. say hello to harry:

i've been checking the plants several times a day and doing my best to pollinate the flowers, this afternoon all my hard work paid off. finding that little tomato truly did make me happy. there's a fair bit of clover in my lawn that i truly hate but i can't use any weed killer on it due to ruby and i've been very frustrated seeing countless bees hovering around the clover but ignoring the beautiful yellow flowers on the tomatoes. but as of now, all is well in leo's world and i owe it all to harry, the most beautiful tomato in canada.

and i love playing in the moat around the plants:

me and harry are going to steer clear of spain.

i love you sons of bitches.

goosed!

i've made no effort to hide my disdain for the iconic canada goose. in fact i hate the fucking things. a few days ago the roo and i were in the park and a pair of canada geese with a string of goslings approached us with bad intentions. they were hissing with wings out and seemed ready to attack. me and the roo held our ground and i was wondering if the roo could handle a pair of angry geese. in her younger days it would have been a piece of cake but now that she's old and crippled i had my doubts. i was ready to step in and kick those sons of bitches to hell and back when a middle aged rubenesque woman came in to sing the praises of the geese. the bitch was talking down to me and i was too busy watching the roo to fully engage her. but i did tell ruby not to listen to the dumb fat cunt. of course the dumb fat cunt heard me and walked away.

now this comes to light. a FEMALE CYCLIST WAS ATTACKED BY GEESE. the article doesn't give full details but i'm sure her injuries occurred as a result of falling off the bike. she claims to have slowed down and given the geese the right of way. i've encountered lots of geese while riding my bike and i always ride right through those assholes and send them on their merry way. it's the law of the jungle and the alpha male wins. the only down side is all the fucking goose shit i get on my tires. have i ever mentioned that i hate geese?

i've been on the hunt for a lamp for the newly painted "nest" for the last week or so and drew a little criticism from my depressed buddy for making such a big deal out of buying a lamp. i'm happy to say the search is over and i didn't just come up with a lamp, i found the holy fucking lamp!

i love you sons of bitches, now let's go kick the shit out of some fucking geese.

tomatoes

is it just me or are the days getting shorter?

summer is here and a young man's fancy turns towards tomatoes. i would call this year's tomato patch decent, not great but it could be worse. i don't know if it's the crappy weather or the new location that's the culprit in the less than stellar crop. maybe a long stretch of hot sunny weather will pick things up or maybe a little fertilizer is the answer.

the declining number of bees isn't helping things either. i was trying to pollinate them myself this morning but i'm not as dependable as a bee so it's a crapshoot at best. speaking of bees, there was a large wasp nest under the eaves of the house. it seemed dormant for the first few months but it started growing and i noticed a lot of activity so it was time to get the ladder and a long stick. i whacked the nest and a shit load of wasps came flying out. i almost twisted my ankle hopping off the ladder which was unnecessary as the wasps didn't get very close to me. but a big chunk of the nest almost fell on me and it had some interesting stuff in it:

yes summer is here and life is good. oh yeah, there's a soccer tournament going on that's pretty good.

i love you sons of bitches.

life is good

about a month ago i was shitting bricks at the cracker factory but things are working out quite nicely at the moment and i owe it all to my good buddy al swearengen:

i've posted al's take on misfortune more times than i can count but it's absolutely the best advice i've ever been given. if you let them fuck you once, they'll fuck you twice.....ad infinitum. i have no ill feelings towards the cracker factory in general but a few of the administrative lackeys are on my shit list. i still plan to "give some back" but that can wait. i'm happy as a clam at the moment and only a fool would mess with bliss. when the happiness fades, it'll be back to business.

the batcave has been painted and it's a little brighter now so it's time for a new name. say hello to "the nest".

and at the other end of the nest:

i built the structure holding the tv over 20 years ago out of old 4x4's, 2x3's and 3/4 inch plywood. there was a lot of scotch consumed while i built it and of course the kids helped so i have an emotional attachment to it. the lovely mrs myshkin thinks it's a piece of junk and the movers wanted to throw it in the trash. the son of a bitch weighs a ton. this was my conundrum; get a great big tv that wouldn't fit in the old frame or keep the old frame and settle for a 50 incher. i just couldn't part with the old girl so i had to settle for a smallish tv. so it goes, life is still good.

i love you sons of bitches.

oh yeah, the england/italy world cup match was best game i've seen in years. yes, life is good.

the future

something is wrong with me. in the past when i became unstuck in time i would drift off to another world or date in time but my body would retain it's current age and form. the ravages of time appear to have caught up with me, i now stay in the same time period but my body ages. something is amiss.

there's nothing like a self imposed deadline to spur a guy to action. i vowed to get a new tv for the world cup and i'm a man of my word. the new tv is sitting a box at the moment patiently waiting to be set free in its new home. getting a new tv inspired me to paint the batcave. i've been working like crazy moving furniture and painting. it's a fucking miracle that i didn't trip over the million wires and spill paint but so far, no major accidents. i just have a little trim to complete and then the job will be done. i plan on having everything in place for the italy/england game on saturday afternoon. it's a "smart" tv so i'm waiting for sonny to hook it up saturday morning. i know my limitations.

i have about 10 liters of paint left over. when i bought the paint my decision making process was on auto pilot. my brain is hard wired to think in terms of cost per unit and the big pail of paint had a much lower cost per liter than the 3.78 cans so i bought the big pail. those big pails are fucking heavy. if anyone needs a few liters of lindenwood eggshell latex, i'm your man. sonny just bought a townhouse so he might get some paint as a house warming gift.

i love you sons of bitches.

1 for 5

it's hard to figure out OBAMA'S BIG TRADE. in sports they say which ever team ends up with the best player wins the trade regardless of how many players or draft picks exchange hands. in this one, obama gave up 5 alleged high ranking taliban operatives for one low ranking american soldier. it gets even more interesting when the fellow soldiers of sergeant bowe bergdahl accuse him of being a deserter and point out that 6 soldiers were killed as a result of him wandering off into the wilderness. call me stupid and hit me with a stick but i can't figure this one out.

i can only see one possible scenario that would justify this horrendous trade. maybe that sly fox obama had transmitters, homing devices and bombs shoved up the asses of the returning taliban operatives and the best is yet to come. or maybe the advanced torture methods of obama and his crew have turned the returning 5 into sleeper agents. more likely, obama got out of bed and said; fuck me, i haven't made headlines in the past week, pull off something big so i can make the talk show circuit and have the celebrity sycophants kiss my royal ass.

but here's something more interesting and fun to play with. an interactive map of OIL SHIPPED BY RAIL IN NORTH AMERICA. it's very intersting to enlarge an area and see the finer details of the railroad spurs.

i love you sons of bitches.

oh yeah, bill and and harry haven't been getting along recently and harry will no longer comment on bill's blog. but bill is a crafty devil and has come of with a plan to get harry back into the fold:

the baby's are healthy.

remember the post of A MONTH AGO when i was the proud father of 2 healthy, strapping baby cedar trees? well it was time to measure the little darlings today and i'm happy to report that they're growing like weeds. the small tree has grown from 21 inches to 22.5 inches while his big brother has grown from 64 inches to 68 inches. this is no accident, i've been watering them every morning and singing to them each evening before they go to sleep. it probably didn't hurt that i put a wee bit of fertilizer in the hole before planting them. i'll measure them again in a month. this gimmick should last for a several years. after that i may need some surveying equipment to measure their height if this rate of growth continues.

a few nights ago i hopped on the bike and rode to the library after dinner. it was a warm evening so i rode through the park and odin must have been smiling upon me because i experienced a moment of bliss whilst riding under the canopy of trees. it was total serenity and fresh air with a few rays of sunlight making it through the trees and when those rays of sun shone upon me, my spirits lifted and i realized, life is good, enjoy and remember the moment. that's the secret, remember the blissful moments and say adios to those moments that cause you grief.

the trip to the library was to pick up a copy of the dark knight. i watched the movie a few years ago and didn't think it was anything special. this time i thoroughly enjoyed it and why is that you ask? like i've said many times, lower expectations. of course heath ledger stole the show and this time i was able to drift off to tralfamadore while christian bale, michael caine and morgan freeman put others to sleep. it's a shame that old heath checked out so soon. so it goes.

i love you sons of bitches.

the green thumb

i might not have a green thumb but the hand is healing very nicely. must be the sunshine.

donald is all grown up so it should be pretty easy for anyone with a green thumb to identify the species. here's a hint; there's a popular chain of stores named after him.

the tomato plants are also doing well but it's still a crap shoot. it's been my experience that tomato plants can be finicky when it comes to sunshine and nutrients. this is my first planting at this location so i'm not sure how fertile the soil is and i'm not sure if the spot is sunny enough to appease the high spirited and famously temperamental pink german tomato and everyone knows what happens when germans get angry.

and yes, that's my favorite ivy vine in the background that i brought along from the old house. i don't know what the lovely mrs myshkin has more contempt for, the ivy or donald.

and now for the excitement. the clothesline is back in business and it's in use at this very moment. there is a slight breeze from the northeast so it's getting a wee bit of a test today. if the wind picks up i might run out and bring in the laundry. ruby is in the yard guarding her winnie the pooh blanket and will bark three times to signal me if the son of a bitch falls over.

i heard this song on the radio and thought it was good enough to pass along.

i love you sons of bitches.

a comedy of errors

it seems i was little premature in boasting about the excellent job i did erecting the umbrella clothes line. guess what happened when i hung some laundry on it. that's right, the son of a bitch fell over. after painstaking research, i must conclude that my hole wasn't deep enough. not being easily discouraged, i pulled the concrete plug out of the ground and deepened my favorite hole, then added some fresh concrete to the bottom of the hole. i wasn't sure if the old concrete plug would adhere to the new concrete at the bottom of the hole so i put some long screws half way into the plug with the hope that they would add strength to the bond:

yes, it is a rinky dink solution but i was too lazy to drive to home depot and buy more concrete as well as a new sleeve for the pole. if this two bit fix doesn't work i'll head to home depot and buy enough concrete to build an olympic sized swimming pool and a 3 foot sleeve. i'm not overly optimistic on my rinky dink solution. so it goes.

on a more pleasant note, shares in the world rasslin federation SANK LIKE A ROCK TODAY. i still hold vince mcmahon and hulk hogan responsible for ruining rassling. their main competitor, TNA rasslin, is also having financial problems and is having HAVING TROUBLE MEETING THE PAYROLL. maybe the muscle bound steroid era is coming to an end and we can get back to a bunch of fat guys making racial and homophobic comments in between kicking each other in the nuts.

i love you sons of bitches.

the census

several things went wrong yesterday but one thing went extremely right. while riding home from the supermarket i decided to stop by the lake and see if any brave and adventurous turtles had managed to start a new colony where the great turtle holocaust of 2013 took place. my spirits soared when i spotted several turtles basking on an old branch sticking out of the water. i raced home to find my binoculars in order to get a more accurate view of the little darlings. of course i couldn't find the fucking binoculars and predictably found them several hours later when i had ceased looking for them. i was like a kid on xmas eve last night, too excited to sleep.

i couldn't conduct my census too early because the little darlings don't begin the day's basking until their incredibly accurate and precise brains tell them conditions are right, the sun's rays must be warm enough to activate their basking micro chips. after an exhaustive enumeration i'm very happy to report there are at least 8 turtles in the park including 2 red eared sliders. it was the sliders that were judged to be invasive and a threat to humanity. god bless those brave little tailors. i'll be very vigilant in keeping track of the health of the colony and will report any changes toot sweet. another gimmick, take that frump. turtles are infinitely more interesting that tobacco consumption.

i'm also very pleased to announce the little folding clothes line has been installed. i can't believe that most people don't have a clothes line. in my book, it's a necessity. nothing beats sleeping between fresh sheets that have baked in the sun all day. sonny helped me cement the son of bitch sleeve in the ground:

after thinking about it over night i decided to add more concrete. remember the closet, i'm not satisfied unless things are solid:

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, life is good.

i love you sons of bitches.

the epic rant

whilst shopping at safeway this morning, half priced donuts, there were unusually long line ups at the cashiers and i may have fallen in love. a very nice looking woman standing in front of me in the line started complaining quite loudly about the lack of staff and the need to open more cash lanes. she just kept getting madder and madder until the manager came and tried to calm her down. by this time everyone in the store was looking at her. no matter what crazy thing she said, i had her back. i repeatedly told the manager that "she was making excellent points." after the commotion was done she thanked me profusely and went on her merry way. i should have given her a business card.

next i phoned my dad's credit union to check on a few items and they asked me for my date of birth followed by a myriad of other questions. i asked why so many questions and was told i gave the incorrect answer for my date of birth. i told her that i knew what my fucking date of birth was and the dumb cunt told me to check my driver's license. these dumb fucks screwed up my birth date and then told me that i had to come into the branch to prove my identity and straighten things out. to say that i blew a gasket would be an understatement. i hate credit unions with a passion and having some young dumb cunt telling me that didn't know my own birthday was the icing on the cake. the question is, should i go there with a full head of steam and raise royal shit or maybe do a little fishing to get mellow before entering the building.

credit unions and supermarkets, good practice for the upcoming shit storm at the cracker factory.

i love you sons of bitches.

it's that time again....

in the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, but i'm an old fart and my thoughts heavily turn to tomato plants! i took my dad to the garden shop this morning and picked up a few plants myself. they have tons of different varieties so i picked up a few pineapple and pink germans. who the fuck knows what will grow but i'm pretty sure it'll be plain old tomatoes.

and the little son of bitch donald isn't so little anymore. he's still a man of mystery, out of the hundreds of guesses from the international readership, only one guy in sri lanka has come close.

and that's not all i have going for me these days, another stray turtle wondered into the yard.

and here's my story de jour. i was standing in the line at the cashier in the drug store and the lady in front me, an attractive middle aged asian lady, was 5 cents short when paying for her stuff. she pulled out her debit card to pay the 5 cents, and me being a philanthropist of some renown, pulled out a nickel and offered it to her. not only did she not accept my nickel, she gave me a dirty look and said nothing. gave me the cold fucking shoulder! what a cunt!

how about a little racial sensitivity training?

i love you sons of bitches.

the tree

take a gander at CANADA'S SECOND LARGEST TREE. fucking beauty eh!

a few days ago i paid a visit to a garden shop looking for an alaskan weeping cedar tree. they didn't have any but i didn't want to go away empty handed so i picked up a few baby giant cedar trees:

i was expressly forbidden to buy any large trees because we already have a few that the lovely mrs myshkin hates:

i'll be dead long before those little sons of bitches grow into manly massive pieces of lumber but it'll be fun watching them grow. at our old house i planted several small giant cedars just before we left. they only cost a few bucks and i planted them at the property line beside my neighbors sump. that prick ended up with 4 families living in his monster house so i hope one day the baby cedars grow into fine large trees and fuck up his drainage.

i love you sons of bitches.

earth day

happy earth day!

i got to wear my new t-shirt today.

not only that, i got a free cup of coffee at starbucks for bringing my own mug. but i still think their coffee is over rated and will never buy a cup although a few years ago someone gave me a starbucks gift card which i used to buy some half priced holiday coffee beans.

i love you sons of bitches.